~~~Kacchan's POV~~~

When we got to Izu's house, he ran upstairs to get a bag. I feel a hand on my shoulder, an unasked question in aunties eyes.

"Today was good, he was happy." Those six words made her break, she was crying, thanking me for helping. But what she doesn't realize, I didn't do anything. It was all Izu.

"Hey, auntie. I'm going to go up there, check up on him. Okay?" She just nodded, her crying stilled as she busied herself with making dinner for one. I head to the stairs, making my way up them to see my nerd. When I get to his room, I see a box in his hands.

"Hey nerd, what's that?" I had a guess on what it was, but I'm not positive.

"Sit down? There's something I think you should know." I sit next to him on the bed, anxiety creeping up as I try to keep it at bay.

"This," he gestures to the box, "this is something that, a while ago, I should have shown Aato. It's part of what I'm holding onto." He opens the box, and I see folded up papers with names on them, some with repeated names, an old phone, and two small slips of paper that had numbers written over them. So it is what I thought.

"I actually, over the years, revamped what my note would be. At first I had everyone on one note, then slowly put separate people on their own sheet. As for the phone, it was the first one I had when dad was still around, I would take pictures of the bruises, some of the burns- they were small. He never knew so I hid it. As for the other sheets, one was counting my weight over the weeks and the other counting the cuts, every time I did it- with what time, day and how many that day. This was also where I hid my blades, before you took them of course. Before I give this to Aato- other than the phone- do you want to read the notes for you? Well any of them? If you want, I'll allow you to read all of them. But next week I'm giving the box to Aato." I was shocked, he isn't fighting anymore. He's accepting help.

"Bring the box this weekend, I want to look at all of it, if I can that is."

"I'm not hiding this from you anymore. This was a secret I wanted to keep to myself. You didn't need to know, well that's what I thought. But I realized, you not knowing made this harder. You didn't understand why I was constantly denying help, and you didn't understand why I avoid subjects that pertain to my mental health and everything, and that's putting us in a ditch. It's a secret that I never should have had. All you want to do is help me, and I was putting myself deeper in this fucked up mindset by keeping this." He sets the box aside, scooting closer to me until he was cuddled close.

"I'm sorry Kacchan, I promise no more secrets."

"No more secrets nerd, come on. Let's get you finished packing so we can head out." He's exhausted, I know. I don't make him pack, I grab his bag and go through his drawers. I know he wants long sleeves, so I pick out two crop tops, one being baby blue and the other being a pastel purple. I also grab some boxers for him, of course, but I don't really look. Along with the socks. Then the shorts, I know he's comfortable with shorts, so I grab a pair of black shorts, about the same length of today's. And a grey pair, also the same length. Then I grab some pajama pants, yes pants because in the summer my house is freezing. I make sure to grab his charger, notebook for his quirk study thing, and another empty notebook for his writing. Walking to the bathroom I grab his hairbrush, toothbrush, and deodorant. Double checking that I have everything, I get Deku and head downstairs. Auntie was eating her food as we said goodbye.

"Bye mom, love you and I'll see you Monday. Take care of yourself." He kissed her cheek and hugged her.

"Bye auntie, I'll keep him safe, and yeah take care of yourself. I've got him." I do the same as Izu and we head on our way. I made plans with mom and dad earlier not to have dinner until we get back.

"Kacchan?"

"Yes love?"

"Would you be mad if I told you that I still have thoughts."

"Of course not, what kind of thoughts?"

"U-um, first know that I hate the thought. E-every so often, I get a thought that just passes through," his words are, careful, "it doesn't stay long, but it's there."

"Babe?" He's scared, visibly. His body is shaking and by now we've stopped walking.

"I'm sorry Kacchan." That's when it happens, the tears flow.

"Hey, baby no. There's nothing wrong." I walk over to him, immediately his arms wrap around my neck, holding on like his life depended on it.

"Just talk to me Zuku, please. I'm not mad."

"T-the thought of g-getting a knife, or t-taking apart a razor, o-or a sharpener. I-it comes back." He's trying to take breathes, deep ones.

"Hey, hey. It's alright. I'm not mad, see?" He glances up, eyes sadder than I've ever seen them. Breaking my heart.

"K-Kacchan, why haven't," he's interrupted by an involuntary deep breath, "why haven't you left yet?"

"Why would I leave Izu?"

"Because of times like this."

"I love you, that's why. I want to see you happy, I want to see you better. I will never leave you. I promise you that much."

"I'm sorry Kacchan."

"Why?"

"Today isn't good."

"Hey, we're going to put this behind us. You don't listen to the thought that pops up, and you haven't started again. I say that's a win. So what if things are brought up? Today was a good day because I saw that adorable smile and heard that amazing laugh." He's calmed down for a minute now, the shaking stopped too.

"Wanna go? We still haven't had dinner yet." He simply nodded, releasing his hold on my neck to take my hand. Walking.

"Today's still a good day, if you want it to be." That's when he turns, grabbing my face and smashing our lips together. Breaking away after a minute and continuing with our walk. Not even saying anything, until we reach my street.

"Thank you Kacchan."

"No thanks needed nerd. Come on, we can cuddle when we get there." That put a little pep in his step, making me chuckle. When we get there mom's by the door watching for us.

"KATSUKI YOU'RE LATE!" It seems that she realized what she did the second she finished her sentence, because she quickly responded again with, "sorry Izuku, I'm not mad." Only, Izu isn't shaken up. At least not as much as he would be five months ago.

"Come on Kacchan." The nerd grabs my hand and drags me to the house.

"Hi Izuku, how are you?"

"I'm alright Mrs. Bakugou, you?"

"I told you to call me Mitsuki, but I'm good, come in, come in. And Katsuki, can you help your father with dinner?"

"Of course mom, Zuku if you want you can put your stuff in my room and hang there or watch t.v with mom."

"Okay Kacchan." With that he headed towards my room, before I could go to the kitchen mom stopped me.

"How has he truly been?" I know she's worried.

"He's getting there mom, slowly but surely." She lets out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you Katsuki. I know how much he means to you, but you really don't know how much you helped him. Inko knows he was close to saying goodbye, but you saved him. So thank you, I love you."

"I know mom, and the nerd needed someone that knew the full story, I was willing to help because well. I needed him and I love him. I love you too, ya old hag." That sent a laugh out of her.

"Hey, watch it you brat." We both laugh, as I head to the kitchen to assist and she heads to the couch watching the news. As I'm helping cut some vegetables I hear Deku bouncing down the stairs, starting a conversation with mom. I don't pay much mind to it as I help. About half an hour later, dinner's done, the table is set, and we're all sitting.

"So, Izuku. How has everything been lately?"

"Alright, how about with you?"

"Things are getting there, it's been a minute. What's been going on?"

"Not much, I've been catching up on lost times with mom." He looked almost sad.

"That's good, your mom was talking about your dad getting back as soon as a month now, how're you feeling about that?" Fuck.

"U-um hey dad, let's not go on that topic."

"Katsuki, I know you don't like him but he is Izuku's dad so he should be allowed to talk about him." Zuku put his hand on my arm, he could tell I was getting pissed.

"I, um don't really know how to feel about the subject. He is my father, yes but I don't really remember good times with him."

"Oh, okay." With that we started eating, slow conversations starting now and again. They never did go back on the dad topic. After dinner we said goodnight and went to brush our teeth. After doing so we left for my room.

"I'm sorry about my dad Zuku, I didn't know he was going to do that."

"It's fine Kacchan, he doesn't know anything meaning he doesn't know not to bring him up. What else is new."

"Fine, but if it ever gets to you I'll talk to them, I won't tell the full story I'll make something up."

"Okay Kacchan, why don't we," a yawn interrupts him, "go to bed?"

"You go ahead babe, I want to read one of the notes, if it's alright that is." He just nods his head, kissing me, and lays on the bed. I turn the light off, turn a small lamp on my desk on and look for the box. When I find it I bring it with me and look for the oldest note, which he dated them all. The first one being August 19th, 2005.

Deer (Dear) whoever reads this,

Seeing as I'm dead, I guess you want to know why. Well, about a year ago I was prononced (pronounced) quirkles (quirkless). Yeah it hurt but that isn't the reason for this. Kacchan had started bullying me, dad started hitting me, mom gave up on me. and I guess I gave up on myself. I'm sorry Kacchan, for being useles (useless) and getting in your way, I hope you become the best number one hero there is. Mom, I hope you aren't to (too) sad, maybe you can have another kid, one that won't fail you. Dad, I'm sorry I was such a dissapointment (disappointment), I tryed (tried) to do better. I'm sorry I lost this fight, but you guys can keep going. along with Mrs. and Mr. Bakgo (Bakugou), I hope you guys don't miss me, I know how much you liked having me around with Kacchan.

I hope this finds you well

~Izuk Midoria (Izuku Midoriya).

It was A little hard to read, and going based on the date, it was a month and a few days after his fifth birthday. He messed simple things up, but it was sad to read. To think a five year old was ready to die. I never realized how long this internal fight was going on for. I move to the next, It was dated February 14th, 2006.

Dear Mom,

I know your (you're) the one reading this. You seem to be the only one wiling (willing) to fake it. If you want to no (know) why, well, I think I taped the first one to this one by now. We have the dad sitation (situation), he started to use his quirk now. Kacchan had gotten worse, calling me Deku more than my first name. But I don't blam (blame) him. Actually, I think he's right. You started to fake it, but I can see the, what's the word for when you don't want something? I don't know. Anyway I can tel (tell) you hate the ida (idea) that I still want to be a hero. So here's the prof  (proof) that you don't need to wory (worry).

I'm sory (sorry).

~Izuku.

Did he really start burning him? Fuck, yeah he did tell me that earlier. I move to the next one, dated July 15th, 2008, his 8th birthday.

Dear mom,

Once agan (again), I know your (you're) the one reading this. I haven't done it yet, well until now. I think now is a good time to go. I'm sorry I'm leaving you. But school's hard to get through, stairs (stares) that would kill anyone are thron (thrown) at me. Dad has gotten worse, seeng (seeing) as I'm 'strongr'  (stronger) now he's leting (letting) more punches and hoter (hotter) fire. Kacchan found out back when we wer (were) four, but I don't let him check them no more (anymore). Not since dad started using his quirk.

I can't do this,

Izu---

The page got burned, the bottom seeing as Deku ripped it where he needed to, so about half a page, but part of his name was burned off.

"Kacchan?" I turn my head to address him.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Huh?" I put the page down, and touch my hand to my cheek, tears.

"Come here baby." I walk over to him, letting him pull my hand and fall next to him.

"I-it started when you were five?" He closed his eyes.

"It was a little over a year after the whole thing started, I had the thoughts a few months before then, but I ended up searching what it meant, seeing sites to show mental health help. But that wasn't what I wanted, I didn't know what I wanted until a thought came up, 'what if I died?' That thought kept coming up, but in different ways. And I remember a t.v show that mentioned a thing called suicide, so I searched it. Reading up on how to do it and what to do to make things better." More tears came as he explained.

"Kacchan, it's alright now, I never went through with it."

"I know, but- you were five Izuku. Don't you think that's a little messed up?" He flinched at the last sentence.

"That's not what I meant, I didn't mean messed up. Fuck where's the words you need when your mind fucking hates you."

"It's okay Kacchan, I know what you meant. Come on, let's just go to bed. I'm here, I didn't go through with it." I wrap my arms around his waist, rolling us over so he's on my chest.

"Yeah, alright nerd, goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too baby, I'll be here when you wake up, I promise. Sleep well." He fell asleep quickly, letting the dark abyss take over, while I can't. Thoughts consume me. What if I pushed him too hard back then, I would have lost him. Why couldn't I have been better? At some point sleep consumed me, because when I opened my eyes next it was to Deku shaking me awake.

"Dammit Kacchan, wake up." My eyes flutter open, it's still dark out.

"I-Izu? What's wrong?"

"I should be asking you that. I woke up to you shaking, and your face is wet. What's wrong Kacchan?"

"H-huh?" Then it flashed. I was having a nightmare, Deku killed himself on his eighth birthday, my mom got the call at ten, told me.

"Kacchan, what was it?"

"J-just a bad dream, I'm fine nerd. Let's go back to bed."

"Kacchan, please?" A defeated sigh left my mouth.

"What if back then, what if I pushed you too far. What if you left us because I couldn't change?" Tears fell down my face, dammit.

"But I didn't, the past is behind us. I'm here, and you didn't push me too far. See," he grabs my hands, putting one on his cheek, the other on his chest, where I can feel his heartbeat, "I'm right here."

"It doesn't mean I didn't almost push you a step too far! Izuku, I could have been the cause of your death. Don't you realize that?" I didn't realize I yelled at him, until he had started to back away. DAMMIT I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

"Z-Zuku, I didn't mean to. Fuck, I'm sorry." I let him back away, if he's breathing too heavily he needs room, but if it doesn't stop then I'll step in.

"I-it's fine K-Kacchan. I-I know you're n-not him, I k-know you didn't m-mean it." He starts getting his breathing under control. Slowly sitting at the head of the bed, I was already like that.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"I-I'm going to get a drink, okay?"

"Can I come with?" I don't want to be alone right now.

"How can I tell you no when you have your own body?" He giggles at the end.

"If you want to be left alone and go by yourself then you can say so. I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything with me."

"Kacchan I don't think I should be alone, and I don't think you should be either."

"Okay, what time is it anyways?" I yawn, no longer to keep it in.

"O-oh, it's um," he checks his phone real fast, "it's 2:42."

"Damn, come on. Let's get our drinks and get back to bed." We head downstairs, walking to the kitchen and grabbing two cold water bottles, heading back to bed. We lay down, after taking long drinks, him on my chest again and me holding him like my life depended on it, without hurting him of course. I fell asleep before him, waking up to my mother.

"KATSUKI, IZUKU BREAKFAST!" It seems like it only woke me up, thankfully. I lightly shake the nerd, slowly coaxing him out of sleep.

"Morning baby," he says with the cutest smile.

"Morning love, how'd you sleep?"

"Alright, how about you Kacchan?" I kissed him, I couldn't resist, his smile made it impossible, I want that smile.

"Well I guess that's an answer."

"I guess so, come on. Breakfast's done and I'm sure you want a shirt on."

"I should put one on, shouldn't I?" He looks down almost ashamed.

"Hey, if you don't want one on, you don't need it."

"B-but the scars are ugly."

"Izuku, babe, no. Is that why you always wear long sleeves?"

"I-I don't like looking at them, s-so why would anyone e-else?"

"Baby, don't worry about others, do you want to put a shirt on?"

"B-but they-"

"Stop, look at me. Do you want a shirt on."

"N-not really."

"Okay, so we're going to go downstairs, just as we are, and eat breakfast with my mom and dad. Are you okay with that?"

"Y-yeah."

"Okay so come on, we have food to eat." We walk downstairs, sitting at the table like usual, except I'm not the only one shirtless this time.

"Morning boys, how'd you sleep?" Mom asked as she filled our plates, I saw Deku eye his portion.

"We slept alright, Zuku is something wrong?" I didn't mean to call him out per say, but he needs to voice his discomforts.

"O-oh, y-yeah. It's just, too much." I know what he's referring to.

"Too much? Izuku, what's too much? Did my yelling scare you? I'm so-"

"Mom, you didn't do anything." She looks skeptical.

"R-really Mrs. Bakugou, i-it isn't anything you did. I-it's just too much food. I can't eat so much."

"Oh dear, I'm sorry. Here, eat what you can okay?"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to make you worry." He looks down, he hates when he makes people worry or sad. I rest my hand on his.

"Izu, it's okay. She just feels bad because she doesn't want you to feel obligated to eat more than you can handle." He seems more shy today than other days, is it because he feels exposed?

"Hey nerd," I whisper in his ear.

"Y-yeah?"

"Are you comfortable with this? If you want you can go put a shirt on."

"I-I'm fine Kacchan. See?" He puts a fake smile on.

"I know that's fake."

"Kacchan, really I'm fine."

"So what are you planning for today?"

"I want to start playing pool every Saturday with the nerd, if he's okay with it."

"O-oh, sure, but that's tomorrow Kacchan."

"Huh? I thought today- Never mind. How about a movie day?"

"That sounds okay, are you guys joining?"

"Oh, no dear, we are actually going out later. Date night."

"O-oh okay! I hope you guys have a good one."

"Thank you Izuku, isn't this like a date night for you guys too?"

"Dad."

"Katsuki."

"O-oh, I mean if Kacchan wants it to be one, then I guess it is. But only if he wants to."

"Tch, of course I want to, are you okay with it?" He lets off the brightest smile.

"Of course Kacchan! Why wouldn't I?" A blush spreads rather quickly.

"I don't know, just thought you might not want to consider this a date."

"Why not?" He tilts his head.

"I don't know, just drop it nerd." And so he does, we finish eating and get dressed for the day, before picking and watching the movies we went for a long walk near the beach, it used to be so pretty, now everyone's trash is there. While walking we would bump into each other, every so often I would grab his hand, sometimes spinning him.

"Kacchan!" He giggles.

"What nerd?"

"You're a dork." We stop and he hugs me, after leaving the hug he takes my hand and drags me towards the pier, looking at the water.

"I love you Kacchan." He leans back, relaxing as I wrap my arms around his waist.

"I love you too nerd, are you tired?" He just shakes his head.

"No, you're just warm, and relaxing." A soft smile spreads across his face as I kiss his cheek gently.

"Thank you Kacchan." This is where I see the best sight, as I look over towards him, I see the water reflecting off his eyes, his freckles kissed by the sun and the softest smile anyone could have. This is the face of someone I love with my heart and soul. This is the person I want to spend my life with, and I love it.