~~~Izu's POV~~~

Kacchan had come downstairs but he looked out of it, then he called my name. Of course I answered, but after I did, he walked up to me and hugged me. He hugged me like a minute ago I was announced dead.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I froze, that's why he hugged me so tight.

"It was in the past Kacchan. I didn't think it would be brought up."

"You... Deku, you could have told me. You said no more secrets. Izu, this was a huge secret."

"I know. I know. I just didn't want to hurt you. You would have thought I've thought about it recently. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hide this from you."

"Is there anything else you're hiding?"

"Nothing that I can think of."

"No more secrets."

"Why'd you come down here like that?" I don't know why I asked it, I just did.

"Like what?"

"Your voice was strained, and you clung to me."

"My anxiety came in a massive wave, made me think you weren't here."

"I'll be here, I'm here for you Kacchan. I'm not leaving you."

"I know, just. The thought and the way they were talking about you. I needed to have a grounder."

"I know Kacchan, I'll always be here to ground you."

"Thanks nerd, now why don't you let me help you?"

"Fiiinnee, why doesn't anyone here think I can do it?"

"I know you can do it, but I love watching you cook so I help you just to do it," he says it with a sly smirk and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer, giving me a kiss. We broke apart and I continued making dinner, Kacchan was helping but I felt his eyes watch me more. But I didn't mind, I know his anxiety got bad. He doesn't usually go into that kind of haze, much less talk about why. That and I don't want the help to begin with. I finished dinner about ten minutes after he came down. I had Kacchan get Toshi and Denks, while I set the table and got mom. We spent about an hour eating and talking, mostly mom Kami and Shin. Mom ended up bringing up my meetings. Which led us to now.

"How do you feel about the approach that everyone's taking for Izu? Seeing as you know just about as much as Aato, I want to see your opinion. Of course you don't need to talk about it if you don't wish to."

"Mom, I'm doing fine. You don't have to worry about me." I felt guilt wash over me, I hate lying but I hate seeing her stress about me. Kacchan placed his hand on my leg, a signal to let Shinsou answer. I stopped talking and bit the inside of my cheek instead.

"I don't want to say anything Zu doesn't want to be said, but if he keeps up with his coping mechanisms and eating a healthy amount then he'll get better. I've seen cases like this, and it mostly depends on the support and will power the person has. I can not say how he's doing at this moment because of earlier, due to a few incidents but I know he's progressing." I throw a slight smile towards him, I'm glad he respects me enough to keep things under wraps.

"I wanted to thank you, you and Katsuki have made such an impact on Izu's progression and I couldn't ask for better people in his life. Along with you Denki, although I know you guys only met a week ago, Zuku needed someone that's not so.. Er no mean to disrespect you too, but he needed someone softer. Don't get me wrong Katsuki and Hitoshi, you both are gentle and amazing, but you guys are more stand-offish."

"There's no need to thank me Mrs. Midoriya. I've been part of Aato's office since my dad's helped me gain control of my quirk. I'm just glad to have made this kind of impact on Izuku's life."

"Yeah Mrs. Midoriya, Izuku's helped me out too so it's a mutual thing, but I know Bakugou has helped the most, along with you. Having at least one parent present helps if that parent shows love, and I know you love Izuku."

"Mom, I understand that you want to thank them, but they already know you're grateful."

"Zu, you know your mom just wants to let everyone know that she's glad you're safe and thank them for helping with that." I just look back down as guilt engulfs me once more, I know he doesn't mean to but I can't help but feel bad about what he means by those words. Not just the words but, the fact that not all of them are true, I haven't exactly been the safest due to my own issues. I once again fall into silence as I let the conversations continue. I let the words that are exchanged go in one ear and out the other while I zone out. I know Kacchan and Toshi noticed this, and I know that they know what's going on, at least a little. I do this a bit, it's an escape I learned. Not even the arguments can get to me in this mind space. Although while here I can't feel anything, emotionally of course, I also can't express anything. I think I first started using this after dad was doing everything, but I stopped, until now obviously. The first time I had used it recently was in a meeting with Aato, I don't know why but it happened, but it does help. Although I know it's a way to numb myself, and isn't good, I know it's the best way right now. I can feel Kacchan and Toshi's eyes on me, but I just keep eating. The conversation is still blocked out, I don't know what topic they're on now, so when Kacchan nudged my shoulder I was lost.

"I-I'm sorry, what's the topic?"

"Izu sweetie, are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine mom. I just zoned out."

"Alright." I can tell she doesn't want to let it go, she probably feels like she's losing me again.

"Ah, to answer your question, we were planning on sparring after dinner, but maybe it isn't the best idea-"

"Why wouldn't it be a good idea Toshi?"

"If we go out there and jump around we're going to give ourselves upset stomachs, and I think we should just watch movies or something tonight. We don't want something like what happened Thursday to happen again." Oh, that's what it's about. Right.

"Z-Zu, you have to understand where he's coming from, not just that but we're gonna wear ourselves out today, we've already done so much, especially earlier. So let's just watch a few movies or something," I know Kacchan's referring to the old man. I just nod my head, going back to eating. I know they're scared I'm going to make Kacchan hit me with an explosion again or something, but just because I had a breakdown doesn't mean that I want to hurt myself. Well, I can't say that, I always want to. But I know Kacchan hates himself for hurting me after he promised never again. I can't help but feel like I'm getting worse, after all, me shutting down, how does that show any sign of improvement. Hell I've thought of trying to get away with not eating again, maybe I should. I mean, I'm always feeling my best when I know I'm withering away. Fuck, no I need to stop this.

"Excuse me," I step away from the table after saying it, not before I see Shinsou and Kacchan exchange looks. I walk to the door, taking a walk won't be too bad, "Mom, I'm going for a walk if that's okay."

"It's fine dear, just be safe and take your phone." So I walk upstairs to grab my phone and bag, I take out the journals and place another one in it, it's the one I write my days in. I walk back downstairs and hear mumbling, then a chair scoot back.

"Deku, let me come-"

"I want to be alone please Kacchan?"

"Promise not to do anything?"

"I promise, I'll be back." And I leave, after grabbing my hoodie. I take my usual trail, down the street, opposite of Kacchan's house and take a left, it leads to a set of woods. After there I take different routes each time. I don't want a trail leading to my place. No one knows I come here, mom barely knows I leave the house for this. It's usually when she's asleep. I haven't told Aato about it because it's my secret place. Following the trail I memorized I walked quietly and let the sounds of nature take over, in the distance I see a deer. The deeper I get the thicker the forest but no more than ten minutes in there's a lake, it has an open area and flowers growing nearby The water is a clear blue, with little tadpoles swimming here and there. The grass is a vibrant green and the sunsets everything right, the sky is a light purple, blue, orange, and pink the lower you look. You can almost start seeing stars and the moon is a waxing crescent. I sit down by the lake and relax, letting the noise around me take over the things in my head. This is the place I let every thought and memory disappear, relieving my headache from its confinements. Of course I should tell at least Aato about this, but it's not harming me. Well, this was where I was planning to take my final breath, but I decided not to because I don't want to taint this beautiful land like so many others have to the other places. I let my thoughts slip away, some of them snag as they leave, and there's always one that never leaves. Am I good enough? This thought is always here, I don't know if it's because of my own self-doubt or the thought that I hurt Kacchan and mom, but it never lets me forget it. I think it's some sort of payback my arguments give me, you don't listen to this so why not doubt yourself so much that you're tempted again. It's a cruel joke, because I know I not, so my brain telling me it over and over just makes me realize how much of a fucking mistake I am. I never voice these, I don't want Kacchan or anyone to worry. I'm trying to get better, for mom and Kacchan. But I can't help what comes to mind when I think of peaceful bliss, I can't help the thought of leaving never seeing dad again. Being able to forget every word Kacchan said. I forgive him, I do; I just, he changed so fast. And I can't help but fear one day he'll realize he was right. I am useless and an idiot. I'm not strong and stand no chance as a hero. It wouldn't take him much to realize, then I'll be alone again. Well I have Shinsou and Denki but it'll take but a few months for Toshi to realize I'm a lost cause and for Kami, the minute he knows I'm quirkless he'll leave. My thoughts are interrupted but a rustle in the bushes, I snap my head towards it to spot a little black bunny. It slowly hops towards me, tentative if I'm gonna kill it. After a few minutes of hopping around me, and me being completely still, it hops into my lap.

"Well, hi little fella." It puts its front paws on my chest, sniffing my face causing me to giggle. It begins to nuzzle my face, so I gently place my hand on its back.

"Hey buddy, what're you doing?" It stomps its little feet on my chest, trying to signal something, to try and comply I lay down. It seems that's what it wanted because it stopped its stomping and curled on my chest. How can such a small animal trust me? How could such a fragile animal want to be with someone so broken and damaged as me? After a few minutes on my chest it hopped off, but it hasn't left yet. Then I feel a tug on my hair.

"Hey, buddy that's connected to me." I keep acting like it can understand me, but maybe it can. I've been here for a good half hour, I should head back in a few minutes.

"Hey cutie, I've gotta get home. You should do the same." I sit up so it stops playing with my hair, but it just hung on.

"Bud, you can't come home with me, you live out here. Don't leave this beautiful place." It doesn't move. So I stand up and start walking, hoping it'll hop off. I get lost in thought while walking, and before I even know it I'm home.

"Mom, I'm home."

"Alright sweetie, the boys are in your room- what's in your hair?"

"H-huh?"

"There's a black mass in your hair that isn't your hair." I move my hands up to where she's referring to, and feel the soft fur of the bunny.

"Oh, I guess it never hopped off. Sorry mom."

"What is it?"

"O-oh while I was sitting and a bunny came up to me, the little buddy kinda just stayed. I tried to get it to go home, but I guess it grew attached."

"Oh, well alright. Just make sure you keep it clean, and we can schedule a vet appointment later to find the gender and make sure it's safe."

"Thank you mom, I'm going to clean up the kitchen then go upstairs."

"I've got the cleaning baby, just go have fun."

"Mom, let me help."

"Nope, go hang out with your friends."

"Moooommmm."

"No."

"Fine." I go upstairs after hugging my mom, and go to my room. I open the door and see Denki and Shinsou on their cots and Kacchan on my bed.

"Hey nerd, have a good- what's that?"

"Yeah the walk was good, and it's a bunny."

"Where did you get a bunny?"

"The woods."

"You just snatched it?"

"No, it hopped to me and then cuddled me. Then played with my hair and just, never left."

"You're like a forest fae."

"Quite literally Kaminari."

"What do you mean Toshi?"

"A forest fae is a creature mistreated and misunderstood by humans."

"Oh."

"But I mean, it also lines up with the acts of a familiar."

"I guess." I reach my hand up to pet the bunny, it lightly nettles into my hair.

"Look nerd, I think it thinks your hair is grass."

"Probably Kacchan, earlier it did pull it." I pick the bunny from my hair, cupping my arms around my stomach to allow it to lay there, lightly stroking its ear with my thumb.

"So what movie do you wanna watch Izu? Bakugou said we should wait for you."

"O-oh, you didn't have to, just watch whatever you want." I never did write in my journal.

"We want you to have a say in it Midoriya."

"I don't care really, I have some writing to do so please watch whatever you want. Make yourselves at home." I set the bunny down but it just sits near me as I sit on my bed and grab my bag. Eventually the bunny did hop up on the bed, and inspected Kacchan. And somehow without his knowledge ended up in his lap. I stop watching to write as the boys fight over which movie.

Saturday, June 20th.

Today the old creep had been on the train when we were picking up Denki, not much happened after that. We're at my house now, I had made dinner and went to my place. Ended up picking up a bunny, but the look of it, it's still just a baby but it's attached itself to me. Toshi mentioned it could be a familiar, but I don't know because Kami also compared me to a forest fae. That one is a bit more out of the blue whereas the bunny could be here to protect me, and equal out our balances. The only reason Shin had agreed to Denks idea of a forest fae is because they are shy creatures that were mistreated and misunderstood by humans. Put my past into perspective and well, I guess it lines up. I did it again, I blocked out everything at dinner.

"Hey nerd, what are you writing about?"

"Aato's idea about writing. I've been writing my days down."

"Come cuddle, I miss you." I giggle at that but comply, the bunny still in his lap.

"I think it likes you." He looked down, but after it saw I was closer it came back to me.

"Not as much as you."

"Hey, no making out while we're here."

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it Raccoon face?"

"I don't know blasty, wanna test me?" To answer the question he grabs my face and kisses me. I can't not kiss back so I do. But I break it after a few seconds.

"Come on Kacchan, let's not do this here. We have guests." He just grunted. We sat and watched three movies, an All Might one, 21 and 22 Jump Street. They were good, and funny. By the time we finished it was past midnight, so we took turns in the bathroom, getting changed and brushing our teeth. I made sure to grab a low cut shirt, I'm not going shirtless because they're here. I just pray to god that I don't have a nightmare. I take the bunny outside to go to the bathroom before we go to bed, we don't have a litter box yet so this is the best we can do. I also grab some lettuce, so it can eat at least a little. When I get back in, Denki and Hitoshi are in a conversation while laying on their cots, and Kacchan is on his phone. I set a small pile of blankets on the floor for the bunny and I lay in bed next to Kacchan.

"Hey love, are you tired."

"Mmm a bit."

"Come on, let's go to bed."

"M'kay, Denks, Toshi stay up as long as you want, sorry to ditch you guys. Night."

"No need to apologize, night Izu."

"You're fine Midoriya, sleep well." So I cuddle close to Kacchan, and let the dark take over.