[Suffragette City by David Bowie]
word count: 3339

-

Quinn always seemed to pop up so inconveniently.

Wavy brown hair was pulled up with a clip, her bare face so naturally clear. She was sitting beside me on the court in a tiny top and cargo shorts.

For some reason, she was the only person that I knew could pull off a pair of damn cargo shorts.

Her voice was bright, all chipper like the birds that had group meetings outside my window at five a.m. and I had no desire to match her tone.

"Hi."

Monotonous and all, I went to open my lunch, peeling an orange. Helena loved to pack lunches, she was a real PTA mom and honestly, I had no complaints. I only wished it wasn't taking so long to pierce the fruit. Anxiety, or something akin, had spiked the past few weeks and I found myself chewing my nails down to the nub absentmindedly.

Quinn chose that moment to sit down beside me, a little too close, her toned legs crossed in front of her, beaded anklet above the ugliest pair of sandals and she leant back on her hands, jewelry jingling.

The sun beat down on tan skin and I wondered how she kept it up, there weren't a ton of outside events and activities in this town. And even if there was, nobody would go. I figured she had to spend more time outside than anything to keep her glow.

I didn't get much sun, never really went outside much and the climate sat at around 75 degrees on the daily.

So, truthfully, I wasn't sure where she was getting optimal tanning, or maybe Aussies were always bronzed.

Dalton was not.

Maybe Quinn had the ability to read minds because something uncanny about her was that she could always tell when I was thinking of Dalton.

"Dally says you're avoiding him."

Or maybe, I was always thinking of Dalton.

Squinting sun out of my eyes, I thought about how funny it was that avoidance was only a problem when I was the one who was distant. "I'm not."

At least, I didn't think I was. It hadn't been super long since we'd talked, he had ignored me for longer.

After that call, I didn't know if I was ready to hang out with him again.

It felt weird, the shift felt weird, everything about my body felt like it wasn't mine. Like it wasn't mine, like it wasn't natural to feel this way about someone else, so intensely, and I'd been so embarrassed.

So, I went back to what was natural to me. What was natural was sitting on the tennis court, my eyes on my sneakers and I listened to a new playlist Wyatt had sent me weeks ago, so really it wasn't all that new. Getting dressed that morning felt weird, Dalton's good morning text felt misplaced and I didn't respond.

My nails dig into the tough skin of fruit, peeling it back, a citrus scent engulfing me and Quinn nodded her pretty little head. "Good."

I didn't like that, her affirmation, her approving tone. It felt like she were offering it as if I needed it, like she thought her feelings on the matter mattered.

"Cause it's really-it's really not okay if you are." And I really, really didn't care what she thought.

But I'd never tell her that, I'd never have the courage to tell her that what happened between Dalton and I had absolutely nothing to do with her. "Yeah."

It was quiet again, I decided I liked that more, that I liked when she looked a bit awkward because I always felt that way.

My body was hunched into itself, my posture curved and bones too rigid, Quinn sat up straighter and went to pop in an earbud when she realized the dwindling conversation.

But right as I felt a bit at peace, there was a tacked on thought.

"I didn't mean to overstep, alright?" Sure, you didn't. But she seemed sincere and I wasn't so cynical. Nodding, I watched her relax back into her previous stance. "Yeah? Just since you- since you guys are intimate and all, its jus' a little prick-ish to ignore him."

I didn't even know what she meant by that but I shrugged anyways.

"I'm not ignoring him," It was obvious now that she mentioned it and I gave it a thought, I didn't go out of my way to see him as I had been before. And we didn't speak much the last few days.

But he wasn't speaking to me, was it ignoring on my part if he didn't try?

"Okay." That was all I could say and affirmatively, she nodded, repeating it.

Her words held too much weight then, and I was suddenly very claustrophobic.

"He's- he's had a hard time, Gabe." I'm aware. "And he likes you."

Something in it felt like it was supposed to be a prize. Disdain bit at the back of my throat and I tried not to let it out. I wasn't sure why I was so moody that day, maybe it was the heat.

But it slipped and it bit back. "You're not his mom, Quinn." I'd regretted it instantly.

She gritted her teeth, eyes narrowing a bit when the smile plastered itself back on. And she said something that made me feel like complete crap.

"Yeah, and he doesn't have one."

I briefly recalled Dalton telling me how close Quinn had been with his mother and screwed my eyes shut. "I-I'm... so sorry."

"Look," she was blinking back tears that sprung to her wide eyes. Biting at her bottom lip, it felt like all the energy had drained from her face... and her words. And she was sighing.  "I don't mean to be rude or say it in any kinda way, I just... I wanna make sure he's not gonna get hurt with you."

"Cause he's-he's had a lot of hurt."

I didn't know what to say to that so I nodded, apologizing again, so sincerely. I wasn't sure why I felt so exhausted.

-

It wasn't like Dalton didn't like me, at least, he made it seem like he did. He'd kissed me so surely before, so presently. He'd known what he was doing and he'd asked to see me naked.

You didn't ask to see someone in intimate ways if you didn't like them... right? He wouldn't have told me he liked me if he didn't like me?

Every time I thought about it now, I overthought it. I thought too much about him. I thought about him during tests and I worried, and I hated worrying. Worrying made me sick to my stomach and I was always so worried now, because he rarely gave answers.

"Isn't that cool, Gabe?"

Brown eyes were in my view, bright and there was a cute crooked smile against his lips. Wyatt Stevens was asking for my opinion.

"Yeah, so cool."

But he was laughing like I'd said something funny. Wyatt was tugging his hair down from it's bun, loose waves pooping around his perfect face. He was warm in all aspects and his arms flexed in the effort. "You weren't listening to a thing I said!"

And I wasn't.

It was after school and Rhett had baseball practice. We sat on the bleachers while football players did drills. Guilt weighed a bit heavy when I focused in on the varsity team, analyzing them.

Maybe my attraction to guys was only exclusive to those I had genuine interest in cause I wasn't very sexual. I didn't have gym this quarter but when I did, my eyes never strayed.

Everything about it felt dirty. It felt wrong to look at someone in a sexual manner when nothing about the matter was sexual, or when they weren't reciprocating.

I wondered how Dalton felt so comfortable.

But Wyatt was still smiling at me and I had to respond. "... Guilty."

"Can't even front, huh?"  That was Robbie Trebek, a black kid with cropped fire engine red hair that was number one in his class. I pushed a smile through closed lips when Wyatt offered a sip of his slushee. He'd singled me out of the crowd as I made my way to the bus, asking if I wanted to hang out with him and his friends.

He'd tugged me by my sleeve out the front of campus, hiking his sling bag and his camera bag up on his shoulder. His fingers interlocked with mine so briefly, so naturally it felt like he didn't mean to.

And when he realized, he'd let me go. I didn't pull away, that made me guilty. Wyatt was so easy going and I was so comfortable and that made it somehow worse.

We'd met up with Robbie Trebek and Tina Mori at the gas station on the corner and I tried to ignore how much heart fluttered.

Despite Wyatt and I having friendly contact, we'd never been in groups together, not voluntarily. He never seemed to have a set group of friends.

Wyatt was drifty in that way, he blended into groups, he could befriend anyone but it never seemed to stick.

The beginning of this year, he'd started to hang out with Robbie and some girl he'd been friends with since pre-k apparently. That was something I never had the chance to relate to... being adopted after adolescence had already taken enough of its course.

I didn't remember much from California besides Sammy and foster care. And my foster families were pretty nice, most of the adults worked a lot, it was easy to blend into a few kids. I was grateful for how little trauma I'd endured.

My parents adopted me pretty early on, I was eight. It wasn't like I had much memory in the first place.

They were already a family and they moved around a lot picking up kids as souvenirs but in a good way. They'd loved Vince, Rhett, and Claire so much, it was easy to get comfortable. We lived in Cali for a little and moved here when I was 12.

I'd never fit in with the kids here, thoughtI was too reserved and everyone was too close; I didn't make friends easy.

And I never had anything to say, it was weird that Wyatt thought that I would.

"We were talking about parallel universes." That was Tina. I'd looked over and it felt like I'd never really looked at her. She was Asian with blond hair tied up in a messy ponytail and super intense winged eyeliner, she dressed like she skated.

Wyatt nodded with a handful of Combos from the 7-eleven bag Robbie was holding. He'd tilted his head back as if it took all his effort to fill his mouth and I stifled a smile when Robbie's face turned to disgust and partial awe.

I tried not to think about how cute Wyatt's grin was after that, chewing with his mouth closed and chipmunk cheeks, pretzel crumbs on his full lips. "What about them?"

And he winked at me when he'd caught me staring, Wyatt was always so flirty that way.

Jesus.

"Well, do you believe in them?" Tina shrugged.

"I-I don't really know enough about it."

Why did this conversation feel so intensely Wyatt? Everything about what we were talking about screamed the boy with the camera and the Spider-Man bandaid. Tina was smiling, her eyes significantly brighter and something about it felt welcoming. "Wyatt said we were gonna like you."

My brows scrunched together in confusion and Robbie was offering an eye roll.

"T hates it when people just agree with everything without a second thought."

"It's really annoying!" Her voice was exasperated and Wyatt's face when I looked over shared my amusement. Tina had a big personality for such a small girl, I was learning... she was loud and you couldn't mind it cause she was interesting.

"Like Veronica?"

"Oh my god, yes?" Almost as if that question had set her back into a nightmare, Tina's eyes blew wide. "She never had an opinion on anything!" She turned to me like I'd understand when Robbie offered an amused look, "it was all, oh my god, Wyatt! What do you think?"

"Wyatt, I think I'm taking home ec, are you taking home ec?" Robbie put on his best valley girl accent, I almost felt offended at how good it sounded. "Are you taking Spanish?"

Tina was offering a loud laugh and then she was slapping the boy beside me in the arm. "Wyatt!" she whined. "Do you think I look fat in this shirt?"

"She was self conscious."

Robbie snorted and Tina's deadpan after was enough to make me stifle a laugh. "She modeled for Calvin Klein."

"She was nice."

Robbie rolled his eyes. "Of course she was, she was in love with you."

And that made a lot of sense. That made so much sense because Wyatt was such a boy next door. Wyatt was so kind and he was genuinely happy all the time. He had this artistic aura and was so very attractive... it was easy to fall in love with him.

"Not everyone that's nice to us wants to fuck us, guys."

"But everyone wants to fuck you."

"Even you?" He wiggled his brows earning a kick in the shin and he was barking out a laugh again. "Point proven. That is not true."

"Gabe, doesn't everyone want Wyatt?"

I was speechless.

So very speechless and it was so obvious how off guard that question had caught me. My heart skipped a beat, and I sipped my slushee to avoid the question. Wyatt's brown eyes blew wide.

"Tina!"

Her face was innocent, voice knowing something unknown. "What, Wy?" That made me nervous but Wyatt was leaning over to push his shoulder into mine.

"Stop asking Gabe weird questions." And his thigh was pressed to mine now, he was sitting flush against me and I couldn't breathe. His voice came out softer now and he wasn't even looking at me but my hands were all clammy. "Please."

Conversation slowed after that, Robbie and Tina chatting about something on the sidelines and Wyatt turned to me but said nothing. His eyes held a smile that travelled to his lips and my breath caught in my throat.

He looked like he wanted to speak.

"Are y'all going to The Warehouse?"

At that, Wyatt looked over at his friend. I tried to keep the blush from my face. His attention was on the conversation ensuing and I looked down at my hands folded in my lap.

Robbie's eyes widened. "You got an invite?"

"Yeah, they invited everyone."

"I got an invite." Wyatt perked up and the redhead fell silent.

"Aw, no one invited Robbie." Tina faked a frown. "looks like you're not as popular as you once thought."

"Tina." Wyatt's voice was warning and the girl stuck her tongue out teasingly. "They didn't invite everyone, I'm sure." He'd directed that at his friend, and that was something that I really liked about Wyatt, he always tried to make people feel good.

Their friend group was close, close enough for Tina to roll her eyes and bark out a laugh.

"No, he needs to bask in his mediocrity." Clasping her hand around the boy's shoulder, she leant in. "Wanna be my plus one, Robbie-cakes?"

"Hell no."

"Suit yourself."

Seemingly regretful, he sighed, hand grasping at hers, "... wait—"

"Nope."

I felt embarrassed to say that I had no clue what they were talking about. "Uh... What's The Warehouse?" The look they'd collectively given me afterwards said it all.

"You don't know what The Warehouse is?" That was Wyatt.

"Wyatt, you gotta take him, now." Rob.

Tina nodded. "Yeah, it's pretty epic." She cut her eyes over at Rob and I stifled a laugh when he looked back at me, jerking her head in his direction as if she were being discreet. "And very exclusive, they try to keep it a secret but everyone really knows."

"Who is this everyone, T?" He'd mocked. "Who?"

"The seniors—" Wyatt -thankfully- explained, having to stop himself mid-way to swat Tina's hand off his cheek, his voice was a whine for a second and it made my stomach churn, "stop."

She stuck her tongue out at him, and he copied, turning back to look at me after with a blush. "Th-the seniors throw this party every year the weekend before spring break."

"We're upperclassman now so we get invites, even though Wyatt's been cool enough." That was Robbie, he was smacking his hand against the boy's chest.

It was silent, until he tacked on, "Or he was fucking Brady Denton."

And it was silent.

So silent and Wyatt's eyes shot downwards. Tina was punching the shit out of the redhead before I could realize the tension. And it caught me off guard. Robbie rubbed his shoulder, eyes still blown wide.

I tried to ignore how fast my heart was beating. Wyatt was fucking a boy? Wyatt wasn't straight.

And people didn't know.

The boy in question had screwed his eyes shut, blowing out a long breath, Robbie's eyes were apologetic and I thought of how my family handled it.

And I ignored it. Like it didn't matter, cause truthfully, it didn't. It didn't ultimately matter that Wyatt liked boys, or it shouldn't have. It did make my heart flutter in my chest though, it made my throat close up at the thought that he might've... maybe... sorta, at some point, felt the same thing I felt for him.

"They only invite juniors and seniors?" I watched Wyatt look up at me, face soft and tears still welled up, I knew that feeling all too well... like the world was caving in on you. I offered a soft smile.

Wyatt smiled.

And everything was good again.

He readjusted, straddling the bleacher so he was looking right at me and something about him being fully turned my way made me even more nervous. "It's not actually at a warehouse, it's just what they call it. They change the location every year and only invite like 30 people by mass text."

His eyes were so pretty, his eyes were so pretty, his eyes are so pretty.

"That sound cool?"

I didn't know what he was asking and everyone's eyes were on me. It fell silent, only giant sounds of football grunts and a school bell going off in the distance. "Huh?"

Wyatt was so blushy then, his eyes were screwing up on the sides and he smiled small. "I can bring someone if you wanna... if you wanna swing by."

And although spending time with Wyatt sounded nice, and I mean really nice, I hated parties. "It's not my scene." I didn't think it was his either.

"Yeah, mine either." He was nodded a little too long, eyes on his hands, "but it seems like it'll be fun and I'm not doing anything this weekend, so..."

The look he'd given me was so hopeful then, so full of it and it made me nervous.

But it also made me excited, I liked that look in his eyes, it made me feel important. I wanted to say yes then, I wanted to say yes so bad.

The sound of an Aussie girl, her voice bubbly, it washed over the group. "Hey, Wyatt."

She only greeted him as she cascaded down the staircase. Sliding her slim body over the bleacher, she sat down behind him. She leant over in between us, so subtly, I wondered what Quinn's game was.

"Oh, hey Quinn."

"Hi." I offered.

"Quimby!" That was Tina, her eyes catching onto the bronzed girl. Lips tucked into her mouth, she motioned between me and Quinn. "You guys know each other?"

"Yeah, Gabe's my neighbor." Her arm was around my shoulder then, converse kicked up on the bleacher beside my hip. Did she forget that morning already?

"The rave's this weekend, right?"

"How do you know about it?" That was Rob.

"Dally got invited." The redhead's eyes blew wide and Tina was laughing hysterically at the look on his face. I stifled my own smile. "He already has his plus one though." Quinn furrowed her brows as if wondering what was so funny.

Her eyes met mine, I shrugged. And disregarding it, she looked back over at the other girl. "Anyways, can I come?"

"I'm bringing Rob."

"Hell yeah!"

And her vision was on Wyatt now, expecting, as if she knew she had him around her finger. I didn't know where she got the confidence from, or if she'd suddenly forgotten how sure she herself was that Wyatt was gay.

He grimaced, it apologetic. "I can only-I can only bring, like, one person." He looked past her, eyes on mine and they were so soft it almost made me melt. "I was hoping you'd be into it."

But Quinn was staring at me now, everyone was, and her words from earlier that day rang through. I suddenly felt so ashamed of myself and with that, I shook my head.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not really into parties."

The Aussie girl raised both brows and it placed a funny feeling in my stomach, Wyatt turning to her and shrugging.

I wondered how Quinn could do absolutely nothing and still have things pan out how she wanted them to.