2012

She turns away from me and looks around casually, laughing with everyone else on the table. My fists tighten in my lap. My chest tightens; I look towards Safiya but she's talking to Aaron. Quietly, I excuse myself from the table, not like anyone is even bothered. As I walk toward the balcony, I loosen my fists and the sensation returns in my palms. Outside in the open air of the Night, I pace around, trying to regulate my breathing and wiping at the steady stream on tears on cheeks.

I grab at the railing, close my eyes and tell myself to stop it. There are times when I like my mother, I really do; when she smiles at me, when she takes out time for me, even if it's only a few minutes...but there are also times when I want to be the farthest away from her. I look to my right, toward the Evans' terrace, there's a rather large patch of grass. Stepping out of my heels, I lie down on it. The wetness of the grass starts to soak into my dress. Great, I think to myself. I sigh and continue taking in the deep breaths.

"I saw what happened..." Landon's voice startles me, he's leaning back at the railing, looking at me. How long has he been there? What did he see? The back of my neck feels tingly.

"It was nothing," I tell him, hoping he didn't see what I think he did. He frowns at me.

"Do you mind if I join you?" He mutters quietly. My mind splits on what to tell him next. I could tell him to go away but I can't.

"It's your balcony," I remind him. He starts taking his shoes off, but then I want him to leave. "The grass is wet, just for your information." He pauses for a second. Is he leaving?

"Does it bother you?" he asks. I ask myself if it bothers me.

"No,"

"Then why would that bother me?" he says and steps onto the grass. I hold my breath as he lies down next to me. "Oh, it is wet..." he notices. This is weird even after all the time we've spent together these past few months. I bite my lip, I need to explain this to him.

"See, what happened in there..." I start, but then there's no good way to say it. I cringe, "My mother gets difficult sometimes." In my head, I snicker at my choice of words. Difficult. Sometimes. He looks at me.

"She said something to you, and you turned white as a ghost," he tells me, I gulp, "the next thing I know is you stopped eating and left." He knows. Shit. My breathing spikes.

"She's just looking out for me, I was plump kid – "

"She's starving you," he says.

"No." I blurt, "No, she's not." He starts shaking his head, my throat feels heavy. I need to salvage this, "It's alright, I get that she wants me to be perfect." He frowns at me again, I stop blabbering.

"You don't have to be..." he tells me and I don't know what to say to him or how. The knot in my chest loosens. I turn to stare at the darkening sky as I breathe in. We lie on the wet grass for the next twenty minutes, until the chaos inside my head has settled down. He tells me there's a bakery in the building somewhere and that he's craving a good lemon cake, which is funny because I know that he knows that's my favorite desert.

Safiya eyes us as we excuse ourselves from everyone but doesn't say anything. We wait in silence for the elevator. When it arrives, he grabs my hands as he leads us in. My fingers start to tingle. The bakery is on the fifteenth floor but the elevator stop abruptly when we are somewhere around the eleventh floor.

"Um..." Landon tries pressing some buttons but it doesn't move. He presses the emergency button but it doesn't light up as its supposed to. "Shit," he mutters.

"I guess we're stuck until some finds out about this," I realize and lean against a wall. His eyes widen at my comment. "What's wrong?" I ask as he starts taking longer breaths.

"Nothing," He shakes his head and puts his hands in his pockets. In the next three minutes, I watch him turn anxious. He starts taking deep broken breaths and closes his eyes. Can he not breath?

"Landon?" I step toward him and put a hand on his arm. This is not okay. Is he alright?

"Can you please keep talking to me?"