So I fucked up and accidentally posted this on Archive Of Our Own when I was meant to save it to my drafts *face palms* it took me half a day to notice so it's too late to take it down because some people have read it. I'm such an idiot honestly and I'm really angry at myself for letting this happen but what can I do about it, I guess.

So I guess I'm posting this now

The second chapter will be posted like next week when I've finished posting Give Up and Wake Up 2

I'm really annoyed at myself honestly but oh well

Hello and welcome to my new fanfiction!

I'm telling you now I wrote this in two days. Well... Technically I wrote all but one chapter in one day but sshhh... I definitely did not spent like eight hours straight on my laptop? I definitely go outside and stuff... but yeah. It was originally meant to be a one shot but let's just say I got a bit too carried away.

This fanfic won't be too long. It's eight chapters or nine (including the epilogue) :) I hope you enjoy this book and, as always, the trigger warnings are in the description!

(Also very unrelated but every time I see the title I think of the song Human Again by Kodaline. I guess the lyrics can kind of relate to this book but not really. Anyways, cool band and cool song. I'll shut up now so you can read this chapter.)

There was blood everywhere. I don't just mean the odd splatter on the bath tub or Anti's arm; I mean everywhere. Anti was crying and his whole body was glitching an unhealthy amount as he sat, unable to see half his body in the red water. He had no idea when it had gotten like that but it was in that moment he worried he had taken it too far.

He finally found the energy to stand up, his legs resembling jelly as he did so. He climbed out of the bath tub and drained the water, not even phased that it was filled with a lot of his own blood. Throughout his lifetime he had become accustomed to the sight of the red liquid... except usually it was not his own. It was normally from some victim who had done something to infuriate the demon. Only occasionally did he have to deal with cuts in his own arms.

Anti wasn't sure what he wanted. He wasn't sure whether he should curl up on the floor and accept the fact that he was losing too much blood or whether he should scream for one of the egos to come and help him. He opened his mouth to yell after choosing the latter; nothing but a pathetic huff of air came out. He gripped onto the sink to stop himself from collapsing but his grip was not enough to hold him up. He fell, somehow avoiding hitting his head in the process.

Despite his body screaming at him to let him sleep, he tried to keep his eyes open a bit longer. It was just enough to see JJ's head looking down at him with concern-filled eyes.

-

Anti was walking in somewhere black. Black was the only word to describe it, as not a single object or sign of life was in the area: it was just a black room with black walls and a black floor. Was he dead?

He walked around a bit, yelling out for his boyfriend or one of the other egos every so often to see if he'd get a response. The only reply he got was a deathly silence that made him shiver.

He glanced up at the sky to see that it was filled with colours. Although black was amongst them, it was infused with red, blue, yellow and all the other colours of the rainbow. It was so mesmerising that it momentarily made him forget about the situation he was in. His eyes locked onto the hues and he was unsure of whether he was hallucinating when they formed a face.

It was the face of someone who was once a close friend but Anti had pushed him away once he met Dark. It was someone named Henrik von Schneeplestein.

The concern in his blue eyes was obvious, even under his glasses. His eyebrows were furrowed and he appeared to be concentrating on something. After a moment, he pulled off his surgical mask. "I'm not sure what else we can do." At the sound of his voice, Anti's mouth opened to see if he could reply but he snapped it shut when the colours morphed into Chase Brody, another worried friend. He was crying, his eyes rimmed red.

"But, Schneep... You saved me so you can save him... He can't die! He just can't!" Chase yelled out. Anti looked down at his arms to see that they were no longer littered with deep cuts and the skin was its usual almost-porcelain white again. Anti screamed out in attempt to tell his friends that he could see them but they couldn't hear him.

He didn't want to die. His eyes sparkled with tears before they all just came pouring out. He sobbed and sobbed as he watched the colours morph into his friends one by one. He tried to shut his eyes and block them out but he'd still hear their broken voices and he hated it. He clasped his hands over his ears and screamed at the top of his lungs- anything to tune out their voices.

He quickly ran out of breath. He heaved and the room or world or wherever he was went silent until a familiar cry was heard. Anti glanced up at the colours, his chest rising and falling at a rapid speed. He desperately wanted to reach out and caress his boyfriend's face but he couldn't.

"Time of death: 9:32pm." Anti didn't even care about Henrik's voice or the fact that he had just been pronounced dead: all he cared about was Dark. Dark didn't say anything as he looked up, right into Anti's eyes. He appeared empty and broken and that was enough to send Anti over the edge.

"I'm alive!" He yelled, praying that Dark would hear him. "I'm here! I can hear you!" Dark's eyebrows creased as he looked at the doctor and his friends.

"Something's not right." He muttered.

"Henrik! Dark!" His words were a mess at that point, barely audible but he didn't care. He was so desperate to wake up in the real world and see his friends again. "I don't want to die! This is not what I wanted! I just needed an escape and took it too far... Please say you can hear me."

Anti felt something in his hand, as if a ghost was holding it. He squeezed the ghost hand as hard as possible just to show he was alive. Dark's eyes widened and he yelled, "I swear I felt him squeeze my hand!"

"That's impossible." Henrik's voice was gentle because he was afraid of upsetting Dark any further. He was aware that grieving patients could imagine their lover or family member being alive but it was impossible since the demon had been pronounced dead. There was no way he was coming back.

Anti felt something wet on his forehead and wiped it away. They couldn't have been his tears so he could only presume they were Dark's.

"Come on, Anti. Wake up. I know you like your sleep way too much but this isn't the time for that. You need to open your eyes." Anti mumbled to himself. He felt something unrecognisable run through his body and then his feet began to glow. "If you wake up, you can see your boyfriend again and your best friends. You can mend your relationships with them and stop pushing them away. You can fix everything and get help. You don't need to suffer in silence anymore." He saw a bright light and squinted his eyes. The light vanished after a few seconds to reveal a white ceiling.

The white ceiling of the hospital.