Trigger Warning: I will be discussing what is and is not consent and the scenarios where people cannot consent. I won't be describing anything, but I will be mentioning them.

So, while I was trying to explain to one user that if no one can tell whether or not the smut they wrote was consensual, then it was bad smut, I came across these absolutely horrific comments:

So apparently, we need to talk about what is and isn't consent because nothing is sacred and humans are terrible. I'm fucking exhausted.

To start, I'm going to tell you all the same thing I told this user: if you do not fully understand what consensual sex and kink are and what constitutes sexual assault, then you should not be writing smut. Clearly, you are not mature enough to write it, and you need to do a lot more research.

What research should you do? Well, for starters, here's a handy video that explains what consent is using tea.

https://youtu.be/pZwvrxVavnQ

If you're still confused, then here's a really good definition from RAINN:

"Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated. A verbal and affirmative expression of consent can help both you and your partner to understand and respect each other's boundaries.

Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious. If someone agrees to an activity under pressure of intimidation or threat, that isn't considered consent because it was not given freely. Unequal power dynamics, such as engaging in sexual activity with an employee or student, also mean that consent cannot be freely given.

When you're engaging in sexual activity, consent is about communication. And it should happen every time for every type of activity. Consenting to one activity, one time, does not mean someone gives consent for other activities or for the same activity on other occasions. For example, agreeing to kiss someone doesn't give that person permission to remove your clothes. Having sex with someone in the past doesn't give that person permission to have sex with you again in the future. It's important to discuss boundaries and expectations with your partner prior to engaging in any sexual behavior."

To simplify: Consent is a voluntary, enthusiastic, and clear agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual activity. Anything else and you should not be having sex.

Also, just as an aside, if you think that asking for consent isn't sexy, then you're unimaginative and a very concerning person. You can absolutely ask for consent in a sexy way, but honestly, that isn't important. It doesn't matter whether or not consent is sexy because it is necessary regardless. 

You and your partner(s) should feel completely safe and comfortable with communicating your needs at all times during sex. If one of you is uncomfortable, then they should feel free to express that and stop without fear.

Of course, role-playing and consensual non-consent are things, but they should be fully discussed beforehand and safety measures should be implemented.

If you have any questions or need further clarification, then please let me know. I'll happily answer.