T R U M A N

The hotel was a dumb idea.

I realized that much when Eden woke up and her eyes met mine, showing that familiar look of disgust. With the loud slam of the door, she was gone. Only the bunched up blanket and rumpled pillows proved that she was ever in this room.

The hotel may have been stupid, but I couldn't take a drunk, slurring Eden back to my apartment last night where Santana—my girlfriend—was fast asleep in my bed.

For a second I wondered what I would have done if Santana wasn't in my bed. . . No. I still wouldn't bring her there. Strictly because Eden most likely would have woken up and kneed me in the balls.

I sighed and sat back in the chair, glancing around the hotel room. My eyes kept traveling back to the door, waiting to see if she'd open it and walk back in.

She didn't.

I was holding the magazine she made fun of, about to throw it in the garbage when my phone rang. I placed the magazine on the bed instead, picked up my phone and pressed it to my ear, already knowing what my mom was going to ask.

"Hey, Mom."

"Truman!" Her voice was drowned out by traffic, horns honking in the background. "Can you go stay with Katie, hun? I got called into work."

I was glad this conversation was taking place over the phone, so she couldn't see the fear on my face. Or maybe it was guilt. I struggled to tell the two apart nowadays.

"Sure," I answered, already making my way to the door. "Anything else?"

"Pick up fresh flowers. You know how she loves them, and the ones in her room are starting to wilt." She hung up before I could get another word in.

My heart was beginning to do that thing it always did when I went to see my sister. This weird, burning pain shot its way through my chest until I felt like I couldn't breathe. My hands began to shake. My breathing came slower, short and quick.

Turns out guilt and regret are indeed a deadly fucking combination.

I could see it on my own face every time I looked in the mirror. It was haunting my eyes, withering away at my lips until they were drawn into a permanent frown. The smiles were replaced with cigarettes and my heart felt like it was replaced with metal. It was cold now, dead.

And as badly as I wanted to forget how I failed to protect Katie that night, I couldn't. Forgetting was a luxury I no longer deserved. I should have to live with what I had done—choosing to be kissing Eden instead of watching Katie like I promised my parents I would.

Like I promised Katie I would.

I got distracted by a red dress, tempting lips and a sultry smile.

The girl they belonged to was the most tempting of all.

A girl that couldn't look me in the eyes now without recoiling.

I forced myself off the chair and grabbed the magazine, throwing it into the trash. I made my way down to the lobby and checked out, returning the room key and ignoring the way the woman smiled too brightly at me.

I walked to the nearest flower shop and smelt roses, daises and every other flower whose name I didn't know. They all smelt the same, anyway. I picked the most colourful bunch, asked the older woman standing behind the counter to place them in a bouquet, then handed her the cash.

She smiled at me. We both ignored the way my hands shook.

The closer I got to the hospital, the worse they trembled. I watched the flower's petals fall to the sidewalk, leaving a trail behind me through the busy streets. I regretted getting the colourful ones. They stood out too brightly against the concrete.

My last time visiting Katie had been two months ago. It was to say goodbye before I left for college. My mom sat in the chair in the corner of the room, crying. My dad stood by the door, shaking his head. I held her hand and said goodbye, convincing myself that Katie would want me to go back to school instead of sitting by her bedside and waiting for a day that may never come.

I walked to the elevator that day and froze when the doors opened and Eden walked out. I hid behind the vending machine and watched as she walked into my sister's hospital room and placed her arm around my mom's shoulder.

I almost went back to say goodbye to her.

Almost.

That was why I dropped out of college two months into my second year and came home. For Katie. For my family. They needed me. I needed me. And I haven't felt like myself in a while.

Eden. Her name popped into my head, then her face. First those big eyes, then her long hair. It always did, ever since that fucking kiss. I pushed the memories down by habit. She wasn't the reason I came back, I wasn't that selfish.

I was also a good liar.

The hospital loomed over me and I felt so small. It was terrifying, knowing Katie was in there, alive, but not really. I just wanted her eyes to open so I could tell her I was sorry. That I would try better now. That I'd protect her this time.

This was when my heart began to ache and my feet forgot how to move. It happened every damn time, and today was no different. I sat on the bench and lit a cigarette, a shit habit that was the only way I could ease the guilt.

My lungs were starting to fill and deflate at a regular rate when the hospital doors opened and Eden walked out, taking my breath away for a whole new reason.

The cigarette almost fell from my mouth as I stared at her, at the wind blowing her long brown hair around her face, eyes squinting into the sunlight. And I wanted to be back in that closet, kissing her. Touching her.

"Eden!" I called before I could stop myself.

She turned to me and recoiled, eyes opening wide. Even though I expected it, it still hurt.

I patted the bench. "Come sit," I said, then immediately winced.

To my surprise, Eden took a step towards me, then another. I was holding my breath, waiting for her to sit when she stopped walking, then began to cry. A few tears spilled down her cheeks before she was kneeling on the ground, hunched over, sobbing.

"Shit," I mumbled. I threw the cigarette to the ground and ran to her, lifting her by her shoulders and guiding her to the bench. "What happened?"

Eden shook her head, folding her knees into her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She looked so small, and I wondered if she was as broken as I was.

"I thought you were at work," I said. She only kept crying, hugging herself tighter. "Eden?"

I don't know how long we sat there. Days could have passed and I wouldn't have realized. Eventually she lifted her eyes to mine and even the red, swollen puffiness couldn't stop the molten brown from sucking me in.

"Truman?" Her voice was so gentle, barely a whisper. I expected her to crumble apart any second. "Do you regret it?" she asked. "The kiss?"

I didn't know what to say, so I decided on the truth.

"Yeah," I said. She only nodded, like she expected that answer.

I thought about it a lot—that night. Kissing Eden could have lead to a million different outcomes, and each one of them seemed better than the previous. But as long as it lead to Katie in a coma, I regretted it.

Every day.

"Me too," she said, staring in front of her. I followed her gaze to a girl sitting in a wheelchair, leaning over to pick a flower. "We should have been there for her. We were selfish that night."

I only nodded and lit another cigarette.

Eden turned to me, wiping the tears from under her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "You smoke now?" she asked.

I nodded again, focusing on how the smoke filled my lungs. "It helps," I said.

I didn't expect Eden to hold out her hand, gesturing for the cigarette. "Let me try," she said.

Chuckling, I pushed her hand away. "This is my bad habit. Not yours."

I was beginning to think my bad habit was her.

"Still trying to protect me," she grumbled.

"Always." Our eyes locked, and there was something growing between us—hovering beneath the surface—before she turned away.

"Don't," she said.

"Smoke?"

"Protect me," she corrected, rolling her eyes. "It's not your job anymore. Your parents aren't here to force you."

"You think that's why I did it?" I asked, leaning forward as she scooted over. "You think I brought you and Katie out all those Friday nights because my parents asked me to?"

Her face scrunched up. It was fucking adorable.

"Yeah," she said slowly. "Isn't it?"

I chuckled, sucking slowly on the cigarette. "Not at all," I said.

"So then why were you there? Why did you always drive us around? Bring us to get ice cream after school and to the movies on Tuesdays when it was half price?" Now she was leaning into me, close enough that I could see the flecks of gold in her eyes. "Truman, answer me. Why did you do it?"

"You already know the answer."

Eden smiled, and it went right through me.

"I want you to say it out loud," she said, eyes locked on mine.

I swallowed, stood up, and flicked the cigarette onto the ground. I was nearly at the door when I paused and glanced at her from over my shoulder.

"You, Eden," I said. "The answer is you."

Her lips stretched into a grin as she pushed off the bench. I expected her to either insult me, or tease me for admitting I had a crush on her too, all those years she had one on me.

Instead, she pointed to the bouquet in my hands and said, "Katie likes sunflowers best. Yellow is her favourite."

Then she walked away, without a glance back.

I stared down at the bouquet, ashamed. I didn't even know what my sister's favourite flower was, yet I knew Eden's was a rose.

I couldn't decide which was worse.

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