I couldn't get Joe's warning out of my head. It had been a few days since the party and I still hadn't confronted Nick. I think I knew, deep down in the shipwrecks of my soul, it was one of those "walks like a duck, quacks like a duck" situations. I possessed an impeccable ability to read people and something was off. I couldn't keep blaming his upbringing or social awkwardness. I didn't want to accuse him or bring it up without having evidence. I'd been trying to keep him busy with chores and activities; taking him places during the day and telling Kiwi to hang out with him in the evenings, when he got home from work. I thought if I kept him busy, he either wouldn't have time to do drugs or he'd get a hankerin' for them and I'd catch him in the act.

Kiwi was going on a business trip to Florida with Daddy Dan, for a few days, and insisted that Ally come stay with me until he returned. I don't know why that made him feel better; we're both pussy galores. I remember this one time, I babysat her and no one told me the window washers were coming to do the house. So, I'm sitting there, minding my business, when it looks to me like we're being invaded by unknown forces from the windows. My best idea was to throw colanders on our heads for protection-I took the plastic one and gave her the metal one, so don't say I'm not a natural born protector-grab a meat tenderizer and order a pizza. My hope was that they would kill the delivery guy instead...and maybe leave the pizza.

I was awoken by a text from Ally, that she had arrived. I was in no rush to get out of bed, as she could take care of herself, until I heard Nirvana blasting away at 8:00 a.m.
I thought it was Nick and I wanted to yell at him to let out my frustrations about everything else. I threw the blankets off and bound into the hall, to give him a char-grilled piece of my mind, but found Ally and Kiwi in his office; doing the electric slide to Come As You Are. Kiwi noticed me first and held up a finger, like I shouldn't interrupt them until they've completed the slide in it's entirety. Ally gifted me with a half-hearted wave, but was too engrossed in the slide for much else.
K: "See, Ally Cat, you can do the electric slide to any song. You just gotta change up the tempo when the recipe calls for it."
He changed the song to Smells Like Teen Spirit and they both started the dance over; going considerably faster this time.
A: "I mean, I feel like an idiot but you're right; It really does work! You're some kinda sorcerer, sir."
K: "Why don't you try this at your next school dance, huh? I bet you'll pick up all the guys."
A: "Is that how you got Tayl?"
K: "I'm not one to give away my mating ritual secrets but look at me at your own risk, Al."

We heard a car horn beep from outside, as Kiwi's car pulled up to take him to the airport. He finished gathering his work papers and shoved them into his leather binder, before giving Ally a farewell hug.
He made his way over to me, frowning and pulling me into him like he was afraid he'd never see me again.
K: "Are you gonna be ok with Nick, Princess? Be honest. Say the word and I won't go."
I squeezed him tighter, taking in the spicy scent of his Chanel cologne. I was pretty tempted to beg him to stay but I knew Daddy Dan would be irritated since they had meetings scheduled all week.
T: "I hope so. I feel better when you're here but it's for work. You can't be irresponsible just because it's family. Plus, it'll be nice to go to bed without listening to you sing Broadway hits and pretending to do the can-can in bed."
K: "Not a turn on?"
T: "Dry."
K: "Noted."
A: "The fuck goes on around here?"
K: "Don't give yourself anxiety over it. I told Joe and France to check on you and keep an eye on things. You can call them if anything happens and I'll come right home; I know Ally here to protect you isn't saying much."
A: "Hey! I'm more protective than you. I'm not scared to mess up my hair and I know 911."
K: "I thought there was an area code! You're like expecting a teddy bear to protect you from monsters under the bed. Delusional comfort."
A: "You can't even spell delusional."
K: "I don't know, I never tried; so there!"
A: "You didn't finish college, so odds are slim."
K: "Is that supposed to make me feel bad? I make seven figures a year, so fuck that pish posh. I had all my basic education; ask me anything."
A: "Who's Lee Harvey Oswald?"
K: "...Doesn't he live up the street?"

I watched Kiwi from the kitchen window; waving and blowing him one last kiss before the car pulled away. I felt like someone stole one of my lungs without asking, when he was gone. I felt pressure building up in my chest cavity, like a canon about to fire. I needed him to remind me to keep calm and think rationally. I always dove head-first into things; getting all wound up, and hopscotching to the worst possible conclusions. I tried to look at Nick's situation like a broken department store mirror and pick up each issue individually like a shard of glass, tackle it, and throw it away. If all else failed, toss out the whole mirror because it wasn't yours anyway and you only offered to clean it up to be nice, so who cares. Not your problem.
That thought didn't make me feel better, though. I knew I'd worry about him, in his absence, because there was no one who cared enough to help him and I couldn't get Images of him dying in a bathtub out of my head.
Just like me.
I'd be dead if I didn't have Kiwi not give up on me after giving him countless reasons to walk away. Maybe I had to be someones Kiwi now.

I heard Ally pop a can of carbonated coconut water and pour it into her orange juice filled wine glass, like a fauxmosa. She gave me a sad smile, watching me still looking for Kiwi like a dog that got left at the pound.
A: "You need a real one?"
T: "Ding ding ding. You feel like making it?"
A: "Fine, but what the fuck is up with Nick? You can't be this forlorn over Kiwi leaving. Unless you're upset you can't stare at his ass for a week, because that I'd understand."
T: "Hey! That's your cousin now."
A: "Not by blood. I can get a little hillbilly when I wanna."
She grabbed a bottle of Moët from the pantry and popped it with more grace than the ice capades. I made a mental note to interrogate her about how a minor acquired those skills, later. I had told her about everything going on with Nick except for the incident at Joe's. I guess I felt like it was more real or more serious if I discussed it.
T: "Keep your voice down incase he's awake."
A: "I know somethings up. You tell me everything, so it must be really bad."
She finished fixing my mimosa and placed it in front of me, along with the bottle of champagne, incase I needed to start chugging.
T: "We went to the neighbor's last week and he said he thinks Nick is on drugs."
A: "What kind of drugs? Like Tylenol?"
T: "No, el retardo. Like heroin."
She choked on her drink and stared at me with her mouth hanging open and eyes wide, like a cartoon character.

She kept moving her mouth into shapes, like whatever words she was going to form weren't good enough, so she mentally balled them up and scrapped them.
T: "I don't know for a fact, I haven't caught him doing it. He was nodding out and fell asleep, which he said was from benedryl, when I asked him what happened. I just asked why he fell asleep, not if he was doing drugs."
A: "Maybe it's true. Have you ever tried hard drugs?"
T: "Nope. I've done some pretty sketchy shit for a Klondike bar, but I've never even tried weed; shit smells like moldy happy meals."
A: "You mean besides the drugs you stole and overdosed on in high school?"
T: "Silence, you troll! That doesn't count, I wasn't in a sound mental state. And anywhats, it wasn't meth or anything that fucks up your teeth and complexion. That's the real riff raff you gotta watch out for. The stuff you have to cook and sauté and flambé and cordon bleu. If I have to be a Food Network star to make it, I won't partake it."
A: "Laziness...the ultimate anti-drug. I can't believe Kiwi is so cool with him staying here. What's he think?"
T: "He's giving him the benefit of the doubt because he doesn't look like a total train wreck, like most users. I think he just likes having a mini me following him around and worshiping him. I'm more worried about you two...more specifically, you. It really hurts Nick's feelings that you shun him. Shun the non-believer."
A: "Stop quoting Charlie the Unicorn, it's not coming back. He's a piece of trash and this proves my point. I can't believe you let him stay here. You're more judgmental about people like him than I could ever fathom to be."
T: "Thank you. I think it's like when someone asks your personality type and you can't pick just one, because it depends who you're with and how they act. Like, if I'm usually an irresponsible prick but I'm out with another irresponsible prick, I tend to be a more responsible, parental prick because someone needs to be."
A: "...Let's catch him."
T: "Like a set-up?"
A: "Not quite, but there's two of us watching him now and I'm no mr. nice guy. If we don't see anything the whole time I'm here, then I think it's safe to let it go."

I heard a noise and turned to see Nick almost hiding behind the doorway, making a cautious face, like he was getting forced into that chokey box from Matilda. He slowly stepped into the kitchen and gave a shy wave; not taking his eyes off the floor.
N: "Hey, Ally...how are you?"
I made a face at her to play nice, seeing how pathetic and obviously nervous he was. That's the kinda shit that made me take pity on him; seeing how badly he wanted everyone to treat him like a part of the family and gain everyone's approval.
A: "Hi, Nick. I'm well, how are you?"
N: "Good! I'm doing good, trying to turn over a new leaf. Taylor's been really cool letting me stay here and get my shit together. Maybe we can hang out while you're here? I haven't seen you in forever."
A: "Yeah, that'd be cool."
I could tell she was genuinely trying to be cordial but it still came off as awkward and insincere. I didn't want Nick to notice and get his feelings hurt further because apparently I couldn't stop treating him like a poor animal cracker that's leg broke off.
T: "Hey! I don't feel like cooking. Lets go to the country club for breakfast. We can have some quality cousin time, huh!?"
N: "I'm down. That sounds really nice."
He gave Ally a hopeful smile, as she looked at me, then at her phone.
A: "I'd love to but I have a prostate exam in an hour. I'll meet you back here."
T: "You know only guys have a prostate?"
A: "It's a foot doctor."
T: "That's a podiatrist. Nice try, boo."
A: "...Dammit to hell."

Breakfast seemed to go smoothly. Ally opened up more around Nick, once she got used to being in his presence. I could tell Nick was ecstatic to be catching up with her and her not acting repulsed by him, but he was trying to keep it cool and contain himself.
When he was finished, Nick excused himself to a tour of the golf course, claiming Kiwi said he'd teach him to play. I stayed inside, taking a seat at the bar with Ally, and getting my money's worth of endless from the endless mimosa special.

I don't know how long we were sitting there, when Ally realized she couldn't see Nick out the window anymore. She'd been keeping an eye on him as he poked around the course and admired the landscaping.
A: "Shit! I lost him."
T: "He's not a baby, Al. I'm sure he's out there. You can't see the whole course from here."
A: "Stop being like this! Like who are you!? I know he's doing something. There's something off about him. I know you know something is off too. You would've ripped anyone else several shiny new assholes by now. This is the same thing you did with Dan; making bs excuses for people because you're afraid of how it'll affect you and you think you can't deal with it."
T: "Hey! We don't speaketh that name in this neck of the woods. You take that back!"
A: "No! If you could get through all that, we can jolly well do this shit. Either he's doing drugs and you kick him out or he's not and he's just an unemployed creep. It's a win-win for you."

I wanted to have another go round at her but all my mimosas took the bitchy edge off and I felt more empowered to take on the situation.
T: "Fine! I'll go get the car and pull it around by the golf course entrance and you go find him. If he isn't doing anything, I'm calling the attitude adjustment bureau and they're gonna come take you over their knee and beat your ass into submission."
A: "On your stroll to the car, why don't you have yourself a ponder about the last time you said I was wrong, yeah?"
She tapped on my ring and hopped off the bar.

I pulled up to the course entrance and didn't see Ally anywhere, but saw Nick emerging from one of the course bathrooms. I beeped, which seemed to startle him. He broke into a strangely enthusiastic grin, did a disturbing "off to see the wizard" skip type thing and hopped in the passenger seat.
He turned to face me with a lazy smile that looked like his jaw was unhinged. His eyes were half closed and bloodshot. My heart sank, as I knew somewhere way back in my brain, that there was no coming back from whatever was about to play out. It was that same fear I felt with Dan, like someone died and I couldn't comprehend surviving without them. Completely lost and utterly hopeless.

I couldn't speak but I had nothing to say. He was obviously under the influence of something, so I wasn't even sure if he could talk or was coherent enough to form any sentence that would make sense.
I felt the car lurch forward, as Ally flung the back door open and climbed inside. It suddenly started to rain, like God was feeling cute and decided to give me a background ambience for the shitty circumstances in which I found myself
a-fucking-gain.
A: "Dude, where were you!? I looked everywhere!"
T: "...He can't answer you."
A: "Why? What's going on?"
T: "I'm not sure. Lets find out."
I slapped him across the face, as hard as I could. It was almost as loud as Ally's gasping.
T: "Hey, fucker! What's the matter, huh!?"
I cracked him again. He hadn't even had time to retract his head from the first one.
T: "Answer me, you son of a bitch! How fucking dare you!?"
I kept hitting him like I was swatting at a fly.
A: "Jesus Christ, he's bleeding! Stop it!"
I heard Ally's belt click and felt her wrangle my hands in. I tried to rip them away but she had a monkey grip on me.
A: "Stop it, Taylor! This is fucking assault, you gotta stop. I know you're mad but you have to calm down."
Nick finally looked at me, his lip bleeding and his eyes looking even more distant than before. He still didn't say anything; just looked at me like he was going to cry. I knew he had no idea what was going on, though.

Ally begged to go back to the house so we could figure out a civilized way to deal with this, which would've been a great idea if I were feeling civilized. I was so overwhelmed and angry, I just wanted to keep hurting him. I noticed he was leaning forward, messing with his shoe laces, looking unphased by anything I had done.
I pulled away from my spot and began to drive through the parking lot, when I slammed the brakes on, causing Nick to fly forward and crack his head on the dash.
Again, Ally gasped and scolded me for my actions and again, Nick gave me a hateful look that melted away in seconds; as he lost any recollection of the prior moments.
I did it again, this time him bashing his nose.
A: "You know what? Get out. Get the fuck outta the car."
I heard Ally's belt buckle clanking around, as she wrestled to free herself. She threw her door open and jumped out, coming to my door and yanking it open.
A: "I'm driving, get in the back."
I burst into tears, as I undid my belt and got out of the car.
T: "How could he bring this shit into my house!? Why would he show up here and bring that garbage and expect me to deal with it?"
A: "We don't even know what he's on, yet. We need to go through his room. I'll call Kiwi."
T: "No! No. Maybe he doesn't need to find out."