I had one of those dreams last night Bob, the ones where I’m fighting anything and everything in a bloody battle that I don’t think i actually win - even when I do. They’ve been missing over the last few weeks, and this one started with Sobek. He wanted me to get his power back and I refused. We fought and fought until I was pushed aside, unable to do anything as he killed Raya first, then Kieran. CJ was next only V tried to help him, so then I had to watch them both die.

The stupid lizard kept asking me what I was willing to lose in order to keep things how they were. One by one everything I loved was destroyed. Zane, Jordan, Annipe and Alfie, Penny - they all rushed forward to fight him and lost in acts I could stop had I moved forward to help. I couldn’t even shout at them to duck, or kick back their weapons when they were torn from their hands. I watched as he beheaded my parents; I didn’t cry or scream or anything, even when he kept offering me the chance to stop it over and over. When he gutted Logan and presented me with his heart, only then did I react.

I laughed.

I woke up laughing, how fucked is that?

Unlike my dream, I’m not willing to let anyone die. If he’s behind some part of this, I’ll work out how to kill him for good, but I dunno. I’m trusting my gut and putting this down to nothing more than a bad dream, but its haunting me. All day I’ve shut myself off from everyone, I can’t help it. I didn’t even tell Logan, but he knows - he always knows. I wonder if I do something in my sleep, more than waking up laughing.

I was so happy to have him back too and now, I regret us creating this story about why we’re visiting Paytah because I’d rather go alone to avoid seeing the worry and concern in his eyes. I always make him look like that, all of them. I can’t even fake nothings wrong because they all see through that too.

I wish I was normal, well not civilian normal, but like Raya or Penny - able to be what we are, but be more as well. The kind of more that can get married, do missions as needed and still have a life. Treat this as the job it is, not a way of life. I know I don’t get that luxury, the last couple of years have proved that enough. I wish Logan and I had never left Fiji, that we ignored Ailin’s request about checking on the mermaids and…

I was paranoid about everyone being sent away before; that being left here on my own was some kind set up but I was told it wasn’t, that it was just coincidence and Ailin never told me about why Logan and Co and to go or more importantly the who behind it all. If they weren’t behind it, was that all it really was? Ailin did seem to be hiding something and technically you could say she set us up for a run in with the mermaids…

What am I missing here?

Elise Bunting.
(conspiracy theorist)