XXIX Vernal Equinox   aka  29th September 2012

Shit to report: Nothing.

There aren't vampires here. The mutts that live in the forest aren't like the ones in the earth realm. Demons don't need to be monitored. I'm not a Tracker anymore. The urge is still there, which is ridiculous. Five years of my existence was spent in that world. That is all and I kind of miss it-

Why am I even writing in this stupid thing. 

It doesn't mean anything.

Nothing means anything anymore.

___________________

Art thinks I'm depressing. I think she is an annoying bitch and if she doesn't want to be around me, then she doesn't have to be.

I don't mean that.

FUUUUUCK!

  ___________________  

I miss my iPhone.

TV - even that reality shit.

McDonalds

My Bike.

Fuck it. I miss her.

Her smile, laugh, hugs, those eyes, smell. I miss her taking up all of the bed and her hair tickling my face. The way she snores when she's either exhausted or been drinking (never thought I'd miss that) Showers. Holding her hand. Watching her concentrate - the look of achievement when she learns something new or does something she hasn't been able to do before. The look she gets as we're about kiss. Seeing her dress up. Seeing her in her PJs. Seeing her at her worst and being there to help her be great again. Fiji. Feeling her sitting behind me on the back of the bike.

Hearing her say, I love you. 

  ___________________    

63 days.

    ___________________      

Hermes is going to die. That asshole is refusing to open a portal for me. I can't do it, I was prepared to give her time, it worked before... she gets mad. she holds grudges, but she forgives. Elise still loves me. I know she does. Only I'm fucking stuck here and can't do anything about it.

I just need to talk to her.

Five minutes.

      ___________________     

80 

      ___________________     

Today was a good day. Art and I took a break from everything here and went to our mothers island. Cain came with us too and it's a strange thing to have such a lovely place, with so many good memories, to also be full of horrible ones. We all went to her grave and told her about things had happened, that her son had now returned home and also that we were all getting along. I think she would be proud. He didn't stay though, I didn't really expect or want him too. As good as everything is now, something isn't right with him. It was the same when we were in the other realm together and it's more than ours pasts... Artemis thinks I'm being paranoid, but I have this gut feeling I can't ignore. He keeps disappearing too, no one knows to where. I can never follow him, which makes me wonder if he isn't leaving our realm once more. After being locked out for so long, I don't know why he'd want to go - Hermes says he can't track him either.

 We spent a few days hunting and camping out under the stars just talking. She filled me in about what I had missed while I had been away and I told her more about the other world. We don't have cinema's here, cars or iPads and from what she had seen in her time there, I answered her questions as best I could. 

She wants to go back, talking about it like its a new holiday destination; something to boast to her friends about who haven't had a chance to go yet. Art also confessed she was the one who told Hermes not to let me leave here and she was probably right to do so. I haven't been myself, I had no plan and probably would have just made things worse.

I wonder what she's doing now.

Does she miss me, at all?

        ___________________     

Dear Elise,

I hope you are well. I've been thinking

Dear Elise,

How are you doing? H

Dear Bunny,

Dearest Bunny,

Hey,

Sup?

Elise, 

It's me, Apollo.

To Elise,

How are you, are you okay? 

Elise, I think about you everyday.

   ___________________   

Elise,

I miss you more than you'll ever know. 

Tell me I'm a jerk, or a creepy stalker - whatever, but I haven't stopped thinking about you. If there is something I've discovered in this life, its when you find something that makes you feel as I do when I'm with you, you hold onto it. 

I love you.

Always will.

Please give me another chance.

Yours eternally,

Apollo.

     ___________________     

Dear Elise,

You're going to think this is stupid. That I'm an idiot or the King of Sucking Up. You don't like romance or over the top gestures - things that put you on the spot where you have no control. 

You like quiet moments together on the tire swing, snuggling in bed on cold mornings and kisses on the tip of your nose. Jerk means I love you. I love you means your feeling vulnerable, or need something more - a hug, a kiss, reassurance you're doing okay. Not taking it easy on you during training means that I love you too, that I see as more than just a girl and you hate when that's all people think of you.

I wish I didn't let you go. I know you can't stay here, but I will go where ever you do. Great, now I'm sounding like a desperate stalker again and you probably just want to punch me.

  ___________________ 

I am so whipped it's fucking ridiculous.

I am Apollo. 

Maybe I am just a man, writing to a girl, asking her to love him

I am an idiot.

I am the biggest loser in this fucking realm.

    ___________________   

Roses are red, 

Violets are blue,

I'm going to be so dead,

if any of this shit gets to you.  

    ___________________   

Today Artemis got hold of an iPod. I don't whose it was, where it came from or how she is keeping charged, but since she saw me writing in this fucking thing, she stole it when I wasn't watching and now follows me everywhere playing How Do I Live. Maybe Hades got it for her; seems like a decent enough way to torture any who get sent his way.

You know what I miss today?  Guns. Because if  hear that song one more time, I'm going to want to blow my brains out.

    ___________________     

Cain had a party. Intro dooced some new tings like barboun and HER fav thing tiqueela. What a word. Tekila. Tequila. There.., that's it.

How do I live withoout youuuu. I want to know!!

*a few hours later*

Dear journal, 

Thanks for being a holder of memories, for being a 'friend', and it's time to stop this. 

I'm so fucking done. 

It's nearly Christmas in her world. It would have been the first one we got to spend together. I had plans, big plans, but it's over. Hermes, who may have also suffered at the hands of tequila, opened a portal for me so I could finally see her again.

She looks, great. The photos I had don't capture just how beautiful she really is.

She looks, happy.

Anything I do now will just ruin that. She's better off without any of us in her life.

So this ex-tracker is signing off.

A.