W I L D E

We were always warned about temptation. That Satan had many ways, methods. He knew where to hit where it hurts, he knew us far too well that temptation played a second nature to him. 

Maybe, I had the resolve, the strength to stay away from her when she was okay.

But when she looked broken, with her feet, feet I'd ticked and thrown across my shoulder, so broken. I found myself in Kaden's car, sitting shotgun, with Rekha, Tassia and Tallah squeezed in the back. Troy and Edward on Troy's bike. The girls were loud, chatty, a bouquet of flowers on Rekha's lap.

Kaden was quiet, a content smile playing on his face, mind clearly elsewhere as he drove, but the closer we went to the hospital, his smile vanished. 

A darker mood crept into the car as Kaden searched for parking, finally finding a spot to park in. I noticed the girls who were nothing short of loud and silly, so different from Daisy, fall silent. I was sure that Kaden and I weren't the only ones thinking of Daisy's accident. I've imagined it thousands of times. I'd seen cheerleading plays before. Daisy wasn't all that tall. I imagine two taller girls throwing her in the air then their fingers slipping on her skin as she fell down on the ground. I imagined a splinch of her ankle on the ground.

In my nightmares, I saw her falling and falling and I was either too far or weak to catch her. I'd wake up drenched in sweat and unable to breath. It felt so vivid and real. 

The hospital was over lit and glaring, the smell of hand sanitizer a painful reminder of my younger days when I used hand sanitizer as a lubricant to jack off. 

The hospital was quiet save for the sound of people walking, a bit of coughing here and there. It was quiet enough that I could hear the sound of my footsteps and the rapid movement of my heart as we made our way closer to where Daisy's room was. 

Daisy shared a room with four others, all curtains closed. I'm thankful for Kaden, who had visited her before. He seemed to know exactly where he was going and where she was. We didn't need to stop to ask someone where our friend was. Kaden wasn't the sort who got lost. He was always sure.

He stood outside her closed turquoise curtain and called in, "Daisy, is it okay if we come in?"

"Sure." She sounded like herself, confident, cool and every bit collected. My heart felt like a horse in a race, running and beating wildly. When Kaden pulled the curtains open, to let us move in. 

My mind was stunned, because she didn't look like herself.

Her black hair was messy, a little wavier than it's usual straight look. Her skin was paler, much paler. Pale enough I could see the veins in her skin. Her eyes looked emptier, lashes shorter and lips drier.

Her lips which often spoke of temptation and danger weren't red, but they seemed sweeter in pink. She looked gentler, a shadow of her former self. It didn't stop my heart from racing almost painfully in my chest.

Daisy's eyes fell on mine as mine did on hers. I couldn't breathe.

My heart stopped.

But the spell was broken as the three girls pushed past me, capturing Daisy's attention as they showered her with flowers and conversation. I found I could breathe again. I took several steps, silent as I stared at Daisy, with her pale skin, her wavier hair and her leg on a string hanging slightly above the bed. 

She sounded alright as she conversed with the girls, her eyes barely paying me any heed. She didn't seem like she cared at all, if I came or if I didn't. 

I wished she cared. 

Instead, I found her eyes trailing off to Kaden.

She laughed, eyes fixed on him.

She smiled, looking as bright and dazzling as the sun at him.

My heart felt like it was breaking. I moved out, ignoring the flaming pit in my stomach. I wouldn't be surprised if I found out she harboured a secret crush on Kaden. Most of the girls did anyway. Kaden was the sort who didn't have girlfriends, not because he was unattractive, but because he was too attractive. Girls flocked to him like bee's to honey all eager to make him change. Looking at Daisy with her dark hair and beautiful blue eyes, I could imagine her standing next to Kaden looking radiant together. 

I took several swift strides to the door, each step closer to the door, moving slower, maybe hoping she would ask me to stay. She didn't.

It felt like my skin was burning, like I'd gotten something from the hospital. It hurt so much that I didn't want to fucking breathe anymore. I made my way out of the room, before I leaned against a wall, closing my eyes as I counted to ten.

Trying not to think of her laughing.

Of the way her eyes used to look when they flickered to me.

The way she'd teasingly flaunt her study papers in front of me.

The first time she jokingly tried to tutor me, but her clothes ended up being taken off. 

I knew I was fucked when I found myself wanting to talk to her rather than shag her. I knew she had me in deep when the only person I could picture kissing was with dark black hair and eyes that looked melted.

Because friends with benefits meant there were no feelings involved. Feelings that were more than friendly that is. 

Because some nights, I couldn't stand to think of her with someone else, someone that wasn't me.

"You look bad," Kaden commented. I opened my eyes, spotting the brown haired boy watching me. 

"I've never been all that fond of hospitals," I admitted. A half truth. 

Kaden nodded. "She talks about you," He said casually. Leaning on the wall beside me. He was shorter than I was but it often felt like he should be taller. 

"What does she say?"

"Enough for me to know you both are close." When I didn't respond, he added, "It must suck seeing her like this."

"It does. She looks so different." I glance down at my fingers, wishing my stomach wouldn't feel like it was boiling. "Funny, how I didn't know you both were friends."

"Friends with benefits, or we used to."

"Grace?" I asked.

"Nah, we didn't work out." He didn't look in the least bit heartbroken about it. 

For a minute, I envied him. It was so easy for him. He didn't have to date a girl, ever, they came for him. He had an aura of power, of ease, of charm that no girl could resist. Even Daisy couldn't seem to pull her eyes away from him. I didn't want to think about the things she would do for him. I didn't want to think of her sleeping with anyone else but me.

It made me angry. Angry at the boy who I was. Enough to drive her out of my bed and into Kaden's. 

Kaden pushed himself off the wall, eyes turning to glance at the door. Then he glanced at me, "If you want you could stay in the car."

I was going to. But I heart heavy footfalls and both of us turned to see Troy and Edward approaching, a nurse in tow. They grinned when they saw us. 

"It's fine," I told Kaden. 

Kaden nodded, smiling an easy grin before he entered the room. 

"What took you so long?" I asked the two boys. 

Troy grinned. He pulled out from his back, a teddy bear half the size of Daisy. "Do you think she'll like it."

She would love it. She had a whole collection of stuff toys in her room. I remembered jacking off to a shirtless picture she sent me when I noticed the background and her collection of soft toys.

"I guess." 

Troy beamed. "Great." Then with confidence, he followed the nurse into the room. Taking a deep breath in, I followed. 

I hung back, watching Daisy take the bear, beaming at Troy. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked Edward for the gift too.

She didn't need me here, she never needed me. 

Watching her drove home the message and I wished I hadn't came.