[Insecurities by Syd]
word count: 2774

-

In an eight person home, secrets were hard to keep.

I'd never been good at it for that specific reason, never been able to keep anything to myself but when Dalton had started kissing me in private, I was sure to take it to my grave.

It started with small touches, he'd started sitting next to me on the bus, Quinn making friends with some girl in the back and he'd place his jacket in between us. He would gently brush his pinky against mine until he'd found the courage to intertwine our fingers and no one was the wiser.

Dalton looked good. A few days prior, he'd shown up with a change. His hair was a darker blonde, it bordering a light brown and I wasn't sure if it was that or the fact that he hadn't had much sun but he was looking a little pale.

That pale made his eyes stand out even more and there was a smile that lingered in them. Dalton seemed warmer and holding my hand would spread that warmth to me, slightly. I tried to hide just how happy it made me, afraid he'd hesitate.

He'd let go every time someone got up to leave, averting his gaze to his phone curled in ringed fingers and it felt like a rush every time he found it safe to tangle his fingers in mine again.

And again and again and again.

Shortly after, he'd started brushing his hand against mine when he passed me in the hallways, sparing me a small smile every time that made my heart jump. I wasn't sure how I could've ever denied my attraction to him, he was cute in a mysterious way and ever since the day in his room, he'd been opening up a little more.

He'd started to sit with me at lunch, that was when I realized that he's accumulated a few friends in his short time here. Hale Powell was about my height with a very racially ambiguous -maybe East Asian but also maybe Islander, no one was really sure- look and that was about the only thing people didn't know about him. In a predominantly white high school, it attracted him enough attention that everyone pretty much knew his business. He was a senior that had gone through the entire freshman class of girls and he sold drugs...

A lot of drugs.

He always carried around a second book bag and I was sure the teachers knew as well but no one really wanted to mention it. He lived in a completely different neighborhood, one not even zoned for the school and he was the kind of guy that no one really wanted problems with.

He had wavy black hair and he was good looking, he was extremely good-looking with a goofy yet wicked kind of smile... almost like he always knew something you didn't and his eyes were framed by long lashes that made them look even more enticing. Hale Powell was bad news and Dalton was hanging out with him.

And a few of his friends that were less-known.

"Who this?" A cute kid with dark skin and even darker eyes had asked while stuffing his face with cafeteria food, he had barely spared a glance at Dalton, eyes staring me down like he was prepared for anything and I didn't doubt that. He was also overly attractive with almond shaped eyes and a model-esque pout all set-off with a sharp jawline... his body was lanky but built and he was gripping the spork like he wanted to shove it through my neck.

And I wouldn't have minded.

The last kid was unlike the other two and I was sure this was Hale's little brother, he had kind water-blue eyes and a baby face, bushy brows raised at the questioning as well.

I wasn't inclined on introducing myself, thinking that if I did, I'd somehow have been involved in something I didn't consent to. They were all extremely handsome and extremely dangerous and the former wasn't enough for me to be fine with the latter. Thankfully, Dalton had answered, his pinky slipping over to graze mine ever so slightly, like he was trying to comfort me.

"Gabe," he'd answered as if that was enough and when Hale's eyes had flickered to him as well, he went to insist, "he's cool."

I wasn't sure just exactly what that meant but Hale had nodded curtly before sliding his book bag under the table and I didn't realize what he'd done until he'd gotten up to drop off his tray, his friends following shortly after.

Dalton hadn't gabbed the bag until they'd left, pulling it to the side of his seat and I peered over his broad shoulder before realizing that I actually didn't want to see what was in it.

"You sell for them?" I'd heard myself asking before I could stop myself and Dalton's icy blue eyes were on mine then, as if he were daring me to ask again.

And when I didn't he shook his head, "it's not what you think." His voice was soft and so were his eyes and this was a side of Dalton he'd been showing me recently, after that he smiled a little. "Wouldn't have brought you into that."

For some reason, I believed him, I just didn't see a reason not to. So I nodded and finished off my tuna sandwich, head thrumming with possibilities and he'd moved his leg over to graze mine ever so gently. We finished lunch like that, his eyes flickering over to meet mine and every once in a while, I'd catch him staring.

-

"Can I come over?" He'd asked on the bus that day, I wasn't sure what I was expecting from it but I found myself nodding. We'd hung out at his house and it was innocent plus all the kids were there so there was no way anything could happen anyways.

It'd been too soon for anything to happen, really, but the guys he hug out with weren't ones to wait... at least, that was what the rumors implied. I didn't wanna judge him, that was one thing he seemed to like about me so I intended on keeping an open mind and an open door when he visited.

"My siblings are gonna be home." I'd thrown out there, wondering what he'd do with the information but Dalton just smiled a little, it small and barely there and gone way too soon but it was another smile.

He was showing emotion recently and I was gonna do everything I could to keep it that way. He'd nodded when we'd gotten to the complex we both lived in, three stops before we both got off and he shrugged, "s'alright." And as if he didn't mind sharing a little more, he looked down, ash blonde hair falling to hang over his forehead and in a small voice, he spoke. "Jus' don't really wanna go home."

When that came out, my brows had furrowed but he'd turned back to looking out the window and I squeezed his fingers in mine, maybe the memories were too much for him right now.

"Okay." I agreed. "Want me to ask Quinn too?"

But he shook his head. "Don't wanna share you today, if that's okay."

That was more than okay with me.

-

"What are you doing for Hale?" It had been on my mind since the minute we got there, we talked a bit about nothing, Dalton ending up lounging over my bed, and we'd been working on homework.

His ice eyes were focused on his Chem textbook, bottom lip tugged into his mouth. He was left handed and it looked awkwardly cute with how he'd been laid out. His forehead was frowned in concentration, brushing his tongue over his top lip when he shook his head and then he was erasing.

And he'd shoved a hand through dirty-blond hair, it falling in waves and he hadn't put product in that day. He hadn't been putting a lot of product in recently, hadn't been cutting it much either and in result, it would fall over cool eyes. I was thankful, so, so very thankful because every time he moved to push it away, his arms would flex.

He was gorgeous then, looked like he'd stepped out of a catalogue and I wondered if he realized it himself.

I was staring and he'd looked over at me, briefly I wondered if he were confused at my attention before realizing I'd asked him a question. His gap was on show when his plush lips parted, bushy brows raising.

"Whaddya mean?"

Shaking my head then, I looked down to the bag he'd brought over and despite how hot he was, it was shady and my siblings were here. "I mean, if it's not drugs, what is it?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

And you don't answer them.

When I didn't look away, he bit his lip again as if he were figuring out how to phrase things and I wasn't sure if he were trying to take my breath away when he closed his book, sitting up, t-shirt rising a bit at the bottom and I'd caught a glimpse of a toned abdomen, light blonde hairs trailing down.

He'd scooted closer to the edge of the bed, reaching over with his hands to grab the arms of my desk chair and pull me closer. He was smooth like that, when he pulled me closer, sometimes it was with a hand in my back pocket, hand slightly squeezing at the covered skin and he would kiss me.

He only did it in private but I didn't mind. It felt kind of rebellious, kind of exhilarating and I hadn't had much of that in my short life so far, there were the years we were supposed to sneak around and hide things, right?

But he hadn't kissed me then, he leaned forward and Dalton did this thing where we would look down slightly before peering up at me through long lashes. He was so cute then, brushing his calloused thumb over my bottom lip to tug it out of the frown that would be on my face.

"I sell things for him, items, it's nothing really." He explained without really explaining.

When I didn't look convinced, he'd smiled softly before reaching down to the bag I'd been eyeing and he unzipped it carelessly, showing me what was in it.

And it wasn't drugs, no, where I expected to see drugs, there were miscellaneous items. Some of the items were still in boxes... Old radios, new radios, small electronics, watches, clocks, things that didn't look like they held much value. That definitely looked suspicious but the fact that Dalton had shown me kind of pushed that feeling away.

Maybe what eased me was how nonchalant he was about it, you wouldn't just tell someone that you were breaking the law right? He wouldn't have just told me?

He'd zipped the bag up then, eyes alight and he was smiling then, shaking his head and I should've said something.

"You're cute when you're nervous." Instead of talking about it, he'd put the book bag back where he'd picked it up from, leaning back to grab his textbook and opening it back to the page his notebook was shoved into. "Could you help me with this problem?"

I didn't say anything, probably because I didn't really know what to say.

Still, I nodded, calming myself down a bit and he leant forward to place a small, chaste kiss on my lips. Instantly, a warmth ran through me and I was biting my own lip as he pulled away. He was so cute then, looking up at me every few seconds and he was smiling still. He'd pointed down at an equation we were supposed to balance.

Through a foggy mind, I nodded, grabbing for his pencil and he'd placed the book down on my bed so I could get a nice view of it, he's turned a little to watch me as I explained.

I tried to stay focused, tried to explain exactly what the teacher had said earlier that day, slid back to grab my notes off my desk. Willfully, I pushed what he'd shown me from my mind, knowing that I wouldn't find an answer and also not wanting to upset him with probing... it wasn't any of my business.

Dalton's fingertips were on my knee, drawing small circles as we breezed through a few problems. And he was smart, that was one thing that I liked about him, he wasn't asking because he wanted me to answer it for him, he wanted to understand it.

He picked up pretty quickly, grabbing a pen from his actual bookbag and following me.

And when we'd gotten through all the questions, he'd looked over, meeting my eyes. "You're really good at this."

Bashfully, I thanked him. "I was a science nerd."

"Don't be embarrassed." He'd responded when I felt my cheeks getting hot and he'd bumped his shoulder into mine. I wasn't sure if the close proximity was what made me nervous or the fact that we had no more work to distract us but my stomach was in knots and I really wanted to kiss him. "It's a good thing."

Dalton smiled at me then. "You're really smart, you know that."

Something about that along with unwavering eye contact only enhanced my embarrassment and as usual, I folded in on myself.

He seemed almost... just as nervous then, as if he'd said something wrong.

"I-I mean it." He shrugged. But his voice held uncertainty and somehow it helped. "It's-it's one of the reasons I like you, I guess. You know who you are and you don't try to hide it."

We were looking at each other then and he always had the ability to make me feel small and vulnerable. Looking back, I'm not sure how good of a thing that was but this Dalton was different.

Despite how secretive he was, he still felt open to me, he was kind. He was reassuring and intelligent, and his lips were soft and he was leaning closer now.

Cool eyes were staring down at my lips and his words were soft. "I wanna kiss you."

I wanted to kiss him too, always did. I always wanted to kiss him, even when the possibility of kissing him seemed so out of reach but now... now I could kiss him, I could kiss him for hours if I wanted.

"Can I kiss you, Gabriel?"

He didn't give me the chance to speak but my throat was closed up anyways. Anticipation was bubbling in my chest and his hand was now on my cheek, ringed fingers against warm skin and I shivered, nodding only slightly. His lips were on mine then, my eyes fluttering closed and I loved it.

I loved kissing Dalton, everything about it, really. He would move slowly, cool hands dancing along my thighs and he would lead. Kissing Dalton was like falling in, succumbing to him, he would pull me close, gently but so intensely, it felt like he was yanking the oxygen from my lungs.

I was breathless, always, arms twining around his neck and my mind blank, only thoughts of him pulling me in. It felt like lightning when he disconnected, shocking me back into where I was, I'd definitely forgotten.

His lips were swollen now and this was the first time we'd made out, the first time I'd actually ever made out. He was biting his own lip now, eyes on mine, heavy with something sinister.

Something about Dalton had always felt overwhelming and I was sure I liked it. He was on my bed now, leant back onto his elbows and it was irresponsible and reckless and it drove me insane but I was leaning over him, lips back on his.

His fingertips were grazing the back of my waist, my heart jumping, when the door was yanked open.

"Gabe!" My name was a blur as I threw myself off of him so abruptly, I was sure it would've sparked more suspicion. Aaron's little seven year old voice ripped through my room, it bouncing off the walls and ringing in my ears and his words had been rushed out before he stopped in my doorway. "Sammy took my truck!"

It was silent, so silent for a second and he'd furrowed his brows. My hand was covering my mouth when Sam too had darted through the hallway before stopping at my door, mouth ajar.

Dalton was frozen, sitting up only slightly and he wouldn't look at me. He wouldn't look over at the door, eyes on my wall and I was so stupid for not thinking of the fact that there were at least four other people in the house.

"Get out!" I was so stupid for kissing him and I was sure Aaron had seen. I was stalking towards the door, pushing their little bodies away before I could stop myself and my heart was beating against my ribcage so fast I was sure it would break.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Dalton didn't move.

With four kids home, my secrets unraveled.