Reconcile;

to the people I distanced myself from

              How was I when I was younger? How did I act? What kind of impression did I give? What could people read in my eyes, in my look? 

              What happened? Where did it all change? When? Why? How?

        It doesn't matter anymore. I am here and I'll become the best version of myself. I'll be kind, I'll be generous, I'll find new friendships and take care of the old ones. I'll look after my family, because they've been looking after me, and they've suffered from my mood swings and my delicate temper and nerves too. 

                  I owe them everything.

                     They've listened the few times I've been willing to speak. They've been more patient with me, than I have been with myself.

              I'll draw a line too. What is real and what is not? No more befriending people, to be friends with everyone. I am not a bad person for not liking someone or something. I am not a bad person for saying no. We were born to be different and where some personalities flower and flow, some clash and burn. No one is a bad person for that.

                     It's about being honest with yourself. Not a hypocrite. About being kind to others, not rude. It's okay to dislike people.

                And it's okay to like people. 

       I need to stop running away from potential friendships and clinging up to them, when I've got no more option.

             It's okay to be alone. I've got to reconcile with solitude too. Being alone doesn't mean being lonely. Having company doesn't equal to happiness. Each one of them mixes with each other, and you can have many friends and still feel lonely. 

             I need to remember this.

                          Because one of the reasons I lost myself, was that I felt so lonely, I started accepting the company of toxic people, and I changed my personality for them, to fit in. But they didn't change me. I took all the decisions here. I am not a victim, not anymore.

                        I am a butterfly. A social butterfly. I jump from group to group and I surround myself with different people and sometimes make mistakes, in the meantime.

           But I am here. I am a butterfly. I am innocent. I'll be flying, soon.

                        I'll be free.