Episode 3: Breaking and Entering

"Just pick the lock, dammit!" Reece hissed as my hands shook.

From the corner of my eye I saw Clyde climbing a tree to get to the window and Roger trying to hoist Dean up to the other window on the opposite side.

"We're going to jail and I haven't even been famous yet!" Roger whimpered and Dean kicked his shoulder purposely.

"We're not going to Jail, 50 cent," I muttered back as I tried shoving the bobby pin into the lock.

How the phuck did people in the movies do this so easy? Reece and I had been trying to open the gate lock for the past ten minutes without any success. And mind you, I am rather good in putting long things into unknown holes.

"I found a way in!" Clyde whisper-shouted to us from the top window. Clyde always finds a way in, if you know what I mean.

I tossed the pin in my pocket and all of us headed for the window quickly. It was a cold night but somehow the adrenalin and fear in me masked the fact that my whole body was freezing to death.

As soon as we got in the house, I noticed how furnished this place was but before I could even say anything, everybody else went their separate ways trying to find the one object which we desperately needed.

And that's when we heard it... the sirens of a rent-a-cop car sounded loudly outside. They knew we were in the house.

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Awh, wasn't that s good opener? Anyway, in order for you to understand the situation that leads after this, you need to know what happened before this. It all started with one event... and that one event caused everything to go haywire.

This event was due to the company of Clyde's dad having been 30+ years in the transportation business or something like that.

Basically it was a lot of wealthy business people and Clyde's family shoved in a garden to have tea and do what rich people do like talk about the stock market, real estate and boring shit like that.

We all liked attending the "Clyde family" events because the food was awesome and well Clyde was always out of his element there which was entertaining to see. Clyde, if you haven't realized, was an only child. His parents are awesome, father-Clyde and mother-Clyde are down to earth people (granted their son is phucked up) but Clyde used to always say that his extended family (cousins, aunts and uncles) had metal pipes up their rear ends.

Anyway so there we were standing around and as per usual I was looking ravishing in a suit. Yes, yes this is the part where you fall in love with me. I do look quite cool in a suit though, just letting you know.

"You alright, Clyde?" Dean asked as Clyde downed his second glass of champagne. He looked sweaty and nervous. I would say he looked similar to a clam but clams remind me of vaginas and well, he doesn't really look like a vag.

"Yeah, I'm good all good," Clyde said while eying something or someone.

"You're banging someone?" Reece asked with his eyebrows raised. As soon as Reece said that, Clyde choked and coughed furiously. Roger groaned and gripped his hair in his hands.

"Really Clyde? With your family? That's disgusting," Roger sighed and put down his champagne.

"He's going to have incest babies," I replied continuing the old joke we usually have when the topic of incest comes up.

"Hey, isn't that your cousin Gertrude?" Dean asked and I nearly choke on my drink by trying to suppress my hidden laughter.

"Her name isn't Gertrude, it's Greta!" Clyde said with a slight smile which was probably the first time he smiled in a while.

"Oh yeah, we called her Gertrude because well she looked like a Gertrude," Roger said while grinning. "She had the biggest crush on Reece too," He continued and turned to face Reece but unfortunately Reece was nowhere to be seen.

"Did he just escape that fast?" I asked looking around for any sign of Reece.

Gertrude was probably hopelessly in love with him and always bothered him at any of Clyde's family functions. It was hilarious to watch. I looked back at Clyde who still seemed extremely anxious for some reason.

"Okay, Clyde spill it," I said getting impatient. The rest nodded in agreement and as soon as Gertrude went to the opposite end of the tables, Reece emerged from behind the bathrooms.

Out of freaking nowhere, Gertrude appears. Now, how do I describe Gertrude? She looked like a female version of Danny Devito, that's the only way I can portray her. Gertrude hated the rest of us and well her language was rather vulgar.

"Hey, Reece!" She bellowed and the rest of us chuckled.

"Oh, Gert- I mean Greta, hey," Reece muttered and frowned at her.

"What the phuck are you doing here, Brandon?" She stared at me with one hand on her hip. I flipped back a bit. She was scary at times.

"I was invited?" I replied with a bit confusion.

"You phucking suck and you know it," She scowled and hissed.

"Uhm, okay," I replied while we were all awkwardly standing there.

"Bitch," She said again. Why couldn't she just shut up! I never do anything to her anyway.

"Anyway Reece, there's this really nice restaurant that my friend-" She began to say but got interrupted when Dean coughed loudly.

"Greta now's not the right time," Reece said patiently while eying Clyde.

"Yeah, I need to talk to them about something important. Let's go to the bar where it's quieter," Clyde replied and we followed him up a small hill to the bar leaving Greta behind. The rest of us laughed as she called out to Reece, desperately. We each hopped on a bar stool and Clyde got us beers.

"Okay, you know my cousin, Lawrence?" He said and pointed to the far end of the tables to reveal a 20-something guy in a white tuxedo with a slick hairdo. "Well, the girl next to him, her name is Gemma, she's his fiancé" He said with a sigh.

"You banged your cousin's fiancé?" Reece said as he replaced his beer for an orange juice. "You don't mess with family!" Reece said in his Godfather voice while the bartender smirked.          

"I did but it was a long time ago!" Clyde said in frustration.

I looked at Clyde and honestly his behavior was weird. Clyde had banged many girls but he was never worried about the after effects, he seemed untouchable. Could this situation finally have gotten to him or was it the girl who got to him?

"How long?" Roger asked curiously.

"8 inches, on a bad day," Clyde smirked.

"You know what I mean, idiot," Roger sighed  and shook his head.

"I was with her before my cousin set his eyes on her," He sighed and put his hand on his temple.

"She cheated on you with him? But he looks like a toad with one eyebrow," Dean said frowning.

He was right, that guy was a pompous idiot who laughed too loudly and spoke like he owned everything and everyone. Oh and "one eyebrow" is code for unibrow in Dean terminology.

"No she didn't cheat on me. I just told her to be with him because I wasn't serious about anyone at that time and he had more to offer," He replied with slight hesitation as he called the bartender again for another round.

"Wait, you like this girl? As in like-like?" Reece asked with a smirk.

"He's asking if you love her," Dean added with a nod of hope in his eyes.

"No shit, Sherlock," Roger said as he shook his head.

"I think maybe compared to all the other girls I have done, I do have slightly stronger feelings towards her," Clyde said carefully. "Well feelings that don't only resonate around my d*ck," he added with a smirk.

"So you just want to be with her?" I asked and he shook his head.

"No, look I'm not in love with her. She's better off with that guy; it's just that she doesn't see it. She says she's in love with me," he said and tossed me his phone to reveal a text message from her confirming what he just said. I passed the phone around.

"She wants to leave him for me, which is not going to happen! Firstly I can't only bang one vagina," Clyde said. The bartender choked on his spit there but I guess anyone who overheard that part would do that. "And secondly, my uncle will rip my parents to shreds and I won't allow that. She will be with him," he said and downed his beer.

"So tell her that," I said and spun around the bar stool trying to catch a glimpse of Gemma again.

"I did. I told her that I'm seeing someone else as well and now she kind of got angry so that's going well. I just don't want her to tell my cousin," He said and held his chin.

"What if she does?" Reece asked.

"I'd have to deny it but I really don't want it to come to that, she's a nice girl. Good, solid and tight," He said with a playful smile.

"You're talking about a body part of hers, aren't you?" Dean asked and we laughed.

We all got up to go back to the tables when Clyde stopped and called the bartender.

"Hey, wait. I'll tip you, bro," He said and dug in his pockets. He kept digging with a face of pure fear and shock. "Phuck!" He said and slammed his fists in the counter. "I left my wallet at their house!" He muttered.

"Your house?" I asked.

"Gemma and Lawrence's house. Phuck!" He shouted rubbing his forehead.

"When did you see her?" I asked again as the others looked on the floor in case he might have dropped it there.

"This morning to tell her I was seeing someone else. Lawrence was with my father for the rest of the day so I thought it would be perfect opportunity. It must have fell out of my jacket pocket," He sighed.

"You're dead," Reece replied.

"Lawrence will know I've been there and he told me once he suspected she was cheating on him. He'll think it's me!" He exclaimed.

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And that, my dear readers, is how we ended up breaking and entering their house. So there we were all frantically looking for Clyde's wallet when the cop car pulled over and not to mention Lawrence and his brother's car. I looked from the window and saw Lawrence, his brother (who was really muscular) and the overweight rent a cop running towards the front door. The "rent-a-cop" was just a security guard not an actual cop.

I swear when someone shouted "cops" the five of us ran everywhere so fast it was as if we were deer chased by lions.

"Found wallet!" Reece shouted from the bottom as I was in one of the rooms. As soon as I heard that, I silently prayed and then ran for the window. I saw Roger and just as he was about to leap out the window the cop comes from the stairs and literally lands on top of Roger. I swear I saw Roger deflate because of the freaking weight that was on him.

"I... can't...  breathe," Roger muttered. I could hear Reece and Clyde shouting from the bottom floor, Clyde's cousins must be after them. All I thought about was that Roger was going to die by being crushed to death from an overweight security guard...

Yes, I thought about running but then I couldn't live with the guilt. So I basically ran and hurled myself at the guard. Luckily Roger escaped while the security guard toppled over to the side and after various scratches and elbow punches, I squeezed out of the guards grip and sprinted for my life.

I ran downstairs and I just heard footsteps everywhere. They were all trying to evade Lawrence and his brother, it was a mess. I looked at the end and I saw Roger, Reece and Clyde escaping through the doorway. It was just Dean and I left in the house.

I couldn't find him or hear him until I heard a few thuds from the stairway. He tumbled down the stairs and suddenly behind him was the two brothers. I grabbed his arm and we were seriously running for the exit but then Lawrence tripped him and he fell. And here was my second dilemma. Do I go or do I stay?

I stayed again.

This was by far the worst beating I had ever received. I literally jumped on Lawrence and his brother and told Dean to run. Dean got up and scuttled for the door. I got kicked, punched, elbowed by two guys. Yes, I got gang banged.

I could taste the blood in my mouth and I lost my back tooth, that's how bad it was. I started to feel dazed but then I heard familiar voices. I looked up from the ground and I could see Reece and Dean trying to fight those two goons.

Reece helped me up as Dean was now taking a beating. He led me to the door and basically, it felt like my stomach was twisted, my head was on fire and every time I breathed, my lungs cracked. I put my weight on Reece as we made it to the front door and exited through the bushed. I looked down at his shirt and noticed his whole torso was cut. Clyde's cousins were downright hardcore people.

"Where the others?" I asked huskily.

"Clyde sprained his ankle, Roger is with him." Reece said

"Dean?" I asked.

"If you ended up in Jail, no cop would be lenient," Reece muttered and looked back in hope to see his best friend. He was right. Whenever there was fairs, or beach parties or something like that and a fight broke out somehow I was involved. Honestly, I think I just attract bad attention but it's not like I go around punching people.

I did feel guilty. Dean took one for the team since he had a clean record. At that time I hoped nothing too serious would happen to him.

After a few hours once we finally got to Reece's flat we waited a while until Dean was allowed to call someone or until we were notified.

"Lawrence called. He said he'd drop charges if I spoke to him in the morning about my apparent relationship with his future wife," Clyde said. "I agreed. My father is going to love this," he said sarcastically with a sigh.

Finally Dean called and Reece put it on speaker.

"How deep are you, bud?" Reece asked leaning against the counter.

"Not that deep although the cop is kind of pissed off. I told him it was a stupid drunk dare," Dean said.

"So you're good, can we get you?" Reece asked again.

"Yeah and make it quick. He put me in the weird phucking cell and there's a guy that keeps staring at my ass!" He shouted over the phone. "Bring Clyde in case I need to get bailed out or whatever the phuck they do," He said and hung up.

Clyde had to stay because of his sprained foot but he just gave Reece and me a wad of cash and said it would cover the bail. Once Reece and I got to the station, the three of us received the longest lecture in history by the cop.

"How could a bunch of adult guys act that childish? To break into a house? One that belongs to their friend's family! You boys are lucky that they decided not to press charges! Adults! Look at you! If you ever step out of line again I will throw all of you in jail until your balls turn to dust!" He bellowed. He really did say that and I slightly laughed at the last part before he scowled at me.

Once we got out it was if the world had been relieved off my shoulders.

So that was the end to one long day and I couldn't wait to get into bed. Weirdly enough, just as I did, I received a text message. It was from Tasha.

"Hey Brandon, just thinking about you..."

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I will update as soon as possible, so be on the lookout! If you liked it don't forget to vote, comment, fan... the usual!

Brandon