"Flora, there is so much sexual tension, and regular tension, I don't know what to think."

I speak into the phone while at the same cafe Seb and I went to the other day. This time, I'm not using my coffee as a stress ball because all of my emotions are balled up in the pit of my stomach. Sitting there like dead weight.

"The way Bennett looks at Grace makes me want to vomit," she adds, "but the tension is sure there."

Before I left California, Flora talked me into starting a mini series on Netflix. It's a bit of a slow burn, but the lead actor and actress have incredible chemistry. When I couldn't sleep last night, I binged the rest of the episodes on my phone as Axel slept on the bed next to me.

"I saw that the final season is coming out in September. We should have a premiere party," Flora says excitedly. Anything and everything can spark joy for her. "Make Aspen come."

I laugh, thinking that would be a really tough sell. Aspen is incredibly introverted and the hours she puts into her bakery are exhausting enough. Still, it would be nice to have her join us for once.

"Just an idea!" She defends herself before moving on. "And how is you know who?"

"You know who?" I question, spinning my iced coffee in quick circles on the table. Natural light suddenly pours in from the windows next to me, nourishing everything it touches. It must be that time of morning when the sun finally breaks through the clouds.

"Axel?" She clarifies, like I'm stupid for not picking up on it. You know who could have totally been Sebastian as well.

"Oh," I sigh heavily. "Massively complicated."

I can picture Flora's manicured brows stitch together in curiosity. "Spill it. Have you kissed yet? Is he a good kisser? Send me a picture of him, you haven't done that yet and you said—"

"Flora!" I cut her off because she's starting to go a mile a minute. "Clam down! He was a very good kisser five years ago so I'm assuming that's only gotten better, and no, we've just reconnected."

"The picture?" She asks, extra emphasis on the question.

"I will get one. Somehow," I say, drawing on my coffee cup thanks to the condensation forming.

"He doesn't have social media. Just like you. Weirdos."

I roll my eyes, surprised Flora hasn't already ran an FBI check on him. She would have done this with Sebastian have I not met her while we were dating.

"Sebastian has social media," I say. Seb's social media features me probably just as much as him.

"Yeah, and that's how I get pictures of you. Not anymore, I guess. Now you have to make your own account."

"Not happening," I quickly clarify. "I'll send everything to you directly before I do that."

Social media is something I never used because I just didn't have access to it, or any desire to catalog my life constantly. I was in the Coast Guard and mourning the death of my parents, all while trying to juggle a relationship and deal with my fucked up childhood. Last thing I wanted to do was snap a selfie to post.

"He stayed in the room with me last night," I tell her, changing the subject back to Axel.

"He did what?!" Her voice increases a few decibels. "What happened? Anything? Did you sleep in the same bed, but no kissing? Why didn't you start the conversation with this as the opening line?"

I take a sip of my iced coffee, letting Flora calm down for a second before I continue. "We were drunk. We were at a bar and played a lot of pool and the taxi man brought us back to my hotel, and Axel was too drunk to make it back home so he crashed on the bed and me on the couch. He got up and left before I was awake. But I'm not sure how we got in the taxi in the first place, and why Axel didn't just walk home..." I think about it more as I trail off.

I hear Flora hum through the speaker, taking in every last word I'm feeding her. "Interesting," is all she replies with, but I know the gears are turning.

"That's it? You've never been so vague before in the entire time I've known you."

"Orion, I'm letting it marinate. This whole situation."

She pauses for a beat, thinking, before declaring, "I am one hundred percent invested."

I laugh quietly. "I never had any doubt you wouldn't be."

It's quiet for another second. "One more thing. Sebastian said he's coming back in a week to talk things over with me. I'm not sure how to feel about that."

Flora sighs loudly into the phone. "This whole thing is shaking him up, to be honest. He had stubble when I stopped by the other day with Thai food."

"You ate Thai with him?" I ask, more surprised than anything else. Flora was always my friend first, but she did gain a soft spot for Sebastian.

"Yes. I felt bad. I'm sure its a full blown beard at this point," Flora says.

"Did he say anything? About me, or about visiting?"

My interest is suddenly piqued. I haven't been in much contact with Seb since he left. The last time we spoke was on the phone—our one and only conversation since the plane took off.

"He did. He said how painful it is, how he has all of your stuff in the spare bedroom of the apartment. I've never seen him like this. Kind of, like, manic."

My breath hitches in my throat. Sebastian is not the manic type. He's very organized and structured down to every last detail. Mini alarm bells sound inside of my head. All of my stuff in the spare bedroom, too? He might as well pack it into boxes and hire a moving service.

"What the fuck, Flora," I mutter, resting my head against my hand. "That's odd."

"Yeah, he's definitely not taking things well. You seem to be handling it much better, maybe considering the fact you're reunited with you know who."

I roll my eyes, taking the last sips of my coffee. "His name is Axel. And I told you its not like that. My heart is being ripped in half. I'm a mess, even Sebastian admitted it! I just need to be here and figure things out, but don't think it's a fucking picnic."

Flora clicks her tongue. "Maybe part of figuring it out involves—"

I stop her immediately, already knowing where this is going. "I am not going to kiss him."

Flora lets out a huff. "It's one way to tell!"

I shake my head, sipping the bottom of my coffee even though it's long gone now. "There is nothing to tell. I'm pretty sure he hates me. He's reminded me like three times he's pissed at me and I don't blame him one bit. I'm not sure we could ever get back to how we were."

Flora clicks her tongue again and I can tell she's keeping in many choice words. "Okay. Fair. Just let me know when you start feeling it."

My teeth pull back my bottom lip. Feeling it? Like, romantic feelings? If that's what she meant then I've already felt it about six times, starting the second I saw his back at the pier. But that's just a personal problem—there's no way he could feel the same after all of this time and what I've done to him. If anything, I've unintentionally pushed him away into the farthest corner of my world.

"Yeah, whatever, I'll let you know," I say dismissively.

"I'm going to let you go. I've talked your ear off and I will also be awaiting a picture and more updates," Flora tells me. "Also, I will keep you in the loop with Seb. He really needs a friend right now."

"Flora," I mumble through gritted teeth. "He's got so many god damn friends, he doesn't need you meddling in this right now, too. Thai food was nice but trust me on this. Please stay in my corner."

Flora sighs. Naturally, she is nosy, and lives for the drama and any information she can juice out of people. I know her staying away from Sebastian is like a mosquito trying to stay away from light.

"Fine. Fine," Flora replies. "I'll just rely on you for information. I'm sorry for being nosy, I can't help it! I really can't!"

"Goodbye, Flora. Love you," I say in a sing-song voice, waiting a moment before hanging up.

Once she's off the line, I drop my phone on the table and stare at the plastic cup of ice that once held my coffee. I pick it up, examining it.

Axel's exterior is tough. He's a Riverside kid after all. But on the inside—if he likes you—he's soft as butter. I've seen it first hand in high school and no doubt it could happen again. Perhaps he just needs time from what happened. And I need time, too.

It's difficult this morning because all I can think of is him. How could I not after he spent the night at my hotel? I can remember us in the hallway, although hazy, the way he looked at me and how his hand fit in mine. His eyes—light yet intense, reeling me in like a fish. A stupid fish.

A shiver runs down my spine, snapping me out of my thoughts. Suddenly, the room feels small and I rise to my feet quickly. I dump the cup in the trash and head outside, warm sun greeting me without the filter of a window.

Axel left without saying anything, probably sometime between three in the morning and seven—the only time I was in deep sleep. Part of me wonders if he ignored me like he said he would or stole a glance like I did, wishing I was curled into his side.

The urge to see him again is growing as the day goes on. Where did he go? Classes, home, out with friends? He's practically a stranger.

For once, I wish I was the one good at finding him.

For once, I wish Axel fucking Fredericks wasn't on my mind.