Dyris' day of light sucked.

That was the one conclusion Frey could draw at the time. He'd been forced to get up early in the morning and listen to Luna's endless questioning for what felt like an eternity, he'd gotten hit by snowballs, he'd been unable to stop thinking about Marius and he'd had to deal with Noah disrespecting his privacy.

And he'd completely lost his temper in front of everyone.

He'd been spared from a scolding so far though and had happily taken a depression nap for what he guessed was hours, judging by the dark sky outside. He was definitely willing to believe it was the darkest day of the year.

Against his better judgement he went to stand in front of the large window, eyes locking on the vague lights from the stables in the distance.

"Heartbroken," Frey whispered to himself, remembering what Noah had said. Was he right though? What did Noah know about emotions? He was still a child. Even Frey had struggled with understanding emotions at that age.

Frey lowered his gaze, staring into nothing.

Guess I still do.

The light that had died in Marius' eyes sure suggested some negative feelings. Even so, Frey had already made his decision. It was just a pity Marius felt that way.

Frey had never apologised for what he said of course. Not that he was known for apologising to anyone in general, but just ending it with that horrible situation and never addressing it again likely wouldn't do either of them any favours. Would he be able to handle a conversation like that though?

Of course he would, Frey reasoned. No matter how many times Marius had managed to catch him off guard, he was still capable of social encounters.

So he sighed, wondering if he should rethink his options, but then grabbed his new winter jacket.

The night air made him shudder once he finally got outside. It had been a pain to get past the others without being spotted, and even more of a pain to swing by the kitchen before that, but it had felt necessary for some dumb, emotional reason.

He stared down at the paper bag in his hand. Maybe dumb and emotional was the wrong approach.

Snow had covered the ground and trees a surprising amount given how little of it had existed earlier, and judging by the amount of flakes falling from the sky it would continue that way for some time yet.

He could see his breath as he walked by a streetlight, and the closer he got to the stables the heavier said breath became. He'd already decided though and he wouldn't turn back, but of all uncomfortable conversations he'd had throughout his life, the upcoming one could very well turn out to be one of the hardest.

Failing to spot anyone as he entered the small building he walked up to Tea for Two while waiting to give her some attention. She'd suffered because of the situation as well. Frey had barely set foot in the stables since then after all. For what it was worth, the familiar scent of the stables was a soothing comfort in the middle of such a horrid day.

"Lord Clausson?" The stable master appeared from the tack room, and Frey sighed on the inside. "Is there a problem?"

"No." Frey shook his head and held up the paper bag to pretend it was for his horse. "I'm just wishing Tea for Two a happy Dyris' day."

"Of course." The stable master nodded, and to his credit Frey was unable to discern if he was only pretending to take Frey's sentimentalising gesture seriously or if he genuinely considered it appropriate.

He only nodded back and returned his attention to the horse, waiting for the man to disappear in the meantime. No stable master under the employment of the Hargreaves family would just stand idle for long fortunately, and he soon resumed his work in the tack room.

Frey sighed, both relieved and disappointed. Perhaps Marius had gone home already. He didn't feel like going all the way to his house to visit. It would make the point of them cutting ties with each other from there on harder to get across.

Just as he was about to leave the stables however, he almost bumped into a snow covered Marius as he too appeared in the door at the same time.

Aside from a surprised 'uh' as they almost collided, Frey didn't receive much of a greeting. In fact, Marius averted his gaze to the floor with a frown.

"Apologies, my Lord," he muttered, and Frey's mood sank.

Not a great start.

"I need to talk to you," he then said before Marius could move, in a hurry to get things over with. "Walk with me."

Marius obeyed, but still wouldn't say anything. So they walked in silence through the garden, far enough so no one could overhear them.

Frey pulled his hood up to prevent the heavy snow from ruining his hair completely, and Carrigan's comment about it hiding some of his scar returned to his mind.

He knitted his eyebrows. It was yet another reason he couldn't afford mistakes. Despite the rest of him being stunning, people would fixate on that one flaw, possibly even more than if he'd been mediocre looking.

Finally he stopped, close enough to a streetlight to see at least a little but not so close so Marius could see his expression clearly.

Then he sucked in a deep breath as quietly as he could before turning around.

Marius had stopped as well, staring at him expectantly.

"Here, you wanted to try them." Frey began and held the paper bag he'd brought from the kitchen forward. "Apparently they're called frost wicks."

Marius took it without a word.

"In return for the firelights," Frey continued, as if to ease the crushing tension but it didn't seem like it was working.

"Thank you," Marius finally said, staring down at the bag. His face remained blank, and Frey inhaled another breath in order to finally be done with it.

"And I... Realise an apology is in order." He licked his lips, searching for the right words. "What happened back there at the market wasn't your fault. You weren't an inconvenience. I agreed to go with you and put myself in that situation willingly. I should have declined from the start instead of making things uncomfortable for both of us, and I apologise for that."

Marius only stared at him, and Frey desperately tried to see some glimmer of expression in his face. Didn't it help at all?

"You're... Sorry you agreed to go with me?" Marius then asked, and Frey pursed his lips. Why did he have to make it sound so awful?

Still, wasn't that exactly what he was saying?

"You..." Frey's words didn't want to come out, but he'd already decided. "You realise it's not going to work, right? That we need to end this and pretend it never happened."

"End what?" Marius shook his head in confusion. "What's not going to work?"

"This." Frey gestured between them. "Us trying to get along. To—To be friends. The sooner we accept that it's impossible the better."

A wrinkle formed on Marius' forehead, eyes narrowing, and Frey didn't want to see more so he turned around to head back to the mansion.

"Do you want that?" Marius then asked behind him, unable to hide a broken voice.

Frey slowed down, and his face scrunched up in a grimace.

"I have to."

"Frey, come back."

Frey turned his head briefly, a puff of smoke escaping his lips as he let out a weak breath.

"And you... Should stop calling me by my first name. My title would be more appropriate."

"At least come back and talk to me," Marius still continued. "I want you to tell me why. Why can't we get along anymore?"

"Enough," Frey said, only barely so Marius could hear. He didn't want to raise his voice and reveal how close to tears he was.

He took another step forward, and then something light bumped against the back of his head. He blinked and turned around to stare at a frost wick lying on the ground.

"Did you just—"

Then he was hit by yet another sugary projectile, this time on his forehead.

"Tell me!" Marius readied another piece of fried dough, voice now significantly louder than before. "I want you to say it! Why can't we be friends?"

Frey gritted his teeth, not appreciating being bombarded with confections in his current state. Or any state for that matter. So he raised his voice as well.

"Because we're too different! We were never supposed to end up in a situation like this!"

"What, because of who I am?" Marius lowered his hand, putting the frost wick back in the bag.

"Because of who I am." Frey squeezed his eyes together, trying to soothe the stinging tears. "You have a normal life. You can see whoever you want and no one's gonna care. But I— I can't do that. Especially not after all that happened. One mistake and I'm done for."

"Then why did you bother with me in the first place?" Marius' voice had taken a turn towards frustration, not that Frey blamed him. "I know your status means a lot to you, I just... I thought something had changed."

"I know, and it wasn't fair." Frey balled his fists. "I should have made it clear from the beginning that I won't— I can't change."

Marius finally looked down at the icy ground as though defeated, seemingly searching for words.

"Well, I'm—I'm sorry I approached you in the first place and made things difficult then." His shoulders trembled as he clenched his fists as well. "And that I can't be what society would require of me in order to be friends with you."

"That's not what I was—"

"Wasn't it?" Marius cut him off. "You wouldn't have done anything. You—You wouldn't have agreed to follow me anywhere, you wouldn't even have talked to me if you didn't find some value in our conversations."

"I told you, I shouldn't have done any of that."

"Because of what society thinks!" Marius threw his hands out. "Exactly!"

"But that's not your fault." Frey's heart was racing. It was so unfair. No matter what he did people would be angry. "They're the ones with messed up ideas of someone's value."

"And you want to be part of that?" Marius shook his head in disbelief. "You'd rather live that shallow life with rotten people who talk shit about you just because there's a title attached to their names?"

"It's all I've wanted for as long as I've lived!" Frey drew a breath in frustration, mind reeling at the same pace as his heartbeat. He couldn't collect his thoughts or sort out his feelings to give proper replies.

"So what changed?" Marius pressed on. "If it's all you've wanted for so long then why—"

"Because I let my guard down!" Frey's voice finally broke. "Because I never thought I would fall for a stable boy!"

It was too late to take the words back. The air went out of Frey as soon as they'd escaped his mouth and his knees wanted to buckle beneath him.

No fucking way.

For a moment he wondered if his heart was suddenly failing him as an ache spread through his chest and breathing became increasingly difficult. Taking deep breaths was impossible, so he had to settle for several shallow ones.

Marius only stared at him as if he was taking a moment to process the words. Frey would honestly have liked one of those moments himself. He hadn't dared to think about it, or admit it, and much less say it out loud.

What in the Waste had he done?

Marius opened his mouth to say something but Frey didn't wait for it. He instantly turned to get away from there. How could he face him after that?

"Frey," Marius called after him, but he wouldn't reply. His mind was too exhausted. No, he'd retreat to the mansion, think things over and somehow find the best solution to dealing with what just happened.

"Frey, please come back," Marius continued, but Frey did his best to block him out. "I'll start throwing frost wicks again."

Not an ideal option, but Frey would take his chances.

He should've known though. Marius' unfortunate indifference to uncomfortable conversations and leaving things unsaid remained unyielding, so it barely came as a surprise as Frey's arm was grabbed and he was spun around.

As it turned out, Marius had grabbed him with a little too much force, and Frey's feet had no chance of standing firm on the snow powdered ice beneath them as he was pulled back.

In an attempt to regain his foothold he gripped Marius' jacket for support, but the latter had not been ready for the sudden weight and in the end, the icy ground showed no mercy for either of them.

So down they went.

A shockwave boomed through Frey's head as it hit the ground. The hood of his jacket had lessened some of the impact but the fact that he'd hit his head hard still remained, and his chest felt even heavier than before.

"Frey!?" Marius' voice asked above him and Frey slowly opened his eyes as the pressure was lifted from his chest. Judging by how close they were, he concluded Marius must've fallen on him.

"Frey, are you— How... Is your head all right?" Marius continued and scooped up Frey's head to scan it for injuries. "Can you see? Are you nauseous?"

Frey was, but his mind was elsewhere and he slowly raised a shaking hand to cover his eyes.

Then he laughed.

It was a broken, weak laughter, and not something he would have preferred at the time, but he couldn't help it.

"...Frey?"

"It's so stupid," Frey whispered, refusing to move the hand from his face. His eyes were watering and he didn't care for such a display at the time. "This always happens. Every time we meet."

"What does?"

"I fall off horses, I get embarrassingly drunk, I have meltdowns, I walk into streetlights, I'm hit by snowballs... Always in front of you." He shook his head lightly. It hurt, but Marius supporting it helped. "... And now this."

There was a pause, and Frey considered removing his hand to see what Marius was doing, but his tear-filled eyes still didn't want to face him.

"Which one?" Marius then asked. "The falling or... The falling?"

Frey's heart wanted to give in again. For fuck's sake, did it want him to survive at all?

"... Both."

Another moment of silence, and Frey thought he could hear the snowflakes hit the ground around them. It was so impossibly quiet.

"Did you mean it?" Marius finally asked.

Frey had to reply. There was no avoiding it anymore. After all the emotions he'd gone through and the mixed signals he'd given Marius, not to mention himself, they both deserved it.

He pinched his lips together in an effort to stop the trembling before drawing as deep of a breath as he could manage.

"I think so."

He'd never expected it to be such a relief. It was possible his mind was rushing things and he did put it rather vaguely, but it felt right. It was as though saying it out loud confirmed it inside his head as well.

But how would Marius react? He hadn't planned on saying something like that after all. He tried listening for some kind of hints in his movements or breathing, but nothing stood out.

"That's gotta be a pain," Marius then said, voice a mere whisper but somehow amused at the same time.

Frey had to let out a weak laugh as well.

"You have no fucking idea."

He flinched as Marius pressed a cold finger against his lips.

"No such language on Dyris' day." Then he retracted his hand. At first Frey guessed he'd remembered the no-touch rule, though Marius was already supporting his head, but then he felt the hand against his skin again. This time a thumb moving along his cheek to wipe a tear Frey had barely noticed away.

"You're crying."

"... I'm in pain."

The awkward silence in between replies was more than enough for Frey to know Marius wasn't buying it.

"But that's not why, is it?"

"No."

"I... Admittedly don't know what to do now, what with the laughing and crying." Marius finally lifted Frey's hand from his face, and Frey had to fight not to avert his gaze. "You're a master of contradiction."

"Yeah, I..." Frey chose to close his eyes in resignation instead. "... I seem to have a knack for that."

"Well, at least I'm not the only one suffering from it."

It was a poor time for self-pity, but it was another thing Frey had always been good at, and as it spread through his mind he couldn't help but embrace it.

"I'd already made up my mind," he whispered. "I was going to sever things between us and move on. I'm stubborn, and I've spent a lot of time learning to control my emotions. I didn't think you would make it so complicated."

"I guess liking someone sucks that way," Marius replied, and Frey tensed up as he did. "Awful as it may sound though, I'm glad I complicated things."

Frey finally opened his eyes to stare into Marius', giving him another hesitant smile.

"Didn't think you were cruel enough to enjoy me being in pain."

Marius frowned, still smiling though, and placed his free hand on Frey's shoulder.

"Not at all."

Then he leaned down and kissed him.

It was a warmth Frey hadn't known he wanted so bad, and for once he didn't mind his heart stopping. He'd longed to feel Marius' lips against his, that much he'd known, but it was much warmer and softer than he could ever have guessed.

So he wrapped his arms around Marius' neck and kissed him back.

Screw reasoning. He couldn't neglect feelings anymore. How could he even begin to try? He never wanted to let go ever again, despite his guess that the brown curls he was stroking through at the moment hadn't been washed that day.

And that sure said something.

Finally their lips parted, and Marius bumped their foreheads together instead.

"I... Guess I'm supposed to be quite the amount of flattered," he then said. "For Lord Clausson to struggle so much with this, despite his ambitions."

"You had better appreciate it." Frey whispered, hand lowering to Marius' cheek. "It took a lot of effort."

"Oh, I promise I'll treasure it forever." Marius moved back so they could see each other's faces. "... No matter what you end up choosing."

Pain pierced through Frey again, but it felt different. He wasn't sure what would happen after that night, but he was certain whatever conclusion he'd draw it had to involve Marius, no matter what.

"So..." His lips trembled as he refused to be the only one put on the spot. "... You never really said anything about how... You feel."

Marius blinked, only needing a moment to process such a big question and letting out a painfully charming laugh.

"Do you think I'd go through the trouble of asking young Lord Hargreaves of all people to write an apology note for me if I didn't like you? Or ask you to eat or drink with me? Or let you cry your eyes out on my shirt?"

Frey made a face at the memories coming forward, but Marius' laugh turned out to be contagious, and awkwardness aside, those moments had caused a great deal of good too. So he placed his hands around Marius' neck again and pulled him closer, kissing him a second time.

Or third, if emotional, meltdown kisses counted.

Moment after moment passed, and despite the cold ground and somewhat exposed situation, they both chose to stay like that for what felt like hours, but was likely only a minute or two.

Finally, Frey had to pull away, squeezing his eyes together.

"I'm still in a lot of pain though."

Marius' eyes widened as he remembered the fall.

"Oh! Oh, right, we should have someone take a look at that!"