~Time to put my metal on

Junior Wheeler's life was perfect.

Nothing could possibly go wrong in his life.

He was going to regionals for cross-country, he had the prettiest girlfriend in Perry Middle School, he made everyone happy.

Even though it wasn't fully true. Junior didn't love cross-country, not at all. His father wanted him to do it and he just wanted to make him proud.

Sure, Lexy Cross was pretty, but she was controlling. And as often as he tried to make himself, Junior just couldn't do anything more with her. He liked her to an extent, but nothing more. Which frustrated her because they never went further than kissing and some very light touching.

And Junior knew he didn't make everyone happy. He bullied his own cousin, Jake. Jake was...weird. Weird with his doll sculptures and everything about it. He picked on his sexuality because that's what everyone else did. And he liked to fit in while Jake didn't. They were a time they were much closer as kids, but that was long gone by now. Those memories were almost faded out now.

Despite it all, everything was perfect. Nothing could go wrong.

Until death began hitting at every single corner.

Whose neck to cut?

His uncle died. Apparently having had too much to drink and electrocuted himself. Which resulted in Jake having had to mov in with him and his parents.

And then Annie. She practically helped raise him for as long as she could remember. Junior remembered his entire body freezing when he found her corpse, lying there for god knows how long, knives sticking out of her throat.

Then there was the fire at Lexy's party. The one that also killed Oliver. The fire didn't technically kill him, he was apparently stabbed to death before the fire started. While he has issues with Oliver, mainly because of Lexy, it was still horrifying to hear.

Everything was just...falling apart. He didn't know how or why. There was nothing he could do to stop it. And with his girlfriend and best friend suddenly running around with his cousin and barely talking to him, the sinking feeling grew in his stomach.

I don't know, whose side I'm on?

For the first time in a long time, Junior started to feel alone. He often felt alone at times but knew he wasn't. He could always rely on his mother. They both shot each other knowing looks when his dad would pressure him about cross-country. They both knew that Junior didn't like it but neither said anything. It was an unspoken agreement between them, the mother and son too afraid to say anything to the father.

Even though everything was weird, and wrong, and so much more, it would be okay. Everything would. He had his mom, the person he trusted with his own life. He loved her, even if it wasn't something he said very often. But he did. He would be okay if he has her.

And then life decided to say "fuck you" and have his mother deliver a devastating blow to him.

She had cancer.

Cancer. The one word bomb that imploded his world.

How could she have it?

How long did she have it?

Why didn't she say anything?

How much time did she have left?

No, he couldn't focus on that. He just needed to spend every possible moment with her. Hug her as tightly as he could and never let go, as if his life depended on it.

Junior came with her to her therapy appointment, not wanting to be alone. They talked and he felt better. Like everything could be okay, just for now. The way she touched his hair and called him "Jun-Jun" made him feel like a kid again. Maybe he still was a kid. A kid who needed his mother.

She said that she loved him and went to her appointment. He put on his headphones and allowed himself to get lost in the music.

And then...

There lies my sanity

Junior missed something. He missed the signs, he must've...everything was okay, everything was okay...

A mail cart landed on a car next to him and he jumped, ripping his headphones off.

Another thud, much louder and making the entire car shake and he looked forward.

He wished he never did. He wished that the impact would've killed him in the process instead, so he would've never seen what he saw.

Because before him on the windshield, was his mother's mangled body, her face through the glass as if she was staring right at him.

He stumbled out of the car, crying, screams of pure horror ripping out of his throat. His mind couldn't process, couldn't fully understand but he knew well enough.

This had to be a nightmare. A nightmare that he couldn't wake out of...why couldn't he wake up?!

This wasn't real, this wasn't real, THIS WASN'T FUCKING REAL!

But it was. It was so painfully real and god, Junior wished it wasn't.

No matter what, for the rest of his days, he would be haunted by the image of his mother's corpse merely inches away from his face.

There goes my mind, I could not save

He was numb.

Junior could barely feel anymore, sitting there as the therapist talked. He didn't hear her words, or his father's. It was like he was underwater and everything was muffled.

A part of Junior wanted to cry. To scream. To punch and kick and fucking feel something. But he wouldn't let himself. He bottled everything down and forced himself to be numb. Like how he broke up with Lexy and didn't feel a thing. But he wanted to feel nothing because if he didn't, he would shatter.

Like the glass of the windshield—

No! Stop, don't think that. Just...don't.

Junior didn't want to hear anything. When Jake spoke, something about how maybe his mother didn't kill herself, he had gotten up and in his face. Told him to stay away and how they were better without him before leaving.

For just a brief moment, he wanted to be weak. To just sob and cling onto his cousin and apologize for everything. He was so fucking exhausted. But Junior was too stubborn. He couldn't deal with anything, so he just threw all of the blame on him. To hate his own cousin for being who he was.

Junior really was a coward. The only thing he was truly good at.

He didn't sleep that night. He stayed sitting on his bed, staring at the wall in front of him until the sun finally came back up.

I don't trust, but I see right in front of me

The next morning was the funeral. Everything felt automatic and required so much energy. Junior had to get up, get dressed, make himself look presentable. He knew he looked like a mess, pale with dark circles around his bloodshot eyes. But there was nothing else to do. Just avoid looking into the mirror.

Because the longer he stared at the mirror, the more he could see his mother's bloody face instead of his own.

Junior didn't even want to be here. To be hit with the reminder that his mother was truly gone. That she was never going to come back. That this wasn't just the worst nightmare he's ever experienced and all of it was a reality.

He just wanted to go back to his room, hold onto a picture frame of his mom and him together where they were smiling so happily, close his eyes and hope to whatever the fuck is out there that he'll never wake up.

Then, at the funeral, was a woman he didn't recognize. Well, to some extent, he did recognize her. Was she an actress? He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but something about her appearance rang familiarity.

He had watched her in silence for a moment, his nearly emotionless eyes shifting into a look of curiosity. Junior didn't know why she was here. He hadn't seen her in person before. But she spoke to his father, a confident and almost sly nature about her.

Perhaps she was just someone paying her respects to...a woman she didn't know. He wasn't sure. He didn't have it in him to think more about it and try to answer the question.

Then, she made her way over to him. He hadn't realized it at first first, his gaze down on the ground. He didn't want to look at anyone. Not his father, not his cousin, not his friend and ex-girlfriend that attended the funeral, not even his own mother's tombstone. But he saw a pair of black high heels in front of his own feet and looked up at the mystery blonde woman.

I don't know who to betray

"I'm sorry for your mom. I know how you're feeling, sweetie." She said sympathetically, but not in the selfish way like how everyone was saying it to him.

Just to feel good about themselves, to show that they cared even when they didn't. No, she seemed sincere. As if she truly knew how he was feeling.

And that pissed him off for a moment. How honest that strange woman looked between all his family and "friends".

"How would you?" Junior asked harsher than he truly meant, but it wasn't like he hadn't been an asshole to everyone already.

The blonde woman only smiled melancholically, "I also lost my mom too soon. Not in the way you did...but she was dead in front of my eyes. Glass everywhere. Opaque eyes. So suddenly."

Junior shivered, for the first time since...since...what happened...he felt something. He didn't like it. The pain. The remembrance.

"It hurts, doesn't it? To lose her. To know that you will never see her again. Hear her voice." She continued with a maternal voice, taking a step closer to him.

For some reason, Junior felt the need to back down. To run away. He was a coward anyway. But her words were stabbing his heart continuously, crashing it.

He didn't want to feel it. He wanted to stay a coward.

"No, stop-" Junior started angrily but she suddenly held his chin with her fingers, her expression full of care.

His mom looked at him like that. Like his father never did.

It was the last look she gave him.

Junior felt tears fill his eyes against his will.

"You don't have to deny it, sweetie. She is gone. She won't come back. Never again." She said, stating it as a fact, pity shining in her eyes.

He wanted to get mad, to attack her like he did with Jake. But his heart shattered at that moment.

Was he really that pathetic? Refusing to see that his mom...that his mom...that she was dead so he could stop all that pain in his chest, threatening to destroy him?

She died. His mom died. And it hurt so bad. As if someone was holding and squeezing his heart.

Was it how Jake must have felt when he lost his mom and dad? Was it really that painful?

Tears rolled down Junior's cheeks without his consent as he averted his eyes. His body was frozen in place as he fell apart in front of a strange woman that took him down only with a few words.

Yes, he was that pathetic.

His mom didn't deserve such a pathetic son.

"Shhhh, it's okay, my dear. Crying is good, it shows you care. You can cry for your mom." She reassured him, and it worked.

Junior didn't know for how many times he sobbed, trying and failing to wipe out his tears, but he eventually gave up and just waited for it stop.

It didn't. Even when his tears stopped falling, it was still hurting.

"Why? Why does it...why does it still hurt so much?" Junior asked, his voice quivering.

He didn't understand why he couldn't get back to being numb.

"Because you loved her, Junior. And when you love someone, and you lose them, it will hurt. A lot." She explained, raising his chin suddenly and forcing him to face her, "But there's a way to make it hurt less. It worked with me when I lost my mom."

His eyes immediately widened. He had to know what was it. Junior didn't think he could live with that pain, he didn't know how his stupid cousin did.

And his dad...he wouldn't accept it. He couldn't feel like that for too long.

"How?" Junior questioned, more desperate than he wanted to show he was.

The woman smiled sweetly.

"It might not be pleasing, sweetface. But if you really want to know...if you really want to honor your mom's memory but to not suffer so much...to feel alive again..." She approached her face to his, gently wiping the tears from his cheeks, "Call me tonight. I'll tell you what to do."

Junior frowned, not understanding why she wouldn't just tell him right now, he needed that information! But then she moved away, her touch leaving his skin, like his mom's did.

He realized why when his dad approached, putting a hand on his shoulder and causing Junior's mind immediately turn off when he started to talk to the woman, Tiffany, she said it was her name.

It was a pretty name.

And she kept glancing at him in the middle of the conversation with his dad, his grip on his shoulder feeling heavier and heavier, as if it would crush him.

Junior didn't like it. He didn't want to be close to anyone, especially his dad.

But he had no choice. He was in pain, feeling his world was falling apart, and he still had no choice.

His mom wanted to give him a choice.

Tiffany wanted to give him a choice too.

He watched her and his dad say goodbye, but before she left, she winked at him.

Maybe Junior could have a choice?

So easily we're persuaded

Junior was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at his phone where Tiffany's number was appearing on the screen and bitting his lip thoughtfully.

It was a bad idea. He didn't even know her. She was just the strange woman in his mother's...in her funeral. In her funeral. Because she was dead.

Junior felt that numb but persistent pain hit him again, causing him to breath deeply to stop himself from crying again.

He couldn't. When his dad saw his watered eyes after Tiffany left he scolded him for showing weakness like that. For not acting tough for his mom like she would have wanted him to be strong.

But his dad was wrong. His mom didn't want him to be tough, to be like him, she loved him the way he was. She was the only one. And she died.

Junior clenched his teeth, keeping his tears from falling.

He had a choice now.

What Tiffany would tell him could end up in nothing, she could be playing with the poor kid that just lost his mom, but she could also help him get through this in a way his dad couldn't.

In a way Jake tried, but he didn't let him.

He called Tiffany.

1

2

3

4

5 seconds.

When Junior was about to hang up, to forget about it, she picked it up, her melodycal voice echoing from his phone, "Hello?"

He swallowed, panicking for a moment, but finally answering, "H-hey. It's Junior."

"Oh, Junior. You called me. I knew you would." She said and although he couldn't see her, he could hear the smile in her voice.

Why was she smiling? Would she be so happy to help a kid get over their mom's...death?

No, she was an adult. Something was wrong.

"You know what, forget it. I-I shouldn't have called. Sorry." Junior apologized, hating the way he was stuttering like his dumb cousin.

This had been a mistake. But when he was about to turn it off, Tiff spoke softly, "No need to be sorry, sweetface. If you want, you can hang up, of course. But I believe you don't really want to do it. Do you?"

Maybe? He didn't know, though. Tiffany was...she was nice? A bit scary, giving him chills sometimes, but like his mom, she didn't press him to anything.

She gave him a choice. And she let him choose. It wasn't like his dad that pretended Junior was in charge of his future when his whole life was controlled by him.

Junior was tired of that.

"No? I mean, no! I want to know what you had to say." Junior stated as confidently as he was able to.

Tiffany giggled sweetly, "It's not what I have to say, cupcake. It's what you need to hear to be able to move on. To live your life as your mom would have wanted you to. In your own way."

Yes. That was what his mom wanted for him. Junior smiled melancholically. She wanted him to be happy doing what he wished.

"Okay, and what is that? My dad...." Junior stopped himself before he could continue.

He shouldn't say it. And maybe he didn't want to admit it outloud.

"Your dad...he wouldn't let you, right?" Tiffany questioned, speaking before he could ask how did she know, "It's okay, sweetie, my dad was just like yours. After my mom died, it wasn't any better."

Just like his. Junior wanted to scoff. She didn't know how his dad was. She couldn't.

"It's complicated. You can't...it's not easy to understand, okay?!" Junior exclaimed, but it sounded as weak as his will to justify his dad.

He was tired too. He just wanted to be left alone to live his life without pressure. To be allowed to at least mourn his mom without pressure.

"But I do understand, Junior. I had to, so I could be the woman I am today. So I could honor my dear mother. Don't you want to do the same? To be free the way she would have liked you to be?" Tiffany's voice was sympathetic, even too much, making he consider if she could read his mind.

No, it was a stupid thought. It was impossible. Those stuff didn't exist.

But...she was kind of right.

Junior didn't want to be a coward anymore. His mom...she would have helped him. She would have let him be himself.

It was his job to do it now. To show that she was right in supporting her. That he wasn't pathetic.

"How do I do it then?"Junior asked hesitantly, swallowing.

"Well, you know what, sweetie. Deep down, you know what your dad truly is for you. What he has done to you," Tiffany said, sighing before continuing, "Even to your mom."

What? What did she mean? That his dad was to blame for what happened to his mom? And even if he was, she wasn't insinuating that he should...

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Tiffany. If you mean that-" Junior started but was interrupted by her.

"C'mon, sweetface, you're a smart boy. Your mom was going through a tough time, she was suffering. She needed support, not money. But she didn't reach out to your father. And if he's gone too...you'll be free. Your mom would be so proud."

That was...that was wrong. She didn't tell him because she didn't want him to suffer. She didn't want them to suffer!

But...what if she thought she couldn't reach out to his dad? Junior didn't think he ever could, not for something like that when his dad wasn't even worried about him when he was at the hospital.

Just about cross-country.

Junior clenched his teeth, feeling angry.

Maybe, if his dad wasn't the way he was, his mom would be alive. She would have had his support and Junior wouldn't lose her.

But what Tiffany seemed to be talking about...Junior couldn't do it. It was...he was still his dad, right?

Right?

"I- I can't. I can't do it. He's my dad." Junior argued, but not even he truly believed in what he was saying.

"And Bree was your mom, Junior. You don't have to worry about what will happen to you later. Me and your mom...we were close. I can take care of you for her. I can give you the freedom she wanted for you." Tiff offered.

Junior closed his eyes for a moment, breathing deeply. She was his mom. His dad...he could have avoided this. Mom...she could be alive.

And he...if it wasn't for his dad he could live without so much pain and pressure.

For once. Tiffany seemed cool, and although he wouldn't rely on her word, he wasn't stupid, after all, he still had some relatives in other cities that lived as well as him.

Junior didn't have to depend on his dad. To allow him to control his life until he possibly ended up like his mom.

No, he really DID have a choice.

"I..." Junior whispered, his lips tightened in a thin line.

He just had to be strong enough to make the decision.

"You don't have to decide it today, sweetface. But when you do...I'll be here for you." Tiffany said kindly, her tone supportive.

Once more, she was giving him time. Space. It just confirmed to Junior that maybe he was following the right path.

"Okay. You...thank you, Tiffany." Junior thanked with a small smile, knowing she was smiling too.

You're welcome, Junior. Have a good night." She said and ended the call, leaving Junior alone with his thoughts.

He sat there on his bed, not moving. He probably sat there for a few minutes or a couple hours, he didn't know anymore. What she wanted him to do, it was wrong. But god...he just wanted to be free.

Junior barely even realized that he stood up and made his way down the stairs. Once again, he was moving automatically. Eventually, he was in the kitchen and saw what he needed.

He could do it. It could be quick. Or he could wait. Think about it more.

But Junior knew himself. If he didn't make a choice now, his cowardice would never let him do it.

So he carefully grabbed the first knife he saw.

The butcher knife glistened in Junior's hand when he lifted it slowly, admiring for a brief moment the sharpness with his fingertips. He could see his reflection on the shiny blade and almost didn't recognize himself. His brown eyes were practically lifeless, only a twinkle of light in them the more he stared at the knife.

The twinkle that would grow once he did what he needed to do.

The next step in being free.

When the lines are blurred and faded

His hand shook around the knife, staying as quietly as possible while approaching his father. He was drinking again, in front of the fireplace. He had been drinking a lot recently. Far more than usual. It reminded Junior of Uncle Lucas, becoming an alcoholic after his wife died.

Sometimes, he saw bruises on Jake. He never asked because they barely talked at that point. But it made him wonder if Lucas had hit his cousin.

And then he thought if his own father would go down that path as well.

But he would make sure that history wouldn't repeat itself.

Junior wondered if he should make it quick. Put his dad out of his misery by slicing his throat. He could, it would be kind that way. So his father could never look into the eyes of his killer, his own son.

But before he could, his father turned his head and he quickly moved his hand holding the knife behind his back.

"Junior...what are you doing up?" He asked, moving to get up from his chair.

"I...I couldn't sleep." He managed to say, staying still and didn't move his hand.

Junior could smell the stench of alcohol coming out of his father, wrinkling his nose as he took a step back.

"You should go to sleep, kid," his father said before taking another swig of whiskey from his glass, "you need to be up by six in the morning tomorrow. It's time for you to start your training for nationals."

The teen froze. He nearly dropped his knife but kept a firm grip on it. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"We can't afford for you to have anymore distractions when you're so close to winning."

Junior nearly forgot how to speak. Staring at his father with bewildered eyes, the first emotion he's shown since that horrible day, before finding his voice. "A...a distraction? A distraction? Mom is dead. She's dead, and that's a distraction?!"

Logan flinched, a slight grimace making its way to his face as if he didn't want to remember that his wife was gone. "Junior.."

"She's dead! She's dead and all you can think about is me going to fucking nationals when you cheated to get me in there?!"

"Junior, watch your mouth—"

"No! This is bullshit!" Junior raised his voice, body shaking but from a different kind of emotion. Not hesitance or fear. But anger and fury.

His dad slammed his almost empty glass on the table beside him. "Everything I'm doing, it's for you, Junior. This is all for you and your future."

Junior shook his head, glaring at his father now. "All you care about is yourself. Not me, not mom. I'm done. I'm fucking done. I'm not doing this anymore. No."

This time, his father's eyes hardened at his son, taking a step toward him but Junior didn't step back. "What did you just say?"

It was in that moment, where he knew what to do.

He finally made his decision.

"I...said...NO!"

No one ever starts that way

In one swift motion, Junior lunged forward and shoved the knife into his father's throat.

Logan's eyes went wide, choking on blood and Junior ripped the knife out of his neck. The thick, red liquid splashed him in the face, making him flinch and back up the same time his father fell to his knees.

Logan was trying to stop the stop the bleeding with his hands, but it was no use. The cut was too deep and there was too much blood spilling between his fingers. Finally, he fell face first to the hard floor and let out his final breath.

Junior didn't move. He didn't wipe the blood off his face or hands. He just stared at his father's body. There was a part of him screaming. Screaming about what he had done but he pushed that voice out of his head when he began to get an inkling feeling of guilt. For a second, he thought he heard an awful cackling noise and the sensation that he was being watched but he didn't pay attention to it. He didn't care anymore.

He was free. He was finally free from his father. He should be happy, relieved. While he felt just a hint of that, the teenager still felt numb.

Junior took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He stared at his dad's corpse before finally speaking.

"Dad...I really fucking hate cross-country."

But this is how villains are made~