[unedited]
S O R E N

"Jay, don't move." I whispered standing up slowly, moving my body in front of her, "Buck, buddy--" the bullet penetrated the wall a few feet away from my head.

His eyes were glaring dangerously at Jay who was peering over my shoulder, her hand gently clinging onto mine, shaking ever so slightly. Bucks breath was heavy and every muscles in his hands twitched uncomfortably.

"Sh-She--" his face twisted as I took a step towards him, ordering Jay softly to get behind the couch, "killed you."

"Buck, I'm here. I'm here, Buck. I'm not dead." I took another step towards him knowing he was completely smashed or high, "Give me the gun."

Bucks drug house seemed smaller than usual, the walls seemed to cave in he raised the gun to my head. My blood pumped loudly in my ears as I stated calmly, "I am okay."

He shook his head slowly, "She killed the only friend I've had."

Buck loaded the hand gun and put his hand on the trigger, my eyes widened realising he probably thought I was part of his imagination. He'd shoot straight through me aiming for Jay.

"Buck!" Jay shouted, she'd run to left of me and Buck swung the gun in her direction. I launched for him as the bang went off, we fell to ground together. I ripped the gun out of his hand and slid it across the floor away from us, pinning him to the ground.

Tears poured down his cheeks. Mentally kicking myself I turned to see if Jay was alright. I should've seen it, Buck constantly taking drugs would eventually lead to an outbreak of anger. I was stupid enough to bring Jay into the home of a bomb.

Jay hand her hands on her head, breathing heavily. There was no bullet wound, I turned back to Buck who'd passed out.

"Jay, I think we'll be sleeping here tonight."

J A Y

I watched silently, the old couch digging into my back uncomfortably. Soren tucked Buck into bed, checking his fever before turning back to me.

His footsteps echoing around the silent house, taking my hands and pulled me up. He checked for any wounds even after my statement that I was fine.

"I can't leave him." Soren ran a hand through his messy black hair, "He could hurt someone else or get worse, fever wise."

"Shouldn't we take him to a hospital?" I suggested, staring at the man who was sweating under the covers.

Soren shook his head, "He'd be sent to jail with the amount he's consumed, probably all illegal too." Blue eyes found mine, "You shouldn't walk home alone, is your dad going to check if you're home?"

I bit my lip in thought, "No, but he'd probably notice."

"Say you're staying at mine."

Soft laughter erupted from my lips, "I feel like he'd be happier if I was at a drug dealers house than yours." His serious expression smothered my smile.

He looked at me with a hard gaze, "Actually, call Colin. I'll walk you out of this street and he could pick you up."

"No." I sat down on the couch, "Let me stay. I can help you, it's only fair. I'm the reason one of us could have been dead right now."

Soren sat down on the couch with me, "It's not your fault. He took the drugs, not you."

I texted my father telling him I was staying at Soren's because we were working on a look project and it's too late to walk home now. The guilt of lying to a love one crushed my heart, shaking off the feeling, I turned to Soren who was staring at Buck.

"You know, he doesn't remember his real name. I find it sad to be honest." Soren's voice was quiet even in the silent room, I pulled my knees under my chin, "I took drugs to be... Happy. He took them because it was food to him. He never told me why."

We both looked at the broken man, "I have this fear, Jay." I turned to look at Soren who seemed frozen, "I have this fear of turning into him. A man, alone in the world unable to remember the man he used to be."

"You're not--" I stopped when shook his head slightly.

"No. This would be me in twenty years, you heard him... I'm his only friend." He scoffed coldly, "The sad part being is I know what I am doing and I'm letting it happen."

"Why don't you change? Stop the cycle." I whispered in fear he'd shut down if I spoke.

"I have no reason to live. I have no friends to live for. I have no reason to let the cycle continue." He looked away from me, "To have a reason is to have a friend. I have a reason now but Jay--" he stood up from being uncomfortable with the subject, walking over to the window, "I can't let you have the burden of 'keeping me alive'. No one should ever have that burden."

I stood up and walked towards him, he'd opened the window and rested his hands against the sill, staring out at the houses. I lent down with him until we were shoulder to shoulder.

"It's not a burden."

"No, it is." He ruffled the snow from his hair, "I won't let you. This ain't some heroic shit either, it's just the cycle. A cycle you've been dragged into. Why do you think I have no friends? I'm not going to drown someone I care for."

"You can change—"

"I'm going to die and I won't let you get depressed after I'm gone." He turned and smiled at me.

"Wait, you're not going to die, we discussed this." Soren is completely and utterly confusing. His moods switch faster than a girl on her period.

We sat in silence, "Soren, why do you want to kill yourself? I don't understand, you're...happy."

He closed the window when Buck coughed from the cold, "It's okay to want to leave."

Soren McKinin had chosen what he wanted to do with his life and apparently there was nothing I could about it.

"What is wrong with you?! Can't you see it'd be break me if you died," I shoved him and watched his blank expression tower over me like a lion to its prey.

"You chose this." He raised an eyebrow at me, "You knew exactly what you were getting into. You knew that I'd do it one day."

I shook my head, "But you're happy—"

"I. Don't. Want. To. Be. Here." He growled before sighing, "Jay, just drop it."

I shook my head and he closed his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose, "Did you ever think I'm just tired? That it takes so much energy to get out of the bed and face a world that it's cruel. I'm not waiting for a happy ending and I'm waiting for The End."

My hand found his shoulder which he brushed off, "My father thinks I'm a useless piece of shit that can't do anything. I'm mentally and physically tired, I'm just done."

He rolled his shoulders and looked down at Buck, "I can't be what my fathers wants, I can't be what everyone fucking wants me to be. What everyone needs me to be." A ghostly smile tugged on his lips, "I am not enough. I will never be a enough and believe it or not, that hurts more than seeing my own reflection."

Soren turned to me and it was then I realised I had tears rolling down my cheeks, "I don't want to die. I want to stop the pain."