We got through a good half the school year just hanging out as friends, sparring for fucks, and sleeping together, most often at her room in the pack house. She admitted what they were a few weeks ago--that came with a lot of relief, knowing the 1 time she smacked me was actually meant to be a love-tap...and would have been if I was like them.

         Which means they hold back all the time with me. Turns out that I'm good practice for learning how hard to hit a human, as they admit I'm abnormally tough for one of them weaklings. I don't know how I feel about being the weakest person I hang out with, but it's because of them that I behave at school. Alpha Shaw wants me to graduate and do something with my life. Yeah, the guy that is bringing me over to mop the floor with me sees potential in me.

         And Anne still hasn't pressured me to officially ask her out, to go to my home, or explain anything about what so upset me. I can remember saying to myself, I think I love her.

          But comfortable always ends. The shit I'd kept to myself finally happened, and I was stuck going to school right after.

         Anne avoided me all morning.

         I went to lunch, sat in my corner. Anne was the first one to the table, slamming down her tray, she gave me the biggest look of hurt I'd ever seen on her, like I killed a small fluffy pet.

          I couldn't even look at her. Shit, this was the biggest reason I didn't officially get into a relationship with my girl.

          But it wasn't only me that was keeping secrets.

          None of the guys except Shaw sat down with us. "This isn't the place to bring this up, but you two are some of the most stubborn people I have the misfortune to deal with. You stink of whore, Chris, and you hurt Anna. You can't keep this from us, whatever it is."

          I know I must have had a shocked look on my face--I was shocked. Because I had not talked about things I should have, I missed out on quite a few discussions.

          But I schooled my face. "I don't want to talk about it."

          Shaw never took his eyes off me--I wasn't looking at her, at this point. I didn't dare. Just seeing how upset she was killed me. Something inside me was sitting there asking how she managed to get me hooked so deeply.

         "Anna, show him."

         That dragged my eyes to her. Normally she sat by my side, as I kept my back to the wall, but today she was across from me. She cautiously lifted up the front of her shirt, showing her ribs and stomach to me--what I could see of it was worse than I've ever seen on me after a fight. I hissed under my breath before speaking. "What the fuck was that from?"

        She dropped her shirt. "You knew that mates mean an abnormal connection, but you didn't want to think about it and avoided anything I'd start to say. Abnormal attractions have abnormal consequences. What you did this morning..."

         And I said earlier, they call it a dissociative disorder, and anyone can achieve the state if under enough stress...I buried my hands in my hair, elbows on the table. I didn't hear them continue to speak to me for the rest of lunch. It was the 2nd time I reached that state that day.

         Eventually someone put their hand under my arm and helped me to stand and walk out of there, but I remember nothing.

         What I do remember was coming back to myself in the passenger seat of my car. Anna was driving me through some back roads. "Welcome back to reality, Chris."

         "Hell, can I go back to not being here?"

         "No. I need the truth, and I know you won't talk to anyone else."

          I thought about it. It took me a good 10 minutes before I started talking. "You know I avoid sleeping at home as much as I can get away with. Dad insists I spend one night a week at least....and before you, I rarely could find a way to be out of there for 6 nights a week. So, I went home yesterday because he was blowing up my phone.

         "They insisted on a family meal, so I ate with them, felt tired, and went to bed. Normally, I try to get up before dad leaves in the morning, so my step-mom can't corner me. I didn't wake up in time, and well...you know the results of that."

         Her hand gripped my wheel hard enough to leave an imprint in the fake leather.

         "Did you ever try to stop her?"

         "Yeah, once a few years ago. Beat the shit out of her. She got a rape kit done and then refused to press charges. Don't know what all she told my dad, but he doesn't listen to any attempt I've ever made to tell him what was going on--that and she had the marks on her, not me. He beat the tar out of me for that. Worst beating I ever took."

         I was still trying like hell to keep as much of it to myself as possible. My girl didn't ask for more--never has. Small things come out over time, but never any pressure.

         But she knew what she wanted to do about it. "You're going to call your dad and tell him that you're bringing your girlfriend home for supper."

         "I didn't ask you to be my girlfriend. I don't want to drag you any further into this."

         "Chris, are you really going to let her rape you--and by extension rape me, here on out?"

         I hadn't thought of the implications, but that's what it is--both of us were violated by her selfishness. "I'm done...but I really don't want you to be saving me like this."

          What guy would? I mean, I know she's stronger than me, but I need to be her support, which is why I avoided this conversation for so long. I couldn't even care for myself.

         I gave in. What else could I do? I couldn't see doing this to my mate until I was legal to leave home. At the time, I still short of 18, although I was close. And without her, I had nowhere to go, so even being of age, I'd still be stuck with a dad that's paying for everything...and that bitch.

         I had no idea what she was going to do.

~~~

         Dinner was polite but stiff, in spite of the dirty look that ho was giving me whenever dad wasn't looking. She didn't care if Anna saw it.

          After dinner, Anna spoke up. "Chris, could you go pack? I'd love to speak to your parents alone."

          Here, I thought she was going to support me confronting my demons. That's not what she wanted. She wanted a meeting of monster to monster--and it could wind up with both of them dead, so she didn't want me to witness it. "Are you sure about this?"

         "Yes."

         Honestly, all I've ever wanted was to walk away from it all. It never occurred to me how well she knew me because I wasn't sure that's what I wanted in that moment until she offered it. Any other day without her here and I'd be running out that door so damn fast...

          So I went upstairs to pack, not a damn bit of guilt to me leaving her there alone, other than wondering if I would ever be able to stand up for myself instead of always acting out.

         She didn't tell me what happened until years later. Turns out that dad was really bad at picking women. My real mom was a ho, a couple in between her and my step-mom were hos, and well, the bitch was way worse. He had a talk with everyone after mom, telling them that if they told him they were pregnant, there would be a paternity test. I had a brother that wasn't dad's through mom--part of why she lost custody of me, each of the ones in-between his wives failed their paternity tests, too.

        My step mom, it turns out, egged me into beating her when I was 15, and I really don't try to think about what she was doing, but she pushed me into taking that first swing, and didn't stop until I quit responding. How she got the kit done and refused to have me interviewed? No clue, but there was barely covered evidence of how bungled the case was.

         Then there was records of her going to Planned Parenthood for some "family planning". She killed either my brother or son. She tried to get me to force a miscarriage. Sick woman.

         I didn't find that part out until I held my firstborn. Anna wanted me to have welcomed a new life before being shocked with the dead. Given how I reacted to such things, this had the best chance of me not closing off, so she's in the right, as far as I'm concerned. Everyone else can eat their opionions.

         And it wasn't just because of dad's warnings. He found some used...stuff, so she couldn't hide what was going on. He believed her excuse, that time...but sooner or later he was going to catch on, so she was trying to lay out everything where she could play the victim.

         She could have just stopped.

         The worst thing, though, was once she was confronted in front of my father by a mere slip of a girl with irrefutable proof that things did not add up, like all the above and a drug test off my blood when I was in that weird state earlier that day: her why. She was of the opinion that forcing a guy made them last longer--that and it was harder to manipulate older men.

        That last part I don't believe--just look at how my father wound up and he was suspicious of everything. I'd never say that my step mom wasn't smart.

         I don't know about the former. I don't want to know or make comparisons.

         But, in the long run, I moved on. Don't know or care about what happened to her--likely the pack had her killed as soon as she left my dad's home. She was a danger to children.

         Any time I've spent with dad since then has been on my terms--he has a shitty taste in women, and Anne doesn't trust anyone.

         I don't think I'll ever be normal, even though I crave that almost as much as I do my mate. Almost. I won't pretend that I'm healed. I won't pretend that means I'm broken either. People spend too much time trying to label themselves, and it's often living up to that definition that does the worst damage.

         So, I take it day to day. I have people to live for, beautiful moments in each day, and a better history to think back on that what this story wrenches from me.

        And the rare times where I can't find the grace to be grateful for anything, I've got a bunch of weres to fight. Not like I can hurt them anyway.

         Just that now, I ask for a match. They won't let me spar with anyone who hasn't had a year's training, so they at least have an inkling on how to hold back.

         It's probably a good thing that I'm merely human. I have too many attitude problems.

~~~

        This story was submitted by the mate of the Delta for Shaw's Pack. Alpha Shaw Williams XIV is the current Alpha.