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Dialogue - Your Secret Writing Sauce

THIS CHAPTER APPLIES TO NOVELISTS AND SCREENWRITERS!

NOTICE: The two of examples I used in this chapter are LGBTQ influenced. It was a coincidence, I swear. I wrote the first half two years ago and the second half of this chapter two years after posting so I could flesh this topic out more.

There will be three parts to this chapter, so you can skip to whichever one you need most:

P1- Proper format and ediquette for writing dialogue. This will cover grammar, dialogue tags, how to punctuate, and so on using a made up example from a made up scene.

P2- Making your dialogue flow realistically so it doesn't sound dry or dull. This will help you figure out what points you need made in a scene without having characters bluntly saying it. This part will use TWO made up examples from the same made up scene.

P3- Knowing the apropriate time to baby your audience, and how to convey emotion with diaglogue. This will cover when to explain things directly to the audience using dialogue. This part will be using real examples from the anime series, Yuri on Ice, and comparing it to another anime series, Jujutsu Kaisen. You do not need to have seen either of these animes to understand this section.


Part 1: Formatting your dialogue

The thing I hate most in online writing—other than finding a story that doesn't have paragraph breaks—is poor dialogue. This varies from conversation between characters that don't make sense, a choppy flow, and poor punctuation or use of quotations. This chapter will first cover how to properly format dialogue, and then discuss how to make it feel more real as your characters talk about literally anything.

For starters, commas are your best friend.  You should always use commas at the end of a spoken sentence within quotations if an action of dialogue tag follows.

Ex: "You're very cheerful this morning," Emma said with a bubbly grin.

However, if the action that follows the piece of dialogue is NOT an action tag, you must punctuate it appropriately. This would be when you don't use any form of "said" or "asked" but instead explain a character physically doing something.

Ex: "I'm not cheerful, I'm angry."  Iisan sighed as he sat down on the slightly moldy sofa.

If there is an action in the middle of the sentence, you still have to use a comma. This is not an interruption of the sentence, but rather for something the character is doing WHILE they are talking.

Ex: "Iisan,"  Emma rolled her eyes, "it's obvious something happened between you and Terry yesterday."

(Note the comma placed after the action and the lowercase at the beginning of the second set of quotations. This is because it is one sentence that "Emma" is saying.)

If there is an action between two separate sentences, you would use periods. The character is not talking while doing this action. Think of it like a brief pause, or break between sentences. Its also a great opportunity to explain what the character is feeling in that moment.

Ex: "Nothing happened."  Iisan found himself unable to look in her direction, for fear she could see straight through his lies.  "We just talked."

(Note the period at the end of the action statement and the capitalized letter at the beginning of the second set of quotations.)

If you are interrupting a statement with an action, use an en-dash. This IS an interruption of the dialogue made BY the character speaking. If another character is interrupting, you cut the first character off with an end dash and add nothing else.

Ex: "And-"  Emma threw her hands up in the air dramatically-  "you totally didn't kiss him."

Other notes on dialogue:
-There's a double space after each sentence both within and outside of quotations. (Except at the end of the sentence in quotations where the dialogue should end.)

-If you're not using a name, the first letter of the word after a spoken dialogue should not be capitalized UNLESS the dialogue had a period when it ended.

-You do not always have to use "he said" or follow dialogue with some form of action. You can leave it blank if you want, so long as a reader is able to know who is talking. (Character slang, pattern, only one character has been talking throughout the scene, etc.)

-You don't have to follow all of this, however it'll be easier to read and get published if you do.

-You should seriously follow these guidelines for proper English and grammar unless you are John Green.

-Character thoughts that cannot be heard by other characters are to be italicized and not put in quotations, though this is flexible based on perspective and narrative. Also, if you make one character's thoughts read by the reader when not in first person, DO NOT also write out the thoughts of other characters. You just stick to the one, at least for that scene or chapter.

-YOU MUST ALWAYS BREAK THE PARAGRAPH IF A DIFFERENT CHARACTER IS SPEAKING. 





Part 2: Making your dialogue flow and feel realistic

Now, how do we make dialogue feel realistic? Well, realistic even in a sense of fantasy/fiction, that is. Dialogue is perfect for expressing plot and revealing things about characters, environment, plot, and emotion. However, there is one very VERY important rule to writing dialogue:

YOU CANNOT EXPLICITLY SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY!

That's right. Avoid being upfront at all costs. Confusing? Of course it is! I'll give you an example

Context for this scene: Character A, "Terrance," needs to break up with character B, "Ada." He feels emotionally abused by her, doesn't feel like their relationship is equally yoked, and is confused about his feelings for a third off-screen character. Other things you would want the reader to know (perhaps already explained earlier on in your work, out of this scene) is that Terrance is completely blind, he and Ada have been in a relationship for a year and a half, they are both Juniors in high school, Ada doesn't like Terrance's littler brother, and it is the beginning of Christmas break.

First, I will show you what NOT to do to write this scene:

"Ada, can we talk?" Terrance asked as he joined her outside in the snow.

"It's Christmas break! We have all the time in the world to talk!" Ada said with a grin, "I know you can't see it, but I am smiling right now. I am happy!"

"How long have we been dating?" Terrance asked grimly.

"A year and five months!" Ada replied, "why do you ask?"

"I just... feel strange?" Terrance responded hesitantly.

"About what?"

"I want to break up with you," Terrance confessed.

"What?! Why!?" Ada exclaimed in alarm, "you can't leave me! You need me! We're only Juniors in high school, but still! We need each other!"

"I know, Ada, I'm sorry," Terrance sighed.

"It's because of your brother, isn't it?" Ada said with a sour tone in her voice. "I've always hated him. He told you to do this. Whatever lies he told you aren't true!"

"It's not about him, Ada," Terrance said, "it's... Iisan."

"Iisan?! You're gay?!" Ada fumed with anger.

"Well, I'm not actually sure."

"So you've been lying about your attraction to me all this time?!" Ada huffed, opening the back patio door to go back inside.

"No, I wasn't! I never lied!"

"Well, I guess it's over then. Goodbye, Terrance!" Ada said, stepping back into the house and abandoning him on the outdoor patio.


What was wrong with that scene? Everything. Well, I did say everything I wanted to say. The reader now knows that this takes place during Christmas break, these are two high school kids, Terrance is confused about his sexuality, Ada hates his little brother, and now they've broken up. I ticked all the boxes that needed to be accomplished with that scene yet it was completely and utterly wrong. Why?

Everything was told upfront by the characters as quickly as possible. To properly write dialogue, you cannot only think of what they need to say but how you can convey those things outside of verbal communication. Even if it's something only the reader gets to know, such as thoughts, nervousness, anxiety, context, and so on. Not EVERYTHING needs to be said out loud by the characters and not everything needs to be laid out as quick as possible so you can get to the point.

By the way, if being written through screenplay, all the non dialogue parts in the ahead example should be shown through context of scenery, acting, and music.

Here is how I would rewrite the scene to make it flow better: (Know that the scene is now significantly longer and COULD DEFINITELY be shortened down if some points were made outside of the scene in previous context)


"Terrance, come outside with me! It's snowing!" Ada called across the house, already getting in her snow boots and jacket.

It took a while to drag him out of the kitchen but eventually, with enough shouting and begging, Ada was able to successfully annoy Terrance into joining her. Flirtatiously, Ada helped dress him--though he really didn't need any help with that sort of thing--and planted a light kiss on the tip of his nose. Terrance felt something churning in his gut, and it certainly wasn't butterflies.

"You look so cute right now! Hold on, let me get a picture," Ada said, fumbling with the phone in her pockets as soon as they got outside.

Terrance could hear her tromping out into the snow which crunched and packed beneath her feet. The sound was nostalgic to Terrance and ordinarily flooded him with excitement for Christmas and winter sports. Yet for some reason, they filled Terrance with a melancholic feeling this time.

"Come on, smile!" Ada urged.

Terrance shook his head, "no, no pictures right now, please."

"Oh come on Terrance! It's just one picture!"

"I don't feel like it right now."

"Please? Just give me a smile!" Ada begged.

"No, Ada. I don't want you taking pictures of me right now," Terrance said, allowing his head to bow forward, slightly covering his eyes with his curled bangs.

"What is wrong with me taking pictures of you? It's not like you're going to see them. They're for me! They make me happy," Ada said with slight fixation masked by girlish cheer.

"I'm... sorry..." Terrance shook his head, "hey uh... can we talk?"

"Bout what?" The way she said that made it sound like she already knew. Terrance's gut continued to churn and worried thoughts were now eating him alive.

"I... uh..." He couldn't get the proper words to fall from his lips. Maybe if he avoided saying it at all, the situation could resolve over time and he could be happy with her again. Of course he could be! He just had to fix himself first.

"Here, come with me," Ada said, suddenly taking him by the hand and guiding him out into the snowy backyard. The next thing he knew, she had shoved a ball of snow down the back of his shirt.

"Hey! What the heck?" Terrance said, his hands immediately trying to fish out the snow. He tried to laugh about it but it was difficult. Iisan had done the same thing to him yesterday and it didn't bother him. Ada shoved snow down his shirt today and he immediately wanted to snap at her.

"Sorry, sorry," Ada said with a light jovial laugh. She helped him get the snow out. "Guess you're in a bad mood today."

"We need to talk about something," Terrance said, now completely cold, wet, and anxious. "Maybe we should go back inside though?"

"No, I like being out here," Ada said. "Oh, is this about the other day? I thought you could hear the car coming!"

"Well, I did hear the car coming. Shoving me, disoriented, into the street as a joke kind of made it hard to tell which way the sidewalk was," Terrance said with irritation.

"It was funny afterwards though," Ada said.

"I guess so..." Terrance bit his lip.

"So thats it then!" Ada said, still cheerful, "lets just not worry about that anymore, okay? I promise you, I will not pull that sort of joke again. I know you're capable of just about anything a sighted person is, but yeah, that joke went too far. Your brother already told me off, so we don't need to discuss it further."

"Oh, okay," Terrance said. He began to fidget with the sleeves of his coat.

"Ah! I miss the days when we could just be kids and play stupid games in the snow!" Ada said, quickly changing the subject, "you know, I used to-"

"Ada," Terrance interrupted with a deep serious tone, "there's something I want to tell you."

"Yeah? What's up?"

"I'm uh..." his chest felt hot and his throat became dry, "...I've been, uh... Thinking about things lately."

"Like what?"

"Um... promise you won't get upset?"

"Of course," Ada said and pecked his cheek with her lips. She held his arm tenderly.

"Great, uh..." he ran his free hand through his hair, "...I think I'm... bi?"

"What?" Ada uttered after a beat.

"Or pan. I don't know. It's confusing."

"So you're gay?" Ada immediately let go of his arm.

"N-no. I just think I like boys as well as girls?" Terrance flinched away from her.

"So our whole relationship was built on a lie?"

"No! I did like you! I still like g-girls but-"

"Did? So you don't anymore? You're gay now? That's just it?" Ada stepped away, that familiar crunch of snow echoing in Terrance's mind. "Is it Iisan?!"

"What? N-no-" Terrance said, though it felt wrong coming out of his mouth.

"Do you want to break up with me?" Ada asked bluntly.

"N-no! I want to figure it out with you!" Terrance said.

"Figure what out? I don't care if your bi, pan, or whatever! But when you're with a girl, you should only be attracted to her! If we were married, it wouldn't matter what your sexuality was because you could ONLY be attracted to me!" Ada said. Terrance could hear a tremble in her voice and feared he'd made her start to cry. "So you think of other people then. Is that it?"

"Not at all! I-" Terrance held his tongue- "maybe we should take a break. We clearly need to sort things out."

"Then what? We get back together but you're still thinking about boys?"

"I'm sorry," Terrance hid his face in his hands.

"Is it Iisan?" Ada asked again.

"I don't know."

"I should have known. You've got two gays moms and a trans brother, of course you were going to turn out gay," Ada said, sharply turning on her heals and heading back to the house.

"Where are you going?"

"Home. I need to think about this."


Woah woah woah, what happened there? He didn't seem to want to break up with her, did he? Well, that type of scene would need more context of previous scenes and scenes following it up. He wants to, but he doesn't want to admit it because he still thinks he has a chance to fix things. He wants to hold onto what he has which makes a breakup such as this one feel slightly more real. Notice that I didn't bring up his little brother till the end when Ada talked about Terrance's family viciously? She didn't need to say more, and since her dislike for his brother wasn't relevant to the scene, it didn't need more spotlight than that. From that cut of a scene you get to feel the attachment they both have to their relationship, the sense of confusion, a feel for both perspectives, as well as the setting. I hinted at how emotionally Ada has hurt Terrance through her pushiness for a photo he didn't want her to take, and the mention of a prank she pulled on him that was potentially dangerous. I also conveyed Terrance's reactions to her through subtle feelings only the reader would see, as well as comparing two different reactions to the same thing (her shoving snow down his shirt vs the boy he's potentially crushing on).

Neither come out of this scene as the good guys. If the scene was longer, you would see that Ada really isn't a good person. That being said, even if she is bad, she gets to have feelings. To make it feel more realistic, she has to be upset about something that makes sense to her. Though Terrance and many people who are bi or pan don't see identifying with those sexualities as a bad thing when in a relationship, a lot of people do, which is why communication is important and why relationships are better when equally yolked. (I can talk about character relationships later though).

So, even though (if aided by earlier scenes) the reader already hates Ada, they can still see why she'd be upset with Terrance while still feeling sympathy for him.

If you're interested in learning more, check out the video "How Bad Dialogue Ruined Thor 4" by The Closer Look on YouTube. 

There are also some interesting tidbits bits about bad dialogue in the video, "How To Harm Your Audience - Wonder Woman 1984" by The Closer Look on YouTube. The dialogue discussion starts  eight minutes into the video if you want to skip ahead.

Basic summary:

Don't go "I am sad because character A hurt my feelings." Instead, write a conversation with background details to show that the character was hurt by character A without explicitly saying it upfront, at least right away.





Part 3: The appropriate time for dialogue.

When it comes to writinng dialogue, it is very important for you to know when it's the appropriate time for a character to say something. And I mean this in a way of either explaining what's going on the the reader/viewer, adding humor either in dark scenes or lighthearted ones (When is it too much?/When does it cross the line?), when should meaningful dialogue be spilt and how to make it feel important, and so on.

In this section, I will be pulling examples from the two hit animes, Yuri on Ice and Jujutsu Kaisen. For context, these are two come from VERY different genres, have some similar and different ideas to share to the audience, and have characters facing conflicts that are not even remotely the same. This will not be very spoiler heavy.

Starting off, let's discuss the worldbuilding, and when it's apropriate to have characters explain things to the audience:

I'm beginning with Jujutsu Kaisen. This is a phenominal series with incredible writing. It's set in a fictional world where "Jujutsu Sorcerers" must battle curses to keep the world at peace. (wonderful summary, I know). At the moment, this is actually my favorite anime, but I am about to rip the poor thing to shreds.

Jujutsu Kaisen falls into this trap that most animes seem to follow; explaining too much but too little at the same time. While it's a HUGE win that it doesn't infodump about every single detail of this world in one go, it fails to find the right oprotunities to conduct these useful infodumps. It relies heavily on showing versus telling (WHICH IS GREAT! ... In most situations...) But you cannot always show vs tell when it comes to creating a magical system. (Magic systems will be discussed in a different chapter).

So, what is the problem here? Jujutsu Kaisen visually wants to tell it's story. You have to figure out how magic works on your own which may be confusing since the magic system is very complex. This would be the perfect time to have a character speak either directly to the audience, or two another character (that also doesn't understand the magic) to make it clear that there is a system here. There are some scenes where mentor figure characters talk about more advanced techniques in situations, it's not detailed because they immediately just want to how you how it works. This leaves questions to be had by the viewer.

So how does Yuri on Ice compare? Yuri on Ice is a sports anime about two characters who share the name Yuri. It is a very, very simple anime with a simple plot that's easy to follow. This is due to the sports genre format where the audience already knows what to expect. With these genres, theres the trial and error arc which is meant to teach the viewer how the sport works, then, typically, a series of games/tournaments that get progressively more difficult until the finale. By the end of any sports anime or fictional media in general, the view should know exactly how the sport works.

With free skating, this is more difficult. You don't have the advantage of competetors facing off directly head to head to have dialogue "on the court" about the rules of the game. You have one skater and their thoughts as they preform the same one or two free skates throughout the show. It's not as simple as "you make a basket and get a point." So, this requires a little more explanation to the viewer to make it easier to understand.

Yuri on Ice is only twelve episodes long. It has several "arcs" which are usually comprised of one or two episodes each, which makes the pacing VERY fast. In the beginning, theres a "trial and error" episode where the two Yuris face off against each other to win over the potential coach they're now fighting over. However, this is not where the show explains the rules of ice skating. Rather, this is when it uses the "showing versus telling" technique. This gives room for it to later, when the characters are in a real competition, explain how free skates work.

Why does this work? Yuri on Ice uses character dialogue to speak directly to the audience so we know exactly how the system works and therefor can understand the rest of the show. Yes, it is very blunt about it by having three little girls who are fascinated with ice skating talk explicitely to the audience. They literally say something along the lines of, "for some reason, Yuri's family still doesn't know how free skates are scored!" and they proceed to give a briefly spoken essay on it.

AND IT WORKS! While technically, they are talking to other characters, it is meant to be directed at YOU! THE AUDIENCE! And immediately they show a freeskate by a side character who makes mistakes, but still earns good points, and serves as an example of, "yes, this is how the system works" before proceeding with main character Yuri. This then allows the series to do more showing versus telling when characters earn and lose points, instead of having to be blunt about it every time.


Now, when should dialogue be used in emotional scenes?

It depends on the context of the scene. It also relies on showing versus telling, and knowing when you need to tell something.

As stated previously, Jujutsu Kaisen loves to show you what's going on. This works in it's favor when it wants to bring out an emotional scene. Trust me, having a character remain silent can actually speak a thousand words.

Jujutsu Kaisen, despite being so dark, also loves to use humor. You know a scene is supposed to be funny because the art style changes pretty dramatically. I can talk about this structure a lot, but we're here for the dialogue.

In the Shibuya District arc (NO SPOILERS, DON'T WORRY), main character, Yuji, actually speaks the LEAST out of anyone in the main cast. He is really going through it here, and having him speak would actually dampen the emotions being pulled forth. When he does speak, his voice cracks or is almost too quiet... Or, he is screaming incoherantly. And this is a progressive thing we see from him from the beginning of the arc, which gets more dramatic towards the end. His character is meant to be funny, so at the beginning, he is funny. He is making jokes, he is being loud, and even in the intense fighting scenes, or scenes of importance, he's just being silly.

And then he just... isn't.

His dialogue slowly stops.

He only speaks when he is angry, and even then, it's hard to understand him. The other characters have to do the talking. And when it's just him and one other character on screen, he is typically with a villain, and the villain is the one who has to speak because otherwise there is a silence on screen that would be awkward. This works! This conveys emotions perfectly! It's a jarring switch used only by dialgue (or lack of). It would be inapropriate to have made no shift at all, even if they did still remove his humor.

Yuri on Ice does this differently. The anime, as a whole, is light hearted. There's no character death. The drama consists of characters competing, literally just losing a shopping bag, and Viktor's dog having a medical emergency which removes Viktor from an important part. So it can't go the same route as Jujutsu Kaisen by having dialogue shift like that. Having a character switch their dialogue flow, in this genre, would not work at all.

But Yuri on Ice still wants to show emotion, and it does this with humor. When not competing, the characters are being funny. When things are stressful, humor is used less. Its very subtle and you don't really notice it because it feels more natural to real life. We see the characters being goofy with their friends, and we see a shift in the way Yuri talks to different characters.


What do I mean by any of this? Well, you need to be aware of your genre. It is up to you to look into your scenes, figure out what needs to be conveyed, and pick apart what can and can't be said out loud. Emotions can be stirred by dialogue (or lack of), but you must use it wisely. Don't have a character use humor if your scene is meant to be sad (unless the character is oblivious and you want to create a terribly dark switch). Don't have a character try to be too serious in a funny scene, even if that's in their personality.

Dialogue is like your secret sauce of writing.





Questions, concerns, threats or otherwise? Give em to me in the comments!

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