exhausted, I've lost my way
please take me anywhere

"Guns and knives stick together," Vernon said, his grim voice echoing in the interior of the building. The walls had high ceilings, and the rooms were spacious and largely empty, with only a small amount of furniture scattered irregularly throughout. "You know who to cover. We'll scour the buildings one by one, and divide up into two for the upper and lower halves. If you're going into a place with bad reception, don't."

The racers had gathered inside at the entrance, to find the place seemingly deserted. It seemed like the clan was all keeping aboveground, or they hadn't bothered to send many to greet us. But then, they didn't need to. The gang was comprised mainly of criminals, but we were mostly racers, or at the most, drug dealers or extortionists. The clan was a family of trained killers.

"Taehyung, Jinyoung, take the top half," Vernon continued. His face was grim and bloodless—most of the racers looked exactly like they had before, as if they hadn't encountered anyone. Taehyung, however, was another story. His vest was gone, t-shirt half ripped so I could see a sliver of the tiger tattoo across his shoulder blade. "Ten, Jaebum, downstairs."

The momentary euphoria that had washed over me during the drive had ebbed like the tide, leaving me feeling even more distraught than before. Now the fear began to settle in, like crawling spiders over my bones, gooseflesh covering my arms.

Taeyong met my eyes, asking a silent question with his: are you alright? Physically, I was, and I knew he could see that as well, but there were some hidden scars I couldn't lie about. He must have understood, because his eyes narrowed in realization before I could speak.

"You go with Yeeun," Vernon spoke, and it took my shock-numbed brain a few seconds to register that he had been talking to me. His eyes didn't stay on me long, flitting away and skipping over to the others, as if he couldn't bear to keep his gaze still. There was a hidden jitteriness just under his skin, visible only in the tight muscles around his mouth and the way his knuckles protruded from his fisted hands. "Upstairs. And as for—"

"You're with me," Taeyong cut him off impatiently, and Vernon glanced at him in surprise. "If we're using the buddy system and she goes with the assassin, you're with me."

Vernon's eyes darkened in understanding, and he inclined his head. "All right," he muttered. "The ones who go upstairs, make your way down the floors. The ones who take the bottom half work your way upwards and meet them halfway. If we're all still alive, we'll recon."

"Tch," Taehyung said, sardonic. There was a cut running across his cheekbone and bruising around his lower lip, but his eyes burned like wildfire. "So pessimistic."

I didn't ask about Jun, knowing he was setting up a frame in the opposing building. Long-range shooting, I had been told. He was our sniper.

Vernon sighed. "Try not to walk into closed rooms," he said. "There's no saying what could be in here, and you don't have to uncover anything. Kill as many as we can, stay alive, broker a deal if possible, get out. Quick as that. Don't get distracted." His lips thinned. "Remember, we're going up against a crime syndicate here. There's no telling what kind of firepower they have."

"Fun," Jinyoung said with a grin, then the group split up. I wanted to reach for Taeyong and Vernon, say something, but at the same time, I didn't want to. Saying goodbye would be too final, too real. I wasn't sure I could handle it.

Taehyung, Jinyoung, Yeeun and I took the rickety staircase along the right half. The building looked and smelled strange, but familiar in a way I couldn't pinpoint. The walls were grotesque, like they had once been a cornflower blue but the color was no splashed over with a myriad of shades—oil black, verdigris, bile yellow and rust red.

"Opium den," Yeeun said, as if she had read the question right off my expression. She was behind me, her expression neutral but alert, taking in every nook and cranny of the building. "Other drugs, too. They probably flushed the bats out."

Taehyung and Jinyoung were on either side of me, surprisingly silent and stealthy. I remembered what Yeeun had said to me when we had gone to the informant, Ken, about four being the best number for a protective formation. It seemed like years ago.

The place was built like a dorm or a hospital, except within a single building. Most of the rooms didn't even have doors, and the ones that did were open, the entrances yawning like monster mouths. I heard echoing squeaks and the sounds of scampering, tiny disturbances in the otherwise muffled silences. Rats.

"Four doors on every floor," Yeeun said quietly, and I looked at her in confusion before I realized she was speaking into the microphone clipped to the neck of her shirt. "No jumpers, no runners."

Taehyung suddenly straightened. I gripped the hilt of the knife, alarmed, but relaxed when I saw his muscles untense. "Corridor's empty," he said. It was strange hearing his voice all businesslike, no joking around, but at the same time, it suited him. He turned his head—his back was to me—and I saw the outline of his profile, eyes flat and observant. "Balance of probability says the rooms are empty, or they would have attacked by now. We should check upstairs before bringing her up."

Her. My mouth twitched. I was unamused to hear him talking about me like I wasn't there, but I knew better than to start an argument right there. "We should check these rooms," I said. "Just in case."

Taehyung turned to me with amused eyes. "This is your first raid," he said placatingly, but I remained unmoving. His mouth flattened. "Fine. You're staying down here anyway. Check them if you want. We'll be upstairs, so stay in contact, or I'll start shooting."

"She won't have to," Yeeun said, eerie calm as always. "I'm staying back here with her."

"If there's anyone upstairs, we'll need all the firepower we can get," Jinyoung said. "And this floor is empty anyway."

"We were divided into twos for a reason," Yeeun replied flatly. "Go."

Jinyoung looked at her for a long moment, then glanced at Taehyung, who nodded almost imperceptibly. He sighed, then followed Taehyung as he thudded up the adjoining stairs. Yeeun half-turned towards me, her eyes staying on the doors. "You check that side, I'll check this. Be quick."

I moved away from her and went into one of the rooms. Instinctual fear quickened my pulse as I checked the room the same way I had checked the ones in the previous building. This was how I had chanced upon Taemin the last time, but he had just been delivering a message. This time, anyone I found wouldn't be shooting to miss.

The room's décor was as atrocious as the rest of the building, with ugly splash-painted walls and empty pill bottles and discarded syringe needles rolling around on the ground. I scrunched my nose up at the smell, but checked it out anyway. Empty. I stepped back out, but Yeeun wasn't in the corridor. At first, I hesitated, wondering if I should call out, but that would just attract attention. No need to get overly suspicious. She was probably still looking through the place.

I exhaled slowly, and entered the second room. It looked mostly the same, with the same trash and even a hospital drip in one corner of the room, the plastic bag still half-filled with some liquid. The smell was intensely bad—sharp and sweet, so it was probably more than one kind of drug, but that wasn't it. Drugs didn't smell like salt and tang.

Blood. Fresh.

My stomach tightened. I opened the door wide and stepped into the room, looking for any telltale stains or signs of struggle, but it revealed nothing. I looked back at the lone cupboard, thinking.

There hadn't been a cupboard in the other room.

I glanced at the door, but Yeeun was still in the rooms. Still in two minds, I pushed my worry away and moved to shove the cupboard aside, revealing a second door behind it. Aha, I thought grimly.

Yeeun, my mind whispered, but still I hesitated. Whatever was waiting behind those doors couldn't kill me, but could hurt Yeeun. And besides, that was what we all wanted—for me to be brought face-to-face with their heir.

I pushed the door open, and something flashed through the air, too quickly for me to register. I stood frozen as the sai thunked into the wooden frame of the door with bone-shattering force and stuck there.

"Oh. It's you," said the thrower, relaxing. She drew back her leg, the dress falling over her thigh from either side of the slit. A black piece of thick, sturdy material was wrapped around her upper thigh, probably where she's drawn the weapon from. She gestured to the door. "Close the door behind you."

I grabbed the hilt of the sai and pulled it out of the frame. I wasn't used to this kind of weapon, which looked sort of like a mini-trident, except with thinner bars of metal and three prongs, the middle one much longer than the others. Usually worked in pairs, so she probably still had the other. "Seulgi."

"Shh," she said, placing a finger on her lips. She was still in the same outfit as the night from the casino, the red dress, with her hair pulled up into a ponytail behind her. The room was bare, with tall rolls of canvas and thick-looking tarpaulin stacked along the walls, thick enough to break a fall, and stained with blood. "They don't know I'm here."

"How did you survive for so long without food, then?" I asked, then remembered the smell of blood. "Don't tell me..."

"Oh, goodness, no," she said, screwing up her nose in disgust. She looked surprisingly put-together for someone in hiding. Even her hair was impeccable. "I've been with the Lees for the past couple of weeks. Turns out they had quite a bit of use for the information I had." She twirled something in her hand as she spoke; a small gun. "Right now they don't know where I am. You see, I'm supposed to be back in Seoul."

"So you sold us out," I said bitterly, still gripping the sai.

"Of course not." Her voice was momentarily somber. "But I might have to. Things are changing in the underworld recently, and the wind brings rumors. That can't be good for the clan leader, you know," she said thoughtfully, then winked. "Can't have subordinates questioning your authority."

"All he needs to do is kill those who don't listen," I said dryly.

"They're not easy to replace," Seulgi said with a single-shouldered shrug. "And then every little business will fall into chaos, more and more raising their voices, and the heir will be left powerless and clan-less." Her voice was contemplative. "Have you ever wondered why he's so desperate to get to you? This isn't just turf wars, you see, it's the wind of change. Everything is changing. You have to make sure you're on the winning side."

"And that's why you went over to the Lees?"

"Blood ties," she answered simply. "I've met the heir, you know. He surprised me. It's been a long time since anyone surprised me."

I narrowed my eyes. I was getting impatient, and though seeing her like this wasn't surprising, since I had always seen her in a fickle light—ready to play for whatever power she wanted. The mention of blood had reminded me of something, though, the return of her brother whom she had thought was dead. I wouldn't have cared so much if I didn't know exactly what that felt like. "What do you mean?"

"You're at the heart of the change," Seulgi said. "And right now, you're in front of me."

"And you'll do what? Kill me? Take me to the head?" My voice was frosty. "There are people waiting for me just outside that door."

"He won't be merciful when he finds you," she continued, ignoring every word I had said as if she hadn't heard. "He needs you, yes, but that doesn't mean he will be afraid to inflict any kind of pain on you. Mental, emotional, physical. I've seen him do it." Her voice was suddenly frighteningly empty. "You'll be bleeding at every torn stitch by the end of it, and you'll be submissive. He will take what he wants from you whether you want it or not, and he will do it with that knifelike grin of his. And you'll give it to him."

My throat was tight. "Never."

"Never is a long time," she said quietly. "How long will you run? Where will you go? He will always find you, as long as you are you—and even if you change your entire life to escape him, there will be nothing worth living for. Do you really think you can sacrifice everyone around you for that kind of never?"

The rage boiling up in me was white-hot, flames licking at the edges of my vision, but I couldn't find any way to argue back. "Then what do you suggest?" I whispered wryly, a bitter smile curling my mouth.

To my surprise, she answered.

Seulgi spoke, with more seriousness and sincerity than she ever had before, and for the first time, I had nothing more to add. She spoke her reply with the clarity and firmness of a mandate. She spoke of sure death and a final promise, and by the end of her answer, I was rapt, aware, alive, sure.

Sure that there could never be another solution.

"I could never," I whispered, but her eyes were steady. "I couldn't—I could never break their hearts like that. I can't leave them behind, not like this, not—forever."

"Then this will make up your mind," she said, and raised the gun. I watched, numb with shock and surety, as she pointed it at me—a tiny gun, revolver, so small that it couldn't threaten me enough to break me from my reverie. "If it helps, I'm sorry. But there is no other way."

And she fired.

──────

just a lil warning: things are about to get real violent. nothing will be graphic until the last two chapters, but if you feel disturbed by blood and gore, reader discretion is advised.

also, five more chapters left ;-; of course, there will be an epilogue and character files too, but the thought is upsetting.

what were your favorite moments in the entire series so far? favorite characters? why? i'm feeling really nostalgic rn :'

love,
Manx.