I have been through a lot

I have been through a lot. I have been through things that my friends don't even know about. I have been through things that I haven't told anyone. Because of the things that I've been trough, I have a tough time trusting people. I know you're thinking: "yeah, I do too." But for me, it's to the point where I question every little thing that someone says, and I overthink everything to the max. Along with this, I put my guard up. When I meet someone as lovely and sweet as you, my automatic instinct is, NO. GETAWAY. I'M GOING TO BE BROKEN AGAIN! I know this is bad. I'm working on it. I'm trying. But when this happens, it's nothing personal, and I don't want you to think it is. GOD, all I want is for you to stay, but my anxiety tells me otherwise. Please don't be angry, but I know this is going to happen a lot. It's just who I am. When I push you away, I just want you to stay. Stay.