"How long do they usually stay in there?" Hwang asked.

Taehyung hummed, leaning back against the couch with an expression of faked interest. "Usually it's about three to four days," he said mildly, not even looking up to see her eyes widen comically. Chwe and Lee could be unreasonably withdrawn, but he loved exaggerating—a little fun never hurt anyone. "But to be fair, they've probably never had a lover return from the dead before. Probably."

Jinyoung stifled a laugh next to him, and she deflated with a sigh. "Hilarious," she muttered, chest rising and falling with a deep breath, and collapsed against the couch. Improvement, he thought. Just two years ago—well, maybe not just—she would probably have had a meltdown over a joke like that. He could be exaggerating again, but there was an improvement in her behavior.

It had only been a week since her return, but he had already noticed some very obvious differences. She seemed less withdrawn, a little less suicidal and much steadier. Not like she was balancing on the edge of a knife, about to fall into either insanity or the clutches of death.

Of course, there was still some of the same uneasiness. Her eyes were in shadow, like those of someone who had seen a lot more than a normal twenty-four-year-old. Her hands were steady, but Taehyung looked at them and remembered the girl from five years ago, with wandering fingers which were steady only when they gripped the wheel, whose eyes would widen at even the mention of death. It wasn't the same now. With a kill count of over a hundred, even more than Taehyung's own, she was no longer the same person.

As he watched, she pulled out a lollipop from the pocket of her leather jacket, unwrapping it with jittery fingers, and raised it to hold it between her teeth as she crumpled the wrapped. Okay, maybe a little bit the same.

"They do that a lot?" she asked, gesturing to Taeyong's and Vernon's room with a tilt of her chin. "Shut themselves off from the rest of the house?"

"Even before you came back, they stayed a little apart from the rest of us," Jinyoung said, kicking his booted legs up to rest on the table. "Don't take it personally."

"Why?" she whispered, looking distracted as her eyes flickered over the door as if looking for a hidden clue traced on the wood. "Just the two of them?"

"Shared grief, I guess?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow at her, then grinned, turning to Jinyoung. "I looked it up, you know, after that bet we had. Asexual homoromantic something." Jinyoung's faded smile widened at that, and Taehyung chuckled when he felt her inquisitive eyes on him again. "I don't know, princess. They're something, for sure, I just don't know what it is."

"None of us do," Jinyoung added, shrugging. "And honestly, we don't care. We just leave them to it."

"It's their thing," Taehyung agreed. "As long it helps them function fully, then what the hell? Do whatever."

She looked curious, as she always did when anything concerning the two came up, but there was a fractured melancholy in her eyes. Nothing followed their explanations—no follow-up questions, and certainly no answers. Taehyung played with the remains of his cigarette, watching her secretly as the stick poked out of one corner of her mouth. The muscles in her jaw tightened, and a moment later she was biting down on the lollipop stick with her teeth.

Briefly, he wondered what it must be like being in her position. He had thought about her boys, too, and their position was easy to understand, but when it came to her, he didn't know what to make of the situation. And for the first time, too. She felt off, but accepting. Willing to wait forever.

The question was, would she have to keep waiting forever?

"Get up, all three of you," said a new voice behind him, and Taehyung grinned at recognizing it. He jumped to his feet, whipping around to find Yeeun standing behind the couch with her hands on her hips. "Just because she's back doesn't mean you get to loiter around."

"More people to kill, yay," Taehyung said dryly. "We're not loitering, your majesty. There's still time until the next kill."

Yeeun looked at him funny, which was a commendable achievement on his end, given her limited range of expressions and even more limited willingness to show them. "You don't," she said flatly, coming around to the table as they watched, and laid a manilla envelope he had failed to notice before on the glass tabletop. "We have eyes on the next target. Gangnam-gu. You leave next week."

Jinyoung sat up, dragging his feet off the table, and circled the file around to face him as he pulled out the papers. There were pictures inside, various headshots of an unfamiliar-looking man, but Jinyoung's brow relaxed as he looked through them. "I know this fucker," he muttered, tapping the picture. "How many more?"

"About half a dozen, maybe more given his status in the clan," Yeeun said. Taehyung glanced at Hwang, expecting her to look lost as she used to when they discussed kills before, but her eyes were sharp and aware. Sometimes he forgot how much had changed. "Chief drug supplier in the capital. Probably has loads of security, so we'll progress by parts."

"Fun," Jinyoung said, completely serious, with a tiny smile gracing his features. "We're all going in?"

"Yes," the blonde said, before moving towards the door they had been looking at for the past half an hour, and rapping sharply.

It was a few moments before the door was answered, and it was Taeyong who had done it. He stood before them in an outfit that hadn't changed a bit over the years—jeans, white tank, black leather jacket. His eyes were restless and weary. "Target?" he asked, the tired voice of a man with many years of experience.

"Yes," Yeeun replied promptly. "Quit your moping and get some work done, I'm tired of carrying this thing on my shoulders. Get Chwe and get ready. There's four days for surveillance, and then we're moving in."

If that were possible, Taeyong looked even more tired at the end of her reprimand. He nodded once, a slow and fatigued motion. Yeeun turned away, and his eyes flicked around the room with instinctual searching before coming to rest on Hwang.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment before smiling. The smile, too, was tired, but less that than worried. Taehyung knew that smile. It was a smile that hid other things. Worse things.

Then Taeyong turned away, shutting the door, and plunged the living room into a desolate silence.

Taehyung turned his gaze back to the table, suddenly feeling somber, like someone had dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over his head. It wasn't because of the news of the assignment—he was used to that, numbed to it even. But after seeing Taeyong's face for so long, and that damned smile...it made him uncomfortable, like a sign declaring there was something very, very wrong with that relationship.

Usually, he didn't like making others' problems his business, but this was different. If Taeyong was like this, he could only guess what Vernon would be like. He remembered each and every episode vividly, always ending in a bloody scene and Taeyong rushing up with consoling words too quietly murmured for any of them to hear. They were a dysfunctional duo, but adding a third to the equation was only going to make things worse.

"I'm done with this crap," Jinyoung muttered, voicing his thoughts. Yeeun had left while Taehyung had been absorbed in his thoughts, apparently not viewing the situation the same way he did. Or maybe she just did and chose not to show it.

"What the fuck," Taehyung said out loud, shaking his head. Hwang's eyes landed on his face, confused, but Taehyung avoided her gaze, getting to his feet. "I'm going for a smoke."

He wasn't a regular smoker, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Taehyung made his way outside to the balcony, and finally lit the cigarette which had been hanging between his lips for so long. Leaning his elbows on the railing, he inhaled deeply, feeling the smoke fill his lungs.

Someone cleared his throat behind him.

Taehyung didn't turn, already knowing who it was. He stayed in the same position as she walked up to stand beside him, him with the cigarette between his lips and her with the lollipop stick between hers. The irony wasn't lost on him.

They stood in silence for a few moments, both taking the quiet to collect their thoughts and calm down a bit. Taehyung exhaled, knowing what the topic of the following conversation was going to be but wanting to avoid talking about it at the same time.

"Is this about your brother's crush on me?" he asked finally.

"What?" Her brow furrowed in surprise, face screwing up as she observed him, trying to gauge whether he was joking or not. "No, it actually isn't, but—my brother has a crush on you?"

"Old news," Taehyung said in an offhand manner, lightly curling his hand. "What were you going to say?"

She was silent for a moment before speaking. "I wanted to ask you for advice," she answered shortly. Taehyung's lips curled into a smile, and she hurried on to add, "I know it sounds stupid, but it's true. You helped me out with Hyunjin all that time ago, and now I thought—maybe—"

"That I'd know what to say about your boyfriends?" he asked, then took a drag from the cigarette. She was quiet at this. "It was a fluke, a stroke of good luck for you. All I said back then was what I thought, and trust me, you do not want to hear what I'm thinking about this right now."

"That honesty is what I need right now," she said. "You know that feeling when you have a headache so you hit your head against something to get rid of the pain? That's what I want you to do. Put things in focus. Make some sense out of—whatever this is."

"That's not how you fix headaches," he said with a puff and a short laugh, making her mouth curve slightly. "Remember how I told you they'd find a way to handle each other for you? Well, they did. Problem solved."

"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it," she said, a bitter edge to her voice. "Just tell me what I should do—what you think I should do. You told me to give Hyunjin some time and he came around ultimately, but I don't think that's what's happening here." She sounded anguished, which didn't surprise him. "I don't want to force this on them, but I just—god. I can't deal with this." She put her face in her hands, and he glanced over, the hardness in his eyes softening. "I don't want to give them so much space they end up staying away."

"Sometimes you can't do shit to fix anyone, Y/N," he murmured.

"Is it bad that I want them back already?" she asked. "I feel selfish. So fucking selfish, but—" She took a deep breath. "I want someone else's take on this. Do you think it's selfish to want back the people who kept you going for years?"

Taehyung was quiet, weighing the words. He thought about Seulgi and Jennie, and how easily the latter had taken back the other. And Hyunjin—the one who had been so angry the first time, but had dropped every regret when he had gotten his sister back.

Taeyong had been fucked up after her supposed death, he knew, and Vernon was on another level entirely. But if he honestly thought about it, Taehyung couldn't see why they were staying away. Because they didn't want to lose her a second time?

But what if they lost her anyway? he thought. Staying away, wouldn't that just make the loss worse?

He would come back, he decided. He would want them back, too, if they had once been his to keep.

"No," Taehyung muttered. "No, I don't think you're being selfish at all."

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sorry about the missed update on wednesday :( i've been pretty busy this week, from writing a 10k oneshot and preparing for a collab (yup you heard right) but i'm back in business, baby! at least for now lol. my classes started again and it's HELL.

stream god's menu and seventeen's upcoming comeback (freshteen is back on the block) <3

love, 
Manx.