𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐗
—𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚗, 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎—

     𝐁𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 the sun had risen the next morning, Mariana was awake; was this an ongoing trend now? The raven-haired girl was beginning to think that sleep was impossible, considering how foreign it had been to her for the past couple of days. She wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball, and forget all of her troubles as she dwindled into a dream state — but at this particular time, her head was too full to allow her a proper amount of resting time. Instead, it practically begged her to dwell on every problem that she was momentarily having, including her best friend's secret that was now not-so-secret. How was it that she could solve this problem while thinking about how near the end of the world was? The Carson girl could hardly think properly.

Her father was quick to fetch her that morning, a warm smile on his lips as he perched himself on the edge of her bed. Mariana had been staring at the ceiling for a half hour before he had made an appearance. But Peter hadn't looked surprised when he saw that she was awake — instead, he was quite thrilled.

"I've been promoted to a full-time director," Peter tells his daughter hurriedly, his face lighting up; it was as if he, himself couldn't believe the fact that he had achieved such an honor. "Can you believe it? The theater wants me to compose for the orchestra!"

"Goodness, I'm so proud of you!" She says in excitement, pulling her father into her embrace. "And you'll even get to direct the next performance, it's going to be huge! Words can't even describe how happy I am for you."

For the first time in a few days, she had actually received good news — the kind that she could cherish for a while, and think of when her mind wandered to other things. Her father was clearly beyond overjoyed to hear the news, and she could hardly remember a time when he was this happy. Perhaps today she would take a break to celebrate with her family; besides, if the world was going to end, she needed to spend as much time with them as possible. The girl was sure Five would understand, and for now, she decided that seeing Spencer wouldn't be the greatest idea to calm her nerves. Instead, she could wait until tomorrow to talk their current situation over with him.

"You and your mother will have front row seats to the production at Icarus," Peter tells his daughter. "And I managed to get another ticket for Spencer so he can keep you company."

So much for keeping her mind clear.

"I'm not sure if that's such a good idea," Mariana falters as her father pulls away from their hug in disdain. "Spencer and I aren't on the best of terms right now, so maybe it would be better if he doesn't go."

"What happened, sweetheart?" He asks, scanning her features for any giveaway.

"He told me something that I wasn't expecting," she sighs, shaking her head as her gaze falls to her hands that rest in her lap. "I'm not sure how I should've responded, but I just left him. What am I supposed to do?"

"He told you that he has feelings for you." Peter states, catching Mariana off guard as he chuckles a bit. "Anyone with eyes could tell, Mariana. He has for a long time, and I'm surprised you didn't realize earlier — you're a very smart girl, but you can be quite oblivious at times."

"Spencer is my friend," she tells her father, "he always has been, and that's what he'll stay. But how am I supposed to break his heart like that?"

"Well, if you walked away like you told me honey, I'm assuming you already did," he states with a frown. "I know it's hard to hear it, but I've always assumed that the two of you would end up together. He makes you happy, doesn't he?"

"Of course."

"Then what's the problem?" Peter arches an eyebrow, trying to get the full truth from her. There was something that she was hiding and he knew that eventually she would crack, and tell him absolutely everything.

"There's someone else that makes me happier," she says, her voice quiet as her eyes begin to fill with tears. "And I know I'm crazy — or it sounds that way, at least — but he does. He's everything I've ever wanted, but I hate that I'm hurting Spencer. I hate myself, because I can't bring myself to be with him."

"This other boy . . . why do you like him?" He continues.

"He's like me," Mariana says, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she wipes away her tears. "And despite the fact that we haven't known each other forever, he knows me like the back of his hand. He understands the parts of me that even I don't, and he doesn't care that I'm different. Every time he's near me, I get this feeling — I don't know how to describe it, but I feel as though I'm on top of the world, and he's the only person that's with me. I feel like I can do anything, be anything, when he's there."

She stops for a second, looking into her father's eyes as she continues to cry before daring to tell him. "He makes me feel normal."

Peter takes his daughter's hands in his, staring down at her small palms. It was so amazing to think that she was growing into the most wonderful person he could ever imagine, and he could never possibly find the words to tell her how proud he was. Because despite the curse that she had been born with, she had managed to be resilient and overcome every obstacle that came her way. She was so beautiful, so brave — and not to mention that she had a heart of gold; one that was filled with the utmost of kindness and care. In his eyes, anyone who had ever laid eyes on her had been blessed, because she was a blessing. And now here he was, holding her hands as she cried, staring down at her tinged pink face as she wondered what feeling was consuming her.

His daughter was in love.

"You love him," Peter says without hesitance, his voice light. "And you have to tell him, because who knows when the world is going to end. One thing I've learned in my lifetime is that you have to live every day like it's your last and love like you're going to lose everyone. I get it, you're young and this sounds foreign and crazy, but you're so beyond your age, Mariana. I want you to be happy. And if Five Hargreeves is the one who makes you happy, then so be it."

Mariana was shocked to hear her father say it — was she really in love with Five? Is that what this feeling was? But there was something else that tore at her insides more than the thought of loving Five did.

"How do you know Five's last name?" Mariana questions, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I never told you his last name."

"I've lived here my whole life, Mariana, and I know exactly what the Umbrella Academy is. I also know that Five Hargreeves disappeared for fifteen years and recently came back," Peter laughs a bit. "I'm just surprised to know that he's your age and not mine."

"Time travel is weird," Mariana shrugs. "But you're okay with it . . . with Five?"

"If he makes you happy, then I'm happy."

"He does," Mariana assures her father, "but that's enough boy talk for right now. Why don't we stop by Griddy's for some morning donuts? I'm sure Agnes is still a bit shaken by the accident, and a few familiar faces will help ease the tension. Maybe she's even cleaned the place up a bit since then."

Her father hums, nodding his head slightly. "Donuts sound great right now, and I have been wanting some of Agnes' pastries for a while. I'll tell your mother to get dressed, and you do the same."

He stands from the bed, patting her leg before he moves towards the door. But just before he exits, he turns to face Mariana again. "Oh, and Mariana?"

"Yes?" She asks, glancing up as she begins to rummage through the contents of her closet.

"Call Spencer and tell him to meet you at Griddy's," Peter says confidently. "The two of you are best friends and you'll make it through this minor setback. But talk it over with him, okay? I won't take no for an answer."

He closes the door without an answer, quite pleased with himself and the results of their talk. But Mariana rests on her bed as she sighs, glancing over to her phone.

Today certainly wasn't going as well as she had planned.

Just before dialing Spencer's number to briefly tell him to meet in their usual hangout spot, Mariana decides to rip a piece of paper out of her sketching book, and quickly write down a note — one that she hoped Five Hargreeves would see once he teleported into her room as he'd promised the day before.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Although Griddy's donut had been ransacked only days earlier, the small bakery had nearly already made a full recovery. Upon the arrival of the Carson family, Agnes glanced up from her broom and dustpan to see the smiling faces of three of her favorite customers. One could almost call them her family — and, in fact, Agnes did consider them as such. As she watched them step through the doorway, she almost sighed in utter relief, seeing as how their familiar faces made her day that much better.

"I'm so relieved to see that you're unharmed, Mariana," the older woman sighs in content, propping her wooden broom against the wall to walk over to the girl, place her hands on either side of her face, and glance over her features. "I was so worried the night of the accident, since you were here around the time that everything happened."

Clearing her throat, Mariana seems to cut off Agnes' next statement, "I left just before it happened," the girl lies, her teeth almost shattering as she clenches them together for a short second. "It was a miracle, I believe."

And here she was again, lying to those that she loved — how long would she continue doing so? It broke her heart to make up different scenarios in front of her parents, and to the woman who always knew how to coax a smile out of her.

"That it was," Agnes continues with a grand smile, pulling Mariana into her arms and stroking her hair. "I'm not sure what I would've done if you'd have stayed . . . goodness, I couldn't even imagine."

"We're glad that Spencer wasn't pulled into that crazy ordeal too," Mariana's mother, Anastasia, admits with a soft breath. "He was lucky enough to drag Mariana out of the shop—"

Mariana's heart nearly stopped in her chest, her voice getting caught somewhere in her throat.

"Spencer stopped by that night?" Agnes pauses, pulling away from the girl to glance down at her in confusion. "I was unaware that he had been here, I only noticed you — and there was a man that stopped by here with his son."

"He did," Mariana says quickly; perhaps too quickly, because it caused Agnes' thin eyebrows to furrow with question. "I mean — he did," she says more calmly, "I thought he wasn't going to make it, but he showed up last minute. He took one of the pastries you gave me and we left the shop."

The girl could tell that Agnes had more questions, or possibly that she didn't entirely believe Mariana's story. Luckily, she didn't ask anything else. Instead, Agnes only nods with a smile, "Well, speaking of pastries, why don't I fetch some for the lot of you? I'm sure you're hungry, and honestly I need something of a distraction for the next little while to take my mind off of things."

"Spencer is going to be joining us in a bit," Peter speaks up, ushering Anastasia to the bar with Mariana in tow. "Or joining Mariana, at least."

"He's such a charming boy, that one," Agnes comments with a sigh, making her way behind the front counter as she adjusts her apron. "Reminds me of when I was that age . . . I would've enjoyed to have company like that. Say, Mariana, have the two of you ever considered—"

"We're not like that," Mariana scolds her as Agnes chuckles. "He's my best friend, and nothing more. Our relationship is platonic."

The girl attempts to take the bar stool next to her father, but halts once Peter places his hand on the seat to stop her. "Go sit in a booth Mariana, you and Spencer need to talk privately."

"But father—"

"You asked for my advice," he says, recalling their earlier discussion, "and this is me fulfilling what you wanted. After the two of you are finished talking, you can join us. But until then, you need to discuss things without having an excuse to avoid him when he speaks to you."

Her father was right — but that didn't mean Mariana wanted to admit it. Her mother offers her a sympathetic glance as she turns from the bar stool with a huff and makes her way to the farthest booth from her parents. The raven-haired girl hesitated before sitting down, but nonetheless continued to relax into the cushions of the seat as Agnes disappears into the kitchen.

"I'm assuming Mariana wants puff pastries," Agnes calls out, making Mariana's lips twitch upwards into a slight smile. "But what would you like Peter? And you, Anastasia?"

"Put some extra pastries on Mariana's tray for Spencer," Peter tells the woman, before continuing, "and I . . . "

Mariana can no longer hear her father talking as she glances out of the glass windows that surround the entrance; he was here. And so was she — only the girl was nervously tapping her fingernails on the wood of the table and keeping her gaze permanently on the floor so that she couldn't possibly meet his eyes. As the door chimes, Peter continues to chatter, knowing exactly who had entered — and Mariana did too.

For some reason she had started to feel dizzy, her mind spinning and her heart racing. The boy takes a seat across from Mariana, removing his jacket to drape it over the booth before he begins to study her features.

"Long time, no see, stranger," he says lightly, a small chuckle falling from his lips. Spencer gages her reaction, frowning once he realizes that she wasn't fazed by his attempt at a joke. "Look Mariana, I know that this isn't exactly an ideal situation, but I —"

"I thought I heard the door open," Agnes says as she crosses the shop and places a tray of jelly-filled puff pastries between the teenagers. "It's so nice to see you again, Spencer."

"It's nice to see you too Agnes," he flashes her a smile. "I'm glad that you're alright after everything that happened."

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about dear, I'm just relieved that the two of you made it out of here unharmed," she wipes her hands on her apron, noticing how Spencer is suddenly confused. "But I'll leave the two of you be, I'm aware that there's something private going on. Enjoy your pastries!"

And then she's gone, leaving Mariana to shrink farther into her seat.

"Should I even ask?" Spencer questions, watching as she grabs a pastry and fills her mouth to avoid talking. "I guess not. So are you going to tell me why you invited me here, or am I going to have to guess?"

She silently chews, glancing to the flaky pastry that she holds between her fingers. It was warm, and the jelly inside was obviously homemade. This was the distraction she needed.

"You can't just ignore me forever," Spencer states, running his hands down his face while simultaneously catching her attention. "I know that what I did isn't right Mariana, and I'm so sorry, but I can't take it back. And I definitely can't take away my feelings for you."

Mariana drops her pastry, sitting up taller as she feels her stomach grow weak. Her eyes begin to water, but she places her hands on her face before he could see — he couldn't see her like this, because it would only make things harder.

"Oh Mari," he says gently, placing his hand on her arm in an attempt to comfort and calm her nerves. Usually it would work, but on this specific occasion, it did quite the opposite.

"Don't," Mariana says threateningly, jerking her arm from her grasp as she tries to hide the crack in her voice. "You can't just come here and pretend that everything is okay because it isn't."

"Then stop pretending that our dilemma doesn't exist," Spencer contradicts, leaning into his seat after taking a pastry for himself. "And start talking, Mari."

The nickname nearly made her crumble. Would she ever be able to hear it without having the urge to cry? Now that things were different between the two of them, how could she ever look at him the same way? He was no longer the Spencer that she had spent her life with; he was a complete stranger.

"Please don't call me that anymore," she says softly, her voice breaking and her bottom lip quivering as she hugs her arms to her chest.

And then Spencer paused in his place, his face falling and his shoulders slouching. "What?"

Mariana takes a deep breath, faltering as she releases it and tries to compose herself. "Things aren't the same between us anymore, Spencer. I can feel it, it's like there's nothing there."

"No, don't you dare say that," he practically whispers, tossing the pastry back into the tray. "There is something there, you just refuse to see it, Mari. And now that I see it, you suddenly hate me for it?"

"I could never hate you," she shakes her head in disbelief, "but don't make this any more complicated than it already is. You can't feel something for me Spencer—"

"Look, I get that you're scared," his hands are suddenly on her shaking ones, her body instantly warming at his almost foreign touch. "And I am too, that's why I didn't tell you. But we can make something out of this, we could be something more than just friends."

"I can't do that, and that's my point!" Her voice gets higher, but not quite loud enough for her parents to hear them, as she pushes him away once again. "I don't feel anything for you! Nothing. You're practically my brother, and you expect me to reciprocate feelings that shouldn't be there?"

"No, I refuse to let you ruin this for us Mari," he fights back, his eyes begging her to lie to him at this point — as long as he heard the words drop from her lips like warm honey, he didn't care if she made it up or not. "We can be so much more than friends, don't you see that? I'd do anything for you. I'd give my life for you."

His words were gentle, so fragile that Mariana didn't want to break them in fear that he might fall broken with them. But the truth was that she, too, wanted to lie to him. She wanted to choose the path that meant she could forever be with the boy who knew her and her every move before she even knew it herself. Wasn't that what she needed — someone that accepted her and would love her unconditionally? Spencer was the definition of perfect in her book, and he had always been there for her.

But that also meant that he'd be hurt when they would come for her.

One day in the near future, the officials would knock down the door of the Carson home and would stop at nothing to find the teenage girl that murdered the armed men at Griddy's Doughnuts. They were going to find her. They were going to take her. And where would that leave her parents? Where would that leave Spencer?

It would leave him in the depths of despair, in which he might not ever return. But one thing was for certain; once Mariana was taken, she wouldn't return either. What was the risk worth? Was it worth her lifetime best friend's happiness? Or his safety?

But the truth for Spencer Downs was much different.

The girl in front of him was his safe haven, and had always been. The truth was that every time he stared into her eyes, all he could see was a hickory as rich as the earth's soil; stained with the color of hot chocolate on a cold, winter night that could wrap around anyone like a blanket; engulfing them in its warmth and making them feel at home. And he could've gotten lost in them, too, every single moment that she'd let him. They were colored like cinnamon, or the color of deep sienna, with a mischievous glint that seemed to reflect the corners of her mouth that almost always held a welcoming smile that made his heart drop out of his chest.

They were every shade of brown that Spencer could imagine, a raw umber and caramel mix, dotted with bits of dark chocolate. They constantly glowed with ambition and delight that gave everyone the kindness of her nature; gave off the implications that she would go to any lengths to protect those in which she loved, and served as the gateway to her soul.

And Spencer would be damned if her soul wasn't the most beautiful thing he'd ever known.

"What is stopping you?" Spencer questions, not truly wanting the response in which she'd undoubtedly give to him. "I could make you happy, Mari."

"Don't you think I know that?" She cries, finally unraveling in front of him. "Do you think I want to hurt you like this? To sit across from you in our favorite place, and tell you that I could never be with you?"

"Then why do it?" He asks, his molasses eyes glistening as he leans forward slightly. Her tears brought on his protective side, but he couldn't touch her in knowing of how she'd react if he had. "I'd wait forever for you so why can't you just think about it, and we can—"

"It's all I can think about!" Mariana hiccups, wiping furiously at her tears with the sleeves of her sweater. "I couldn't sleep knowing that things have completely changed between the two of us and it'll never be the same."

"What is keeping you from me Mariana?" Spencer demands. "Why can't you give me a chance?"

As Mariana shakes her head, her eyes catch on the wall clock just above Spencer's head. Just a few more minutes . . . but would he come? Would he even be awake at this time in the morning?

Would he find her note?

"Damn it, Mari!" Mariana jumps and cowers into the cushioning as Spencer slams his fists on the table. He grits his teeth as he pulls his jacket back on. "If you won't give me answers, I'll find them myself."

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, Spencer," she mumbles. "Isn't my explanation good enough? Can we just try to go back to being friends again, and pretend this never happened?"

She had said it herself; this had changed everything, and they would never be the same again. Never again would he tease her as they sat at the counter of Griddy's, watching as Mariana attempted to wipe the jelly from her pastry off of her lips — because they would never recover from this. He would never get to watch her jump on his bed during their sleepovers, or sit in awe as the raven-haired girl bender the river water behind her home.

This was the end of the friendship of Mariana and Spencer, wasn't it?

"Just tell me," Spencer begs, sinking back into the seat. "If you just give me something to go off of, I'll stop Mari. I . . . I'll forget about this whole thing and we can go back to the way things always were. What is keeping you away from me?"

It was nine o'clock now, and Mariana's eyes fell onto the boy that was melting down slowly in front of her.

"Because there's someone else," she whispers, her last tears falling.

"There's someone else?" The boy questions, clearly dumbfounded. "But Mari, who else could there be?"

The door to Griddy's Doughnut Shop opens, catching Spencer's attention as he turns for a short moment.

The boy was unrecognizable to him; he looked quite curious, but at the same time he seemed to know what he had come for. It was odd, especially the way his gaze had softened the moment his eyes had landed on Mariana Carson, Spencer had thought to himself as he had glanced back to his best friend.

But upon looking back to Mariana, his heart had shattered inside of his chest and his entire world had begun to fall apart.

Because Mariana Carson's eyes were also on the boy.

And suddenly she was smiling in a way that Spencer had never seen her smile before.

❝ this is honestly my favorite
chapter so far and i loved writing it
omg. so sorry for the late update,
hopefully the next one will be up within
the next week, lovelies! let me know
what you think :) xoxo ❞