My name is Izuku Midoriya, and this is the story on how I survived.

Now, you might think that this should be in different context, but hear me out. When I was little, I grew up with my friend Kacchan, his real name is Katsuki Bakugou, but something changed, he got a quirk, and I didn't. My mom didn't help much, she stood by me but didn't like the idea of me wanting to be a pro hero. Kacchan started to beat me down and became more rude but that never stopped my feelings for him. My dad... He was in our lives but that sad excuse of a father can stay far away. He was sent overseas which I was glad for. He used to hit me. He hated how I didn't have a quirk. He hated how my mom would pay more attention to me than him. Mom never found out. As I grew up, things didn't get better, I ended up getting diagnosed with depression. I didn't tell anyone, the only person that knew was my mom and Kacchan because they were there. But I don't want pity. My mom had me get tested when she saw the cuts one time. I was stupid and wore a loose hoodie. She cried and took anything sharp away but I hid my razors, I ended up getting an appointment with a mental health specialist.

~~~ Currently, the mental health specialist. It's Thursday and he got the day off.~~~

"Izuku Midoriya?"

"That's me."

"He'll see you know."

I walk back to the room, I see a tall man, about 6' with black hair, green eyes, glasses, a lab coat, and a clipboard.

"Hello Izuku I'm Aato." The man says.

"Hi." I hate this, social interactions aren't good for me, they make it hard to breathe and I can begin to panic.

"Do you know why you are here?"

"Yeah, can we just get this over with?"

"Izuku, I need you to be willing to get better or this won't work. Now explain why you're here?" He says, he already knows though so why must I explain.

"Why? You know what's up so why do you want me to explain?"

"If you want help then you need to point the issues out."

"What if I don't want help? What if I don't know what it'll be like without anything? How am I meant to want help if I don't know who I am?"

"That's a start, now talk about everything, we've got two hours, and this'll go on once every week for as long as we need." Great, just another way people try to make me stay.

"What if I just put a fake face on and pretend?"

"You've done it once right? But I study behavior, so it'll be hard to trick me. And if anything I know someone who has an extraordinary quirk that can make you talk about how you truly feel." Damn this guy knows his shit. Well I'll have to try hard to fake it.

"First, no reporting or telling my mom. Got it? I will shut down faster than you can say All Might if my mom finds out half this shit."

"Got it." I don't know if he's sincere or not but he's just going to keep pushing.

"Fine, you really want to know?"

"All ears." I can't believe I'm doing this.

"It started when I was four, so about eight or nine years from now. I found out I was quirkless and that's when things went to shit. My childhood friend and I guess you could say crush Kacchan got his quirk and it was amazing and I was supportive of him, and I even wanted to help him a few times but he would just turn me away, started to bully me, and I don't know why, then my mom, she was so sad I never got a quirk and although she wanted to be supportive she hates how I want to be a pro one day, and before you say anything I know it's near impossible for a quirkless loser like me to even get into UA. My dad would hit me and tell me I was useless and I still can't stand yelling. Everyone pitied me and I hate it. So a little over a year ago I started to cut, I never was trusted with a knife, I don't know why, so I used a pencil sharpener razor, I didn't even mean for my mom to see but that's what's got me here."

"How do you feel about your dad?" Why is that the topic?

"He's shitty and I'm glad he's overseas."

"That doesn't answer the question and you know it." Interesting, I haven't seen him use a quirk but he still notices how smart I am and how I know to avoid questions yet make it seem like I'm answering them. I write this into one of my many hero journals.

"You got me there, so what's your quirk?" I hope I can change the subject.

"I'll answer that after you answer mine." Damn.

"Fine, my dad is of course my dad and I should care about him but I don't seem to, almost like I don't care about myself." SHIT! I cover my mouth after the last part.

"I think there is still some you're leaving out." How is he so calm?

"Sorry to be rude but I need to step out." I can't take this, he's calling me out and my breathing has been fast paced this whole time. I take ten and just sit on the ground until he comes to get me, handing me some water.

"Come back in, it'll be fine." So he knew about my anxiety. I walk back in and sit in a corner.

"My quirk is I have the ability to get some truth out, the part about you not giving a damn about yourself that was part of my quirk, although I can't get too much out at once I can use it over time." Oh so that's why I said it out loud. I quickly write that down.

"So about your dad."

"Can we get off him? I don't give a damn and I'm tired of that topic, he's out of my life for now."

"Alright fine, what about that Kacchan you mentioned." Shit.

"I don't want to talk about Katsuki, that's his name, don't say Kacchan, he said only I can call him that, and it's only because he's known me forever and I won't let up."

"Alright so talk about him, I'm here to help. Don't hide anything or I'll use my quirk."

"There is almost always a way to get around mind quirks, I'm sure I can find the weak point." I need to find a tell.

"Tell me about Katsuki."

"No, move to the next topic." I see him shift, his leg is crossed and he's focusing, he has his glasses to where I can't see his eyes, so his tell must be through his eyes. And before I know it I'm talking.

"Kacchan used to be my best friend, now he-" I get my hand over my mouth before I can say anything. His tell, he's been using this for awhile, he knows how to hide it, almost like Eraserhead, except I don't think it's the same. But he is used to the smarter kids trying to find his tell. I'm writing more and more about him.

"Continue, tell me more about Kacchan." He's trying to get me worked up. It won't happen.

"I'm not talking about him, new topic."

"Talk about him, I'm not going to let up so start talking or I'll get Shinsou in here."

"Why don't we talk about you." I need to change the topic.

"One more time or I'll get him." Dammit.

"I don't want to talk about him." My teeth are together and I'm trying to sound tough.

"Alright, I'll be back." He left and about thirty minutes later he came in with this purple haired boy, about my age.

"I'm Shinsou, and you are?"

"Not important." All of a sudden my mind feels fuzzy.

"Stay where you are and relax." My body is just listening, I can't do anything.

"Talk about Katsuki." No, if this I listen to him... FUCK.

"Kacchan was my childhood best friend." I hear myself say, okay so as long as he doesn't push-

"What else?" SHIT.

"Growing up I developed a crush on him." Okay so nothing Aato didn't know.

"Say everything about him that you feel."

"Growing up we were best friends and then he got his quirk and got aggressive, he would beat others up, I would stick up to him and he wouldn't stop calling me Deku and belittling me. He knows how I want to be a pro. In reality I look up to him. I wish we could be friends again but he hates me, then we go to the crush part. I shouldn't like my bully, someone who nonstop makes fun of me but at the end of the day I think about the good things he's done and said to me, when he isn't around anyone." Fuck. I need to get out of this. All of a sudden I see Aato come over to me, he touches my shoulder and my mind clears. He dismisses Shinsou and thanks him. I go to the other side of the room to the corner and just sit turned to the wall and block things out.

"I know you don't like me very much right now, but can you tell me about what made you cut?" This guy has the balls to ask that after everything?

"For fucks sake what do you want from me, why don't you let me die? What's this world without one less useless Deku?"

"It's my job to help, your mom would miss you. And what does Deku mean?"

"Deku means some who can't do or achieve anything." I say with a small voice. All this guy is doing is invading my right to privacy.

"And do you know why he says it?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" I finally broke, I yelled and started to cry. Dammit I said I wouldn't do it.

"Izuku, I'm just here to help, but I need to know personal things to begin helping." He's so calm. Why does he have to be so calm?

"I don't w-want the help dammit."

"If that was true then why are you here."

"I'm only doing this for my mom, she's so worried about me, she hates seeing me like this, constantly in pain. But if she truly knew everything then I wouldn't have even started here. Straight to the looney bin for me." Without meaning I let a bitter laugh out.

"So tell me, what is everything?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." I let sarcasm slip through with rolling my eyes, I just want to get out of here.

"If I asked then I want to know."

"Well it doesn't matter because I don't want you to."

"Kid listen, I get that you're sick of life and living and seeing Katsuki-"

"Hold it right there asshole, you think that I'm sick of seeing Kacchan?"

"He bullies you, does he not?"

"Yeah, but at least I'd know if something was wrong. I'm not sick of seeing him or even him bullying me, so don't act like you know anything about what goes in on my mind."

"Alright I'm sorry." He holds his hands up defensively.

"If you aren't going to mean an apology don't bother saying it."

"And what makes you think I didn't mean it?"

"Are you blind? Or did you ignore when I took notes? I've been studying you and your quirk the whole time, it's something I like to do since I don't have a quirk of my own, and it helps me get fight strategies down."

"So, you are more of a brain person, no wonder why Katsuki beats you up."

"I said he bullied me, not beat me up, and what if I am?"

"Well most bullies go for human punching bags, and I'm just trying to study you like you are studying me."

"So what if Kacchan hits me? He isn't even half as bad as my dad was." I laugh making it seem like a joke, but he doesn't seem to take it.

"Does Katsuki remind you of your father?"

"Why do you ask that? Because the answer is no, nowhere near it, at least Kacchan doesn't beat me up because I'm quirkless. At least he actually cares about me."

"He bullies you yet cares for you?" Is this man stupid?

"Yeah, when we end up alone he tries to make sure I'm okay, and asks me what's been going on, he almost seen the scars but I ended up running, he probably blames himself for that, he was just trying to check and make sure he didn't leave bruises." Dammit I didn't want that part.

"What would happen if he saw the scars?"

"I don't know, I don't care."

"You do know and you do care. If you didn't then you wouldn't be hiding them.

"He would ask what's wrong, blame himself, try to make me change my mind and eventually he would probably be my friend again, but out of pity."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well if we're going to be honest, he's harsh on himself, he hates beating me up and he knows about my father. When we were younger before he started to change, I spent the night, and while I was changing my shirt he walked in."

"What happened?"

"He ran up to me, sat me on his bed and we started to talk, at first he thought they were from him, the bruises. But upon further inspection, as he called it, he ruled that it happened days before we play wrestled."

"How did he react when you told him it was your dad?"

"He got angry, he punched the wall and due to his quirk he made an explosion with the impact."

"So, he does care about you very much. Why does he beat you up?"

"I don't know. He's always telling me I will never be a pro."

"Interesting." He begins to write things down, why am I opening up?

"We have about thirty minutes, how about we talk about coping mechanisms?"

"I'm good."

"No, you are to either sing, write, or draw, it can be all three but that's up to you. And maybe talk to Katsuki about things."

"I'm not talking to him."

"Fine." With that we sit in silence for the next twenty-five minutes. I think I'm going to find songs to sing, but I'll also draw, no way am I showing him anything though.

As the time passed my mom showed up.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Midoriya."

"Hello Aato, Izuku can you wait outside for a little?"

"Alright mom." I pull a fake smile and a sweet voice, it gets her every time. They're probably talking about the sesion. What about doctor patient privileges? Then again I'm a minor, but that shouldn't matter, I just hope he doesn't talk about Kacchan. Dammit.

Another fifteen minutes pass and my mom and I are on our way out. When we get to the car she starts to talk.

"Izu, talk to me please sweetie." She's trying not to cry, I know it, I can hear it in her voice.

"I'm fine mom, I promise." I hold a fake smile and try to act like Aato didn't get under my skin.

"Just, one day please talk to me."

"Okay." It isn't a promise I'm keeping. As we pull away she asks what I'm going to be doing for coping.

"Drawing, and I'm going to sing a bit." They did talk.

"Okay." I see her pull into a store parking lot. Heh, guess she's taking this seriously.

"I'm going to run in and grab some things, do you want to come?"

"I'll stay in the car thanks mom."

"Alright Izu, I'll be back." Now I'm left alone with my thoughts. I need to get around the quirks. What's his tell, it seems like he needs to focus, so maybe get a way to distract him. Throw him off guard. He knows I'll try to act fine, so I'll give it a few months- I hear knocking on the car window, it's Kacchan. I roll the window down.

"Hey Deku."

"What Kacchan?"

"Why are you out here?"

"Cause I can be."

"Woah, no need to get hostile, I've never seen you on this side of town that's all."

"It's nothing Kacchan."

"If that were true you wouldn't need to say that. Text me later, if you don't I'll call."

"K."

"Hey, don't be like that please."

"Sorry Kacchan, the stupid mental-" Shit.

"What?"

"Nothing, some stupid doctor got under my skin that's all."

"Are you sick?"

"No, look, my moms going to be out soon, I see your buddies over there, why don't you just get the punching over with."

"I didn't want to, they can't see who I'm talking to."

"Kacchan, we both know you want to." I'm trying to get under his skin.

"Izu, don't be like that." The name, fuck.

"Kacchan, why are you even here, it isn't like you actually want to talk."

"Look, I do care about you, I just- I've gotta go. Text me." With that he left and I was sitting with my own thoughts again. A few minutes later mom comes back and she hands me a bag, it has art supplies and a sketchpad.

"Let's go home hunny." With that we left and arrived home around two. Damn the meeting was at 11-1 and then everything else. I try to head upstairs.

"Izu, you know you can talk to me right?"

"Yeah mom, I know."

"I love you."

"Love you too mom." With that I go to my room, I set the sketchpad on my desk but I don't use it, instead I go to my laptop and search songs. I want to record myself, but not for anyone else to see. I start the song, its Her Last Words by Courtney Parker. I set up the recording, and start to sing. I've taken choir classes for a bit now. I change the pronouns.

Just an average boy,

He always wore a smile

He was cheerful and happy for a short while

Now he's older

Things are getting colder

Life's not what he thought

He wished someone had told him

He told you he was down, you let it slip by

So from then on he kept it on the inside

He told himself he was alright

But he was telling white lies

Can't you tell?

Look at his dull eyes

Tried to stop himself from crying almost every night

But he knew there was no chance of feeling alright

Summer came by, all he wore was long sleeves

'Cause those cuts on his wrists were bleeding through you see

He knew he was depressed, didn't want to admit it

Didn't think he fit it, everyone seemed to miss it

He carried on like a soldier with a battle wound

Bleeding out from every cut his body consumed

He had no friends at school, all alone he sat

And if someone were to notice he would blame the cat

But those cuts on his wrist, they were no mistake

But no one cared enough to save him from this self-hate

Things were going down, never really up

And here he is now stuck in this stupid rut

He knew exactly what he had to do next

Just stand on that chair and tie the rope around his neck

He wrote a letter with his hands shaking wild

"Look at me now! Are you proud of your precious child?"

But he knew that his parents weren't the ones to blame

It was the world that should bow down its head in shame

He stood up on the chair and looked out at the moon

Just don't think, it'll all be over soon

The chair fell down as he took his final breath

It's all over, all gone, now he's greeting death

His Mom walks in, she falls down to the floor

And now nothing can take back what she just saw

The little boy that she raised is just hanging there

His body's pale and his face is violently bare

She sees the note and unfolds it with care

All she does is stare

"How can this be fair?"

She starts reading as the tears roll down her face

"I'm sorry Mom but this world is just not my place

I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in

I've come to realize this world's full of sin

There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space

I've got no reason to stay here with this awful race

It's a disgrace, I was misplaced

Born in the wrong time and in the wrong place

It's okay though, 'cause you'll see me soon

You'll know when your time has come

Just look at the moon

As it shines bright throughout the night

And remember everyone's facing their own fight

But I can't deal with the pain, I'm not a fighter

You'll make it through the night

Just hug your pillow tighter

So let the world know, that I died in vain

'Cause the world around me, is the one to blame

And I know in a year, you'll forget I'm gone

'Cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on

That's what they used to tell me, all those kids at school

So I'm going by the law, "majority rules"

My presence on this earth is not needed any longer

And if anything, I hope this makes you stronger

You're the best friend that I ever had

It's such a shame I had to make you so very sad

But just remember that you meant everything to me

And to my heart, you're the only one that held the key

Now it's time to go, I'm running out of space to write

And yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight

I'm watching over you from the clouds above

And sending down the purest and whitest dove

To watch over you, and be my helpful eye

So this is it, world, goodbye.

As I finish singing I stop the recording, I haven't even noticed the tears. I stop the music and breathe. I have a few songs I want to sing but I don't want to sing too much, so I get my sketchpad and start to draw, I ended up drawing a hand with the wrist face up, fingers covering the palm and cuts down the wrist, with the words, Deku, useless, quirkless, and worthless. The cuts I did were fresh and bleeding still. I guess this is a coping mechanism. All of this took about two hours, I kept erasing and redrawing to get it to look realistic. And I was tired by the time I finished, that's another thing, I either don't sleep enough, or sleep too much. It's so hard to keep my eyes open. It's getting harder and harder to the point where I fall asleep on the desk after closing my sketchbook. I dreamt of what I wish was different. I wish Kacchan wasn't like this, I wish my dad wasn't angry with me, I wish I wasn't quirkless, I wish my mom wasn't so worried. I wish I could just disappear. What if I was never born, what if I just never existed. Would things be different for my mom and dad? Would Kacchan be nicer? I slowly feel myself being pulled out of sleep, my mom came up, she woke me up, it seems to be about 5, so about a two hour nap, not bad. 

That's what the hand looks like.