Charlie

Stupid.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Why did I think it was worth it? Why did I have to go for it and put all of my heart into it, only for it to be ripped to shreds? Why did I go and do it in front of her friends? Not like it just being me and her would have changed anything. Except for the fact that I'd probably get less laughs.

I look down at the roses in my hand. Why did I go with roses? Why did I open my mouth at all? I knew it was a bad idea from the start. But I let El talk me into it. I knew I shouldn't have listened to him.

"Um... Hi, Eva."

She turns around, her blonde hair almost hitting me in the face. "Hi, Charlie!" she says.

I hold the flowers out to her. "These are for you."

And then it all went downhill from there.

Her eyes flicked from me to the flowers and back again for what felt like forever before a look I'd only seen appear on her face when something disgusted her. She tried to hide it by giving me a small smile, but it had been too late.

"I'm sorry, Charlie."

Her friends started to giggle. They put their hands over their mouths like that was going to hide the sound from me.

I dropped my hand down. The flowers drooped.

Her eyes flicked to her friends. Her cheeks puffed up like she too was trying to hold a laugh in. "But I don't like you like that. I never did and never will."

Stupid.

Why did I think she would ever like me? Why do I think that anyone would ever like me? I'm just some lame loser. Why do I put so much faith into romance? I see everyone else around me getting into relationships and having a grand old time, and then there's me.

Sure, I've only crushed on one girl and that was Eva and that crush lasted five years. I can't believe I liked her for five years just to have it end up like this.

I stomp my foot on the garbage pedal. The lid flicks up and before I can think I slam the flowers into it. "Love is stupid!" I cry into the empty house.

I shake my head.

"I'm stupid," I whisper.

I look around my house. The darkness seems to creep in from each corner. There's no color around anywhere.

I can't stay here. If I do I'll just wallow in my pity.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and unlock it. I open up my conversation with El and try to think of what to say. If I tell him the truth he'll think I'm a loser. And if I lie to him he'll just end up proving me wrong and I'll look like even more of a coward.

I sigh and put my phone back into my pocket.

Maybe a run will help me clear my mind.

I run up to my room, grab my earbuds, then run back downstairs and get my shoes on. I need to get my mind off of what happened today and to do that I'll need some fresh air, exercise and good music. I put my earbuds in and start blasting Imagine Dragons.

I lock the door behind me and take off. Each step takes a weight off my shoulder. The music blasting in my ears drowns out my thoughts.

***

Halfway through I realize I didn't think this through.

I stop and look around me. I'm down on Main Street where all the older looking buildings are. None of them look to be open anymore. I guess that makes sense since they're all locally owned and close at five o'clock.

Then I spot it.The one building that looks like it's still open. I jog over to it and throw my hand out to grab the door handle right as a girl flips a sign over.

Her blue eyes widen.

I pull the door open, almost ripping the sign out of her hand. "Are you-"

"Sorry. We're closing right now," she says.

"Oh."

We stand there staring at each other for a moment. Her red hair blocking the view into the store.

"Can I help you with anything?" she asks.

I dropped my hand from the door handle and place it on the back of my neck. Sweat trickles onto it. "I just saw you guys open and thought I'd stop by and get a drink."

"We're not a cafe," she says. Her voice is matter-of-fact, like this is something I should know.

"Then what are you?"

She rolls her eyes. "Read the sign. We're a fudge bakery."

"Oh."

She nods. "Now, can I please close the shop up?" She starts to pull the door close.

"Wait!" I cry, sticking my hand out to stop it from closing. "Could I just get a cup of water? I'm sure you have a sink in there somewhere."

She chews her lip. "Why should I?"

I chew my lip as I try to think of a reason why she should do this for me. "Because I've had a shit day and I was just on a run and needed something to drink?" I shrug.

She rolls her eyes. "And that's my problem?"

"Well... no."

She looks over her shoulder. "Fine. Wait here."

Before I can reply she disappears into the shop. I release the door and step back to examine the sign that I had missed before. In pink swirl writing are the words Fudge For Life. That's when it clicks. This is the fudge shop that everyone at school talks about.

The door flings open and the girl steps out with a plastic cup in her hand. She holds it out to me. "Here," she says.

I step forward and grab the cup from her. "Thank you."

She nods. "I have to finish closing the bakery now."

I nod.

She stares at me.

"Oh!" I take the hint and stop away. "Sorry. I'll be out of your hair." For now. But I plan to come back and try some of the fudge that everyone goes on about.

"Thank you," she says as she pulls the door closed.

I tip my head to her and hold my cup up like I'm making a cheer before bringing it to my lips and chug it. Out of the corner of my eye I see her roll her eyes and see a tiny smile appear on her face.

Her friends all seem to tower over me. Their smirks and laughter growing.

I shake it off. No. This girl isn't like that. She isn't laughing at me to make fun of me.

Stupid idea.

I turn around. I need to run again. To drown out the thoughts swimming in my head. I throw the cup into the nearest garbage, put my earbuds back in and take off.

"You got this dude!" El cheers me on.

I nod. "Yeah! Yeah I do!" After five years I'm finally going to make my move. It'll be worth it.

Idiot.

Of course the most popular girl in school wouldn't care for me. Why would anyone care for the loser? The nerd? I'm not worth anything to anyone.

"Oh, Charlie. I'm just not interested."

What had dad always said? You'll find someone one day? Will I though? Or will I end up like him? All sad and alone.

I shake my head and turn my music up louder. Each step I take is like a drum beating. Thump. Thump. Thump. There's a rhythm to running that calms me down. Maybe it's because anytime I take a run I feel more connected to my mom. She left when I was little. I don't really know why besides what dad used to tell me anytime I'd ask.

"Your mother isn't well. She's taking time for herself."

"She's working on herself."

What about me? Why wasn't she there for me? I'd stopped asking after a while. I know she isn't coming back. But sometimes I think about what it would be like to have my mother by my side. Would she be with me right now? Trying to help me through this heartbreak?

I think back to the flowers sitting in the garbage. They were so beautiful. And now they'll be taken to the landfill.

I shake my head. I try to focus on the words in the song blasting through my music. If I focus on the words I won't think about anything that happened today.

Before I know it my house appears in front of me. My stomach sinks as I see my dad's silver car in the driveway.

I had told him about what I was doing today. Told him I was going to make Eva my girlfriend. He had been so excited that his kid was finally making a move on the girl he wouldn't shut up about.

God. He was going to be so disappointed in me.

I pocket my earbuds and walk through the door. The first thing I see is him sitting on the couch with a big grin on his face. When he sees me he cranes his neck like he's trying to see out the door and catch sight of someone.

I shake my head.

His smile fades. "Aw. I'm sorry bud."

I shake my head. "It's fine. It was a dumb idea anyways."

He shakes his head. "Don't say that. Love isn't a dumb idea."

I snort and kick my shoes off. "Whatever. I'll be in my room."

I don't look back as I run up our stairs and into my room. The door slips out of my hand and slams closed.