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"she found the colours to paint him,
when the world left him grey,"

2x01

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"You're cheating," I accused the kid across the board from me.

"How could I cheat? You've handed me all my cards," Carl giggled as I narrowed my eyes at him. "I think you're mad we made you draw 12,"

I mocked him in a high-pitched voice, making him and Ali laugh more. "Play the next damn card," Ali kicked my leg from under the table. "Sorry jeez,"

Carl played his next card. It was a simple 2-blue, letting me put down my red 2. Ali scanned through his cards, debating on which one to put down next. He looked at Carl next to him and gave him an unfortunate look, Carl opened his mouth in offence as I let out a laugh of my own.

"Don't you dare," He warned his uncle. He only turned his frown into a smile, laying down a swap hand and pointing to the color green and then switching his with the younger boys. "I wish Mom never brought you with us,"

I let out a huffed laugh as I tried to cover it, Ali put a hand over his heart and dramatically fell back against the seat they were on. He pointed at himself and held up two fingers, making me laugh harder. When Rick left the adults decided to try to distract us kids by putting us with who they deemed more like us, Ali. It was nice so far, almost as if he was scared to leave our sides.

"Oh god, they're back," Glenn said from outside the Rv's door. We all three dropped our cards on the table before we got up and walked out to meet the two who had earlier left.

The boys were out first, wanting to see Rick. We walked over to where Rick had just knelt in front of Carol.

"I had to draw them off. It was her best chance," Shane walked over with his hands on his belt, "Sounds like he didn't have a choice, Carol,"

He isn't helping anyone. If she won't even listen to the two men who are telling her they tried everything what makes him think she'll listen to this Jimmy Nutron wanna-be?

Lori sat next to Carol, trying to comfort her as she tried to understand Rick, "It was my only option. The only choice I could make,"

"I'm sure nobody doubts that," Shane again tried to help.

I looked behind me at my siblings, who were standing by Glenn and T-Dog. Ian saw me and nodded at me, making me sign to him "Think he thinks no one doubts him?"

"Probably," He answered back. I bit the inside of my cheek as I turned around to face them.

"My little girl got left in the woods," Carol sobbed again. Andrea went over to the woman and wrapped her arm around her alongside Lori. Rick backed up and walked away from everyone.

After that we all agreed it was time to go to bed. Rick and Lori slept in the back seat of the car they brought, Carol in hers with Andrea as she didn't want to be alone, Daryl of course off somewhere, Ian and Glenn decided to take first watch with Shane in two of the highways abandoned cars. Grandpa and Ivy slept up front, one on the makeshift bed and the other on a floor cot. Ali laid on the floor and I on the edge of the bed with Carls knee in my back as we slept on the bed, I lost the bet on who had to share with him. 

It was silent except for the occasional snore from upfront where the others slept. My hand hung off the side of the bed pulling at the frayed carpet, letting me play with it. I didn't think I was making sound but a hand grabbed mine- scaring me. 

"Sorry," I whispered. He tapped my hand, "Can't sleep?"

He shook his head as he turned my hand around and started to trace letters on my palm.

Dead?

"I honestly don't know. She's a kid, sometimes they get lost and try to retrace their steps but everything looks so similar. Maybe she found shelter in a barn out in the woods, or maybe she's in a tree. Or maybe... she is already gone,"

Why?

That's a great question. Why? Why had any of this happened? Why did Sophia run? Why isn't she back? Why are we all doomed to have the same fate? Why are we all here?

"Ask me that in a few months," I answered. With the light from the window, I could see his brow raise, "Ali, it has been almost five months since this all started. This may go on forever,"

No. Find pl- He stopped and acted like he was marking it out. Safe place and be happy.

I smiled at his hope, "Yeah, darling, we'll find a safe place,"

He seemed to be okay with that answer because he turned over onto his back and closed his eyes. I decided I should try to sleep as well, you never know what will happen tomorrow, and closed my eyes.

—----

Rick unsheathed a wrap of weapons.

"Everyone gets a weapon,"

Andrea put a hand on her hip, "These aren't the kind of weapons we need. What about the gun?"

"We've been over that. Daryl, Rick and I are carrying. We can't have people popping off rounds every time a tree rustles," Shane explained to her.

So the dumbass cop who is jealous of his best friend gets one but not anyone else? Fair. Everyone walked over and started to grab a weapon out as I simply slug my backpack over my shoulder and to the front, unzipping the front pocket and pulling out the pocket knife my dad had bought for me when I turned 14.

"Say somebody fires at the wrong moment, a herd happens to be passing by. See, then it's game over for all of us. So you need to get over it,"

Okay, maybe I agree with Shane on this a tiny bit. I get Andrea's side but she isn't listening to his. If the wrong person has a gun at the wrong time, things could go to shit fast.

Daryl stood in the middle of the circle we had formed, "The idea is to take the creek up about five miles, turn around and come back down the other side. Chances are she'll be by the creek. It's her only landmark,"

"Stay quiet and stay sharp. Keep space between you but always stay within sight of each other," Rick walked over to Dale.

I walked over to where Ivy was next to T-Dog helping him redress his arm as Ian grabbed tools to help our grandpa with.

"I'll see you guys soon, okay?"

Ian ruffled my hair as he walked by, "Stay close to the Grimes and don't wander off please,"

"No promises, dude," I thumbs upped him and started to walk backwards, "Love you,"

"Bye," Ivy waved as I went out of view.

The question remains, why? Why did I choose to go into the woods with everyone else? Why did I have to go with the group? Why didn't I stay in a place there was little to no risk?

 Because what's life if not the unknowing?