(I know this is my third rant in a couple chapters, but things are really irking me lately)

No, this isn't about Zelda games.

Okay, so we all know that there's a standardized three ways of asking someone to read your book.

1: (on Message Board or via PM) Hi, I've been reading your story for a while now, and I have to say, I really enjoy it. I really like how you (insert amazing thing you did here that nobody else complimented you on until now). I look up to you a lot, and I was wondering, could you read my story? *insert link* I think it's something you would like- and if not, then don't worry. Just asking :)

2: (can be on message board, more likely on your story) OMGOMG liek dis book is gra3t!1!!!!11 READ MINE *insert link*

3: (can be anywhere) *insert link*

This rant has NOTHING to do with #1. Nothing at all- are you kidding me? Even if I don't WANT to read the book, something like that doesn't bother me at all. No, this is about numbers two and three.

Number Two: 

Okay, so, awesome. You're totally illeterate but actually think my book is good, even though you misspelled all my characters' names and said Tommy was a lion instead of a cougar, but hey, you appreciate my book. The grammar annoys me, but you apparently care at least a little about my works-

WHAT

NO

I AM NOT READING YOUR BOOK YOU LITTLE BUTTMUNCH

Okay, let me explain how this is different from the aforementioned number one. In number one, they gave clear reasons for all the following; they passed third grade with at least a C, they read your book, they CARE a TON about your book, they look up to you, they think they might know you slightly better as a person and offer a book they think you'd enjoy. As for what number two does...

Congrats, you have just shown me that you can't tell 'your' from 'you're' from 'ur', that you barely skimmed my book, and you care nothing about me as a person. And not only that, but you immediately go on to say 'LOOK AT ME! I'M SO AWESOME! READ MY BOOK!' Not to mention that YOUR comments are PUBLIC, clearly showing that this is for EVERYONE.

Number Three:

I was actually sent one of these earlier today, which is why I'm writing this rant. It's... literally just a link. Okay... so?

It's a link.

You didn't even bother saying ANYTHING to me, you're just like 'look at this book'. Which, is, like, cool n stuff, but... WHY?

Imagine what this would be like in real life- no, seriously. It would literally just be somebody walking up to you, (a complete stranger no less) and stuffing a random book in your hand before continuing to walk off. What, aren't you going to even give me the TITLE of your story? At least put in a badly punctuated sentence asking me to read it!

Agh.