A/N : Guys, how many of you feel, the story is ending soon? Okay, here's the deal - I love writing this story very much, and it's NOT ending too soon! It might look like it is, though - so HOLD ON and let me tell you this MaNan story! Lots more to come!

Won't rant more and will let you read!

Happy Reading!

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S.P.A.C.E. Academy, New York circa 2012

(Manik's Apartment, S.P.A.C.E. Residency, Campus Grounds)

Manik Malhotra

I woke up with a start, as my head hit the hard handle of the couch. I hadn't realised when I dozed off staring at Nandini, as she sat quietly on my balcony under the inky sky. I quickly glanced towards her, she was still there, her head was drooping, maybe she had dozed off too? I saw the darkness of the night was slipping away now, it was soon going to be dawn.

I walked up to her and tried covering her up with a shawl that I pulled out of my wardrobe, but she awoke with a start as I wrapped the shawl around her body.

"It's okay Nandu, it's only me" I whispered gently, hoping not to break her drowsiness.

"And you're darker than the darkest monsters out there" she faintly replied back, looking straight into my eyes. We were really close, and I could look into that beautiful face in the fading darkness of the night. I stared at her soft oxbow lips, they were lush and pink and they quivered at my sight - I looked upto to her 'doe' eyes to assure her that only she could control my darkness. As I looked deeply into those soulful eyes, I shuddered - her clear eyes reflected what was pure evil, and that wasn't AK's face that I saw there - it was mine.

I pulled back aghast and a sharp gasp escaped me. I was the bigger monster between AK & me for her, and maybe I saved her from AK tonight, but who was going to save Nandu from me? A part of me, the more selfish part that craved her in my life, berated me for homing this thought. Was I that bad? Did I really not deserve Nandini?

The answer was No. Sorry, I cannot be that undeserving of care & affection. No one is that undeserving! I agree I made a colossal mistake - I am not taking it back - but you tell me, what can I do about it? Can I erase it? No. Can I augment it? No. I can apologize for it, and I did. I can try and be a better person, and never repeat such a low act again, and I promised myself that. I can protect Nandini from a similar toxic man like me, I am trying just that.

I have seen this in life, whenever I try being a little good, the universe goes out of its way to push me back into the darkness, and I had realised by now that Nandini was my only source of light - my only shot at happiness and way out of the dark mess. I couldn't afford to lose her.

"Nandu, AK is fine. He is at home" I spoke after a while, as I sat next to her and looked up at the fading stars. She didn't respond or even acknowledge my sentence. There was stillness in the air and we both were sitting there quietly for God knows how long. After what seemed like a milenia, she spoke.

"Manik, why did you do this?" she asked me softly, looking towards me. There was no anger, no irritation, no dominance in her question - it was a tired appeal from a fatigued heart.

I looked into her eyes, a smile formed on my lips - but I wasn't happy. In fact I had never felt lower in life - I knew she would never forgive me for what I did that night, but even in that pain, I didn't regret what I did to AK. Protecting her was more important for me than having her back in my life. Nandini was important.

"There's no point telling you, Nandu. You won't believe me anyway" I replied, after a while.

"Yes Manik, I probably won't believe you, but I still want to hear your excuse - I just want to see if you've even put in any effort to make an excuse this time, or you simply thought Nandini doesn't deserve an explanation of your actions. Isn't that just how you thought last time, when you dumped me?" she reminded me quietly. I gulped. I had made so many mistakes this far, that redemption seemed like an impossibility.

"AK wanted to f*ck you tonight, Nandini" I replied after a brief pause, then I looked at her with challenging eyes. Show me if you can believe that, Nandu.

She stared at me, her eyes filled up with unshed tears, but wasn't crying. "Nandu, he was going to use you just like..." I tried explaining further, but I couldn't complete that sentence. Damn, I hated myself at that point. Her tears always riled me up into digging my own grave.

"..Just like you?" she completed my sentence for me, a sad smile played on her lips. God Damn It!

"Nandu, I just wanted to protect you" I tried again, a little desperate to put my message across. I didn't want her to compare AK with me. AK was the villain, I was a changed man now. Hell, couldn't Nandu see that for herself!?

"Are you sure I am protected now?" Again, her question hit it right where it hurt the most.

"Nandu, trust me, I mean well. Just give me a chance" I pleaded my case again.

"Says the man who assaulted a perfectly good guy for no apparent rhyme or reason. Oh wait, maybe there is a reason - maybe you needed to beat Arya and blame him with such a shameful reason, maybe that was the plan all along! I mean, unless you can portray Arya in the worst light, how would you look like a better man in comparison. Isn't it? Manik you must admit, that I am finally getting you" she replied this time, looking straight into my eyes. There was blame, anger and hate in them now - gone was her softness - maybe this time for good.

"I'm not lying, Nandu" I mumble helplessly, as those dumf*ck tears threaten my eyes.

"Prove it, Manik" she hissed.

"I..there's..Nandu I have no proof" I answer, looking down.

"Then I don't believe one word you said." she spat back sharply.

"Nandu, why would I lie? Why would I want to barge between your & AK's friendship? How is that going to help me in any sense?" I asked, in frustration.

Again she looked straight into my eyes and stayed quiet for a bit. I was hopeful, maybe she was finally seeing sense? "I don't know why you did any of what you did anyway, Manik. Maybe this time you did it because he is AK and you hate him? Maybe you did it because you cannot see me move on in life and make real friends? Maybe because you wanted some entertainment tonight? Who really knows?" she answered, staring at me with exasperation.

I shook my head. Why did this girl have to rile me up every single time? How could she trust just about everybody, but not give me another chance? I know what I was asking for wasn't easy for her, but I was trying here - just for her - couldn't she see it at all!?

"You are right Nandu, I am a maniac and I do things without reason. Happy? You don't trust me one bit, right? If this was true, then how are you sitting here so comfortably in my presence in the dead of night, all alone? Aren't you scared for yourself? I mean I am a lunatic, right? I could harm you, I could assault you - hell I can even rape you, isn't it? I barked at her this time. By now she knew her words riled me up, and she in her own way was leaving no stones unturned to push me to the edge! God, I was trying so hard again to not lose it before her - but each of her accusations were making it harder for me to stay in control and not give in to rage.

"Manik! D-d-don't even think about that. Do-on't y-you d-d-dare touch me!" Suddenly she was panicking in my presence. Honestly? She really thought I was going to assault her? I was only picking an example to show her that she still did have some trust left in me, but did she not? She actually thought I would harm her? Did I ever f*cking force myself on her?!

"Stop it Nandini!" I shouted at her, throwing my hands out in dismay; I did it to derail her line of thought, to stop her from going on the wrong track, but it freaked her out even more. She looked at me with shocked eyes, as I stared back at her helplessly. She was fearing for her safety in my presence suddenly? How was I ever going to digest that or pacify her? My insides were burning in rage, but I was still trying to keep it together for her.

"Nandini, I won't harm you. You know it. Why are you being so stupid?" I tried again, as calmly as possible.

She looked into my eyes for a second, but she didn't calm down. Couldn't she not find assurance in my eyes? Was she so blinded with mistrust? Were we so gone? "Manik, please let me go" she responded, as her voice shook badly.

"What? Nandu, it's the middle of the night!" I replied in surprise.

"Please Manik, please let me go." she begged me again. I shut my eyes in dismay - the situation was absolutely out of control, and I didn't know how to handle it.

Nandu was panicking in my presence. She was concerned about her safety. Kill me already!

"Nandu, you can go tomorrow morning, not now. It's not safe. Just go inside and sleep for a while, you're exhausted" I replied, holding her hand in assurance, just the way AK held it all evening, but she snatched her hand away.

"You have got what you wanted, Manik. AK is not with me. I want to go home. Please" she repeated.

"What is happening to us, Nandu? Hadn't we called it peace only today evening? Didn't you get Mukti back in my life? Didn't you say there is no bad blood between us? Then why do you feel threatened in my presence, Nandu? Have I ever forced myself on you?" I asked her weakly, tears were rolling down my eyes.

"Manik everytime I try taking a step forward, putting our past behind us, you do something so ghastly that it all comes rushing back to me. Each time I hope this is it, it won't get worse - each time you find a new low. Yesterday I thought all was put to rest between us, we won't hurt each other again, I won't hold any grudge against you - I will let it go - but look at what you did! You are unpredictable in an evil monstrous way Manik, and I cannot deal with that. I want out Manik. I want to forget that you exist." she finished, as her whole frame shook, while she cried.

I stared at her, she wanted out. I knew at most I could extend her stay in my life by forcing her to not leave in the middle of the night - but that was about it; come morning Nandu would go, and this time for good - I could still accept this, what I couldn't digest was, this time when she left me, she'd go thinking I was a monster that was capable of hurting her.

For the first time, I hated my monsters. Nandu made me hate myself.

As I sat there reeling on my impending doom, I felt a deep seated frustration and a sense of longing. The thought of not ever having her in my life shook me. I was desperate to make her believe I meant no harm, I was desperate for her to stay and light my life - but I knew I was losing her - actually I had already lost her.

In my effort to mask my panic, I refrained from engaging in further conversation, as she sat by me and wept softly. This was what had become of me, the Manik Malhotra - I was holding up the girl who meant the world to me, at my place against her wish - I was doing this in fear that if I let her go, she'd never turn back. I knew she hated me from the core and for the first time in life, I felt I would rather embrace death than lead such a life.

I don't know at what point, reeling over all that, I lost my marbles completely and my hands clutched an empty beer bottle stacked by the corner of the balcony and I smashed it on the ground. Nandu flipped, terrified and I was back in my senses. Arghh.

"Manik" she exclaimed in anxiety.

"Go Nandu, go. Never come back to me. You are right. I am evil. I deserve all this. I don't f*cking deserve any damn chances at life. You are right, I should rot in hell. Just one last request - wait until morning, it's not safe." I whispered at last, defeated, hurt and hand bloody since I kept clutching the broken chips of glass from the bottle. It was hurting like hell - but it helped divert my attention from my larger grief - life.

"Manik, what the hell! Leave it. Your hand is bleeding so bad" I heard Nandu shriek in horror. I paid no heed, I was drowning in my own melancholy.

"Sh*t! Manik, where's the first aid kit?" I heard her ask me. I didn't reply, I clutched the glass harder. I didn't care even if it cut through every bit of flesh in my palms.

When Nandu clutched my hand towards her, I was drawn back from my reverie. She had somehow managed to locate the first aid kit without my help, she was busy pulling out bits of glass one by one from my palm - it hurt like crazy, but I let her do it anyway - I was very hurt, but at the same time amazed at the way she was reacting. She hated me, right? She thought I could assault her just sometime back. Yet, here she was tending to my wounds. If she hated me, why'd she show care? This behaviour of her's always tugged at my heart. None of my relations ever showed me this kind of affection where one could be mad at me, hate me, distrust me and yet care for me if I was hurt. What was this that we shared?

"Nandu you know, I have been this disaster of a man forever now. I haven't ever seen care - not even as a child. I was the son that my parents didn't really want, but needed to give birth to - I was born to donate marrow to Mukti and save her from a rare genetic disease in childhood. The moment my marrow was given to Mukti, the purpose of my life was served. My parents didn't know what to do with me anymore. Sometimes I wonder, why didn't they kill me? It would have been much easier that way nah?" I asked, looking at her. She was tending to my wounds silently, but her eyes were on me now. She didn't say anything.

"As we were growing up, our parents drifted apart; they started neglecting us more. Mukti still had dad, he was kinder amongst both our parents, and me? Well I was raised by Hella herself - the Goddess of Death and coldness, my mom, Nyonika. I was a troubled child who didn't know happiness - I grew up to be a troubled man - it enraged me to see that everyone else easily got happiness in their lives, but I had to struggle. I had to struggle to have Mukti as a family, I had to struggle getting my parents attention, I had to struggle to make friends - and if after all the struggle, I found an ounce of happiness, that was also temporary in my life. Look at Mukti - she abandoned me, Fab 5 - well they left me too, just like Mukti & my parents. I thought I had you, but well you see, what I did to us? Who's next I wonder, Cabir?" I laughed humorlessly.

Nandu looked at me with red puffy eyes. I looked back, but there was no hope in my heart anymore. "Manik, I am sorry for what you went through - but this doesn't give you the license to be the monster you have become" she spoke to me gently, still holding my palm that was neatly bandaged now.

"I wanted to change, Nandu; I wanted to change for you; but I am too late I guess." I whispered.

"You can change only when you do it for yourself, Manik. Not for anyone else" she answered, gently.

"I don't think I'm worth it; worth changing for" I admitted, ashamedly.

"In life, you get to decide your worth, Manik - not anyone else. You are as worthy as you think." she replied, a small smile playing on her lip. I stared at her in wonder - I was wrong to discredit her because she was innocent and vulnerable - these were her strengths. Otherwise, after everything that spiralled between us, leading us to this night, can anyone imagine her sitting here and taking care of me and telling me that I am worth it?

"You still want to tell me that you don't care or trust me, Nandu?" I asked her once again, holding the tip of her chin with my uninjured hand - our eyes met and for the first time since our break-up, I saw vulnerability there. Was there hope? Was I able to reach through to her, finally?

As I kept staring at her eyes, I saw it took time, but the vulnerability changed to trauma, to hurt, to fear to sadness - it felt like she was reeling our whole relationship from its inception until now, and she was again reminded of all the wrongs I had done to her.

"I..I don't know, Manik" she replied, looking away. I sighed. I was right, there was no hope. She couldn't forget my sins, even if she tried - and I kept adding more mistakes to the list everyday.

"Please let me hug you once?" I requested. I was surprised at my own request, but it came from the heart. She looked at me for a moment, and nodded her head slowly. I saw her nodded, and without losing a moment, jumped into her embrace. As I held her close, she lightly held me too - this was the closest I had ever felt with anyone.

After a while, we broke the hug and looked out of the sky, it was dawn.

"Manik, I need to go now." she spoke softly. I nodded, I had to let her go now, our time was up.

As I saw her walk out of my doors, I realised, just like that I had deeply fallen in love with Nandini Murthy, and this time it was the real deal.

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A/N : So, what do you think? Will Nandini accept Manik? What are your thoughts on MaNan in this chapter? Please let me know!

Looking forward to reading all what you think!

Until 29th May!

Love,

A.