•How Hisoka and Illumi actually met lol

Eat food, drink water, and get 5+ hours of sleep today or you'll become a law abiding citizen

Bang bang pow pow💥💥‼️

‼️PEW PEW PEW‼️

"Wait, killing people isn't very nice:0" Hisoka gasped, having suddenly been hit by Morals⁉️

"No, killing people isn't very nice." Person With Morals #1 replied. He was currently bleeding out on the ground👍

"Well unluckily for you, I'm not a nice guy" "Hisoka" said, having drank some scary juice that morning.

":0" Said Person With Morals #1

"Ouchie!" The person cried out as Hisoka brutally murdered them🙌

Meanwhile, some wear far far away, Illumi couldn't sleep. He kept tossing and turning in bed, but the bedbugs kept biting.

"Well fucking yeehaw," he proclaimed as he rolled out of bed. But, what he didn't know, is that there wasn't any floor in his room. Because the bed bugs ate it⁉️😦

"Oh, well that's certainly not good." Illumi screamed loudly as he slowly fell quickly sideways diagonally kinda.

Falling through the dark abyss, in what seemed to be a bottomless hole, Illumi reacted quickly by sitting there and doing nothing. Throwing his hair into a messy bun, he started counting the colors to calm his alphabet soup down.

Back with Hisoka, who had started killing more people😼

"Well, luckily," Hisoka said seriously as he jiggled around doing his little clown dance, "the earth is flat so there's no way you could have a pit that goes all the way through the earth."

Just then, Illumi fell out of the ground. :0

—

"What a pleasant surprise~" Hisoka purred, standing over Illumi, who was lying flat on the ground. Still in his kitty pajamas, "And who might you be, princess?~"

"My name is none of your concern, clown." Illumi grumbled as he calmly stood back up, clearly in no rush. Not taking Hisoka as a legitimate threat.

That might be because he was still jiggling around like a clown, but other than that it's anyone's guess as to why Hisoka wasn't he taken seriously.

"I beg to differ ♤" Hisoka stepped closer, towering over Illumi. Who was a foot shorter than usual at this point, for reasons that will remain unsaid, "You see, you've gone quite out of your way to interrupt me. The least you owe me is your name~"

"I fail to see how that's my issue," Illumi said, staring up at Hisoka as he jiggled miserably.

"Mama mia!" Screeched someone calmly as the pits of hell opened up to swallow them whole.

Haha, whole.

Get, like whole family? Like a dad, mom, and kids? Something Hisoka would never have.

Actually besides the kids part. I think Hisoka has a lot of yeehawing and thawing thighs. So idk. Maybe he has lots of kids.

Anyways, I was thinking, why is the standing person (🧍) emoji the default? Why not, like, a wheelchair person emoji. (👩‍🦽👩‍🦽‍➡️)

And I think a good idea of anyone questions you about anything is to say for future reference. Also we should just say "Noted." More often.

We should get on with the story though because stories are cool👨‍🎨🗡️➡️🇺🇸➡️🩻❌➡️⛓️‍💥

"Then I suppose I'll just have to call you princess, until you give up your name, won't
I?" Hisoka purred, grabbing Illumi's chin and tilting it up.

Haha, chin. Like chin-a. Get it? Cuz china isn't famous for clowns jiggling miserably? I wonder if Chinese people have chins 🤔

"I have a much better idea." ILLUMI SWATTED HISOKA'S HAND AWAY AS HE CONTINUED SPEAKING, "Bundle your home and car insurance with progressive."

"Now that I think about it," Hisoka nodded, moving one of Illumi's bones from his body for his collection of bodied bones, "I haven't seen a car insurance ad in quite some time~"

"I got no time, I got no time to live," Illumi said, as he calmly watched the impromptu bone removal surgery.

That's a vaguely threatening string of words, and I'm not sure if I like them🤔❌🧐

"No you actually have quite some time to live, you could live up to a hundred," Hisoka said, clearly a doctor because he was removing bones which doctors are frequently known for doing.

Glancing up at Illumi's face, with eyebags darker than the fur of the black cat that just drawled out of hell and was climbing a suspicious pole up onto the clouds, with a sign that read

      ⬆️
HEAVEN

Hisoka wonders where it leads. Anyways, Hisoka looked at Illumi's messy bun, moving a fallen strand of hair away from Illumi's face and tucking it behind his ear as he added, "If you want to, that is~"

"I don't want to."

"I presumed as much~"

"Why do you talk so fancy?"

"The gnomes~"

"Ah." Illumi had yet to open his mouth, as he's a skilled ventriloquist, "That's surely unfortunate."

"Do you like avocados, princess?~"

"No, they scare me." Illumi admitted, glancing over his shoulder at the ice cream man who was jingling happily in place at fast speeds forwards slightly, "Do you think if we both jump at the same time you'd float away because you're made out of spaghetti?"

"Am I now?~"

"Did nobody tell you?"

"They have not~"

"My apologies," Illumi became wed his head ever so slightly, his apology lacking in sincerity, "I assumed you were already aware."

"Why do you—" Hisoka's finger trailed Illumi's chest, stopping at his collar bone, his abnormally sharp nail digging into it— "speak so fancy, princess?~"

"The avocados."

"Would you like to get married~"

"Not particularly, no." Illumi guided Hisoka's hand back away from him. As he will frequently have to do from here on out.

"I have a PowerPoint to explain why you should marry me~" Hisoka offered, bringing Illumi's hand up to his lips, planting a gentle kiss on it.

"I don't even know your name."

"Don't fret, my dear," Hisoka tilted Illumi's chin up once more. His thumb running over Illumi's lower lip. Assuming Illumi has those, "it's all in the PowerPoint."

"I'd like to get married now." Illumi stared up at Hisoka. Shrinking significantly as he grew.

"..Do you not want to see the PowerPoint? ♡" Hisoka asked, seeming a bit hurt as he jingled more miserably than before.

"Nah."

"...Are you sure? ♤"

"Yes."

"It took me quite some time to make-"

"I'm already calling an ordained priest to marry us."

"We're making it a threesome?~" Hisoka's a little confused, but he's got the spirit.

"No." Illumi blinked for the first time since he was bother by his mothers pudussy, he assumes his father also helped in the birthing, though he's not sure as to how, as his father does not, in fact, have a pudussy, "The priest is going to officiate our marriage."

"Will he stay to see my PowerPoint-"

"No. You may now kiss the bride."

"Ah man," Hisoka said, because his bride was, in fact, a man.

and that man was Tonald Drump👍

Word Count: 1440

Fun Facts:

• I get easily distracted and it showed in this chapter, hope this helps👩‍🦽👩‍🦽‍➡️👩‍🦽👩‍🦽‍➡️👩‍🦽👩‍🦽‍➡️👩‍🦽👩‍🦽‍➡️👩‍🦽👩‍🦽‍➡️😵‍💫

• I forgot that I was supposed to make the top part shitty stupid writing, and the other part just regular stupid writing so this is what you all get today

• How to write fanfic:
1: Don't learn to write, simply write a text fic so all you have to do is write a username, and then a talking thingy, and the repeated for entire chapter
2: Meanwhile as the people reading praise you, giving you motivation to keep going, learn how to actually write
3: Research the characters ur writing to see a bit of their personality/how they act in simplified terms. Then created a bullet point list of the main personality stuff in notes app. Hisoka's for example,

•self-serving and self-absorbed
•sadomasochistic desires
•he has stated that for him, what is valuable one day could easily become trash the next,
•he will not hesitate to kill anyone should they not meet his standards.
•He does not care for what has happened in the past, as he is only interested in what could be amusing to him in the future or present.
•he only kills people who are in his way or those he deems "worthy"
•whimsical liar and has a tendency to freak out or play cruel jokes on his victims
•dangerously unpredictable

4: Promptly ignore your notes and start writing crackfic. Because shitty writing is excusable if it makes you laugh. Also nobody seems to care/notice if you just copy jokes from TikTok onto ur book. And maybe make some random cat appear, to appease the cat lovers.
5: Good job, now u have a fanfic👍