A/N : Hello folks, back here as promised with the new chapter! Right now, writing is all that I have and what's keeping me sane! So, don't worry about good chapters coming your way! :D

I won't write more.

Happy Reading!

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S.P.A.C.E. Academy, New York circa 2012

(Nandini's accommodation, S.P.A.C.E. Residency)

Manik Malhotra

It was a BAD idea.Coming to Nandini drunk, was an epic disaster. I knew it - but when you've been consuming alcohol for dinner, breakfast and lunch then obviously, executing a bad idea seemed like the most sensible thing to do.

I was still hopeful when the clock struck midnight. Maybe Cabir would have coaxed, emotionally blackmailed Fab 5 into coming and kicking off the party? Had they come, I swear I'd hug them so hard that they'd forget to be mad at me. I also dared to hope that maybe just for today, Mukti would keep her anger aside and come to wish me - I wouldn't mind even if she brought the Murthy boy with her. Hadn't she come all the way here to celebrate my birthday?

The doorbell rang exactly at midnight and like a little child waiting for Santa, I ran to the door wishing to see everyone.

It was Cabir.

Only Cabir.

No one else.

He came in with a truckload of alcohol and p*t and smirked at me in a devilish way. "Are we doing this, or are we doing this!" he asked excitedly; although I was hoping to see all of them, but for that moment seeing Cabir, I was happy and couldn't help but smile. Him choosing me might jeopardize his bond with the rest of Fab 5 too, but he chose me anyway.

"Hell yeah!" I responded with enthusiasm and hugged him.

"So where are we off too, with all the booze? Some crazy road trip?" I enquired with all my gusto. For the first time I realised the value of a person who sticks by you through thick and thin - Cabir could easily snap ties with me and they could all throw me out of Fab 5 and continue, but he didn't, he chose me. If not anything else, this incident showed me Cabir's real value in my life.

"Dude, you and I on a road trip - err..just the two of us - you know, somehow doesn't sit. I mean if I was not gay, it'd be different, but what if I find it romantic and start hitting on you or something?" He asked with a straight face. I stared at him aghast for a moment before we both cracked up laughing. As Cabir walked into my apartment, I realised that we weren't going out - although I knew the real reason for the indoor party was because, like me, even Cabir hoped the Fab 5 would eventually show up and he wanted to ensure that when they did, they could find us. I smiled silently, and followed him inside.

Around half past midnight, I realised that both Cabir and I were wrong in hoping - no one was coming for me. Manik was discarded by all but Cabir. As this realisation hit, something inside me broke, and Cabir tried his level best to get me drunk, maybe it was his way of taking my focus off from the fact that I now truly had no one in this world barring him.

As the night rolled into day, we just kept getting drunk and smoked up. Occasionally we would doze off and then woke up to more substance abuse, it was almost evening now. Not one call or text message from anyone around. I looked around for Cabir, he had crashed on my bed now - he wasn't waking up anytime soon. I sighed seeing him, so this was what my birthday eve was going to look like.

I trudged to the balcony and crashed there, another cloudy night without a star in sight. Seemed like the stars were also on Nandini's side, shunning me for hurting her. Will anyone ever give me a breathing chance, seeing my intent? I agree Nandini was wronged, but why was I expected to care, I was wronged all my life too - who gave two hoots about that? When I suffered, and no one cared then why was I expected to worry about her suffering after I made her suffer? I felt jealous of Nandini at that moment. One person hurt her, and it seemed like the universe was on her side - her family, her friends, my family and somewhere some of my friends too; hell even the stars stopped twinkling on me - what about me, why was there no cushioning to my pain, ever?

Nandini, that one girl had single handedly snatched whatever bare minimum support I was left with. Her audacity angered me, I flew in a fit of rage thinking of her, but damn it I couldn't hate her! I didn't know what was happening to me. She made me so damn angry, I wanted to hurt her, and when I hurt her, something inside me was both hurt and uncomfortable again - why was hating this girl, so complicated? Why did her existence start bothering me in this way, I didn't know. When I decided to break her heart, this wasn't a complication I had taken into consideration.

Nandini Murthy was the name of all the complication I had in life at this point, and she was also the only person I thought I could go to for embalming my pain too - blo*dy f*cking why!? I wanted to be around her, hear her, I wanted her to talk to me, yet when I met her, only anger came out of me - I also wanted to stab her. Arrgh!

So, it seemed like an extremely plausible action for my brain, when it decided to send me to Nandini's doorstep that evening. She was the reason I was alone on my birthday, then she should be the one ensuring I didn't feel lonely today!

I knocked on her door once and waited.

No response.

I knocked harder this time.

Still no response.

A smile crept up my lips when I dwelled on the possibility of her whereabouts, it reminded me of simple days, our happier days.

As I walked into the kitchen, I found her fiddling with the ladle trying to kill something on the frying pan. I smiled, my first genuine smile all day.

"Just boil eggs, while I get the toast. That way we can still have dinner tonight and not tomorrow" I commented from behind her.

My voice seemed to shock her for a moment as she stilled, her back still facing me. Then she slowly turned around and raised her eyebrows in surprise. It didn't look like she received it like a good surprise!

"Whh-aat are you doing here, Manik?" she asked after coming out of her brief shock. All of a sudden she looked uncomfortable in my presence. This irked me. Was I going to eat her up or worse abuse her in some way? Didn't she even trust me at a basic instinct level? I gulped, to digest this.

"Are you boiling the eggs or not?" I tried again, I don't know why I was so desperate to find our old normalcy in this familiar set up.

"Manik, please leave" she replied, ignoring my question. Her indifference stung, it hurt me deep - did she not even deem wishing me on my birthday, fit? A small voice inside my head spoke, did she even know it was my birthday?

"It's my birthday" I replied in defence, hoping this piece of information will magically make her be nice to me.

It didn't happen.

"Then what are you doing here, please leave!" she replied back rolling her eyes. Seriously, would it kill her to wish me at least? She thinks I am the monster, right. Is she any less? To be honest her indifference hurt me, but the only emotion that spilled out of me as a reaction was agitation and anger.

"And where should I be according to you, Nandu?" I hissed in vexation.

"Anywhere but here" she replied simply, folding her hand across her chest, although her eyes showed a teeny tiny bit of softness in them - was I misreading? Well, she didn't stop me from calling her Nandu this time. That's a plus!

"I don't have anywhere to go. You made sure of that" I whispered this time, looking deeply into her eyes, I was angry with her for this, but I was also tired. I didn't have the energy to fight right now, in fact I really could do with one of her magical hugs. I remember her hugs were amazing, it lifted every iota of tension from my life - I hadn;t received one in months now - this was also the phase where I needed them the most.

She looked visibly perturbed at my sentence, the knot in my heart eased a little. I was no more invisible to her. I also wondered how that was possible, I had hurt her and now I was hurt in return, she should be happy for justice being served to her, right? Then why was she seeming to be upset for me, was she really that kind? Did such kindness actually exist? I always thought such emotions were bookish rubbish meant for taking readers for a ride.

"Manik, I am..I am sorry about what happened between Mukti and you" she was much softer this time. It felt like I was able to breathe again, this softness was what defined Nandini for me, not what she had become when I broke her heart. I nodded softly, with a small smile playing my lips.

"It wasn't your fault." I said softly. Did I actually believe that? How did those words simply roll out of my tongue, I wondered, amazed.

"I know. I still am sorry to witness what happened. I wish it hadn't. I know how it feels to lose family - no matter what one does, no one deserves it" she whispered back. Every word she uttered soothed my soul, I just suddenly felt this crazy urge to rush to her and crush my lips on hers, God knows why - but I knew, she wouldn't appreciate that. Worse, she will go back to hating me again; and that I somehow didn't want anymore. This borderline peace between us was calming me down in a strange way.

Weird much?

"How'd you know how it feels to lose family, you have everyone with you" I smiled back softly, trying to change the topic; this topic was reminding me of my tormenting last few days, and I feared thinking too much about it will cause me anger, and I will end up projecting it on Nandu, here again. I didn't want it, not when she was opening up a little bit. I guess I can't say I don't care about Nandini, anymore - because I do. I care for her; those days when we were together, had more power than I credited them with - I can never not care when it comes to her; but then she causes me as much anger too - I just didn't want to be angry with her anymore either. I really was tired, guess I just wanted some normalcy in life - away from hate, hurt and agitation.

Nandini looked at me in the eyes hearing my sentence, was there some kind of a deep hurt in there? "Everyone except for parents. Abhimanyu & I lost them to a car accident, when I was twelve." she replied looking into my eyes, I couldn't see the twinkle in her eyes, this time. I staggered, as I let out my breath.

Wait, but back in the days, when we were together, I'd see her video chatting with her family, I had noticed an aged man and a lady talk to her often, who were they, I wondered.

"The folks I talk to all the time are our uncle and aunt. We've been staying with them for the last six years" she replied, seeing a shadow of doubt in my eyes. I nodded in acknowledgement of the information, but I didn't know what to say.

I felt numb.

So Nandu wasn't so different from me, when it came to circumstances in life. Then how'd she become such a different person? How is she not a broken child, like the rest of us? In that moment, with that piece of information, I felt protective about her, just the way I felt for Fab 5, and for the first time I felt sorry for her.

It wasn't sympathy, it was compassion.

"Nandu, I..I.." I stammered for lack of words, I didn't know what could I possibly say that would ease this pain. It was one thing to have family and not acknowledge them because they didn't love you ever, to begin with - but it was a whole different pain if you had a loving family and lived long enough with them, only for them to be snatched from you forever all of a sudden.

"It's okay Manik, you don't have to say anything - but please, I think you should leave now" Nandini replied, without letting me finish. I stood there stunned, I thought we finally broke the ice, I could reach out to her, and maybe our equation would improve, but here she was back to her closed self, asking me to back off. Only I wasn't ready this time.

Standing there staring at her, I suddenly realised the magnitude of my mistake, I had put her in the same loop again, the loop of losing a loved one suddenly. She had loved me, and one fine day I was gone - I didn't give her any reason for my departure, just like she never got one from her parents either. I didn't mean to push this button, but even then I did - suddenly, doing what I did to her, for the sake of Mukti, didn't seem justified anymore. A shudder escaped as I let the horrendousness of my action and their impacts on Nandini, sink in - and the irony lay in the fact, that the Mukti I did all this for, didn't even wish me on my birthday today, and here Nandini whose heart I broke, was at least talking to me and had in fact expressed compassion to my loss of family too.

"Nandu, please don't ask me to leave?" I requested with vulnerable eyes, she didn't seem convinced. "Can we take a small break, a breather from all the animosity and what happened in the past, just for tonight? I am really tired, and I know you are too. Let's call 'time-out'" I urged gently, moving forward towards her. She took a few steps back, but looking closely into my eyes, she nodded in affirmative, with a sigh. This time I truly saw pain there. The same pain that I had inflicted on this amazing girl.

I should rot in hell.

I smiled, my jaw started aching when I stretched it, I realised I hadn't smiled so widely in a long time. "I will make omelettes tonight, you go handle the toasts!" I commanded softly. She didn't smile back, but she looked at me with her lovely 'doe' eyes for a few seconds before nodding and starting her job.

After an hour

We were done eating, and as much as I tried catching her eye all through the process of making food and eating, she stubbornly looked elsewhere. I tried to bring in some conversation too, but she restricted herself to responding in nonchalant 'hmms' and nods. The normal version of me would be annoyed at her indifference and react harshly, but something in me had changed tonight. Nandu had spoken to me nicely, despite what I had done to her. She had agreed to make my birthday less lonely. I felt protective of her, Nandu wasn't making me angry anymore. In fact, each jab she made at me with her indifference was hurting me now.

What had changed, suddenly?

I wanted her to give me a normal Manik-Nandu evening, like earlier times, I wished she'd let me come close to her emotionally too, but she didn't. We were in the same situation again, both of us in her dorm kitchen, making food, but things couldn't have been more different. I was still the same Manik. The asshole who broke her heart, but she was not the same Nandu. She had changed. A sudden thought came to me, and before I could filter it in my head, it escaped my lips.

"Nandu, you don't chat with yourself mentally anymore?" I asked, my voice sounded too uncertain even to my own ears.

She looked up at me startled, "Wh-hy do you ask?" she stammered.

"I don't know, you respond almost immediately nowadays!" I replied, a silly smile playing my lips. I don't know what I said was so bad, because her face went dark again. Damn. Did I hurt her more? Why do I always hurt this girl?

She looked vulnerable for a moment, and I automatically had taken a step towards her; this time she hadn't even moved back - in fact she was opening her mouth to say something when the door to our kitchen opened with a bang.

"Arya?" Nandu called out in surprise. I quickly turned back towards the door. Much to my irritation, AK was standing there. He had a happy, goofy smile playing up his face when he was looking at Nandini, but then as he moved his eyes and they landed on me, his face turned red.

"Nandu, what is he doing here? Is he harassing you again?" AK asked through clenched teeth and walked menacingly towards me. The mere sight of him, and the realisation that he probably does this often (walking into Nandu's kitchen unannounced in the middle of the night) opened a lid of fury in me, the kind of rage I had no f*cking control over and I knew it at that moment, I will probably do something that I will regret later, but I also knew, I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

Damn you, AK.

"What's this got to do with you AK? Why the f*ck do you think you can waltz into Nandu's kitchen and demand answers?" I growled back in fury, as I protectively held Nandu by her wrist, and pulled her behind me. I probably knew AK wasn't planning to harm Nandu anyway and she didn't need saving - but I just couldn't let that rat lay his eyes on my Nandu and break the flow of the first meaningful conversation we were having in months.

"Leave her hand" AK barked, after pouncing towards me and grabbing my collar. I almost lost balance as he charged me. Damn it man, I was drunk tonight and this f*cker was probably sober. He had leverage over me - that too before Nandu. Damn.

"Arya, he was just leaving" I heard Nandini explaining on my behalf. I don't know if it was my drunken mind or otherwise, this statement of hers' confused me more than anything ever had all my life. At that moment I felt a myriad of emotions. I was happy Nandu was talking in my defence, I was upset because she expected me to leave and not AK, I was hurt because she felt the need to justify my presence in her kitchen to an outsider like AK and I felt angry that she didn't retaliate to AKs claim of me harassing her. I staggered at the impact of her words on me.

How did Nandu have so much f*cking hold on me?! But before I could react, Nandu freed her wrist from my grip and went and stood before AK and he lifted up a packet of what looked like ice-cream for her. He had come at this hour to give her some ice-cream!? Who was he, her boyfriend? That mother-f*cker! Nandu looked at the packet in his hand and a small smile played on her lips. I swear I wanted to burn everything around me at that moment! How'd AK get to bring that smile on her face? I was only supposed to make her wear that smile. No one else. Damn it.

Nandini turned to me with her hands folded up her chest, as AK stood beside her. I had lost this match even before it began, since Nandu was on team AK and both were standing together facing me. It felt like someone was pricking a thousand needles in my brain, the pain was excruciating and so was the anger.

"Manik, you need to leave" she said softly, looking me in the eyes.

"But Nandu.." I began, hadn't we taken a break for the night? Was it over? Were we back to hating each other? Wait, I realised I didn't hate her anymore, but I suppose now she was back to hating me.

"Didn't you hear her, Malhotra?" I saw AK's hateful eyes belittling me. He was holding Nandu by the waist and Nandini didn't protest. The anger and loathe in me hit me like a tsunami wave, seeing him touch her, and even before I knew what I was doing, I saw my hand fly and land a hard punch on AK.

"Arya!!" Nandini shrieked in shock, looking aghast at AK. Wow, she couldn't see him in pain. What about my pain? Who was to shout at AK for that? Arghh.

But before I could register anything further, I felt a bullet like punch on my jaw and thanks to all the alcohol that Cabir had so lovingly pushed in my system, I staggered and ultimately fell. I tried getting up, but my head was spinning at an impossible rate and I could barely lift my head. I was seeing black and I started tasting salt in my mouth, aah I was bleeding. It took me a second to realise, AK had punched me flat, and I was not even in a state to get up and retaliate! It bruised my ego to be the weaker man before Nandini, but I could barely lift my head.

"What the hell, Arya!?" I heard her shriek. Wow, in either situation no matter who punched whom, she called out for him, not me.

"Nandu, he attacked me first" I heard AK justifying himself. Even in this state it pissed me, why did AK feel the need to justify? Who was Nandu to him? Nandu wasn't his. Nandu, will never be his.

"Aryaman, he is drunk. You can't go all out on him! What if something serious happens now?" Nandu screamed in frustration. My eyes were shut, but I smiled. She cared. Nandu still f*cking cared for me. I had won.

"Look the mother-f*cker is laughing, I will kill him now" I heard AK growl and felt he was coming for me again. I couldn't get up and beat him blue and black right now, but I could surely rile him, for breaking my moment with Nandu, right?

"Arya, stop!" I heard Nandini's frantic voice and slowly opened my eyes. AK was bending down on the floor and facing me. He was mad in anger and before I could so much as move a muscle,

'Thwack'

He landed another punch on me.

'Thwack'

I heard another punch that followed immediately; strangely I didn't feel it on me this time; and then there was complete blackness.

***

A/N : Guys, did you enjoy all the Manan time? Do you want more? :D

Also folks, I think now you have enough perspective of how Manik is, as a character - he is young, impulsive, angry and hurt all in the same time. He hits back w/o thinking because the absence of proper parental guidance/ affection/love has made him a bit animal-like in that way. He lacks the softness, he lacks trust maybe? 

But what do you feel about his character arc? As in, from the Manik you started with up till now, do you think he has evolved slightly? He isn't in the white yet. No he isn't and that doesn't happen overnight either - I am not sure if he ever will be (there will be no originality in his character if he suddenly goes all vanilla); but do you think he is at least in a redeemable state now? 

Basically, if you didn't get my question, just tell me what you feel about Manik in this chapter :D -  I love penning down such twisted characters!

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Much love,

A.

Next update - Next Saturday, on May Day!