* Jungkook*

When I arrived 20 minutes later at our spot at the Han River, Eun Ae was already there, waiting for me. Dak-Ho, her Shiba Inu, was lying in the grass at her feet sniffing at some flowers.

« What is so important that you need to meet me before school? », she asked. That was typically Eun Ae. Always straight to the point, as if there was no time to waste. Well, in this case there was no time to waste. I had a real problem but I was not sure how to start this conversation. 

Eun Ae clearly saw that I had trouble to put my thoughts into words. She tilted her head and looked me in the eyes « What's wrong, Jk-sshi? ». 

« I've got a situation. », I muttered. 

Immediately, Eun Ae's eyes became bigger and she sat down on the grass, patting with her hand the spot next to her. « Sit down, sit down. It seems this conversation will take longer ». 

So I sat down and started telling Eun Ae what had happened last night between me and Tae, leaving out the little detail about how hard my heart began to beat every time I thought about hyung's naked body inches from mine.

« Sure, it was rude of your hyung to stay in the bathroom and somewhat ... weird... to strip down in front of you, but Jk-sshi, I think he has got a point. I never heard you talk about girls or dirty stuff with the other boys at school. Every time this subject comes up, you stay quiet or you leave. The same happens when a girl compliments you, like this year on valentine's day. You are too shy for your own good. Even if your hyung went too far in his actions, maybe his words were true. You have to learn how to love yourself and to embrace the person you are. You will live with these  boys for the next years! Not just months, Jk-sshi. Years! You will finish highschool and you will become very busy once you guys start promoting and making music videos. We won't be able to meet anymore. But your hyungs will be there for you. They will go through all this with you, they share your dreams and burdens. Therefor, I think your hyung was right when he said you had to open up to them and invest yourself more in the group ».

All this time Eun Ae had listened quietly to my story and I really thought she would tell me that Tae was wrong, but instead she thought that Tae was right. Damn, I knew he was right! But what should I do about it. How could I become less shy. 

« You don't seem satisfied with my answer. What's up? ». This is why Eun Ae had become my bestfriend. She always knew how I felt, without asking. 

« It is just... I don't know how to leave this version of me behind. This pure, innocent and shy me.. », I told her while patting Dak-Ho's head. 

« You do know what you have to do. You are just too embarrassed to even think about it. Stop thinking so much about what other people might think about you. Then take a closer look in the mirror. Stare at it for a long time and find yourself, the version of yourself that you are proud of. And then share it with the world, with your hyungs. Show them that you have changed and learned to accept who you are. »

I took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. « You are right, Eun Ae-sshi, as always. Thank you for helping me out again ». 

Eun Ae answered me with a bright smile. Even Dak-Ho seemed convinced by the turn of the events and put his head on my leg, wanting to get some attention.

Feeling comfortable enough around Eun Ae and knowing that we were always honest with each other, I felt that there was still one thing I needed to get off my chest. One thing I did not dare talk about. This sickening feeling that overcame me every time a naked Tae popped into my mind. 

« Eun Ae-sshi, there is still one thing I... », I started. 

« I know », she said cutting me off. « But you are not yet ready to talk about it. First, learn to find yourself. Only if you love yourself you can love someone else ». 

There it was again, Eun Ae's smile knowing she was right. And yes, she was right again.Without saying another word we got up and walked to school.

********

The last class of the day was gym. Most students had already left the changing room when I stepped into the showers. I was alone and the hot water was running over my sore muscles. I had trained too much again. Taehyung's and Eun Ae's words about self love popped up again in my head. They were right. I had to learn how to love myself. Starting today! Starting now !

So I closed my eyes, inhaled, exhaled and opened my eyes again. I stepped out of the shower in the empty changing room. There they were, the mirrors. I stood in front of them - 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 15 minutes - staring at my own picture. Taking in every inch of myself, analysing it and touching it. It was the first time I touched myself while being completely aware of it. My arms, legs and stomach were muscular, my face was a little puffy but smooth, my eyes were bright. That was when I finally realised that I was not that bad looking. I could even become somewhat handsome in the future. But something was still missing... and I knew exactly what it was.

I left the school and went straight to the town, where I got my ears pierced. Not once, not twice, but three times! Then I went to buy some hairdye. I would dye it black. Raven black. And I would show them - show Tae - how this bunny could change into something much more dangerous. This time it would be Tae who had to prepare for something that he would never forget. Because I finally started to accept this sickening feeling that I felt for Tae.