Just when I thought the night couldn't get any worse, I was greeted by Ryder with a cup of beer in his hand.

I'd spent a while trying to recollect myself after revealing my half naked body to everyone and possibly losing my best friend. Finally forcing myself down the stairs, I was relieved to find the people were starting to dissipate but annoyed to find Ryder waiting expectantly for me in the living room. He was stretched out along the couch, blocking anyone from taking the seat next to him, his hair still matted against his forehead with water. His bare chest was bright red, I'd guess from the impact of the water smacking against him, but he didn't seem the least bit phased by anything that had happened.

He took in my oversized white KOREA shirt I'd snatched from Max's closet. He'd brought it back from South Korea after visiting his grandparents last year and shoved it in the back, not wanting any part in wearing the plain shirt.

Ryder stared for a while, and just as he opened his mouth to speak, his brother cut him off.

"Are you wearing anything under that?" He questioned.

"That was my question too." Ryder laughed. "Beat me to asking it though, man."

I rolled my eyes, starting to back away from them. "Yes. Not that it matters since literally the entire graduating class and then some has probably seen me in my bra and panties by now."

Ryder frowned and sat upright, grabbing my wrist before I could escape him. "I'm sorry for earlier, Zoey."

"At this point, that's the least of my concerns." I mumbled under my breath. "But that was super dumb. You could have cracked your head open."

He avoided his older brother's eyes darting back and forth between us, leaning forward so he couldn't hear what he whispered to me. "But isn't that the point."

Anger bubbled in my chest, but it started to fizzle down when I saw the hint of fear in his eyes. That had been exactly why he created that stupid list, and I had somehow managed to give in to the devil's pleas, which meant I needed to push my own feelings aside and try to make sense of his.

"Ryder, that wasn't even part of the list." I stated.

"What list?" Ryan asked, stepping between us. "What the hell are you two being so secretive about?"

Ryder shrugged and fell back against the couch, chugging both cups of beer in his hands before answering Ryan.

"It's none of your business. man."

Despite the look of protest and hurt on Ryan's face, he didn't respond to the comment. Even if the thought of doing so had crossed his mind, Max came up behind me and interrupted our conversation.

"You good?" He asked me directly, then looked to the Blake boys in disgust. "You two can get out of my house."

I nodded. "I'm fine, Max. We're just talking."

"Talking?" Max looked back to me with a dark look. "Do you realize who you are talking to, Zoey? The only they want to talk about is a way to get between your legs."

Knowing the result of his comment, I immediately lurched forward and threw myself between the boys and Max. Ryder hadn't budged, but was more amused by the entire scene playing out before him then upset by the assumption my best friend had made. Ryan, however, stepped forward just as I put myself between them, looking ready to answer Max with his fists rather than his words.

"How about you keep your mouth shut for once in your Goddamn life, Park. All you do is talk, how about you show you can back that shit up." Ryan snapped.

It wasn't too far from the truth. I loved Max to death, but he did have a horrible habit of talking too much. Which usually resulted in him talking shit and of course that escalated to fights. He had always had a cold shoulder when it came to the Blake's though, and no matter how much I asked why, he'd always just say they were just dicks. Somehow, deep down I'd always knew the answer.

I'd been friends with him long enough to know that talking crap was his defense mechanism. He was afraid of Ryder and Ryan.

"Both of you stop." I waved my finger in a scolding manner in front of Max's face. "Nothing has been-"

"Nothing has been done? Zoey he literally caused a whole scene in my backyard." Max looked seconds away from shoving me aside and fighting Ryan.

"They're leaving, okay? Just leave it alone, Max." My best friend's fist clenched, then unclenched before he backed away, hands up in surrender, and headed back down the hall.

Before either of the boys behind me could get a word out, I grabbed both of them by the wrist and dragged them back outside and gestured toward Ryan's truck at the end of the street. "Bye."

Ryder yawned, shrugging. "I'm tired anyway. Had my fair share of fun for the night. Oh, and Zoey?"

I pried my eyes from the Toyota Tundra and looked at the boy a few feet away.

"Hmm?"

He tossed something my way, giving me only seconds to process what was happening. I caught the object seconds before it could hit me in the nose. I gaped at my cell phone in my hand, immediately turning back to Ryder.

"How the hell did you get this?"

He was backing away, laughing with a playful look in his eyes. "You left it on the arm of the couch, smart one. I'll see you around, Zoey."

He saluted me with a crooked grin and disappeared into the darkness, probably heading down the street to his older brother's car. I turned to Ryan with a curious look, confused on why he hadn't followed after his brother.

"Is there a reason you're still here?" I questioned Ryan, leaning over the railing as I had earlier tonight.

He hesitated on the second step. "I told you I needed to talk to you before all that shit with Ryder happened."

"Well, I'm here." I made a gesture with my hand to come on. "But don't come any closer, please. You Blake's don't understand personal space and I know how to throat punch."

"Throat punch?" Ryan looked on the verge of busting up.

I sighed. "What did you need, Ryan?"

Much to my disliking, he closed the distance between us so he was only a few feet away, cornering me into the small corner of the patio.

"Initially I just wanted to ask if you'd talked to Ryder, but now I'm curious what this whole list thing is." He said, cracking his knuckles, avoiding meeting my eyes.

"It isn't my place to say, Ryan. Take that up with your brother." I tried pushing passed him, but he did as he'd done outside when I tried to stop Ryder an hour ago. His hand rested flat against my chest, a little below my collarbone, closer to my shoulder blade.

"This isn't some little game, Summers." Ryan said through his teeth, clearly irritated. "Ryder already kept the cancer shit from us for months. Do you really think he's going to tell me what this shit is?"

I tore my eyes from Max's front door and tilted my head back a fraction to stare up at Ryan. The hurt that had resided in his eyes inside hadn't really gone away, but was forcing itself into the anger dilating his striking blue eyes.

"It's just a bucket list." I murmured. "Not a big deal."

"Bullshit." Ryan snapped. "If it wasn't a big deal you wouldn't have acted how you did. And he would have asked me for help with it. I'm Ryan Blake, I'm the king of crazy shit."

"Were." I corrected.

Ryan had been a literal Daredevil all of high school. Not in the sense of going through girls and delving into drugs, but more so in the stunts he pulled and the fights he got into. Gabby, Max, and I had always just kinda watched from the sidelines to see how it'd play out. And once Ryder hit Sophomore year, he followed in those footsteps, tried to outdo them even. As soon as Ryan had graduated high school last year though, I hadn't heard or seen anything from him aside from occasionally running into outside. He'd gotten a job and decided to not go to college, or possibly take a gap year. In most people's eyes he'd just dropped off the face of the earth. In my eyes, he'd finally grown up.

"Whatever." Ryan shook his head. "Zoey, tell me what it is."

I had grown so used to him calling me Summers over the years that the few occasions my actual name left his mouth it sounded foreign.

"It's a bucket list." I repeated.

"Zoey, please." The desperation in his voice and eyes was enough for me to cave.

"It's a bucket list of ways to kill himself." I whispered. "There's a bunch of crazy stuff on there with comments on how he'll die doing the particular thing below it."

He stared at me, speechless, for what felt like hours before he spoke. "Do you have the list?"

"Ryan, I promised-"

"He's my brother. I need to know what kind of shit he's getting himself into."

I rubbed my forehead and pried the case off my phone, uncrumpling the piece of notebook paper and resting it in his expectant hand. My curiosity peaked a little when I saw a scar all the way across his palm, but I didn't question him on it.

Ryan immediately buried a hand in his hair as he scanned the list, his expression shifting and pulling into every emotion imaginable before it rested on sadness. "What the actual hell is this? Why would you agree to do this, Zoey?"

"I. . . I don't think he's actually going to try and get himself killed, I think he's just terrified and this is his way of coping with it." I confessed. "But to answer your question I agreed because I put my own feelings aside and stared at the situation for what it is. I don't know Ryder, not really, but he's going through some horrible life altering crap right now and if me helping him finish some list is going to give him even a little bit of happiness then I'll do it."

Ryan nodded, starting to fold the paper back to its original state, but he didn't make any attempt to hand it back.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing? Ryder gave me that for a reason."

"I need to talk to him about it." He shoved it in the jacket of his leather jacket. "I'll give it back to you tomorrow. But for your own mental health, Zoey, I don't think it's a good idea to go along with this."

I snorted. "I guess it's a good thing I don't care what you think."

He smiled for the first time since his confrontation with Max. "Yeah, I guess so."

He started back down the steps, stopping in the driveway and throwing a look over his shoulder at me.

"Zoey?"

"What?"

He turned his back to me, but I could still hear his words loud and clear.

"Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it."