When they kissed.
J A Y

Tightening Soren's tracksuit pants with the white strings, a yawn escaped my lips. A large blue shirt hung past my hips, smelling strongly of Soren, and for some reason, it was comforting.

My feet found their way into the large bathroom, running cold water over my face and I gave thanks to past self for removing my makeup the night before.

My dad has been reluctant to let me stay overnight but I had reassured him that I would staying in the guest room. The McKinin mansion was safer than my own house, which was probably the reason he let me stay.

I walked down the stairs past multiply doors leading to god knows where, feeling lost I stopped, looking around the floor for something I'd seen before. Nothing.

Trying to find Soren's room in the very least I went another up another floor. Randomly reaching for a door knob I turned it, trying to peek in at the very least.
It was locked.

"You shouldn't go snooping around in someone else's house." Alberts stone cold voice cracked through the silence, making me spin around in fright.

He looked a lot like Soren, still handsome at his age. Yet, obvious stress had aged him greatly. Blonde, broad shoulder and the coldest, soulless blue eyes I've ever seen.

"I was just, um—" I turned awkwardly to gesture to door and decided not to half way through motion, "Well, I was trying to find Soren's room."

He raised an eyebrow at me and I added quickly, "No! Not like that, I was lost and walked up to another floor and--"

He held up a hand as I held my own hands in guilt even though no crime was committed.
Pulling a mass of keys out of his pocket, Albert flicked through the multiple keys until he found a small, unique gold key. I watched in shock as he unlocked the door.

"Go look inside, see why we keep it locked."
He swung the door open and flicked on the light. My mouth dropped as I stumbled into the square room.

Dust poofed up with the movement of my footsteps. Trophies stood like ghostly trees in a dark forest, stacked on the dusty shelves.

Awards in frames lay abandoned in stacks on the ground, boxes filled with different materials were stuffed limply into cardboard boxes, paper certificates crumbled on the ground.

"Take a good look..." Albert voice was cold as he stared around the room, "This is what that boy gave up on."

"Soren, he won all of these?" My voice was hoarse, looking at one of the trophies, 'Player of the season' engraved into into the gold material.

"Everything," Albert's voice was quiet and I turned to look at him out of curiosity. He was staring at a trophy, no emotion on his face except the crease in the brow.

"Why did you show me this?" I inquired, looking into one of the boxes to find multiple jerseys, expensive dusty soccer cleats and deflated footballs.

Albert held his hands behind his back, "I didn't want to be the one to break this to you but Soren is lost cause," he peered around the room, "One day, he just... stopped. He gave up all this, he could easily have been a famous athlete. Someone who does that is a lost cause. He had it all."

I picked up the jersey, "Maybe he was doing it for you." Albert scoffed loudly sending a verge of anger through my veins, "I am serious. You don't just stop something that you love just because you get bored. Maybe, it was pressure you put on him to be perfect, to kick every goal. Or maybe he never loved it, he did it to make you happy. He did it so he could finally see the look of pride on your face." My breathing was heavy with anger, "And then he broke after the many years of you never saying 'Good job, son'."

Albert was frozen, unsure whether to be mad or drown in shock. He'd never thought of that but his mind wouldn't get over the words, 'he broke.'

"He gave up. He's weak, needs half a cup of cement. Needs to toughen up, be a man." Albert was looking at me calmly, his calm voice was more terrifying than his angry tone.

I gulped, realising who I was talking to. Realising he could snap at any moment, shove me out the door and tell me never to talk to Soren again.

"Soren is just as much a man as you. He needs... love." That sounded incredibly stupid, I looked back down at the fabric in embarrassment. My argument was poor, sloppy and weak next his.

"What? And you think you can give that to him? He's a boy, he only wants wants to get into your pants." Albert stood against the doorway, his shadow engulfing me. His words made me blush harder as I let my hair cover my face, the whole conversation seemed out of place.

Again he glanced around the room, "He was the one who locked them in here. Never wanted to see them, never let anyone else to see this either."

I gulped nervously, "Do you know why?"

He shrugged, "He was and still is, scared of success."

"No. He locked them away because they choked him," Soren's voice cut through the thick air making me sigh in happiness, it was terrifying being in a room alone with Albert, "He locked all this junk away because one day I realised—"

Soren walked into the room, turned in his heel and stared his father straight in the eyes, "they're all just empty cups."

I smiled softly. Soren McKinin just destroyed his father argument with lines off a Disney movie.

My eyes followed Soren who was walking towards me shirtless, grey tracksuit pants intact. His hair stuck out at gravity defying angles, bed hair at its best.

"Your dad somehow--" he shivered, "got my phone... number? Anyways, he woke me up calling me for the seventh time. You weren't picking up your phone and it looks like you were here, talking to my..." He took a breath, "talking to Albert." 

I stood up, "I'll call him now."

Taking a step Soren touched my shoulder and pointed to the jersey, "You can have it, if you want."

Looking at the fabric then to Soren, I shrugged, "A wise man once said, 'The president, he's just a man. This jersey--"

Soren put a hand cover my mouth and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Smiling softly.

"Shut it with the bullshit. We both know you badly want it." He grabbed the jersey I'd been playing with and chucked it at me, "Wash it, reeks of dust."

I left that room first and Soren followed close behind me before glaring at Albert, "Get the fuck out of my way."

Alberts jaw clenched, "Soren--"

"Nope." Soren walked down the hallway, "Too tired, need coffee."

S O R E N

Jay left after we had breakfast together. I never knew cooking scrambled eggs with a partner could be so fun, or maybe it was just Jay.

Plans for today consisted of boxing with Fleck, waiting for Jay to call due to the fact I'd change all the words on her phone to 'Soren is sexy' and finally, seeing Buck.

"What did you say to Jay?" I asked coldly, Albert who has been pouring himself a cup of whiskey didn't move, "I swear if you--"

"I didn't hurt her. You're more likely to punch that girl than I am." He took a sip of the whiskey and sighed, looking at me with a strong yet bored expression.

Shaken by his answer I turned away from his gaze, "I would never hurt her... I am not some heartless, waste of blood cells that you think I am."

He sighed, "I'm not in mood to fight with you. Your mother hasn't been feeling well, I was up all night--"

"I don't care."

I watched his knuckles turn white as he gripped the whiskey glass, "Don't you dare disrespect your mother--"

Something cracked in me, something snapped. As if I didn't have a choice, my blood boiled and my fist clenched. I wanted to punch him so hard that he wouldn't be able to walk ever again.

"Well you're not my father, so it doesn't fucking matter what you say. Does it?" I yelled at him, watching him choke on his drink, he dropped the glass and I watched it shatter.

Realizing what I said, I made a run for it. Grabbing my hoodie that hung on a hook in next to of the front door. The butler that had always helped me sneak out late at night opened the door so I could exit, giving me a small nod.

"Soren! Wait!" Albert yelled, standing in door entrance, watching his son run into the snow, slipping on the ice and stacking it completely.

Pulling myself off the path I ran, feeling the pain in my hip that would end with a dark bruise. Shoeless, my feet went painfully numb on the stones and stung with each step. I zipped my jacket up, thumbing with the zipper at first due to my numbness of my fingers.

-

My hand was heavy as I lifted it to knock on Bucks door, knuckles aching from the purple numbness.

"Fuck, Soren. Get in here." He grabbed me roughly by the shoulder and dragged me into his warm house, I felt my knees buckle under me as I fell onto the carpet.

I was shaking so fiercely that my teeth wouldn't stop chattering, my feet were cut open from the ground and painful sharp ice. 

"Come on," Bucks voice was surprisingly calm as he put an arm around me, pulling me to my feet. He dragged to the bathtub, heaving me into the tub, ripping off my jacket so I lay slumped in my tracksuit plants.

Hot, what felt like boiling water surrounded my body as every inch of inch of skin fuzzed with warmth.

"There ya go," he rubbed the snow off my hair, "...There ya go, bud."

I looked at him, my lips too frozen to move. He grinned and held up a finger as a signal he'd be right back. My hand found the tap and I turned off the streaming water when it reached my collarbone.

Buck came back a few minutes later, two coffee mugs in his hands. I held the cup and closed my eyes, leaning my head back on the titles that surrounded the bath tub.

"What yer doin' runnin' around half naked?" He inquired, watching me take a gulped of the coffee as a way to warm me up, "It's fucking -8 outside."

I sighed, "I just told Albert I'm not his kid."

"That's ya reason for runnin' around naked?" He scoffed, Buck had never been one for sentimental responses.

"He left the last baby that wasn't his die alone," I spat rubbing a wet hand through my hair, "Mum never told dad it wasn't his, she told me though. She told me 2 years ago."

Buck looked at me blankly, "Wasn't that when you pulled out of the grand final? You came to me around then."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, forcing myself not to cry in front of him.

"He was always cold to us boys but I tried so hard to make him proud of me." A ghostly smile found my lips, "Then, when my mother told me he wasn't my father well... I didn't want to make him feel pride, he wasn't my dad. The only reason I tried was because I thought he was my dad. I knew he let Precious die, and now that we aren't blood related... He's nothing to me."

Buck sat there in silence, confused about everything I'd just said.

"Wait, ya gave up all ya sports just to fuck with 'em?" He watched me clench my jaw, "How would that--"

"That was the only fucking thing that made him smile. Watching me win." My voice was low, deadly at the thought of how I pushed my body to the limits.

"Ya Mum fucks around a lot--" he stopped when I threw the coffee mug just missing his head, smashing against the wall leaving a dark stain seeping into the wallpaper, "Uh, yeah. Never mind."

"He's going to beat Mum--" Buck pushed me back into the tub when I tried to get out.

"No. Kid, slow down."

"I can't fucking slow down. He's hit her once, he'll do it again." Buck held me down until I stopped struggling.

"Ya just said 'ya ain't my father.' He could just of thought of it as ya don't want him to be ya father not that he ain't your blood father."

Bucks idea calmed me a bit and I sat up in the bathtub, feeling warmer than numb.
"What the fuck do I say?"

-

Buck dropped me off in front of my house, I thanked him and told him we'll go get drinks after this mess cleared.

Walked up the steps, dressed in Bucks clothes and shoes I felt my phone buzz.

My Ray is typing...

Soren is sexy.
Soren is sexy.
SOREN IS SEXY!

I smiled knowing my father would probably kill me when I walked through that door. Typing back, 'I know I am.'

A butler rugged in winter clothes opened the door for me. I watched through, the house deadly silent. Glancing around the mansion I found no sign of life, my best option was his study.

Knocking seemed deafeningly loud, "Come in."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened the door, Albert looked up from his paper work instantly and made eye contact with me.

"Soren--"

"No, listen." I licked my lips and watched his eyes that seemed... worried?, "When I said you ain't my father, I just wanted to clear it wasn't in a biological sense. You probably weren't even thinking it like that but, but I just wanted to clear things up."

I nodded awkwardly, looking at the ground as I turned to grab the door handle.

"Soren, I am sorry."

My heart skipped a beat, skin turning cold as my  body froze. I couldn't move, I couldn't breath. In my eighteen years of life I've never heard him say sorry to anyone.

"Soren. Did you hear me? I said I'm--"

I shock my head and whispered hoarsely, "No, don't say it again." My head continue to shake as if one its own, "You're not allowed to say that, not after everything."

His chair screeched against the wooden floor as he pushed it back, walking over to me.

"Jay said something..." I knew he was looking at me and waiting for me to turn around, "She said you did it for me. I don't know if I was too busy to see--"

I laughed coldy, "You—" my went dry throat, giving me enough time to re-choose my words.
I could "forgive him" and sell this crap Jay had told him, true or not. He would forget the biological comment I said before, he wouldn't hurt mum.

I turned around, "Forget it. Doesn't matter."   Albert shook his head but I refused to let him talk, "It's okay. Forget it... Dad."

For the first time in my life, I felt what it was look to hide your emotions so someone else could be happy. Turns out I did have a heart.

-

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