'Calm down Katsuki, calm down.' thought the explosive blond. He was currently sitting alone in the cafeteria slurping some noodles out of his bowl. They had served ramen today, not his favorite, but it sufficed. He needed to fill his stomach, not pleasure his taste buds.

He sat there, quiet as ever, as he thought repeatedly about what had happened in the arena earlier. He had absolutely no idea as to what had come over him to have made him react the way he did.

'It's not like I care, do I?' his mind asked him. The nerd was allowed to do what he wanted, whether it involved him or no, but for some reason, he wanted to be the only one involved.

It's as if every time something happened that had anything to do with Deku, all his senses were put on alert. He wanted to know and understand why now out of all this time he had started feeling like this.

After their first few days in U.A., the nerd had quickly made friends and settled in as if it were the most natural thing in the world. As the days went by, Katsuki started to notice how the nerd would quickly lose interest in him and would rather concentrate on his new friends. 'I was his friend.' He thought.

Now that peppermint bitch was trying to make a move on the nerd, this feeling in the pit of his stomach had only worsened. It felt as if he was tearing something away from him, that he was finally losing something he had forgotten he had all along.

He'd taken the boy's friendship for granted all these years, always pushing him away, distancing himself from the boy, deeming him useless.

Day after day, the nerd proved he wasn't useless, and his new friends certainly never thought it, they admired him and strived to better themselves as Midoriya did. They were giving him what Katsuki had decided to take away, they were showering the boy with their friendship and all the love that came with it.

'Why did I push you away nerd...' he questioned himself, understanding the boy's value. He had been the most important person in Katsuki's life. He was the one person he never wanted to fail, he wanted the boy to look up to him and admire him, kind of how they admired All Might. He wanted to be the boy's hero.

'When did I give up on that...' was what popped up on his mind. Maybe the day he decided that Midoriya wouldn't be able to keep up with him, but were all those years of tormenting and bullying the poor boy necessary? 'No.' he answered his question.

Now he understood, he was losing him, if he hadn't already lost him, and he cared. He cared so much it hurt, because he was losing the only thing that had mattered the most to him. He was losing the rock to his foundation, the pillar that held him up so many years in the past. The boy wasn't leaving him on purpose, Katsuki was tearing down everything they had ever built, he was forcing Midoriya to leave, and for years Midoriya had stayed glued to his side, and he took it for granted.

It struck him like lighting as it made his heart speed up and his breathing picked up the rhythm of his beats. He was going to lose the one person he cared most about. If he didn't do something about it, he was going to be gone forever, the boy he cared so much for was going to disappear. 'But isn't that what you wanted?' he asked himself, as his breathing picked up even more, "NO!" he screamed out loud, silencing everyone in the cafeteria.

He clutched his shirt, his chest felt tight, he was running out of breath. His vision was blurring, he could barely make out the people nearing him as they called out his name. He held onto the table for his life as he hyperventilated, his thoughts no longer coherent. 'Midoriya! Izuku! Deku!' raced through his mind. "Don't leave me." He said to the boy running through his head.

"SOMEONE GET SOME HELP! NOW!" he could hear coming from someone grabbing him from behind as they held him up. "Bakugo! I'm not leaving, but I need you to calm down! Breathe, in, out. Shit Bakugo!" was the last thing he heard as his vision failed him and he passed out.

"Iida! Help me lay him down." Ordered Uraraka at the shocked tall boy just standing next to them.

Together, they slowly pulled Katsuki off the chair and gently placed him on the cold cafeteria floor.

"Alright, everyone back to your seats!" spoke Aizawa sensei loud and clear as he pushed his way through the crowd that had surrounded the teens. "What happened?" he asked once he made it to the center of the circle and laid eyes on his three students.

"I think he had a panic attack, I'm not sure, he was breathing rather fast and holding onto his chest then suddenly passed out." Explained Uraraka rather nervously and scared.

"Excuse me! Coming through! Make some room!" was heard coming from within the crowd as an elderly lady stepped out into the clearing they had made. "Kami, these kids are going to wear me out today." She said as she grabbed Katsuki's hand checking his pulse. "Okay kids, help me and bring him to the infirmary."

They quickly picked him up and laid him on Iida's back as Aizawa held onto the boy's feet from behind. They followed Recovery Girl out of the cafeteria and through the hallways until they reached the infirmary, Uraraka trailing after them, she knew Deku would ask questions once he saw who they were bringing in.

"Get him on that bed next to Midoriya." Said the elderly woman as she filled out some information on her computer.

At the sound of his name, Izuku instantly opened his eyes and searched for who it was they had just brought in, though he couldn't see with the curtain that separated their beds, frustrated, he tried getting up only to have Recovery Girl yell at him from the other side of the curtain, "Don't you think about it Midoriya, you're recovering."

'How did she know?' he thought. Groaning frustrated, he laid back in bed, sighing in defeat as his friend walked over to his side. "Deku! How are you feeling?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

Smiling at his friend, "I'm doing fine, it was a simple burn." He said showing her the bandaged arm. "Who's on the other side?" he asked.

He saw his friends worried gaze as she avoided his stare, "About that..." she said.

"Uraraka? What's going on?" He was really concerned now. Had something happened to one of his friends?

Having no other alternative but to come out clean with it, he'd find out sooner or later, she quickly told him, "It's Bakugo, he had a panic attack in the cafeteria and passed out."

"HE WHAT!" he screamed, not believing what she had said, so he tried getting back up to see the boy for himself.

"I said to stay in bed, damn it." Said the elderly woman as she came into his area and pushed him back, "If you do not want to follow my instructions then I will politely ask you to leave." She was getting angry now, and she wasn't going to put up with hormonal teenagers.

Not backing down, "But my friend, he's-" she cut him off.

"He's going to be fine, but I can't work if you're over hear yelling instead of resting." She wanted nothing more than to put the boy to sleep, but she knew better than that.

Defeated, he laid back down as she went back to work. He was worried, he wanted to see Kacchan and make sure he would be alright.

"Deku, don't worry. He's strong, he'll be ok." His friend reassured him as she sat at the feet of his bed. "I'm sure he'll wake up soon enough and start blowing things up in no time."

He laughed at her joke as he tried to calm down the raging sea of emotions inside of him. "I guess you're right." He said finally accepting the situation.

"Of course I am! Have I ever been known to be wrong?" she asked him giving him that bubbly smile he had learned to appreciate.

Thinking, as he put a finger to his chin, "Mmm, well, you did think I was straight in the beginning." He said, a soft giggle escaping his lips as his friend's face turned a bright shade of pink.

Standing up and backing away from the boy as she waved her hands at him, "T-that's...nevermind, I'll see you later Deku!" she said as she dashed out of the room.

He let out a soft chuckle as he remembered how his best friend used to have a crush on him when school had started. She had developed feelings for him after he had saved her in the entrance exam, earning him his way into U.A. High.

She had been more than excited when she saw him at school their first day, and about two weeks into the year, she had confessed her feelings to him. Sadly, he had to turn her down, he was going to lie and say that he was currently not interested in dating, but he had decided that this year was going to be different. So, he told her the truth, he wasn't interest in women, he was gay.

Uraraka took it way better than he thought she would, proclaiming right then and there that they would be best friends. He couldn't complain, he was way too happy that he had forged a new bond.

Speaking of bonds, he had been thinking about what Todoroki had asked him earlier as he lay in bed. It would have never crossed his mind that the boy liked him. Shit, he never considered Todoroki to be gay. Not that he was complaining, the teen was smoking hot, but Izuku viewed him as a close friend.

'It's not like friends haven't dated before, some people even marry their best friends.' He thought as he was reminded of the boy asleep on the other side of the curtain.

What had Izuku puzzled is why he hadn't initially said no to Todoroki's proposal. He quickly began looking for some sort of explanation to it all, dividing the pros and cons of the boy.

He was clearly handsome, a gentleman, kind and attentive, he made Izuku laugh and always seemed to care about how he felt, he even went out of his way to consider the things Izuku wanted. He had on a certain occasion stood up to Kacchan for him, but maybe Kacchan had been having a bad day that day. 'No Izuku! It's like Todoroki said, stop making excuses for his behavior.' He reminded himself.

But what was wrong with the boy? He couldn't really come up with anything. He wasn't mean, or abusive. He didn't bully him. He wasn't anything bad really. But deep down inside of him, something was telling him that he wasn't Kacchan. 'Why does it matter if he's not Kacchan? It's not like I like Kacchan' he thought, ''and if I did, it's not like I'd ever have a chance with him.'

Yes, he knew the sleeping blond made him feel things. Things he had never felt before, and he wasn't sure what to make of it. No matter what they were, 'it's not like they were going to get him anywhere.' He thought.

As he said before, this year was going to be different, He deserved to be happy, and Todoroki made him happy, considering they were best friends. He wondered how he would feel if they were dating, the idea was a bit weird to him, but he might get used to it in time.

Izuku would always go out of his way for his friends. Todoroki deserved to be happy, and if he was able to do that for his friends, then what the heck, he'd do it. If he was happy doing it, then all hell be damned he would enjoy it.

Smiling at the decision he had come to, he relaxed into the pillow underneath his head and turned towards the curtain that separated him and Kacchan. "Why have you been acting so weird lately?" he silently asked the boy on the other side.

Kacchan had been rather angry at Todoroki earlier, he had thrown a fit yesterday afternoon after school, they had ridden the bus together to school this morning, and he was sure he'd caught the boy staring at him at some moment in the locker rooms earlier.

Now, to top it all off, he had gone and passed out in the cafeteria. What was going on in with his friend. He really wanted to understand, it was like a feeling inside of him just crawling around, dragging itself under his skin making him feel like he was failing his friend.

"I wish you would let me know how what's going on. That way I'd be able to help you." He spoke a little louder, "I miss us Kacchan." Unaware of how ruby-red eyes widened at his words.

'I miss us too.' Thought the quiet blond as he laid there listening to Midoriya's words. He wanted to voice his thoughts, to go over there and tell him how much he missed their days together, but he sat there, quiet as ever as a tear made its way down his cheek, leaving a small wet trail in its path.

He didn't deserve to speak to the boy on the other side, he didn't deserve to even be considered his friend anymore. He had fucked up, and he knew it now, he accepted it, and all the guilt that came with it.

Closing his eyes, he wiped his face off, before relaxing into the mattress. He would work his way up again, he'd make Midoriya see the old Katsuki, but better. He wasn't going to lose him, his mistakes weren't going to cut his lifeline away, because that's what Midoriya was to him, his lifeline.

Earlier, his realization had hit him hard, he clutched his bedsheets as images from the cafeteria flashed into his mind. He hadn't had a panic attack since they were little.

Katsuki had developed some separation anxiety towards the small Deku when they were kids. They had spent so much time together, that when it came time to say goodbye for the day, he'd start hyperventilating thinking Izuku wasn't coming back. That's when his mom had suggested the sleepovers and he couldn't have been happier at the woman.

He sighed, a small smile on his lips as he remembered their first night together.

"Kacchan! Kacchan!" yelled a happy green-haired toddler in an All Might pajama as he jumped up and down the older boy's bed. "Aren't you happy I get to spend the whole night with you?"

Beyond happy, the little blond boy wouldn't show it to his friend, "Yeah, yeah, stop jumping before you fall." He said, pulling out his gaming console and two controllers. "How about we play some Mario Kart, Deku." he told his best friend.

"But I wanna jump Kacchan! I'm just so happy I get to be with you!" he said, still excited as before, glee shone through his eyes.

Katsuki wanted to get up and jump with him, but he knew his mom would get mad, "Just get your butt down here, Deku." He ordered.

"Kay." Was all the toddler said as he huffed and climbed down the bed and to sit on the floor next to his best friend.

"Deku?" he asked the boy.

Tilting his head to the side to look at his friend, "Yes, Kacchan?" he responded cutely.

Not looking at the boy, he kept his eyes on the screen, "You'll never leave me, right?" he asked, slightly nervous.

"Oh! Of course not Kacchan! Never ever in the whole wide world!" answered happily the All Might toddler as he gave his best friend a tight hug.

"Mmm, but you gotta promise or it doesn't count." Said tiny Katsuki hiding his blush as he was currently being crushed by his best friend.

Lifting his tiny emerald eyes to look at his blond friend, "I promise Kacchan! I promise from here to the whole universe!" he said eagerly as he waited for his friend's approval.

A smile made its way onto the little blond as he got what he wanted. "Okay Deku, then I promise too." He promised and returned the hug.

'Cute,' thought the blonde watching from the door. "Alright brats, time for bed!" she said as she barged into the room, breaking up their little moment.

'How could I forget so many things...so many promises I made you Deku.' He questioned himself as he lay there. 'I failed you miserably.' He thought.

"I promise, I'm gonna keep my promises, no matter the price." He barely whispered, muffling his crieswith the pillow beneath him. 

-

-

-

-

-

Hey guys, hope you enjoyed this new chappie, I had a fun time writing it. I think it's very...important for Katsuki's development as a person. 

Thanks to all who have read up to this point, I'm currently working on the next chapter. I've written so much these past few days I feel like I no longer have a fingerprint. haha

Lots of love, thanks <3