I have three friends.

Two of them try to change me. They are kind and sweet, and I have a great time when I'm with them. But they judge me for smoking, for drinking, for trying to feel something or trying to feel nothing. They judge me for listening to music way too loud. They just say: "You overreacting. You're fine."

But the other one knows that I have problems. She knows that I'm not fine. She understands why I'm drinking and why I'm smoking. She understands why I feel uncomfortable when a group of boys is around. She is okay with me calling her in the middle of the night because of a panic attack. She is fine with me coming over whenever it's too much for me at home. And she's able to make me laugh even when I wanna die again.

Sometimes we don't talk for a week or two, but when we talk, it's like we never stopped. I don't know if she feels the same, but I like the thought of it. I know I will never be more important to her than her boyfriend or her best friend, but I'm totally fine with being one of her close friends. 'Cause she is the only one I can trust.