1. The difference between BATHROOM and BAFFROOM……

In BATHROOM, one can take a cute
selfie.

But in BAFFROOM, hmmm
hmmmmm!

If your soap falls on the floor, just
forget it!

2. Just because I borrowed a pen from a cashier and forgot
to return it, I got home now and
received a debit alert of N70…..

First Bank! My God will fight for me
o!!!

3. When your girlfriend posts “Real
men are born in March” but you were born in October..

My brother, I understand. E dey pain
but no vex, you never reach your bus-stop.

4. When girls run out of cosmetics the next thing they will update is…..

“MAKE-UP FREE DAY, LOVING IT ALL NATURAL”.

And you think you are deceiving me.

5. Borday: I heard you now work at the bakery.

Akpos: oh yes. I started last week.

Borday: but you have never brought
any bread home.

Akpos: Your sister who works at the
airport, has she brought any aeroplane to the house? And even you who works at the mortuary, have you brought any dead body home before?

6. Can someone please deposit money into my Bank Account?
I want to know if my alert is still
working.

7. When a girl upload a beautiful photo. Her main boyfriend will just like and comment briefly like "Beautiful" or  "Cute." But awon ABELEJAYAN ( aspiring boyfriends) will be shouting wow wow wow wow like police siren.

8. Some girls don’t go to the gym, but look physically fit because of running from one man to another.

9. Dear Bae, if you want to cheat on
me, please, do it with someone I can beat.

Don’t hurt me twice.

10. Onitsha babes are very funny, you will meet them in a taxi. You
pay taxi fare for them and buy them Yoghurt then exchange numbers. And you will watch them save your name as TAXI YOGHURT.

11. Someone updated: “Rape is not a sin, it’s just a surprise sex”

I commented
“may your sisters & wife be surprised by men”

He blocked me.

Did I say anything bad?

12. This is pure wickedness! how can I beg my neigbour for one
spoon of salt and she told me that
her mum counted it. As in?

13. If you are fighting with an Onitsha boy and all of a sudden he leaves the fight and start running around shouting “Nna eeh! Nna eeh!”

Flee before he completes third
Nna Eeh..

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

14. Boyfriend that cannot slap soldier for his girlfriend, is that one a boyfriend?

15. First day she leaves her top and
towel at your place, 2nd day she leaves shoes and jacket, 3rd day she leaves her make up kit. Congratulations my brother you now have a wife.

16. That awkward moment when that 5 Star hotel attendant tells you a bottle of Coke is #1500. You’ll start explaining and describing Coke like “I mean
Coke… Not the alcoholic one oo. The mineral type.. I mean the normal coke that looks like Pepsi…. The one Coca- Cola produces”

17. Bet9ja will break guys heart.
They will still forgive and play again. But your woman do you small thing and you'll tight your mind like Lucky Dube's dread. #Why?

18. I don’t know why some people
would just be making noise about their hustle.

You hustle reach Judas? The Nigga
sold Jesus Christ oh! Which hustle reach that 1 abeg?

19. Some Girls are funny sha, you
know you have  Big Tommy and
you will Wear High Waist Pants and
Tucking your Shirts, thereby making your shape look like Gotv Remote

20. Your boyfriend is on Facebook
telling other girls he’s single and you here calling him Le Boo! Le
Boo! You are Le Fool!

21. If a Yoruba guy takes you Home to meet his parents and on getting there, they tap him to come inside with them while you are waiting alone in the living room.

Aunty, just forget it, you have lost a husband.

22. Just because of a fine Usher Girl, you dropped all your money in the offering tray and now, you are looking for lift.

23. Seriously Yahoo Boys should be
celebrated. Politicians take our money overseas and yahoo boys bring it back home.

24. Even breakup is not as painful as seeing your neighbour having light when you don’t have.

25. You want to be taken out every
weekend. My sister are you a DustBin?

26. So, you borrowed ₦100 from MTN to Vote for someone to win ₦25million in BBN?

Please, let us not argue this matter
too much. Just give me
your address, I want to come and
beat you in your house so you can receive sense.

27. When a girl says Good Night she says Good Night to You only.

So don’t bother her if you, still see
her online.

28. Some guys, don’t really know
their girlfriend's face, because they
are dating Make_Up_Promoters.

29. So trouble o

"I attended a burial of my friend’s
grandfather yesterday but their tradition is that, at every burial ceremony, an old man would come out and announce the next person to die, so the old man said the first person to leave the burial ground will be the next to die. I tell you since yesterday we are still here at
the burial and I'm supposed to go
to work today o.

30. All you married women that will see a pretty lady standing under a very hot sun and refuse to give her a lift, don’t worry, your husband is coming to pick her.

31. At the ATM after waiting for
2 hours on the Queue, and finally is
your turn then you realised you are holding your Voter’s Card.

The Witches in your village will just
whisper in your ear,

#Is_Our_Work_O

32. Somewhere in Nigeria, Someone aka Efe is wondering how #25 million became #500.

Happy Independence Day To my fellow Nigerians!!

Green White Green na the colour.
 

                 🇳🇬🇳🇬🇳🇬🇳🇬

Please check out my new book, President For A Week. It's a Nigerian based book.

- Harielta✌