***BARRY***

"HI FLASH. MISS ME HONEY?"

No way is that message from who I think it is. I thought her version on this Earth wasn't a bad guy anymore. And how many infinite variations who had never gone even semi-good wound up meeting their deaths that day in the stadium. Back when Peter, Gwen, Grayson, and Olivia were in town. How could I forget working with all those ass-kickers? They were awe and some, as that Mon-El dude might have said. I swear I heard him say that at least once.

Not so awe and some, though? Lisa Snart. She was never very fun to have around. And I can't say whether or not this is the real deal who sent me this stealth letter, or another one of those many other incarnations of her we've met before. I thought we were all done with them, though. Those Swiss-cheese holes in space and time - tears I made, I'll freely admit, as usually happens when an unstoppable speedster force collides with an immovable black hole object.

I can't even say for certain it is Lisa, not when there's no signature of any kind. But who else would steal pricey, beautiful art and leave a calling card with a pet name for me? Of all the assorted attracted-to-guys types who've ever been in my life, Lisa's the only one who fits the bill. The only one who's not at all vanilla, if you know what I mean. Maybe her brother too. I've always gotten a bi vibe off him. Maybe pan.

"What's up, Bar?" Joe snaps me out of my thoughts, and, no shit, he's eating a carrot. A baby carrot, to be fair, but it's like he wants to make me laugh with all my old childhood memories of Saturday morning cartoons. I'm pretty sure I was part of the last generation to get to see old Looney Tunes on Cartoon Network, a tradition that Iris had with Joe too when she and I were kids.

I show him the letter in its bag. "What do you think?"

"What do I think?" he repeats. "I can barely see it."

Huh, so he can't. I've got the text facing away from him. No longer, though. I turn it around so he can see the block letters written on the paper. "What do you think?" I ask again. "I bet it's Lisa Snart."

Joe nods once. "I wouldn't disagree. But when was the last time we saw her again?"

"Can't say, exactly." I pocket the baggied-up letter. "I could try and reach out, but knowing the Snarts, they'll reach out to us, not the other way around."

"I wouldn't wait for them," says Joe. "If you got any underground connections, now's the time to use 'em." He waits until we're out the door to ask, "So did I see you run into your ex just now?"

Crap, he knows. "Uh..."

"Not the first time a man's met his former lover in a public and/or professional setting," Joe says with a knowing smile. "Always awkward, ain't it?"

"Not that much," I insist. "I mean, I'm moved on, I'm with someone else, someone better...and so is she. Right?"

Joe laughs lightly. "You don't know that."

"I don't," I concede, "and that's what kinda makes it awkward."

"Makes sense given the size of your heart."

"Uh...thanks?"

"Bar. That's a compliment."

"I know, but still..." I'm blushing so hard, my face is probably matching the color of my Flash suit right about now. Hoping to clear that blush away, I clear my throat and change the subject. "So. Lisa. I think I'm gonna try and track her down."

"You go do that, Bar," Joe says. "And don't let me catch you doing anything illegal to get the job done."

"You usually don't," I say with a wink.

"Because I'm deliberately not looking!" Joe calls after me.

Driving from crime scenes to the forensics lab is pretty annoying as it is, but when you know you can run the distance in two seconds, it's even more so. Leaving the bag with Lisa's letter in it on my desk, I put some fresh gloves on to remove the letter before running it down to STAR Labs to get it looked at.

Cisco, for the moment, isn't doing anything super important. He's actually working out using some of the same equipment I used when I was first doing speedster training. Not to the same level as me, of course, but with him on the treadmill, that thing's still working at paying for itself.

"Yo," he says with a wave when he sees me coming in. Peeling his earbuds out - is that Rush? I never knew Cisco to be a Rush kind of guy, though I'm not really surprised that it's mid-80s Rush with all the synths and shit - he adds, "Sorry you had to see me like this."

"What, sweaty?"

"No." He discreetly sniffs under his arm, indiscreetly wrinkling his nose. "Me not even close to my summertime beach-readiness."

"You trying to get a head start before Christmas?"

"When you see how much my familia feeds me every December 21st through 25th," he says loftily, "you'll understand my need to have that head start." He takes the towel he's got hooked to the waist of his running shorts and mops up his face before crossing his arms and asking, "So what brings you to me today? I thought I'd prayed to Saint Jude this morning, not Saint Barry."

Not quite sure what Saint Jude is patron of, since I'm not Catholic, I shrug and hold out the note from Lisa. "Get some gloves on and maybe we can try vibing this?"

Cisco pretends to faint. "Carry me to the locker room?" he asks in a fake-dazed voice.

I laugh as he gets slowly back to his feet, holding the side of the treadmill the whole time. "One thing I don't use the Speed Force for is showering."

"What?" Cisco practically flounces down the hall. "You got all those powers and you don't use them to make that one thing in your life better?" As he and I pass Caitlin by, he adds, "Remind me not to let you room with me, like, ever. Not if you're gonna spend forever in the bathroom."

"What the...?" Caitlin cocks her head at us. "Do I wanna know?"

"I had to ask him a favor," I say.

Caitlin nods at the letter still sitting in my gloved hands. "You gotta make him room with you to get him to do it? Take it from me, that could be your greatest regret."

"No shit," Cisco calls back. "She dyed my underwear with one laundry cycle!"

"Well, that's what you get for misplacing my jacket in your whites!" Caitlin yells.

"How did that even-?"

"It's not just Cisco." Ronnie pokes his head out the door behind Caitlin. "She put that jacket in my whites once too."

Cisco's almost around the corner, but hearing Ronnie talk, he runs back with speed to put me to shame. "Sir," he says, sticking his finger into Ronnie's chest, "you're secure enough in your sexiness that you can wear pale blue unmentionables and not worry that your lover will think you buy granny panties at Walmart."

"Yeah, could be worse," Caitlin says. "Barry could be your roommate and he could toss his suit in your laundry."

Cisco's skin goes ashen at the thought, and without another word, he dashes off to the showers.

"He acts like pink underwear would be the death of him," I laugh.

"He'll come around one day." Ronnie pulls up his shirt, revealing pink elastic poking out from the waistband of his pants.

Harry appears next, his head looking strangely disembodied as it looms behind Ronnie's shoulder. He must be on his tiptoes. "Hate to interrupt the laundry discussion, but I have a question," he says. "Scientist to scientists, what movie's the best for our first annual STAR Labs Christmas Spectacular?"

I already hear the capital letters in there, which makes me think Harry didn't come up with the idea himself. But more importantly, who did? I don't remember anyone running this by me. "My question to you," I say. "Is this a family event?"

"Yes."

"Crap, that rules out Die Hard," Caitlin says.

"This debate could last us a while," I tell Harry. "Why don't you let me confer with my colleagues a bit, and we'll come back to you by day's end?"

"I would've thought the Flash would be faster than that, but all right." Harry actually bows - no kidding - and takes his leave. Dramatic to the end, our friend.

Yeah, maybe I've got urgent business to take care of, but until Cisco comes back, a spirited debate with Cait and Ronnie over which Christmas movie to show the kiddies this season? I'm down for that. (The obvious answer, of course, being Jurassic World.)