Apologize I;

to the people I've hurt

                  I have hurt many people this year. Multiple times, I just thought I was being funny, but I wasn't. I get confused with lighthearted jokes and borderline insults. 

                       I get ashamed a millisecond after that, but never apologize, so I'm here saying sorry to all the people I have hurt with my dark comments. I apologize to all the people who've had to hear my sharp, grinding words.

                  I have hurt so much people this year. Multiple times, the rage I have inside and have been trying to contain, has left the cage I have tried to keep it in, and escaped through my lips. I don't hold intentional insults back. I don't stop and take a moment to think if it's worth it, trying to fight someone, just to educate them, for them to never listen, for me to become worse.

                      Some people don't understand the things I do understand. Because I understand things they don't, I should be kinder to them, more patient with them.

                  I have hurt millions of people this year. Unintentionally. Intentionally. Wholeheartedly. Halfheartedly. I am messed up in my head. I am flawed. My mind, my body, my soul is full of rage. Of words I never let out. I'm so scared of people judging me, I never share my thoughts, until I can't hold them back anymore.

                   I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of trying to change. I know the steps, but it's so much work to do, and I'm trying to fly, when I only know how to crawl, like a snake, close to the ground, filled with venom, fluid in their fangs. 

              I have become a vampire, when I used to be a butterfly. I went from an innocent creature, to a terrific, dangerous one. And the people around me remind me almost daily.

                "What happened to your old self?" They ask.

                   But I don't know. I keep looking for her, but she got lost across the ocean, in an airplane. I left her in my homeland, I got lost on my way here.

                 And I'm sorry for that.

                     And I'm sorry to all the people who've suffered because of it.

             I hope you can forgive me.