J A Y

Unless frequently exposed to death—such as a solider or assassin most people react in one of three ways.

The frozen; ones who rock ever so slightly, holding themselves as the image of death replays in there head, uncontrollably.

The smiling; those people who shake off any help people offer them, smiling through the pain. Yet, inside their stomachs churn with the sickening feeling of lose of life.

Finally, The ones in shock. The title is self explanatory.

And then there was Soren. Who said nothing, a blank expression plastered on his of his face. Cold, blue eyes unblinking as my voice droned in his mind. His fist were clenched, obvious that he would easily punch the first person that got close enough to him. Taking out what he couldn't understand in violence, that's how it always had been.

"Soren--" I stoped when he turned to me, glaring with an deadly look that made me shut my mouth.

Slowly and stiffly his head turned to the white wall ahead of him. I couldn't help but notice his pointer finger tapping his hand, swallowing hard, breathing heavily.

Putting my hand over his, the tapping subsiding but he did not make any acknowledge to my existence. It was raining outside, patting against the window with little to non explanation to its existence. Probably how Soren felt after two people's death that he would blame himself for being the cause.

"They... They say that one of the best ways to get over grieving--"

Soren snapped his head towards me and seethed, "You died less than three hours!"

Buried and burnt, he flopped back down into the hospital pillow and gripped his hair in handfuls, his eyes sliding shut.

Blinking once, "Did you just say... I died less than--"

"Neena... stop talking." His voice was shaky as he turned to look at me with watery eyes, "I watched you die, stop talking."

My hand slowly and secretly slid out of view, until my fingers blindly felt for the keychain that consisted of the help button. Clicking on it while keeping eye contact with the shaking boy, he was so cold and so white.

"Neena, what do I tell your parents?" Soren voice painfully broken cried, the crease in his brow sculpturing mentally fading blue eyes.

My mouth opened to respond but I could bare to say anything when he's eyes met mine and his lip quivered.

Nurses ran into the room making me jump, Soren simply keeping eye contact as he sat frozen in the bed.

"What's wrong?" The nurse ran up next me, placing a hand in my shoulders as he glanced at Soren who looked completely fine on the outside.

"He's... calling me Neena." I whispered as Soren eyes continued to lock onto mine, the look of betrayal shimmers over his eyes like a rock in a calm pool. It started at his eyes, widening with pure betrayal, his jaw clenching as his lips became firm, shoulders straightening as a dominance effect.

The nurse pulled me out of the room with an apologetic look, "It's 3am you should be tired."

"What is... What is wrong with him?" My voice breathless as I tired to comprehend what was happening, yesterday his eyes clouded with love and calmness and now they held nothing but pain.

I sighed in frustration, life is not easy but this was insane. I simply could not have one day of just pure rest. Guilt bubbled inside me, people had it worse than me, take Neena for example.

"He just lost a loved one, Ma'ma. It happening sometimes. People dealing with depression after a loved ones death can hallucinate about them, as a dealing mechanism." The man was young, that or he had a baby face. Growing a beard to make him look older, he gave me a sympathetic look.

"You know I'm his girlfriend, how awkward that is..." I gulped not daring to look into the mans eyes who was staring at me intently.

"It'll pass, miss. If you could just remember he lost a loved one--"

"Stop!" I screamed, slumping to the ground as my breathing accelerated, the nurse dropping to my level. 

"Miss, take deep breathes. I need you to match with my breath. You're hyperventilating." He forced me to look at him, taking slower than normal breathes as I slowly matched his pace.

-

Colin lanced an arm around my shoulder as he guided me through the exit of the hospital, holding the umbrella over my head as it poured. Wet muddy snow mushed under boots, the night being warmer than the usual winter day.

"It'll be okay," Colin yelled over the waterfall amount of rain, pulling me tighter into his side as method to keep me dry, "He'll get through this! He always does."

I was thankful for the ice cold rain, it reminded me that the world was real, that this was not some torturous dream.

Colin opened the passenger car door, guiding me inside carefully before running to the boot tossing the umbrella in carelessly. He opened his door moments later, dripping on the car suit.

"Damn it." The blonde haired boy grumbled, turning on the engine before glancing at me, "The seats will warmed up soon. Sorry."

"You can't control the weather." I offered wearily, giving him a small forced smile as I leant my head against the window.

"I can try." He grinned playfully, trying his best to cheer me up. That's what Colin had always done, make everyone else happy. I wonder what he really felt, who made him happy?

It wasn't until the radio played softly and I had finally stopped shivering did I speak, "Thank you for picking me up, I would have asked my father but the engine froze overnight... might've melted now though."

He smiled and yawned, "I told you this before, the brothers—me, I'd help you anytime. You call me and I'll be there. You should've asked me to take you here, the buses are kinda dangerous at night."

Leaning my head against the car headrest, I'd never felt so lonely. After being alone for so long—finally having a friend, I couldn't be alone again. For some reason, somehow Colin saw that or he felt it.

"I... I know it's 4am but you're going through some tough shit, we all are. You want to grab a bite?" He ran his hand through his blonde locks, giving me a sideways glance, a small grin tugging on his lips.

"What's open at 4am?" My smile widened to less than a frown, trying to not think of Soren who had completely forgotten my existence, for now anyways.

"Oh yah now..." Colin smirked pulling off into McDonalds, "Just the best, cheapest, diabetic stimulating deep fried, probably not chicken burgers. That's what's open."

I laughed heartily before ignoring the fact that Soren thought it wasn't chicken either, my smile slowly fading.

"We'll eat here or--" he stopped suddenly and leaned forward to see my almost-in-tears expression, "Hey, there's nothing you can do. He'd want you to smile."

Nodding, I got out of the car and ran towards the entry as the rain bucketed down in an ungodly matter.

Colin close behind me, turned to lock the car, as he did so he tripped over his own foot. Landing in a puddle, laughter erupted from my lips at his sour expression. He couldn't keep that face for long before he himself was laughing, pulling himself up using my hand.

We were laughing until the tired looking employees cut in and asked us what we would like.

"Um, um, ummm--" I scanned the signs before Colin cut in, "She'll have the same as me."

"No way, you bought two burgers, chips and a mcflurry--"

I stopped as Colin handed the money to the young boy before taking a seat, I followed is action which led to us sitting in the corner of McDonalds at 4am, eating dipping fries into ice cream.

-

You may be surprised or not by I do research when writing health aspects of the books. In depression, cancer, loss of a loved one. There are so many side effects that I try to mention due to the fact, I want this book to realistic as possible!

Thank you so much for the 169k this book as become so popular and by that I mean, I couldn't dream of having this many reads!