~~~~Katsuki's POV~~~

Dammit Deku, I woke up to him shaking so all I did was hug him tighter, it usually works, but this time it didn't, so when I fully woke up I saw he was scratching. But when I pulled his hand away he jumped. He scratched it to where it bled. He didn't stop there, I don't even think he has control. When I walked up to him and pulled his hand away again he let me, so I tried to help him stand. His legs are wobbly so I resort to picking him up. I'm wrapping his arm when my mom comes, she needs to know what happened I get it but dammit not right now. I was able to push her out and then Izu started breaking. And he starts pushing me away. Like he's a burden to me. Then I lost my cool. I yelled. He went silent for a bit then said stop. It didn't make sense. But he ended up letting me finish his arm but he was zoned out. We head back to my room, I need a few minutes with him.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Something dammit, you were rejecting my help. You even fucking ran from me when I tried to stop you."

"It was nothing."

"Bullshit."

"You don't want to know."

"To hell with that Deku, tell."

"It was a nightmare, what's so fucking new? You knew what it was."

"Every other time you had a nightmare you let me help you. What was different this time?"

"It wasn't different."

"Bull."

"It wasn't."

"Was I in it?" He went silent.

"Did I say something?"

"Maybe, so what? It was just a fucking dream."

"Stop. Talk to me Izu."

"WHY? What's the fucking point, you just feel guilty because you think you're the cause of this fucking pain, well stop. You aren't the cause of it."

"I don't feel guilty dammit. I want to help you."

"Yeah okay."

"Dammit, why can't you believe me?"

"Because you want me dead you just don't want to be the fucking reason."

"When did I say that?"

"Doesn't matter."

"No it does, where the fuck did you get that idea?"

"It's the same reason mom made me go to Aato, it's the same reason he told me to talk to you, no one wants to be the cause, that's why I hid it. So no one would think of me as a burden, hell, if my dad was here and saw the scars he would tell me to just do it. It would make me less of a fucking disappointment."

"Don't fucking say that. You aren't a burden."

"I AM, you have to patch me up every time I cut or even scratch too much, mom has to worry if her son is going to live, dad has to deal with me being quirkless, your mom has to deal with my mom crying to her about her son."

"STOP. Just stop. You have no clue how much you're hurting your mom, you have no clue how much you're hurting me."

"Thinking I actually care, fuck no, I just pity him. Well with his dad. There's no point in him living, he's just a sorry excuse of a human." I hear his voice cracking with each word, slowly he starts crying.

"What?"

"T-that's what you said. In my dream." Shit.

"You know it's not true, I don't pity you." He just shrugs. Dammit.

"I don't blame you Kacchan, these," He gestures to his wrists, "they weren't because of you, I just needed a release, something to stop my thoughts, I needed a way to make sure I could still feel pain, because after my dad, I didn't feel anything. I needed to make sure I was able to feel something."

"Don't say that I didn't help cause them, you fought against me, I said words I never meant. But that doesn't excuse me, I wasn't there then, let me be now, let me help you."

"I can't."

"Why? Because you'll hurt me when you go? Well news flash nerd I'm not letting you go."

"For now."

"Shut up. I won't give up on you."

"Ok." With that he went to his bag grabbing his sketchbook and art supplies. I go and turn on music off my laptop, then I go and sit on my bed playing on my phone. Damn Deku thinking I pity him tsk. After 30 minutes he gets up, stretching.

"Can I see?"

"Whatever, I'll be back." I go to look. My System of Emotions 1 Sadness is in control 2 Joy, 2nd in command, 3 Fear, is 3rd 4, Hasn't arrived 5 Anger, is last. He drew pictures with each description, then under has explanations on their roles huh, guess he put thought to this. 

Sadness- Took control when everything happened.

Joy- Rarely appears, was booted down.

Fear- takes over when needed, exe- yelling, loud noises etc.

4- Unavailable- shape changes often.

Anger- Appeared few years ago, never surfaces due to Sadness.

I never knew, I mean anger, I thought he got mad, but now that I think about it.. He always cried when he yelled, so it really would have been sadness. I guess I never thought of it. When Deku got back he just sat on my bed.

"What's up?"

"Nothing?"

"You look out of it."

"I'm just tired."

"You never answered when I asked, how many hours of sleep do you get?"

"Not important."

"Don't. Just answer the question dammit."

"I don't want to."

"Why?"

"It isn't important, nor do you need to know."

"If you say it's not important then it is and I may not need to know but I want to."

"I wake up every 2 hours most of the time. I can't fall asleep until around 3 in the morning, then I wake up on school nights at 5-6, on weekends about 8. But every so often I can pass out around midnight or 1, but the nightmares don't stop."

"Would you sleep better with someone there?"

"Huh? What are you talking about Kacchan?"

"Like how you've been sleeping the last few times, do you sleep better with someone there."

"Y-yes, but you can't be the one."

"Why?"

"Y-you can't stay at my house all the time, and I can't stay at yours all the time."

"Maybe not all the time, but do you think calling would help? Like falling asleep on the phone?"

"I don't know, Kacchan you don't have to."

"I want to, why can't you get it through that thick skull of yours?"

"Maybe because I don't believe you." His voice got soft, like he was ashamed. I start walking over to him.

"One day, I'll make this right." I say as I kiss his head, I didn't know what I was doing until it happened.

"S-sorry." Shit I'm blushing. So is he. We sat in silence, both of us too embarrassed to say anything.

"A-are you hungry, since we missed breakfast?"

"No, I'm good."

"Wrong answer, come on." I grab his arm but miss grabbing his hand instead, but to go with the flow I just kept going. We make our way to the kitchen seeing my mom there.

"Oh, I was just about to get you boys, here, I made sandwiches."

"Thank you mom."

"Thank you Mrs. Bakugou." We both head to the table eating. I see Izuku eyeing it.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, I just, I don't know how much I can eat."

"Izu, it's alright, just eat what you can, don't go making yourself sick though." And we both started eating, dammit Izu, I wish things were different. For us, and you in general.

"Katsuki?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you come here for a moment?"

"Can I finish eating?"

"Fine." It only takes a few minutes to eat, so I head to the living room.

"What's up?"

"Can you explain to your father Izuku's situation?"

"No. It is nowhere near my place to explain."

"Katsuki."

"I'm not telling something that isn't mine to tell. Now may I go back to Deku?"

"Fine." I got back to see him eat a little over a quarter of the sandwich.

"Thank you."

"Huh, for what Kacchan?"

"You're trying, that's all I wanted."

"Oh, well I mean I should be thanking you also."

"Why?"

"Because you didn't tell your dad and it seems like your mom doesn't know about all of it."

"It's your situation, you tell it. And you asked me not to so I didn't."

"Still thank you."

"Now that you guys are done, are you going to tell me what happened this afternoon?"

"Mom."

"No, I should tell her, I caused a lot of trouble and I apologize. I experience nightmares, frequently. A-and this one had got to me pretty bad, I'm assuming my mom has told you about my depression and what I did?"

"Yes, I know about it."

"W-well a way I got to forget the nightmares I used to cut. B-but when K-Kacchan stayed the night, he took my blades. So t-this afternoon, when I had the nightmare, I unconsciously started to scratch my arm, even after I woke up. W-when Kacchan tried to stop me I didn't let him, I moved away and kept scratching until I bled, I-I couldn't s-stop myself. I-I'm sorry." Oh no, he's breaking.

"Sweetheart, as Katsuki's said, you're working on it, this process isn't going to take a few days." By now I've moved behind him, wrapping my arms around him, resting my head on his and pulling him close.

"Hey, kiddo, you're okay, what happened?"

"He feels bad for ruining things, yesterday and today." I knew he wouldn't answer, so I answered for him.

"Hey, you didn't ruin anything, we all have bad days."

"Dad, this isn't just a day, Izu do you want to explain it to him?"

"I-I guess he deserves to know, s-seeing as h-he doesn't know anything r-really."

"Dad, you may want to sit down, do you guys want to go to the living room?" They all nodded their heads so we headed there, I stayed attached to Deku, and had him sit on my lap when we got to the couch.

"S-so I've been spiraling down hill since I was four, nothing s-seemed to work out. I got bullied f-for being quirkless and then my m-mom seemed l-like she gave up on me." He takes a breath to try and stop the stuttering.

"What about your dad?" Shit.

"C-can we not talk about h-him please?"

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"Well a-after the years passed, the bullying n-never stopped, I slowly started to get m-more and more depressed, especially with my room being my escape. And I e-eventually broke a year ago, I p-put these scars on myself, which has led me to w-where we are."

"What's so wrong with your room being the escape?" Dammit mom.

"I-I don't w-want to get on that topic p-please. I'm s-sorry."

"It's fine, you don't want to talk about it, I won't push."

"T-thank you."

"Are you seeing anyone about this?" Dad...

"I am, a man who g-goes by Aato."

"How long?"

"H-how long for what?"

"How long have you been seeing him?"

"Oh, u-um, my first sesion w-was Thursday."

"Is that why you stayed the night Katsuki?"

"No mom, I stayed the night because he had a panic attack, and I couldn't leave him alone. I didn't know what he would do."

"A-as my mom probably t-told you, Aato wants to see me once a week, for however long it'll take to help me. But don't pity me."

"No-one here pity's you kiddo, we truly want to see you better and help."

"A-and I thank you all for it, but," he looks away, as if ashamed, "sometimes I just don't want the help, ya know? Sometimes I want to feel the pain."

"Izu, it's okay to feel overwhelmed with everything, the help, the emotions, just don't give into the itch, please."

"C-can we s-stop talking about t-this?"

"Izuku, you need to talk about it, and I get it, you have someone to go to, but he doesn't know you on a personal level. He only knows you for what has happened."
"I-I know. Just n-not now."

"It's alright Izu, do you want to do anything today?"

"Up to you Kacchan."

"Are you up to go to the park?"

"Y-yeah." With that we left my parents to themselves, but I heard mom talking to someone on the phone, probably auntie Inko. We're getting changed when I hear Deku ask something.

"Why is it that no-one notices the pain until it's either too late or almost too late?" I turn before putting my shirt on, he's on the floor in a ball, like something hit him.

"Izu? What's wrong?"

"I can't feel anything emotionally. Is that wrong? I'm so fucked up I can't fucking feel?"

"Hey, look at me, we're going to make this better. Remember? I'll never give up."

"Kacchan, don't make promises you can't keep."

"Shut the hell up, I'm going to keep this promise to my death bed." He looks up at me, his eyes are so lifeless it's scary, a kid who used to be so full of life and energy, is now this ball on the floor barely holding on.

"You mean my death bed Kacchan."