you, my reason to breathe
suffocate me instead

"Welcome to me humble abode," Jaehwan spread his arms dramatically before we had even entered properly, spinning on his heel in the manner of an announcer. "Make yourselves right at home."

I took a long look at the interior of the apartment, which looked anything but humble. It looked expensive and messy, like something an eccentric millionaire would own, and so far, the impression I had gathered of the dealer seemed to fit that description.

The size of the apartment wasn't too big, and the amount of furniture only made it look more stuffed. A skull (whether fake or real, I didn't want to know) decorated the mantel above the fireplace, right next to a massive gold candelabra. A chandelier hung from the ceiling, the crystals glittering orange and gold under the light. The floor was covered with a thick, expensive-looking carpet, and a sofa and loveseat were somehow placed at one side of what was left of the cramped living room.

The sofa was occupied by Yeeun and a rather unfazed-looking Ten, who offered us a small wave as we approached.

"Don't worry too much about manners," Jaehwan said with a wild smile, waving us towards the loveseat as he himself took over the remaining sofa. I glared at him subtly, fully aware that he was trying to make Vernon uncomfortable, but relented. I wasn't sure if disagreeing with a dealer was a bad thing, and anyway, there was no way I was going to sit anywhere close to the information dealer.

I tried not to look at Vernon as I sat down, keeping as far away from him as possible. Yeeun looked almost annoyed at our interruption, and turned her head towards us as if to make that absolutely clear. "I don't see why they have to be here," she said, looking us up and down. "Relationship issues?"

"That's what I said," Jaehwan said, nodding.

Vernon didn't respond, and Ten's eyebrows rose a fraction of an inch. "The deal has already been made, and I really don't think we should stay here any longer—"

"Oh, shush." Jaehwan wiggled his fingers at him with a disapproving frown. "They've only just come here."

Yeeun glanced at me, then at the dealer. "Why did you want to see the girl?"

I blinked, confused for a moment before what she had said registered in my brain. "So that's why you wanted me to come? Because he had asked to see me?" I frowned at the dealer. "Why did you want to see me?"

"If I'm providing information for a client, I want to know who the client is," he said with a raise of an elegant eyebrow, a playful smile on his lips. He leaned leisurely against the back of the couch, and crossed his legs. "You do look rather vulnerable. I see why they would want to protect you."

Vulnerable? I looked down at my cargos, aware of the band-aid on my cheek. I wasn't sure if I liked being called vulnerable.

"If you're done, we'd like to go now," Vernon said dryly. "It would be better if we get back before the Lees get a check on our location."

Jaehwan put a hand on his chest, feigning a hurt expression. "Do you really think I would sell you out to them?"

The way he said it sounded wrong, somehow. Up until now, he had been all smiles and extravaganza, but there had been a razor-like sharpness in his tone when he had said 'them', barely veiled by his mocking voice.

"If not you, then someone else in this neighborhood," Vernon replied, getting up and staring him down. "Goodbye."

Yeeun looked at him as he walked past her and towards the door. All of us stayed in our positions as he left, awkward and unsure. After a split second of silence, Ten hopped to his feet, beaming at Jaehwan and putting on a show of gratitude before gesturing at us to follow.

Vernon was waiting for us at the door, eyes downcast. He didn't look at me, even as I pushed past him, silent and heavy as stone.

The place looked even more sinister as we stepped out of his house, dark and suspiciously empty.

"Before you leave, hear me out," the dealer called out. We turned, Vernon looking more than impatient to get out of the place.

Jaehwan rose slowly and purposefully, like a king rising from his throne with a smile after sentencing someone to death. "Don't leave any windows open."

──────

"Don't leave any windows open?" I asked, as we were walking along the road nestled between the apartment buildings.

"He's crazy," Ten said dismissively, kicking a an empty soda can out of the way. He was walking with his hands in his pockets. "Like, seriously. I'm pretty sure he's genuinely sick."

I shrugged. He had seemed more on the not-okay side, but I wasn't going to comment on someone I didn't even know. After all, who could live for years in this kind of business and be fine?

"We shouldn't have listened to him," Vernon said suddenly. He was still looking distracted, eyes on the ground, and I vaguely wondered if it was because of what I had said to him. "We shouldn't have brought..."

He trailed off, but I knew he was talking about me. Of course he was talking about me. What, or who else could they not have brought? I scoffed quietly, looking determinedly at the street in front of me. The lamps were still out, and I couldn't shake the sickening feeling in my gut.

I didn't know if it was just my anxiety acting up, but the worst thing about my illness was that I never knew if I was genuinely in danger or just hallucinating. The circumstances surrounding me, especially after the return of the gang, had worsened considerably. I could really die any time.

My heartbeat sped up a little at that, and I touched my chest lightly, as if willing it to calm down.

Everything was plunged in a dark abyss because of the lack of streetlights, and I couldn't remember where the car had been parked. I scrunched my nose up at the smell when we passed an alleyway, and squinted into the dark when I saw the outline of a pole. I was almost completely sure that it was the place we had left the car when we'd come, but the space in front of me seemed to be filled with nothing but air.

"Um," I spoke into the silence, teeth worrying at my lower lip. "Where's the car?"

For the first time since the house, Vernon looked at me, features twisted into a confused frown. He followed my line of sight, and his frown first deepened, then smoothed over.

Ten raised his eyebrows. "Well, shit."

"There's three." I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard Yeeun's voice at my shoulder. Her face was back to its impassive mask, and I realized, to my surprise, that all three of them looked completely calm. If anything, they looked more calm than usual. I heard the quiet click of a gun being drawn, the sharp hiss of a knife escaping its sheath, and my pulse ran. "Chwe, to your six. Ten, there's one to your right. Leave the third to me."

At first, it looked as if the dumpster had exploded, but on further scrutiny, I realized that it was actually a person, jumping from behind it. Yeeun was nothing but a flash of her blonde hair in the pitch blackness—I could see the fork of silvery flame dancing in the air as one of the men attacked Ten, his knife flashing and sinking into darkness again.

I tripped backwards, unable to process what was happening. Vernon was right behind me, his back to mine, as if he actually expected me to be able to fight. "Who?" I hissed; I couldn't seem to be able to form longer sentences. The breath was knocked from my lungs, and I knew something bad was going to happen. Something very, very bad.

"Not the Lees," he said, and he sounded breathless too, but I wasn't sure why that was. He hadn't physically exerted himself at all. "They're not trained fighters. Probably muggers or low-class criminals, looking to get into the big leagues." He shook his head. "Or maybe they just don't know who they're going up against."

I heard the knife before I saw it—one of the assailants had somehow gotten close to me. The blade of the knife nicked the sleeve of my shirt before I dodged it, heart racing, and Vernon was on him in a split second, and despite the lack of illumination, I saw the spray of blood.

My stomach turned, and I felt myself stumbling into the pole. I heard the soft crunch of bones breaking before the sounds faded away, and my knees gave out under my weight. The pole was cold through the back of my shirt, and it grated against my skin as I slid to the ground, gasping.

No car. We weren't escaping. Yes, there were only three untrained people fighting against people as skilled and formidable as them, but how long many more could there be? This entire neighborhood had seemed shady from the moment we walked in. Maybe I shouldn't have come here. Maybe I shouldn't have left the house. Maybe I shouldn't have left Seoul. Maybe then the racers would have been able to protect me.

I was pathetic, weak, unable to even defend myself against people I could easily kill if I had the guts to. Already I knew that Vernon and the others had gotten rid of them, but I still felt fear clench and unclench its cold, slimy fingers around my racing heart, and I was going to die.

The street which had once been silent was filled with indignant shouts, and I opened my eyes to glare into the dark. No. I was not going to die. I couldn't.

One moment, there was nothing before me, and the other moment, Vernon was kneeling in front of me, his face streaked with blood. There wasn't a single sign of injury on him, and even though I hadn't expected him to be injured, I was still scared to death. Of him possibly being hurt.

"I didn't realize it was this bad." His eyes were wide as he fumbled for something along his belt, and I almost laughed. What had he expected it to be like? He slipped one of my hands in both of his, and held on. "Breathe."

I closed my eyes, and he leaned forward. The gravel was hard, and his breath was hot when it hit my face. I knew he was close, but I couldn't seem to be able to look at him. The tip of his nose brushed mine, and unexpectedly, a tear slid down my cheek. Vernon exhaled again, his hands tightening around mine. "Look at me."

I looked at him.

We were close, not even inches apart, and I could smell the smoke on him. Smoke and burnt tires. I wanted to kiss him so bad, I almost did, but there wasn't enough oxygen, and my lungs were giving up on me.

"I've got you," he said tenderly, not taking his eyes off mine. "I've got you."

I breathed.

There was a sound of an engine purring, and the moment was broken. I looked past Vernon, at the glaring headlights that had appeared out of thin air. Gravel skittered out of the way as the front wheel of the motorcycle materialized next to it.

Vernon, still squatting, turned back, and immediately grunted in semi-approval. Ten grinned from his place on the motorcycle seat, and for a second, I thought the light cast a halo above his head.

"Good thing I know how to hotwire these babies," he said. "Now, let's go."