As I lay in bed waiting for sleep to take over, my thoughts caught up to the events of the day and I used what was left of my courage and energy to text Jacob back.

'Not tonight. Tmrw? I will come up after wrk?'

I hated everything and everyone the second I hit send; I wanted to see Jacob. I wanted to find out exactly how he felt about me. But all my ideas jarred against each other in my head and made me ignore my phone as it buzzed with Jacob's answer. Soon enough the light from the notification faded and the darkness let me slip away into another night of bad dreams.

The next morning I checked my phone long enough to find Jacob's approval of my plan before I headed off to work. I threw on my coaching clothes and bounced down to the kitchen to find Isabella making pancakes. She looked mopey as all get out and it made me feel a little less queasy about yet again not inviting her.

"Morning, Iz," I commented, grabbing an orange. "How you feeling?"

"Fine," she said distractedly. She refused to look at me.

I watched her back as I peeled the orange, not sure whether to be concerned for her mental health or suspicious about what she might be planning to do. "You work today?" I asked casually.

"Just the morning," Bella said, trying to sound innocent. "Want some pancakes?"

"Want some lying lessons?" I retorted. "What are you cooking up?"

"Pancakes."

"God damn it." I tossed an orange peel at her head and smirked when it stuck in her hair. "Alright, can I try to guess?"

"No," Bella said. Her voice seemed even more hopeless then normal; she knew how well that answer was going to work, I suppose.

"Well," I mused. "The only thing in your life I could possibly care about right now is you getting better. So obviously, you're about to make yourself worse." I absorbed this guess for a minute and then felt my temper fraying as she didn't argue. "Isabella?"

"Not exactly." She finally told me.

I frowned at her. "You know I can tell Dad to send you back to Phoenix, right?"

"Mom lives in Florida now."

"Even better. You will be eaten by an alligator." I paused from tossing another orange peel at her to strike a dramatic pose. "A truly fitting end for the young Isabella Swan." Bella turned around to frown at me only to get hit in the face by a piece of orange stem. "Just tell me the truth."

Bella looked at me thoughtfully, considering something about my threat. Then she shrugged. "Charlie's gone right?"

"Literally just woke up. No idea."

Bella walked out into the living room and took a peak at the driveway. When she came back, she still found it necessary to speak in a hushed tone.

"I bought some motorcycles," she admitted.

I laughed. "What? Why?"

"I..." Bella shrugged. "Adrenaline?"

I frowned at her, considering. She had never seemed to have any long term affects from her near death experiences... And if she wanted to be distracted, fine. "How are you going to pay for lessons?"

"I was gonna ask Jake this afternoon," she sighed. "If he can fix them."

And I'm pissed at her again.

"Alright. Fine," I said my voice flat. "I'm heading up after work. To see Jacob. Because he invited me. And I will let him know. About your secret motorcycles. And that you are coming."

"Gen, I'm—"

"No, no." I grabbed another orange and gave her an evil grin as I left for my 'kid's' game. "It's nice to have finally be getting some decent blackmail on you."

I laughed at her as she winced and then I was off.

...

Hours later, Isabella and I met at home where we grabbed some snacks and then climbed in her truck to pick the motorcycles up from the Marks. I ended up hiding when we pulled up to see that Tyler's truck was also in the driveway. His best friend's little brother turned out to be the one with the bikes luckily and I was willing to show my face long enough to throw them in the trunk. I had enough drama with my current crush to want to remember all the issues I'd started when Tyler met Paul.

Soon enough we were up at LaPush, my sister and I having not shared a single word. I was starting to suspect that Bella was hiding more than the motorcycles and seeing Jacob and I was wondering what could possibly translate as worse in the crazed mind of Isabella Swan. What was a dark secret to the girl who... well, I don't know what her ex-boyfriend's deal was; she won't tell me.

Another frustration: I'd been secretly hoping to sneak off after and spy on Paul. Though to be honest, this had felt a little weird—meeting up with my crush before stalking my ex?—so I wasn't exactly angry with Bella. I just didn't have a solid plan to distract me from all my worries about her hanging out with Jacob or her plan not to tell me she was hanging out with Jacob. If she'd gone through with it, would Jacob have told me? And if he hadn't, would it have been his goodie-two-shoes side or because he cared about her more? And why was it that I kept thinking about Jacob's feelings when it was Bella I didn't trust? Or was it that I knew I was going to mess this all up somehow?

"Crap."

"What?" Bella glanced over, nervous as she looked back again at the tarp covering the bikes.

"Nothing. No one saw us. No one's going to see us," I sat up from my depressed slouch. "We're here anyway."

"Oh." Bella blinked. "I... I guess I just... went on autopilot." She blushed lightly.

I frowned up at her, wondering at yet another reaction that didn't make sense. "Mmm."

She wasn't paying attention. She was smiling out at the approaching giant. "Jake heard us coming." She commented, removing the key as the thunderous engine finally died.

"Yeah. Poor truck. He will never achieve his dreams of becoming a ninja." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the seat, listening as Jacob greeted Bella enthusiastically: I heard a hint of relief in his voice as he commented that she seemed happier. He immediately followed up by asking for my agreement, bringing a sharp wave of guilt to squash the hint of jealousy I'd been feeding.

"Gen?"

I turned to squint at my sister who was caught up in pulling back from Jacob's bear hug. He was right: that tight look on her face had faded and she had her old contented look on her face, one I hadn't seen since we were kids. Sure she wasn't exactly... happy. But it was better.

"I'm not sure," I admitted as I climbed out of the car. I frowned up at him as I approached. "I think you're just seeing her from a different angle and trying to pretend everything's normal."

"Angle?" He asked, glancing between the two of us while casually sliding an arm around my shoulders.

"You've grown another foot, Jake," Isabella agreed.

He grinned down at me and I wondered if he was thinking of our agreement: that I wasn't allowed to call him kid but could say anything I wanted about his height. I raised an eyebrow, seeing that he expected a joke at his expense but too tired to come up with one. "Height is just a number, Iz." I said finally, trying to lean against his side casually so my sister wouldn't notice.

"Yeah, but that number is six five," Jacob laughed,

"Sixty five feet?" I teased with a grin. "That sounds a little short, Jake."

"Ha ha." He let go of me, pulling his hair back into the usual ponytail as he walked toward the trunk. "Show me the bikes!" He ordered jokingly, taking my hand in such a unthinking manner that I barely noticed.

The three of us gathered around the rusty trunk and Bella pulled off the tarp, showing her purchase to the approving Jacob Black and the still skeptical Genevieve Swan.

"They might need a bit of work," Bella said.

"Yeah. And they might need to be treated with a bit more secrecy," I added, pulling away to check that Billy wasn't watching us through one of the windows. "We can go in a say hi. How about you wheel them around to your barn?"

"Garage," Jacob corrected.

"Barn," I said stubbornly.

"There are no ani—" He cut himself off, sensing what my comeback would be. "It's filled with tools."

"Yeah, I'm going inside. Have fun sneaking the bikes into your 'garage', my dear giant... friend."

He rolled his eyes and I walked off with my sister, fighting off the desire to look back the entire time.

...

I felt a bit annoyed at myself.

I felt more annoyed with my sister.

The three of us were sitting around Jacob's mess of a garage, tools and 'Rabbit' parts everywhere. Jake and Bella started chatting while I walked around, trying to be obvious that I was fuming at her for coming. Now that I was here, I found that I'd really needed the chance to talk one on one with Jacob. But of course Bella and I had conspired unknowingly to ruin that. Now I was trying to drown my thoughts by looking around at a messy garage while Jacob tried to help Bella –and me—out by making her laugh.

I concentrated harder on ignoring them, instead trying to think back to what the old barn had been like last time I'd hidden here. There were posters and schematics all over the walls and I'd taken a glance at most of them before heading off to the back corner of the barn. Sure enough the graffiti I'd scribbled here during a long childhood of Dad and Billy's fishing trips and barbecues was still scratched into the peeling paint. I glanced to check that Bella and Jacob were still looking over the bikes, Jacob showing off his mechanics skills to someone who found them impressive rather than... I frowned, looking back to the embarrassing graffiti; I suppose I did find that stuff somewhat impressive now. Now that I saw him differently. Odd.

Now to erase some evidence.

I spent the next hour with a paint-covered screwdriver, scratching out dozens of swearwords and pairings of initials that I had left assuming that no one would notice. Now, with Jacob using the space and my mind set on figuring out where things could go with Jacob, it seemed a bad idea to leave the little hearts penned around the initials GS and PL. It also seemed a bit rude to force the polite Jacob to use a work space with 20 plus f-words scribbled under the back table.

When I finished it didn't seem like there was much for me to do.

Jacob was making a list of parts and promising to take Bella with him when he went to the dump. He made a joke that they would pick me up on the way back, but even I couldn't decide if I'd be willing to make that trip or not.

Bella was laughing at her friend's jokes like she'd never thought to be this happy again. I glanced between them, torn between two jealousies as I wondered again what Jacob's previous feelings for my sister might have been; as I knew that Bella had never felt that carefree around me.

And of course, Jacob immediately felt my mood change.

"You ok, Gen?" He handed his list to Bella and walked over, taking my hand in his again just as easily as he'd made Bella laugh: like it was just who he was, Jacob the boy who wanted to hold my hand.

I smiled at him, uncomfortable as I remembered all the doubts I'd been building up in my head. "Yeah." I smiled. "Just doing some 'spring' cleaning." I joked, gesturing back at the now completely destroyed corner.

"Oh, that was history!" Jake laughed. "Where am I supposed to go now if I'm feeling rebellious and sleepy?"

"What?"

"I used to come out here and count the curse words you'd left," He joked. I think he joked. "It's very therapeutic." I gave him a very skeptical look, not quite able to find a response to this. Jake grinned at my loss for words and then relented. "Seriously, are you feeling ok?"

"Just a little... nostalgic," I lied. "I think I need some air."

Jacob glanced out the window and I know he was thinking of the pond and the forest beyond it. "You want me to come with you?"

"No." I looked over to my sister, checking that she wasn't listening. "Stay with her." Ugh. The words made me feel sick.

Jacob nodded, cheerful as ever, but he pulled me into a tight hug before he let me out the back door. I slipped away as fast as I could, not looking back to see Bella's reaction.

I walked away from the garage and over to the tree line, turning to walk aimlessly along its edge as I mulled it all over. I could feel my confidence in Jacob, the comfortable way I felt around him already fading away. And seeing how much Isabella needed him, how much lighter she was...

What do I do?

I turned and stared out at the forest, my mind unable to focus on anything in particular but the contrast of Isabella two months ago and Isabella today. I was still walking as I watched the leaves, thinking of all those hikes with Jacob and all the nights of my sister screaming. Which was I supposed to think about? Which was I-

I stopped suddenly, finding myself staring into the trees; had I just heard a breath? I turned to peer into the trees, a mess of emotions, searching for a red cloud of hair, a pair of red eyes, and end to the story I was making a mess of writing. Was she out there? Watching? I turned to glance back at the barn: had she followed me?

I thought back, for the first time, to the exact events of the attack a year before: the vampires had... had used me, right? To get at Bella. To get at Edward.

So if the red haired vampire was really watching, ready to snatch me up again, was she watching them too?

I took a step back from the forest, shaking my head: I was jumping to conclusions. Sure, there were infinite nightmares waiting if I was right and they were still after me after all this time. But who said they were? And rustle in the woods? It meant nothing. I had a hard enough time keeping my sanity with my sister and Jake around. I didn't need...

Damn it, no: there's something in there.

I had been halfway back to the shelter of Jake's garage when I heard it, a growl echoed by a snarl. I turned and stared, still forced to trust what my ears and adrenaline were telling me. Why couldn't I see? Why couldn't I take the five steps necessary to go into the woods and get a view of what was sure to be a dog or... or... I took a shaky breath. It wasn't after me. If there was something there, it couldn't possibly be—

"Genny?"

My heart thundering in my chest, I whipped around to find Billy watching me, his wheelchair resting just inside the Black's back door. How long had he been watching me?

"Genny, why don't you come in and grab some snacks?" Billy called. He was eying the woods just as nervously as I had just been. That or he was trying to figure out why I looked so freaked out and I was once again interpreting everything to match my latest panic attack.

With a nod I hurried inside and into the kitchen, grabbing the bag of chips he directed me to as he stayed by the back door. I looked around the orderly kitchen, trying to calm down again before I headed back to the mess with Jake and Isabella. Jeez, I had a lot of weird drama to deal with right now. But this house had enough childhood memories of our friendship with Billy, Jacob, and his sisters that... I was always glad I'd come up, with or without alone time with my Jacob.

I stopped in the kitchen doorway, finding Billy still watching the woods, a look of concern on his face. Again, I remembered Paul, I remembered my walk along the road where the red-head vampire had grabbed me. I remembered Billy's freaking phone call.

I took a couple quick steps, almost forcing myself to walk past him back to the garage, but I couldn't do it. I had to ask.

"Billy, can you just tell me... just tell me what you know about what happened? What is happening?"

Billy sighed, looking just as sorry as always as he shook his head. "Gen, don't do this to yourself."

"But I need to know— With Paul and the Cullens and..." What else do I know? Just that there are monsters everywhere, I suppose.

"You and your sister are safe. That's all you need to know."

I glanced up, biting my lip as tears came to my eyes at the very idea. "How could you know that?"

Billy leaned over to grasp my hand where it rested against the door frame. "I am sorry that I cannot explain more, Genny. I am sorry you have seen what you have. But I promise that you will be safe." He frowned at me, still concerned. "But you need to let it go."

"How?"

"Go on with your normal life." He shrugged. "With your friends. With Bella." He smiled at me. "With Jacob."

"I..."

I shook my head and walked passed him without another word.

Normal life.

With all those secrets? Can I do that?

...

The rest of the afternoon was a little more fun. I let myself be more involved, noticing that Isabella didn't seem any worse when I moved into the conversation. I did notice that Jacob stopped trying to take my hand; I wondered if Bella had reacted the first time and I hadn't noticed. But even as I laughed and watched Jacob smile at me and watched my sister be herself, I felt the tension gathering and growing inside me, like a spot at the base of my neck that I couldn't quite shrug away. Every secret I kept, every secret kept from me, every fear about Jacob and every dream, every annoyance with my sister and wish for her to be a sister...

I can't handle all these fears at once.

I kept it inside until Jacob tucked the bikes away and we said goodnight, walking back to Isabella's truck. I waved her off, watching her climb into the driver's seat before I turned to see Jake already biting his lip.

"Jacob, I can't do this," I admitted. "I thought I could. I want to. But it can't happen."

"Can't..." Jacob frowned, not understanding. "Can't do what?"

"This... The hand holding. The... the more then friends," I looked up at him and tried to be fair. "The friends thing. I can't do any of it. I can't take it."

Jacob glanced back at the truck, where Isabella was waiting with a concerned look on her face. "Genevieve, can't we talk about this—"

"No. No, I can't." I felt my eyes start to water and turned to leave. "It's just... It's not a good idea, Jacob."

"And you're not going to tell me why?" He snapped.

I looked back, not expecting this response. I was the angry one. I was the crabby one. Jacob was the one to be reassuring. "I just know where this is going."

"You're just scared." Jacob swept his hair from his face in a dramatic gesture, not seeming to know what to do with his hands afterwards. "You're scared and you're going to let that decide everything?"

"I'm not just scared; I just know... Jake, I haven't changed—" I felt my temper rising as I stuttered out my reasons, knowing none of this was getting through. I was still refusing to look directly at him , watching him from the corner of my eye. "I can't take this again. That's all. So let's just not."

"That isn't fair," Jake growled. "I'm not the douche Taylor or Paul who's gonna—this is stupid and you know it." His face changed, getting more angry. "Is that it? You still—"

"Jacob, you of all people know that's not it," I finally met his eyes and it seemed to calm him down. For a moment both of us were staring at each other, caught up in strong feelings we weren't used to and the surprise of Jake's sudden anger. "Jake?"

"I..." He closed his eyes and turned away. "I feel sick."

"Yeah?" I frowned, reminding myself that I was supposed to be pulling away. "You should probably go in and eat something. Something more than potato chips, I mean."

"Yeah..." Jake trailed off, following me to the truck and leaning in to talk through the open window as he said goodbye to Bella. When he was finished, he looked to me, still messing with the buckle so that I wouldn't have to fight off the second thoughts that flared up every time I thought of my hand in his. "Gen."

"Bye, Jake."

"Please think about it?" He asked, backing up so that Isabella could pull away.

I shook my head and started to turn up the radio, meaning to drown out my thoughts. "It's too late, Jake."

And we pulled away, heavy rock blaring over the two of us speeding away.

So yeah...

I messed that up.

Talk about your self-fulfilling prophecies.