1. Get rid of all his tomatoes.

2. Eat all his tomatoes in front of him.

3. Tell him turtles are ugly.

4. Tell him Romano likes you better than him

5. Actually, 4 might make him cry.

6. Tell him he isn't the boss anymore.

7. Pretending to be a health inspector and going round every inch of his café with a weird expression.

8. Pulling an even weirder expression when you spot 'dust' gets old.

9. Pretending to shut down the café will probably result him calling Romano who will know it is you in disguise.

10. This will not end well.

11. Not even Russia will help you.