The fact that I kissed him is still inevitable to be. I can't believe I did such a thing. One part of me wishes I'd done it sooner, and the next part wishes I hadn't done it at all. I can't decide which part is right or wrong, all I know is that.
I. Can't. Sleep.
Who would? Who could? After that kiss, geez, you've got to have a heart of ice. I decide to go online, and check the video that we made. I wonder if they think that we were faking. I wonder if they know? No, they can't, they never could, it has to be a secret. A secret that we aren't actually together. Oh, god, what about Marzia? I haven't even checked my phone since this afternoon. I sit up, and look at the clock on my bedside table. Or should I say, yesterday afternoon, it's 1:34am. I'm officially insane.
Go damn it, Mark! Get out of my head! You with your lips like silk, eyes like chocolate and your-
No! Stop it, me!
Grabbing my laptop from my open suitcase on the floor, I open it up to my channel, clicking on the latest video. Damn, I'm glad I don't have YouTube notifications on, it would be blowing up right now. With 7,000,000 views and 67,000 comments, it's sure to be one for the record books. It's only 1am, heck, I only uploaded it 4 hours ago. I never knew so many people wanted to know about my pretend love life. Well, they don't know that's it's pretend, but eh, potato, potatoe. Hell, I can't seem to get my head around that it's not real, well, that's me of course.
Let's start with comments.
@LadyLoveBug
Omg Pewds! So proud of you for coming out! You and Mark will be perfect together! I already ship it! #Pewdieplier
@SPARKLES
Pewds u gay???
@Fredstar118
Srsly Pewds Mark? Omg it can't get any lower.
@brofistpewdiepie
So happy for you and Mark Pewds! I'm happy that you're happy!
@thatonegurl
Are we just not going to talk about what happened to Marzia???
Well, it started on a good note! There's a heap of replies saying that they are happy that I'm happy, ah, if only they knew. Going downstairs seems like a good idea right now. I need to get outside. I didn't end up changing into my pyjamas, so I'm still in my jeans. I grab my jacket off of the floor and head downstairs quietly. Hey, I'm not mean to my pretend boyfriend, okay?
Finally, once I'm out the door, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because I made it. I made it outside. Feeling a buzz inside my pocket, no doubt that it's Marzia, I take my phone out and check it, for the first time since yesterday.
(7) Missed Calls from Marzia
Marzia:
Felix, are you okay? Please, what happened? I need to know you are okay!
Marzia:
How can they do this to us? Break up our engagement? Please don't stray Felix, I need you back.
A voice in my head is yelling, "I told you that you should've thought about Marzia!"
Marzia:
I saw your video, have a nice life.
And my engagement is officially over. Over, done, finished. Whatever you want to say, there's no more to it. Sighing, I put my phone back in my pocket. The street is surprisingly lit by the moon, illuminating almost everything so that I can see. I wander down, across the road and to the beach, down the wooden stairs, and across the cold sand. I see a figure, sitting on the sand, and by the hair blowing in the cold ocean wind, I know who it is.
It's Mark.
I decide that it's best to approach him, and talk for a while. Hell, we better get to know each other more before starting this "fake relationship". Plopping down on the sand next to him, he speaks first.
"Felix?"
"Hey."
"What are you doing up so early?"
"You mean late?"
"You couldn't sleep either?"
"Nope."
And yet we do nothing, but sit there in silence.
"I know you didn't want this to happen, Felix. I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry? It's not your fault."
"I'm sorry for being me. Being the stupid idiot that I am. If I was never alive-"
"A lot of other people wouldn't be too."
He is silent.
"Think about how many lives you've changed, how many lives you've saved."
"You could just as well do what I do."
"No I couldn't. I'm the supposed comedian, you're a comedian, but you also talk about things that really matter, do things that really matter."
"You do that."
"Not as well as you."
"You spoken to Marzia yet?"
"She's spoken to me, I haven't spoken back."
"I guess it's over then?"
"Yeah."
"Felix, I'm so-"
"Mark Edward Fischbach, if you say you're sorry again, I'm going to really make you sorry."
"Okay. I'm not sorry."
"Good, you shouldn't be."
I lean up against him the breeze tickling my skin. I think about his words from earlier.
"Just for the camera."
I'm starting to wonder if that's the case anymore.