Lifting up the blankets, Xian crawled behind Azure, whose back was facing him. He knew the latter was awake but had yet to acknowledge him and his presence. Xian knew what he did was wrong, but from his perspective, he hadn't sinned. He raised his hand to caress Azure's hair, but retracted it at the last second. 

"Lan Zhan, all my life I have been told time and again how inconsequential my existence has been to them. How easy I am to forget and how little and meaningless my life is. I seldom had people tell me they liked me." 

Xian was quick to hold onto Azure's arms and stop him from turning. "Don't.  Just stay the way you are. Let me share my deepest concerns with you. If I were to see your face, my heart would never have the courage to speak for itself. So for now, just stay the way you are." 

When Xian was certain that Azure would not turn, he wedged his arms
back into his body, as if seeking warmth and comfort.

"For the longest time that my memory serves me, I have been living independently and am a soul who takes his own decisions. Some were good, some were bad, but in the end, they were all mine. I have always been a provider and a protector.

"Taking care of JC and Kiara, being there for them, placing their lives before mine, always worrying for JC's safety—that's all my life has been up until now. 

"Except for those kids, I have never had another soul to call my own. Even taking part in ice hockey was to encourage JC to fulfill his dream. I never lived for myself.

"Remember, I shared that twice I was adopted, but neither of those times, the people who adopted me ever showed any interest in me. To them, I was someone they could parade in front of their guests and eventually forget about.

"There was no one. Until now. Then you came into my life and changed everything."

Xian gently smiled as he observed Azure's few strands of white hair. 

"Lan Zhan, for a person who had no one, an orphan, struggling and fighting to survive, selling his body when needed, being abused and left broken to the core, to have a beautiful soul tell him, they like him..." Xian shuddered as he said, "It takes time to feel those words. I like you; this soul would never forget those words, Lan Zhan. I'll forever cherish them."

He couldn't stop Azure from turning this time, and soon they were facing each other. Xian suddenly felt naked, bearing his soul to a man with whom he felt close and soulful.

"Wei Ying."

Hearing those words, Xian closed his eyes and hummed in satisfaction. "Never knew that name would sound like a prayer."

"Wei Ying." This time Azure moved closer to Xian and gently cupped his face. "I do like you. Agreed, when we met, you got on my nerves, and I kept wondering why you were being such a pain, but eventually, you wore me down.

"I started respecting you much before I got to know your truth. I liked sharing my space and my bed with you. My home with you. It was just icing on the cake when I got to know the boy whom I met all those years ago was you; it just made it all the more special.

"After I got to know your truth and our past, there were moments my heart wished I could have done more. I kept wondering, had I stopped you from leaving; or if I had asked you to come with me; or maybe stayed in touch somehow, tried to find you a lot sooner, maybe, just maybe, I could have saved you from facing these painful moments."

Xian was quick to place his finger on Azure's lips and shake his head. "There was nothing you could have done. Don't keep having such thoughts. Chances are I wouldn't have come either, and above all, you were young yourself. Why would you take responsibility for another kid?"

"Wei Ying -"

"No, Lan Zhan. Such thoughts would just weigh you down, and I don't want you to ever feel guilty. You couldn't have saved me. What has to happen would have."

It took Azure a moment to relax, and he agreed as he said, "After I lost my legs, I was in a dark space too. It was probably the right thing to not ask you to come with me. Had I done that, maybe I would have weighed you down."

"Lan Zhan-"

"I sincerely like you." Xian was not yet accustomed to hearing such words. "I hope you find it in your heart to accept me."

It took Xian a few seconds to form his thoughts, and he finally shared, "Last evening, Jeff got me in touch with his therapist in Colorado. Dr. Singh.  Jeff vouched for him and said they have these therapeutic clinics where people like me are given counseling and can eventually heal."

Xian's heart beat erratically, unsure of how Azure would take this news.

"Dr. Singh was the one who helped Jeff overcome his pain, and he was sure they would be perfect to help me too... and I spoke to them."

Azure was quiet, as his unwavering gaze was on Xian.

"Dr. Singh seemed to be professional and very cordial. They are known for their confidentiality and legal privacy. According to Jeff, many stalwarts seek their help." Taking a deep breath, Xian finally concluded, "Irrespective of whether we win, regardless of my getting into the NHL, I want to heal myself, Lan Zhan. I want to move forward in life too.

"I need to mend my soul and heart, and so I decided to get help from them. If I get into the NHL, I would eventually have to join them in two and a half months. I'll be talking to Val about this, and from Colorado, I'll join the boys there."

The next words from Xian were just a mere whisper: "The finals are in three days, and in a week I will be leaving for Colorado. So, we just have three days between us to spend. I am sorry, Lan Zhan; before taking this decision, I should have consulted with you. I-"

This time it was Azure who placed his fingers on Xian's lips and shook his head. "You have nothing to apologize for. Just because I confessed my liking for you does not mean you are not independent, Xian.  You are not bound to me. Being in a relationship means giving the other person space to heal not bind them to you.

"Before we can start our relationship, I agree, you and I both need to heal. I am ecstatic that you are planning to seek help, and maybe I should start from there too. As for us just having three days, if that's all I get with you, then we shall make the most of it."

"Lan Zhan, once I go to Colorado, between the seasons, I won't be coming back here. Unless my therapy is completed, I will be there. For the next three years, you and I would not be able to meet each other. Why do you want to be in a relationship where there won't be me?"

"Can we facetime or have Zoom calls?"

At Azure's question, Xian nodded.

"Then that's all I need from you."

"It would be midnight here when it's daytime there, and vice versa. Do you think I am worth it?"

A second later, Azure gave Xian a warm smile. "Yes. You're more than worth it."

"Lan Zhan -"

"Wei Ying.  Let's heal together. I need to come out of my shell and face the world. It's time for Lan Wangji to surface again, and even though people would sympathize, I need to accept my fate gracefully. The amount of fun I have had on the ice with you after my injury, I haven't ever had that before. You have given me hope, and it's on me now to figure out how best to overcome this fight."

"Lan Zhan."

"Mn?"

"Promise me just this one time."

"What's that?"

"If in these three years you find a soul who would love you, be with you, and be by your side, you'll accept them and love them. Promise me!"

"Wei Ying -"

"Please.  Promise me. I need to know you will move on if I am unable to return."

Silence filled the gaps between them when finally Lan Zhan sighed and replied, "I promise."

With a smile Xian leaned forward and placed the softest kiss on Azure's forehead and whispered, "My next two days are yours. We'll practice during the day, and in the evenings, let's go out on a date."

That night, even if those two souls knew this was all they had, they slept peacefully in each other's arms. They had abundant love to give, but their hearts knew they first needed to heal, and together they will.

House:

The area in the middle of the defensive zone, directly in front of the goal, from which players often prefer to shoot the puck.

(A/n: Liked this chapter? I found it to be sweet and beautiful.)