Olivia

"How was dinner?" Mom asks as we wait for my laptop to boot up.

I shrug. "It was okay. The food was really good."

"And Charlie's mom?"

"She was nice." I type in my password. "The two of them were both really uncomfortable, so I did most of the talk."

"How's Charlie holding up?"

"He says he feels better after meeting her and learning about why she never reached out before. But he's still unsure of whether or not he'll continue to get to know her. Where am I going?" I ask as the browser pops up.

"Do you know where you want to apply to?"

I shake my head. "Not really."

She scoots her chair closer so she can see the screen. "Let's start there then. Search what universities have vet courses, and then we'll go from there."

For most of the night I research different universities and what they have to offer, what I need to get into courses and where I'd want to go to study. I try to pick some schools close or in town since I don't want to go far. Especially with me still working at the bakery and wanting to be close to my friends and family. By the end I have narrowed it down to about five universities.

"You mine as well apply to them all."

"What if they all accept?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Then you just get to pick where you want to go. But it's better to apply to all and hear from few than apply to a few and hear from none."

I nod. "That makes sense."

Mom yawns and stretches her hands above her head. "I think I'm going to go to bed. Do you want to continue this in the morning?"

I look down at my laptop and then at my phone. I wonder if Charlie is still up. "I think I'll get started on some of the applications tonight and maybe get your help in the morning?"

She nods as she stands up. She places her hand on my shoulder. "Sounds good sweetie. Don't stay up too late, okay?"

I nod. "I won't."

Once she's gone I place my laptop in my arm and quickly pocket my phone. Then I make my way upstairs to my bedroom where I plop down on my bed criss-cross applesauce style. While I pull up one of the application forms I dial Charlie. I'm not sure if he'll pick up, but it's worth a shot.

After about the third ring, when I think about hanging up and letting him sleep, a groggy voice speaks. "Olivia?"

"Hi!"

A chuckle. "Why do you sound so awake for-" He pauses. "-Eleven o'clock?"

I shrug, then remember he can't see me. "I guess I'm just a night owl."

Another chuckle. "Why are you calling anyways?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing."

He sighs. "Me and my dad talked when I got back."

"And?"

He's silent for a moment. "I told him I was still angry with her."

"And that's fair." I answer the first question on the form.

"But I told him that I'd be open to letting her back into our life. Slowly."

My hands freeze above the keyboard. "Really? You didn't seem like you were going to when we left."

"Well, I thought about it. Sure, she never reached out when I was a kid and like, she said she wanted to but... I think I'm doing it because I want my kid self to have a mom. I may not be a little kid anymore but I still deserve one. Don't I?"

"Of course!" I hurry to say. "It's unfair that you were robbed of that. It's unfair to anyone who was robbed of a good parent. But... you're sure she's changed and will stay?"

He's silent again. Slowly, he says, "No, but I'm willing to give her another shot. It really does seem like she's changed from the little memory I have of her."

"Oh Charlie..." I hope she won't hurt him again.

He coughs, the sound of something - probably him - moving fills the phone. "So what are you doing my little owl?"

I chuckle at the nickname. "I'm just going through application forms for uni."

"Really? I thought you were doing that when you got home?"

"I was."

He sighs. "And you're still up doing it?"

"Yes," I whisper, suddenly protective of it.

"Olivia, go to sleep."

"But-"

"No. You should go to sleep and fill out the form when you're awake and have a clear mind."

"But I can be so productive right now!"

"And you can be productive tomorrow. I'll make sure of it by helping you, okay?"

I sigh and glance at the clock, which is now nearing eleven-thirty. Maybe he does have a point. "Fine. But you have to be here tomorrow by ten to help me."

"Of course. Anything for m'lady."

A shiver runs down my spine. I make sure to save my form and exit out of it before shutting my laptop off. Then I put it on my desk and crawl into bed. "Charlie?"

"Yes?" he whispers.

"Thank you."

"Of course. Good night, Olivia. I love you."

I shot up out of my bed. "What did you just say?"

No response.

"Charlie?" Did he realize what he said and is thinking of how to take it back? Did he fall asleep? But no, when I look at my phone I see the screen is black and when I try to turn it on, it doesn't. I reach over the edge of my bed and grab my charger from the nightstand. When it's plugged in it proves what I hoped wasn't true.

My phone died right after he said that.

I flop backwards onto my bed. A groan escapes me as I push the heel of my hands into my eyes. He didn't say that, did he? Maybe I was just imagining it. There's no way he said it. We're not even dating. We haven't put labels. We've barely just confessed that we like each other! Maybe I just heard him wrong. Yep. I heard him wrong.

But I toss and turn all night. Those three little words haunting my mind. The jolt that shocked my heart still stinging in there.

Maybe I didn't imagine it. But then what if he isn't aware that he said it? What if he just said it because it's a habit from when he says it to his dad? Or or... I'm not even sure.

But what if he did mean it? What if he was fully aware he said it? What if he said it on purpose and he thinks I just hung up on him? I roll over to reach for my phone. No. I retract my hand. The phone stares at me with the empty battery picture. Mocking me. He's probably already back asleep by now. I can't wake him up again.

I groan and turn away from my phone. I'll just have to wait for tomorrow morning then. I can learn how or if he meant it and then explain how my phone died before I could respond.

Respond with what though? Would I have said it back?

Burying my face into my pillow I let out a little scream.

The problem is that I don't know what I would have said. I like Charlie. I care for him. I want him to be in my future, but do I love him?

I like how he's always there for me. I like how I know how to comfort him. I like how his love language is touch. I like how he's both vulnerable and strong at the same time. I like everything about him. But is that enough to say I love him? Could I replace the word like with love?

The ceiling seems to be so close to me. Like I could reach up to touch it. Like how the words like and love are so similar yet so far apart.

I touch the ceiling.