TW! EATING DISORDER AND HATE TOWARDS BODY!!

~~~Time skip, about 5 months, Izu's POV~~~

Things are getting better, after a few weeks of Kacchan telling me to stop scratching so bad, he eventually just asked and I could see the hurt in his eyes when he did, so I've stopped. Well I'm trying to, I find myself scratching every so often when somethings wrong, but it hasn't bled in a while. I still get nightmares, but they're less common and I sleep better. Kacchan continues to go to all of my meetings, making sure I talk and tell everything happening. He's also been holding up to the promise on helping me get stronger. We've also been a bit more romantic with each other, we aren't official, I don't know if it's because I don't feel like I'm better enough yet or if I'm just scared he'll reject me, but I haven't asked him yet. Then again he hasn't asked me. Anyways, the thoughts are still here, but they only come around when I've had a bad day. The arguments are also here, but I've found a few ways to stop them, and just like Aato and Kacchan told me, I call Kacchan every so often when the memories and arguments happen. We still make it a habit to kiss, cuddle, stay the night, and on a few rare occasions we've given each other hickeys. I think I'm going to try to ask him out sometime soon. But then again, he's been hanging out with his lackeys again, which I'm fine with. He shouldn't drop them because I was useless and needed help. It's almost summer time now, when the meetings started at first it was around February, it's already June, didn't notice. Kacchan's birthday was back in April, he's been fourteen for three months now, that's funny. My birthday isn't for another month, heh, I'm only thirteen for another 39 days, just one more year I didn't know I'd survive. I didn't even notice today was another appointment day, it's Thursday the eleventh. Which means another night Kacchan's staying with me. My phone by now has about fifteen videos of me singing on it, I've done three a month surprisingly.

"Hey Izu, ready?" It was the end of the school hour and year. Kacchan waits for me, to walk to his house, get his overnight bag and change; go to my house, drop his bag off while I change and then we go to Aato's office.

"Yeah, lets go." We walk out of our teachers room, going to our, well his, locker. I don't use mine never have. He grabs what he needs and takes my hand, guiding us to the sidewalk heading on our way home.

"Hey Kacchan?"

"Yeah Deku?" It's now or nothing I guess.

"C-can we d-date? Like o-officially?" My face reddens and I feel sweat drip down my back. He just looks shocked, eyes wide and frozen.

"N-nevermind, forget I asked." I'm stupid, he doesn't feel that way. I pull my hand away from his and start walking towards my house.

"Wait, Izu." I stop, turning slightly.

"You don't need to answer, it was stupid to ask."

"Dammit, shut up for a second. I was just surprised you asked, of course I want to date you." He walks up to me, kissing me gently; of course I kiss back I'm not that much of an idiot. When we pull away I have a huge smile on my face as we hold hands and walk down to his house.

"How was school Katsuki? Oh hello Izuku."

"Hi."

"It was good, but I gotta hurry, see you tomorrow mom." He ran upstairs getting changed and packing.

"Oh that's right today's Thursday."

"Yeah, I mean if you want him home I can just tell him to stay."

"No it's fine dear. How are you guys?" I blush at that.

"U-uh we're f-fine." Before she could question Kacchan had taken my hand, dragging me out.

"Bye, love you," he shouts as we leave the house. I noticed I've gotten better with some yelling, as long as it isn't directed to or near me. Like someone yelling over their shoulder I was fine with, but someone yelling at someone next to me I couldn't handle. We walk to my house, holding hands and when we get in I grab his bag from his arm, going up stairs. I quickly take my uniform off, grabbing an olive green cardigan with a black shirt under it, along with a pair of black jeans. I head back downstairs and set myself next to Kacchan.

"Ready?"

"Yeah, mom you ready?"

"I'll be out in a second. Go wait in the car sweetie." So we head to the car.

"Are we going to tell our parents?"

"If you want to Izu."

"I want your say in this, because it affects you too."

"They already know how we feel about each other, they've known since we were younger. Trust me, mom never left me alone about you." He chuckles slightly as a blush appears. Mom just came out of the house heading to the car.

"If you want to go ahead." Mom opens the door and starts the car.

"M-mom?"

"Yes hunny?" She pulls out of the driveway, heading on our way as she responds.

"U-um," I feel Kacchan set his hand on my thigh trying to comfort me, "I'm gay."

"I know." It's sad when your mother knew before you.

"A-and I'm d-dating Kacchan."

"How long?" She's acting like she expected this.

"Today."

"Really? I thought you guys got together five months ago. Huh."

"Mom!" She really thought that, I mean I guess if you look back then yeah it makes since.

"Relax, I support you guys. On another hand, if, and I know you boys are only fourteen, but if you guys start being- er- active-"

"MOM!" Kacchan just chuckles.

"Don't worry, IF we do, we'll be safe and thank you, for supporting us."

"Kacchan!"

"I said if." He puts his hand up as if to surrender.

"Just don't do it anytime soon, please? Like wait, until you both are like sixteen? Please."

"I promise." I roll my eyes at Kacchan for that, but blush at the thought. I mean, I've never really thought about any of that.

"Izu?"

"Yeah?" He leans over and kisses me, it was a quick peck.

"You lost." I smile cheekily.

"Shut up."

"Lost?"

"Oh, it was like a game, back five months or so ago. W-we kind of had our first kiss at the mall. But didn't get together, we still kissed after. But we kind of made it a game to see who would break first and in front of which parent," Kacchan explained only to get my mom to giggle.

"Ha! Mitsuki owes me money."

"What?"

"See we also made a game out of it, I bet her you guys would tell me first and looks like I was right." My face lights up.

"We were obvious weren't we?"

"Oh come on, the cuddling, kisses on the cheeks and head. The spinning? Hell you asked for the videos and pictures!"

"I guess, but come on, you guys couldn't have caught on, we didn't do anything that best friends wouldn't do."

"Wait, you asked for the pictures and videos?" He turns red after that.

"U-um."

"Dork." I see that we were at the office.

"Bye mom." She saved these days to go shopping and do errands so she didn't have to wait.

"Love you." We walked into the building, I headed over to the receptionist who knew me quite well by now.

"Oh hello Izuku, he'll be with you soon." Her name was Vivian, I found out a few weeks ago that she was Aato's cousin.

"Alright thank you Viv." I walk over and sit next to Kacchan, who immediately put his arm around my waist.

"Are you going to tell Aato about us?"

"Should I?"

"It's completely up to you Izu."

"I just, it's important to me, but our relationship doesn't affect me negatively, so I don't know."

"You can wait to tell him Deku, as long as you're comfortable with the people you tell."

"I know." He doesn't truly love you, if he did he'd tell you to tell the world. He just wants me comfortable. If that's what you believe, but isn't it weird how he doesn't care about his say in this? Just stop making me doubt him. I shake my head.

"The thoughts?"

"Arguments." He doesn't care, so why do you answer. These are always what they're about, always about Kacchan.

"Hey," he reaches for my hands, I didn't even realize I was hitting my head, "what's going on Zuku?" That ones new. Doesn't matter, he's just trying to distract you. From what? The fact he could never actually love you. 

"-Ku, Izuku. Hey, don't zone out like that. Especially when the arguments are happening." I zoned out? 

"Stop with dodging my question. What's the argument about?"

"The same thing it's always about." It came out with little emotion, I've noticed I do that a lot. I distance myself when the arguments happen, I shut down and shut people out. It's the only way I know when it comes to getting people to stop questioning me. Other than Kacchan.

"Don't do that." Oh look you made him angry. I-I didn't mean to. You never mean to but you always do.

"P-please don't be angry with me," I mutter, so quiet that I barely heard myself. I find that I do that also, when I get sad I can't speak too loud, as if I was in a room that was made of broken glass and if I spoke above a whisper it would crack and fall all around me.

"Hey," he says softly grabbing my chin, "I'm not angry with you, but you need to tell me what the arguments were about, tell me the words. We still have twenty minutes." He kisses my cheek lightly, pulling me to his lap trying to coax me into telling him, and I need to. I know I do, but it's hard to tell someone you love and that loves you, that a part of you feels like the other person can't love them, that the other person doesn't love them.

"Izu, talk to me, please." We always do this, I feel like he'll get angry so I don't say anything, then he does get angry because I didn't tell him, and we end up breaking each other down by how much we fight for our own win.

"It's us against the problem, not you against me." I meant to say it in my head, but it came out loud.

"That's right, so please just talk to me. I won't get mad, you know I won't." He's right I know he won't, but I can't help but want him to, I want him to tell me how worthless I am. FUCK.

"It was about your love for me, how I always make you angry, even when I don't mean to. How you try to distract me from the truth the bad side tries to fight for. How you don't care," I started crying in that moment, "how- how I want you to get angry at me to t-tell me I'm worthless, j-just so I can try to leave." He pulls me closer to him, putting my face in his neck while he whispers in my ear.

"Izuku, you can't let those thoughts get to you, I know you fight them. You don't make me angry," his hand goes into my hair while the other rubs my back, "I love you with my whole being, and I'll prove it, and you aren't worthless, you aren't useless, and you most definitely aren't weak. So forget those thoughts and arguments. Because as long as I'm here I will prove to you that none of those thoughts are true, I'll prove to you that you are amazing. You're working so hard, training against me and fighting your eternal battle. Let me take some of the baggage to lift off your shoulders." By now I've fully melted into him, letting the tears fall and breathing slowly.

"I know I can't Kacchan, I love you so much, and with that love let me help you too. Please, I know there's sadness in your eyes when no one's looking. Let me help you while you help me."

"We'll help each other." He too relaxed, letting his head rest on my shoulder, but he hasn't stopped playing with my hair or rubbing my back.

"I love you Kacchan." I let my eyes close, breathing in deeply, taking the smell of burnt sugar into my senses and relaxing even more if possible.

"I know nerd, I love you too." He kissed my head letting me sit on his lap laying my head to rest. I think I fell asleep because the next thing I heard confused me.

"-Asleep?"

"Yeah Vivian, anyways is he ready for him?" I started to move, Kacchan was holding me still, but he was standing up.

"Hey Izuku, yes Aato's ready for you guys."

"Hi." I still had sleep laced with my voice.

"Hey sleepy head, have a good nap? We'll be on our way down, see ya."

"See ya." With that Viv left.

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to carry you to the office?" I just nod my head, relaxing back into his neck. We start moving as he chuckles, and when we get there he moves one hand out from where his hands were locked together under my thigh, only tightening the opposite arm ensuring that I won't fall. He knocks on the door.

"Come in." We walk in and he sits on the couch, I'm still snuggled into his neck not wanting to lose the warmth.

"Izu, come on, turn around." I huff but do so. Yawning as I stretch slightly, rubbing my eyes as I feel Kacchan put his head on my shoulder.

"How was your week Izuku?"

"It was a normal one to say the least, other than the exams."

"Have the arguments been bad or the thoughts?" I feel Kacchan's arms, that are around my stomach, tighten pulling me closer.

"They were moderate, today I had a few bad ones, of both. But it was about something I know isn't true."

"Would you mind telling me?" I look back at Kacchan, he gives a slight nod, knowing I was asking if I could tell.

"They were about how Kacchan doesn't truly love me, care about me, and how all I do is anger him. Which I know he loves me and cares about me. But I can't help the side wanting me to believe differently and lean towards that side. And when I think about him getting mad, I just want him to yell at me and say that I'm worthless." I slouch back against Kacchan, letting him kiss my neck as I feel his heartbeat against my back, relaxing into his touch and warmth.

"Katsuki, how do you feel about this situation?"

"We dealt with it twenty or so minutes ago, after crying he fell asleep while I held him, that's why I carried him here, I let him get his emotions out and it exhausted him." I let my eyes close as the vibrations from him talking soothes me even more, taking deep breaths. This is the most relaxed I've been, and we still have an hour and forty minutes left.

"Hey, don't go falling asleep now."

"But you're warm and comfy." I pout snuggling closer.

"How has sleeping been?"

"Fine, I mean I've been sleeping more than the normal five or so hours, I only had one nightmare since Sunday."

"What about your eating?" I tense and stay silent.

"Izu?"

"I've been eating." I chose my words carefully, with school ending I stressed over exams and I can't eat much when I'm stressed.

"Are you eating enough?"

"Y-yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"He's lying."

"Yep. Izuku, how much have you been eating." He's using his quirk but I refuse to speak, I can't say, Kacchan will be disappointed.

"I'll be back." And with that Aato disappeared.

"Izu."

"Don't be disappointed. Please don't be disappointed." I get off of him, going to my signature corner, balling up letting some tears slip. See all you do is disappoint and anger him. Stop. No, it's not right to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't even care for you. He cares, I know he does. He's disappointed in you, why do you hold onto him so tightly? You're just hurting him. I'm scratching, I can't help it, every so often I hit my temple but always return to the area I'm scratching.

"Deku, listen to my voice."

"N-no, I'm just holding onto a hope that you could truly love me, but all I ever make you feel is disappointment and anger." I feel him grab my arm.

"N-no, let me do it, please."

"I'm not letting you bleed. Hit me. You need to see something red so hit me."

"No, I'm not hurting you!"

"But you already are, you're hurting me when you hurt yourself."

"Another reason I deserve this, let me do it."

"I'm back-" Shit.

"Hey, what are you doing?" It's Shinsou, I haven't seen him since a few months ago, last time I was doing horribly, back in March.

"N-nothing go away." But after I answer I feel fuzzy, not physically, my mind is clouded. Kacchan moves away a little, to make sure he doesn't touch me.

"How much have you been eating?"

"Only dinner and a small snack." Tears start running down my face.

"How long?"

"About two months." I see Kacchan furrow his eyebrows. I'm sorry Kacchan. The tears rush down faster and faster in bigger clumps.

"Why?"

"I don't feel good enough. I was gaining weight, I can't look ugly." I close my eyes wishing I wasn't there. I suddenly feel Kacchan hug me from behind. I breakdown more.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." I can't stop repeating myself. I start hitting my head.

"I wish I wasn't like this, I wish I wasn't born." He hugs me tighter, taking my hands in one of his.

"Stop, please. Just stop hurting us." He sounded so broken and hurt. I felt my heart break. I turn around in his arms, ramming my head into his chest, he picks me up and we go to the couch, laying down holding me to his chest. He started playing with my hair again, and rubbing soothing circles on my back as I hiccup. I turn my head towards the chair Aato sits in, opening my eyes to see pity written on his face.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-no." He wasn't using his quirk, I said it willingly. I hurt Kacchan today. I feel Kacchan pull me up his body, making my head rest on his shoulder and he goes back to playing with my hair and everything.

"What's been going on?"

"Mom's been talking about how she misses dad. How she can't wait until o-our family's whole again." I feel the tears coming again.

"Do you know if he will be?"

"We were told that in at most three years he'll be back." Kacchan's hand that was rubbing my back is now pulling me tighter to him.

"If anything happens when he gets back I need to tell your mother and the cops. I've respected your wishes because you're safe right now, but that flies out the window if he lays a hand on you." I just nod, I can't say anything. I know it's his job, he's meant to keep those in need safe from themselves and others.

"By then we'll be in UA."

"You'll be in UA Kacchan, I'll never make it."

"Shut up idiot, you'll get in."

"Are you two together?"

"What if we are?"

"I'm just wondering, Katsuki, you guys seem... more open about physical contact right now than you did a week ago."

"We are, but after today... I don't think I'm well enough."

"What?"

"He didn't want to date me until he was better, we finally started going out today."

"Izuku, you're working on yourself, and although you might not be better yet, it doesn't mean you can't be with someone, especially if that someone is helping you."

"I can't have him worry about if he'll lose me. After today, I-I had two breakdowns in less than an hour."

"Zuku, I worry about you no matter what, I want to be romantically involved with you, and open about it. But if you want to put a hold on us, I understand." You'll lose him if you break up, he'll hate you. He will leave you, he'll- I stop the thoughts by connecting my fist to my head, hard.

"Izu?"

"Hm?"

"What was it this time?"

"I don't want to lose you, I don't want you to hate me, I don't want you to leave me." I feel pressure against my skull, pushing my hand against it trying to stop the oncoming headache.

"Hey," he grabs my chin to look at him slightly, "no matter what you choose, I'll always be here for you."

"I want to be with you Kacchan, but it feels wrong when I have these breakdowns." I fist his shirt, trying to ground myself.

"Izuku, if I may, as your mental health specialist, if you have someone to help ground you and help you through it, don't you think that if they want you back and want to help you that you deserve them?"

"N-no, it's too selfish-"

"Izuku, listen to me, follow the scenario, this girl who's wanted to attempt for months, meets this guy, he helps her and they fall in love after months. He asks her out but she declines, she isn't mentally stable and knows one day she'll leave, so they remain best friends, both loving each other, when she's finally getting better she asks him out, he agrees and they are as happy as ever. But she doesn't tell him about her issues, and one day leaves. He found her, and it hurt so much, he cried every night wishing to be with her, if only she told him. But she was selfish and didn't tell him. You talk to yours, and he's willing to do it, he wants to help and you're letting him. So let him be there for you in a way that won't just make you happy but him too, there will be bad days and there will be days when you're scared but as long as you keep talking you guys will be just fine." I felt a lump in my throat, swallowing thickly.

"B-but, my actions hurt people-"

"Exactly, sometimes it helps having someone there for you, someone who'll kiss your pain away, someone who'll distract your thoughts when you want to cut or scratch or hit yourself."

"Izu, let me be there for you, let me be the ground to help stabilize you while I watch you get better with my help."

"F-fine, but if I get worse..." I leave the last part for them to think for themselves, I want to be with Kacchan, I just feel selfish since he's going to find someone better anyways. I look at the time and we have forty minutes left.

"Izuku, promise me to always talk to him?"

"I-I'll try. I just can't help but feel selfish, he'll find someone better but won't leave because he'll fear being the cause of my death."

"Damn nerd, I'm not going to be looking so you don't have to worry." He kisses me gently, making sure there was a silent promise within the kiss. When we pull away I hear a small voice.

"Don't push him away." I nod my head, laying back down on Kacchan, sinking into the warmth offered.

"Keep singing and drawing. Okay Izuku?"

"I will, I'll try to get better, thank you Aato." I've grown quite fond of him these past few months, I mean why shouldn't I? We're stuck with each other until I'm better.

"I'm here to help you, although it's my job I truly want you to be happy. Your mom misses you."

"I know, I see it everyday, I just fear that she will hate me when she finds everything out."

"Your mother is different than him Izu, she'll never want you hurt." Kacchan talking sent vibrations through my body.

"I know, but it doesn't stop the idea that when she finds out about him that she'll take his side. I think everyone's going to side with him, hell if you don't remember Kacchan I thought that you'd be mad because the bruises weren't from you."

"I know Izu, but you have to remember not everyone hates you."

"Are you able to do something?"

"Maybe?"

"Everytime the arguments start about someone not loving or caring about you, can you remember everything that person has done and said to you? To show just how wrong the arguments are."

"I can try."

"That's all I ask." I yawn, and the others just chuckle, Shinsou hasn't left yet, which I find odd. He hates remaining here after.

"Hey Shinsou?"

"Uh yeah?"