Allyson

Breathe In.

Breathe out.

"Why do I do this to myself?" I whispered, leaning against the wall in the shower, trembling from the ice-cold water running all over me when there was a thunderstorm racking up the windows already.

There were so many thoughts going through my mind. I couldn't concentrate on one thing for more than a second. It was a moment's silence before my body stopped shaking, numb from the cold. Maybe I was just getting accustomed to it. I could have sworn I felt a tear slip through but I convinced myself it was the shower.

Why did I get like this at times?

What is this feeling in my mind, constantly hounding me?

My mind kept switching back and forth trying to figure out this pit in my stomach when my mind fixed on a face. A familiar one. One that I hadn't seen in a while.

A long while.

Dean.

.

That can't be it.

It's been almost four years. Why am I getting jumpy about him now?

I could hear the thunder rumbling outside, but it seemed so distant as if the chaos in this little icebox of my mind was shutting down everything around me. So I stood there, frozen. I stood there till I felt clean but I wasn't sure what I was trying to wash off.

After what felt like an eternity I walked into my room and sat on my bed, scrolling through my phone mindlessly when I got a notification. Of Course, I clicked on it immediately

It was me and a bunch of other kids 4 years ago from a football match that we had gone to watch. I remembered that day. How could I not?. It was the day Dean and I broke up.

My instincts were screaming out at me.

I recognised some of them from the picture. There was my classmate Cane and his cousin Hazel, she was really pretty. There was our common friend Leonard, Sam and one of their school friends.

I wasn't exactly in the mood to comment and talk to people and get nostalgic on someone's feed. I wasn't even in touch with any of them. Even though Cane was my classmate we barely spoke.

My throat felt dry and I realised I hadn't had a sip of water since afternoon. I pushed myself off the bed and headed downstairs to get something to drink when I heard laughing and joking in the living room. I didn't know we had people over.

Great.

I tiptoed barefoot into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water and some snacks, hoping I could rush back upstairs without getting noticed.

But luck wasn't on my side.

My dog ran in, barking and jumping on me, licking my hand and giving me kisses.

'Scampi 'I pet her trying to hold her mouth so she wouldn't bark anymore.

"Ally!"

Fuck.

"Yes, mother," I said in an annoyed tone.

I knew there were people at home, but I wasn't in the mood to socialize.

I walked into the room and was taken by surprise. Aunty Jennifer and her sister Shania. Dean's mum and aunt.

What the hell? This explains the jumpy feeling from earlier.

I guess that's the downside of dating a family friend. Nostalgia hits you like a bitch every turn and twist. Thankfully he wasn't much of a social butterfly so I knew he wouldn't show up to my grandmum's place. Besides my mum and I only moved back a few weeks ago so he couldn't have even known that I'm here. Not yet at least.

"Hey, baby" Aunty Jennifer smiled as she stood up and gave me a warm hug.

" How are you" I greeted back with a smile. Aunty Sharron was always so lovely and sweet.

"I'm good darling, you're in Rockville aren't you ?" She asked.

"Yes. I am " I said. I had a feeling where this was going.

"Dean was thinking of applying there" she turned to sit down beside my mum again

Those words echoed like a gong in my ears, knocking out my sense of speech.

"Oooh," my mum was so happy at that news. She was always very fond of Dean. " I'll give you Ally's number, he can get in touch with her and find out about the procedures and courses and stuff ". My mum told Aunty Jennifer happily.

He already had my number. Unless he deleted it after the breakup.

The emotions that washed over me were a mix of realisation and pure chaos.

A part of me felt good about speaking to him again, a part was scared of seeing him again, a part of me was regretful about our past. Chaos was the only way to describe my thoughts in those fleeting seconds.

"Guess I just need my baby," I said in a childish voice, looking at my puppy, Scampi.

She wasn't exactly a pup, she was a grown dog but she was always going to be a baby for me. She was the cutest labrador in the world. And the most loving.

I barely finished that sentence and she jumped up on my bed and cuddled up next to my pillow.

I thought to myself "even she knows I need sleep".

I lay my head on the pillow and pulled the cover over me. The last thing I remember before drifting off was Scampi snuggling up closer to me.

***

Caleb wants to send you a message, read the notification.

Caleb: HI!

That's it. That's all the message said. I clicked on the image of his profile and it was him. Cane's friend from that photo we were tagged in. Why was he texting me?

I didn't think it through much, I just typed out a " hey" and sent it back.

He was so familiar looking and even though I had met him only once, I was more than sure I had seen him around. So my toxic inquisitiveness led me to click open his profile.

As his profile opened up the first thing I noticed was his smile. He had the most infectious smile I've ever seen. and before I realized it I was standing in the kitchen like a maniac smiling at my phone. I quickly put my phone away and grabbed some fruit, tossed them into the blender. Thank God for smoothies. Especially on days like this when I was dead late.

Walking towards the cab and I heard my phone buzzing. I ignored it and threw it in my bag and hopped into the cab. I wasn't feeling like talking to anyone else. And the mood swings kicked in again.

Maybe it was the weather. Just last night it was pouring rain and now...it was so humid and sunny I could barely let my hair down. I felt the wind on my face as the car started moving, which somewhat calmed me down. I put my head back against the seat and shut my eyes for a couple of seconds.

Bad move.

A pair of dark brown eyes flashed before me. I felt myself go on edge again. I was still close to my house and he only lives ten minutes away.

What if I see him?

No. I don't wanna see him.

I rolled up the windows, feeling my heartbeat pick up an outrageous pace making me feel sick.

"Stop it " I whispered to myself. Frustrated I ran my hand through my hair and decided to listen to music.

I pulled my phone out of my bag to turn on the music but that's not what happened. It was another message.

Caleb: Do you remember me?

Damnit, Caleb. "Not now" I found myself whispering to myself again.

But again almost instinctively I ended up typing back a message to him...

"Yes, I remember you.

You're Cane's friend"

A notification popped up once again "Was." He was almost correcting me.

"I don't talk to any of them anymore. Long story. I'll tell you some other time"

Consider me intrigued. Oddly enough I didn't want to know about their falling out.

"Sad to see here. I gotta go I'll talk to you later". That's all I said. Hoping he would end the conversation there but No.

The next thing he did was a little surprising, to say the least.

He gave me his number.

Caleb: "Shoot me a text on my number when you're free. Have a good day"

I didn't reply. What was I supposed to say to that?

Once again tossing my phone into my bag I stared out of the window.

*****

I walked into the canteen feeling tired already. The day hasn't even really begun yet. I swear this isn't normal.

I saw Cane on the other side of the canteen with his nose buried in his phone. There was a split second I almost wanted to ask him about Caleb, but my better judgment kicked in soon enough.

I got my coffee and went and sat opposite a smiling face whose eyes shot to me as I plonked myself down on the chair opposite her. Maya oy classmates and one of the few people in college I don't dislike.

She wasn't a morning person at all. but she seems like she's in a good mood today.

"What the hell happened to you?" She eyed me as she took a sip of her coffee.

"You look like you crawled out of a fucking grave"

"Ouch".

Well, she wasn't wrong. My body felt weak anyway. I was tired despite getting a good ten hours of sleep the previous night. well, maybe it was just that time of the month. I took a big gulp of coffee and mentally cursed myself for burning my tongue like that. Maya rested her hands on the table crossing them with an amused smirk stretching out on her lips.

Wait.

"I could ask you the same," I said almost mimicking her posture " what's got you in such a good mood?"

Maya smiled at me as if I was supposed to figure it out.

"What?" I frowned.

"Travis got smacked by me" I heard Declan's voice from behind me. I knew it was him so I didn't bother turning.

"What?" I shrieked continuing to face Maya.

Maya didn't respond to my question. Travis was her dumb ex. She hated even if his name would be mentioned.

"Declan you explain" she rolled her eyes "I don't wanna talk about that dipshit," she said raising her hands.

"He wasn't returning her money that she lent him " Declan began in the most casual way possible opening up his can of coke not even bothering to look up, "she asked back for it and he snapped," he said looking at me.

Then whipped his head towards Maya "how the hell did you even date that dick?" He asked her.

"You dated Maggie Declan, that bitch was worse than Travis," she stated while scrolling through her phone. Again she wasn't wrong. Mags was horrible to Declan. But he made it out alive. Probably coz he wasn't too emotionally invested in the first place.

Maya's reply did make me laugh but I was curious about what happened to Travis. Declan wasn't an aggressive dude. He wouldn't resort to violence unless it was unavoidable.

"Dec, what happened with Travis then?" I nudged him.

"Ahh," he said. "Long story short he snapped and threatened to smack Maya. She started yelling at him. He tried to shove her out of the way, she pushed him back, he came at her so I smacked the bitch" he said all that in almost one breath.

It took me a second to process what he just said.

"He threatened to hit her?" I wish I misheard that but no I heard that all too well.

My tiredness was gone. I was pissed.

"Declan I swear if you haven't broken his face I'm gonna kill you," I said. I was so angry. How dare that imbecile threaten my friend? Maya of all people. She was one of the least violent people I have ever met. She was such a darling. How could he do that?

"Alright crazy pants" I heard Maya's voice. "It's done." She said glancing back and forth between Declan and Me.

"Declan punched him. He's probably sitting somewhere and crying" she said while fixing her big brown eyes on me.

I knew Dec handled it but I was still pissed.

"You are not going to do or say anything. There will be no more talks about this. Am I clear?". She made sure to enunciate every word almost as if she was drilling it into our head.

"We've got a class now," she said while getting up and walking towards the door. She gestured for us to follow and we did, like kids walking behind their mum in a store.

I saw Cane walking towards the door at the same time from the corner of my eye. Obviously. We were all headed to the same class. I just gave him a curt smile. He was annoying. I didn't want to talk to him. We reached the stairs and Declan was ahead of me almost walking beside Maya. He was trying to convince her to give him notes that he missed and she didn't want to because he bunked classes for no reason and acted lazily.

I was walking a couple of stairs behind them but I could still hear them arguing. These guys were honestly the only thing that got me out of bed in the mornings.

Cane was walking a few steps behind me. I turned around to see him with his head practically buried into his phone, listening to music. A flash crossed my mind and I stopped in my tracks.

"You remember Caleb?"

He didn't even notice when I stopped walking and almost bumped into me. I had to put my hand up to stop him. But my words were enough to make his eyes almost pop out of their sockets. He was taken by surprise. I could tell by the way his jaw fell open but he soon gained his composure.

"What did he do?" He shot back immediately in a monotonous tone.

What did he mean by that? My curiosity was beginning to take over even more.

"So you do remember him" I stated. Hoping he would take the damn hint and speak up.

"He fucked my cousin. I remember him" he narrowed his disgusting eyes at me.

Did he really just say that? This time it was me shooting him a surprised look.

"Hazel?" I asked

He shot me a knowing look. I hated that look. It was annoying. Something about Cane always gave me a weird feeling. But here I was indulging my curiosity just for the sake of it.

"Cane they were dating" I stated "why wouldn't they sleep together" it was weird talking to him about his cousin's sex life.

"They weren't dating" he stopped walking and just stood there almost like he was trying to make a point. It didn't work. I didn't see him as intimidating. We were the same height but honestly, it wasn't the height. It was his personality and the way he would behave that didn't match with his illusion of himself. I cringed inwardly every time he made big eyes at me as if he was trying to make an important point.

"He was cheating on his girlfriend and Hazel was a fucking hoe " he stated in that monotonous tone again.

How could he just belittle his cousin like that too someone who isn't even close to him? I was completely taken aback.

I almost didn't realise what he said about Caleb wasn't completely wrong because I remember pretty nasty rumours about Hazel a few years back.

People made it hard for the poor girl to live in peace.

"Why does it concern you?" He asked at last. After degrading his cousin, now he thinks of asking what he should have asked in the first place.

"Umm..." my voice trailed. I was debating whether or not to tell him about Caleb.

"Did he try something with you?" I heard Cane's voice close to me. Too close. His hand was on my shoulders as if he was trying to make himself seem to look like a nice dude. But his hand on my shoulder caressing me made me feel an ick and I moved away from him a little and started to walk towards the classroom and so did he.

"No," I said. I didn't want to have this conversation with Cane anymore. I don't know why I started this in the first place. "He just followed me on Instagram," I said. Following someone on social media wasn't a big deal. It shouldn't matter, I thought.

"Oh No," he sighed and stopped once again "that dude's trouble Ally" the way he said my name itself made me wanna punch him. How the hell did this boy piss me off without even trying?

He put his sleazy hands on my shoulders once again almost as if he was trying to shake me. He was so busy trying to be righteous he didn't even notice the daggers I was shooting him.

"He's probably trying to smash. Don't do it. Please stay away from him. You're a nice girl" he said in a pitying tone which very clearly seemed bogus. He gave me another sympathetic smile and walked past me into the classroom. His touch made me feel sick. I didn't even want to look at him.

On the other hand, my curiosity was mounting. Caleb. He felt familiar all of a sudden. Even though I had just talked to him over text but still... There was something about him. Cane's words rang in my ears again and the only word that lingered way may be way too long was ...trouble.

What exactly did he mean when he said trouble?

********** 

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