Summary: Now with the wedding stopped and a freed Raine, Eda questions whether or not Raine truly deserves her or if they would be better off with somebody else. Meanwhile, Luz's condition worsen and Eda fears that Taylor may have something to do with it.

Angst Warning: ANGSTY but happy ending

Mature/ Trigger Warning: Worthlessness, depression, suicidal thoughts, guilt, self-loathing, outcomes of abuse, mentions of abuse, sicknesses, watching a loved one get close to dying, hatred, cursing

Maybe Taylor was right.

I hated to admitted it, I hated to even think it, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was right about one, small, tiny thing.

No, I didn't wonder if she was right. I knew she was right.

I was a bad mother.

Luz— slumped in her bed, tears streaming down her face as she struggled to keep herself from moaning in pain, days after it should have stopped hurting— was enough proof for that. It was well into the night, some time past 2 or 3 in the morning, and there I was, sitting next to Luz's bed in an uncomfortable chair that seemed to drill the back wood into my spine. But I didn't care about that or how my eyelids felt heavy with the weight of three long sleepless nights. All I cared about was the human slumped in front of me, who kept moaning in pain and tossing and turning. It was the worst kind of pain, like when you were sick and couldn't sleep and had those awful hot but then cold and then hot again feelings and felt like shit. I frowned, worried. What had Taylor done to her?

"Knock knock."

I slowly turned to the door where Raine was standing, two cups in their hand. They gave me a sad, tired smile. "King's back to bed," they reported as they made their way over to me and pulling the second chair over to one side of me, and hand me a cup. I took it gratefully. Apple blood. They had coffee, it seemed like. King had woken up about an hour ago, complaining about a nightmare. I would have gone to make sure he was okay, to comfort him. But I was worried about Luz. I didn't want to leave her side. "How is she?"

I had just taken a sip of apple blood so I was forced to force it down my throat before I answered. It gave me a few seconds to collect my thoughts. Luz was not doing well and I was only a few more days away from having a nervous breakdown. "She's... she's not doing any better, Rainestorm. Like, at all" I stared at them, letting my vulnerability show itself at that moment. "She's supposed to be better! The ice spell barely even grazed her! She isn't supposed to still be moaning in pain and freezing like ice, it's been four days!" My voice had risen to a near wail. Luz moaned again, shuffling in her sleep. I scared her. My face softened and I quietly reprimanded myself. "Hey, shh, it's okay, Luz... I'm sorry I scared you, okay? I didn't mean to. Try to get some sleep, okay?" Luz nodded and closed her eyes. I gently rubbed her shoulder. She whimpered in pain but seemed to relax as I rubbed her shoulder.

"Hey, hey it's gonna be okay," Raine whispered, resting a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off. No, nothing it was not going to be okay. Luz was in pain and I couldn't do anything about it. "Luz is going to be fine, I promise, Eda. Luz is a tough cookie, she isn't going to let this slow her down for long."

"You don't get it, Raine. Taylor did something to her! Something awful! I don't know what but just look at her, Rainestorm. Luz doesn't like showing so much pain. She'll tell me when she's sick, of course, but she normally lets it drive her through the dirt before she tells me. If she's acting this sick, it means that she's sicker than she's letting on and I have no idea what to do! What if... what if she di-" I could finish that thought. I shook my head, hard. "I can't lose her, Raine. I just can't."

"And you aren't going to," Raine whispered, their voice calming. "Hey, look at me. You'll figure this out, of course, you will. You're Eda the owl lady, the most powerful witch on the boiling Isles! You know every potion and elixir and what it does. I'm sure that you will find something to fix her. You've been giving her that potion."

"It's just a pain killer," I whispered. "And it's time to give it to her again... but it's not helping, Raine. I don't want to give her anything else, it could have horrible results. I need to know what Taylor did to her but Taylor won't tell us so we're flying blind here, you know."

I shook Luz awake. She moaned, blinking her eyes open, and stared up at me. "You have to take your elixir," I told her and she moaned, sitting up

"It tastes weird," she moaned as I held it out to her but she took it anyway and took a few sips, making a face.

"I know it does, baby, but you're in pain and it's supposed to help... at least a little," I sighed, pressing a kiss on her head. "I'm trying, Luz. But I have no idea what's wrong with you. I'm sorry, I wish I could take some of your pain. but I can't... I'm sorry it's taking me so long to find it." I felt shame creep onto my face. Luz needed me to find the cure, and soon.

 "Don't worry about it," Luz finished the potion, making a horrible face then looked back up at me. "Really, Eda. I know you're trying and I know it's hard. Yeah, I want you to find a cure but I'm not going to rush you or anything. It hurts, yeah, but I just keep telling myself I'm just really sick during that time of month and it kind of helps but... it's fine. I'm not complaining. Please don't push yourself too hard. The pain killer is helping, not a lot, but at least I'm not moaning in pain after I take it!" I just stared at her. "Eda, really. Don't worry about it. You'll find it sooner or later. And I'll wait patiently for when you do." Bless her heart.

I felt a smile creep onto my face. I leaned over and ruffled her hair, "Why are you so easy to take care of?" Luz smiled and shrugged. "I will find it soon, I promise. Bad girl coven promise. And you know bad girl coven promises are unbreakable. I will find a cure. Just hold tight until I do."

"I will!"

I gave her another kiss on the head, "What in the world did I do to deserve you?"

"By being an awesome person," she smiled then lied back down, yawing. "That's what..."

"Shush you," I laughed as I pulled the covers over her. "Do you want anything? Water, something to eat, something for your head...?" Luz shook her head, yawned once again, and closed her eyes. Within seconds, she was back asleep thanks to whatever she had, the power of the painkiller, and Luz's strange ability to fall asleep with in minutes. I envied her for that trait. Actaully, there was a lot of things I secretly envied her for.

Raine hadn't said anything as I was taking care of Luz but once she was sound asleep, her breathing slow and calmed, they spoke up. I almost forget they were there.

"The human really has changed you."

"Don't call her that, it sounds like you're belittling her," I snapped. I hated when people called her human. I knew she hated it when people did too but she tried to act like it didn't bother her. I, on the other hand, had gotten verbal when someone did. Amity was the only one I was okay with because she said it in a friendly way, almost like a pet name. But no one else could say it. Unless they didn't know her name, then maybe I would let them. But even then, it was still nearly an insult.

"Oh. Sorry," their face flammed and they looked away. I felt bad. I sighed.

"I'm sorry too," I apologized. "I didn't mean to snap at you. Well, I did, but I shouldn't have. It's just... I'm protective of her, you know? And a lot of people here call her that and then mean it in a mean way, a taunting way, like she's nothing more than just some human. They mean it like an insult. And it's so not fair because she's so much more than just some human they make her out to be, she's kind and loving and she'll do anything for her loved one and she's loyal and she isn't scared to stand up for what she believes to be right and she's a much better person than a lot of people here and I just-" I was rambling now but I didn't really care. "And I know this sounds selfish and all, but she's one of the only people who actually seems to care about me. She didn't leave when she found out about the curse and she fought the emperor to save me and she just sees some kind of good in me, good even I can't see and it's just... I hate to see her being bullied just because she's a human. She's just... she really change my world, Raine. She made my world a much better, brighter place."

"I could tell," Raine smiles. "You light up when you talk about her. You're entire face just... glows. I never saw you get so... so happy with a person before, Eda. It's like you're a completely different person when you're with her. You must really love her, huh?"

"I adore her. I would do anything for that girl, anything. She... she means the universe to me, Rainestorm. This universe and the entire human universe combined. I just... I just love her, you know?"

Raine nodded but something crossed their face. It looked like... sadness? I frowned, thinking over what I just said. Fuck.

"Oh! But I love you too, Raine, of course I do! I'm not saying-"

"Eda."

"It's just that after you broke up with me, well, you broke me Raine and I never thought I would be whole again and then Luz magically crashed into my life and everything just... I don't even know."

"Eda."

"And fuck, I didn't mean to blame you for our break up, I know it's all my fault, I was the bad girlfriend and I think that our break up was for the better. You got to be head of the bard coven and everything and it was all because I wasn't in your life and everything and I know I was danger and everyth but it just hurt so much-"

"EDA!"

"Yes?" I asked. "Did I talk too much? I'm sorry, you know I have a talking problem."

"Eda, I'm not mad, okay?" Raine stared at me. "And no, you didn't not talk to much." I stared at them. "Okay, maybe you talked a little too much. But I wanted to talk to you about something..." They trailed off.

"About..." I prompted.

"You weren't a bad girlfriend, Eda."

"Yes," I muttered. "Yes I was. I was a horrible girlfriend. I pushed you away and I lied and I put up walls and I put you through more pain and I was a dangerous monster and I-"

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down Eda. What is that human saying? Hold your horses or something? Anyway, calm down. Take a breather. You weren't a bad girlfriend, okay?" I stared at them and they sighed. "Look, did you mean to push me away and lie and put up walls? Or did you do it subconsciously because you didn't know any better."

"I did it on purpose."

"See- wait, what? You did it all on purpose?!" Raine's voice rose, sounding shocked. And hurt. Really hurt. I looked down."I... I thought you didn't mean to do it! You pushed me away and put up walls and lied to me... on purpose? Why?!"

"To protect you," my voice was small.

"From what?!" Raine snapped. "The curse?! Because that was some BS reason back them and it's some BS reason right now-"

"I had to protect you from me!"

"Because you were curse through-" 

"No!" My voice was starting to rise. "That's not even on the first page of reasons of me doing all of that to protect you from me. I was dangerous, Raine! I still am! And I don't just mean because of the curse! I... I wasn't good with emotions, still aren't. I snap for now good reason and I don't think before I act and I'm not even that reliable. I almost fucking failed out of Hexside, I literally JUST squeaked by, like, it wasn't even funny, so add in the fact that I could barely get past school. You were my only friend and I brought you down. I couldn't do anything right, seems like that's still almost the case now. I'm just some burden everyone has to deal with. You'd be better off without me, Rainestrom. So much better off without me."

"No I wouldn't!" Raine whispered, staring at me. "And you aren't a burden either, Eda."

"Oh yes, I am," I muttered darkly. "I'm a very heavy burden. I just bring everyone down. And you were better off without me."

"What?! You think I was better off without you?!"

"Oh, I know you were better of without me. You became head of the bard coven, you gained more friends, you started to have a wonderful life... all because I wasn't in your life." Tears filled my eyes. "I brought you down Raine. But when we broke up... you were able to reach your real destiny."

"I wasn't better off without you!" Raine's voice rose but they didn't sound angry. They sounded like they were about to cry. "Don't you see that? For a good few years I had a drinking problem. I didn't leave my house. I snapped at everyone around me. It was bad Eda. And okay, yeah, sure, I became head of the bard coven but I only became that because I wanted to change the world and that was because of you. And I barely made anymore friends, just people who talked to me. And you had to come fucking save me from some abusive relationship so no, I am not better off without you!"

I stared at Raine. They stared back at me.

"I guess we're both kind of broken freaks, huh?"

"You aren't a freak, Eda. You're just a... very lost and hurting beautiful witch."

"You think I'm beautiful?" I stared at Raine again.

"The most beautiful witch I ever saw," Raine's face was only inches away from mine. My face flammed up but I didn't pull away for once. "I love you, Eda."

"I love you more," I muttered then pulled them in closer. "Can I kiss you?"

"W...what?"

"You heard me. Can. I. Kiss. You?" I asked, our faces so close I could feel their hot breath on my face.

Raine didn't say anything. But they did nod.

I pulled them in closer and then we were kissing.

We pulled apart and I stared at Raine, breathless. Oh. My. Titan. "Raine-" I began then we were kissing again and I was running my fingers through their hair and oh titan the room seemed to be a thousand degrees and I was sure I was going to die from happiness. I never wanted to let Raine go again.

"Does this mean we're back together again?" Raine asked me between kisses.

"Of course it does, you dingbat," I giggled as I pulled them back in for another kiss. I was on cloud 9. I was happy. I was giddy for crying out loud. Me, Edalyn Clawthrone, the infamous owl lady, was giddy. That's what happened when you were dating Raine Fucking Whispers.

I had my arms wrapped around their neck, head thrown back in laughter, when there was a sudden noise from besides us. I pulled away, my face reddening, as I turned to look at Luz. She was lying down still, looking out of it, but she was facing it and she was smiling her face off.

"So... Raeda's back together?" Luz whispered, her voice hoarse.

I smiled and nodded, deciding to amuse her. "Yes, Raeda is back together."

"Mmm, good. This is a ship I'll die on..." Then she fell back asleep. I laughed, leaning aginst Raine. Things were perfect. I couldn't ask for more.

But things don't stay perfect for long.

***

"Come on, Eda. It will only be for an hour, tops."

Two weeks later and Luz was still sick as a dog. I finally found some medicine I knew would help but it was on back order and it wouldn't come in for another few days. I still refused to leave her side but Raine was begging me to take a break. They wanted to make cookies. I told them they could make them with King but Raine really wanted to do it with me. I still didn't want to leave Luz. But Luz was actually siding with Raine. I couldn't say I was surprised. Since we got back together, she had gone full on ship mode. It was scary.

"Eda, skedaddle. Shoo. Go make cookies with your lover," Luz smirked at me. I stuck out my toung at her. Mature, I know. "I mean it. Shoo. I'm going to be fine. It's only for a little and what's the worse that can happen? Go on, I can tell you want to."

I sighed, giving in. I really did want to. "Fine, I'll do it."

"Wow. That was easy," Luz laughed, her eyes sparkling. "Go have fun. Save me a cookie!"

"I will!" I followed Raine out of her room but I paused in her doorway. "I'll be back in an hour, I promise!"

"You can be longer if you're having fun!" Luz told me. "Really. Go. Have fun. I'll be fine, promise."

"Okay... I'll try to be an hour. I love you, Luz."

"I love you too, Eda."

I turned and followed Raine downstairs, calling for King to come and help. Once I got into the kitchen, I saw the calender and noticed that Lilith was supposed to come over for dinner tonight. I had totally forgetten.

The first batch of cookies had just been placed in the oven when I snuck up on Raine, who was making the second batch of cookies. "Boo!"

They turned around and threw a handful of flour in my face. "Hey!" I cried, throwing some back at them.

"Flour fight!" King cheered and grabbed his own bag of flour. "FEAR THE KING OF DEMONS WITH HIS FLOUR BAG!" I laughed and he threw half the bag at me. How dare he. He asked for it

"KING, oh you are so going to get it!"

By the time the last batch was in the oven, it been over an hour and I was covered head from toe in flour. I left Raine and King downstairs to watch the last batch, and for Raine to make sure King didn't eat all the cookies, and headed upstairs to check on Luz and change. I told them to let Lilith in if she came. I caught a glismp of my reflection as I walked past a mirror. I was white as a ghost but my eyes were sparkling and I had a huge grin on my face. I laughed, shaking my head to get some flour out of my hair as I entered Luz's room. She was asleep, looking peaceful for the first time in weeks.

"Oh, Luz!" I sing-song. "Guess what!"

She stayed asleep. I faked pouted.

"Wake up, sleepyhead! I wanna talkkkk," I plopped down next to her. "Wakey wake!"

Nothing.

"Ugh, come on, Luz," I laughed. "I have some news! Don't you want to hear about baking cookies Raeda edition?"

She remained sleeping.

"Come on, I know you wanna. Now, wake up. Come on, open up. Wakey wake or I'm gonna shake you awake!"

Still nothing. My laughter faded. "Luz," I gently shook her shoulder, now concerned. "Wake up."

She didn't. My concern suddenly full force.

"Luz!" I cried, shaking her harder. She should have woken up by now. "Wake up! Luz, come on! Open up your eyes, this isn't funny. Luz, come on, wake up. Wake up! LUZ!" I was shaking her like mad now. "Why aren't you waking up? Luz wake the fuck up! Do you think this is funny? Open up your damn eyes!"

Nothing. My stomach churned and I gently turned her so she was on her back. She was pale, really pale. My hand flew to her forehead and I yanked my hand back almost immediately after touching her. She was freezing cold. Ice cold. Dead cold. My eyes widen. "N...no... LUZ! Luz, wake up! Come on, please wake up. You're fine, you have to be fine. Luz..." my voice broke. "You promise! You promised you'd be okay! Why aren't you okay?!"

Luz didn't stir. I stared at her chest. It was barely even rising up and down. The world suddenly stopped spinning. No no no no no no no no no. She couldn't be gone.

"Luz..." I moaned. "No no no no no. Please, titan no. Wake up, don't do this to me, don't leave me. Please Luz. Please, I need you, please don't leave me-"

Luz's chest seemed to slow down. "LUZ!" I howled. "NO! Don't leave me! I NEED YOU! Open up your eyes! PLEASE! I... I need you to be okay, please Luz. If... If you leave me, I'll know it's my fault. I know I could have saved you but failed because I wanted to have fun, because I wasn't good enough. Please, Luz. You can't leave me. I can't live without you."

Nothing. I picked up her arm and check for a pulse.

She didn't have one.

I stumbled back, knocking into something but I had no idea what it was nor did I care. The walls seemed to be crashing in. I let out a scream and dropped to my knees, still screaming, my hands covering my ears.

The rest of it was a blur. I remember King and Raine running upstairs and the door flinging opened. I remember Raine letting out a gasp when they saw Luz and King screaming. I remember Raine mumbling something to King then running over to Luz and starting to perform CPR on her. I remember King coming over to me and trying to comfort me but his words were muffled and far away and I could barely even listen to him. I kept screaming. I remember hearing a voice that sounded like Lilith's and then her hand appeared with a potion she forced down my throat. And I remember, as I slumped against her, the last thing I saw was the silent, unmoving Luz.

Then I was plunged into darkness.

***

My body ached as I forced my eyes opened. I lifted my head up and looked around. I was in my room, covered in blankets. It seemed to be late evening, the sun was setting causing the room to have a golden glow. Lilith was sitting in a chair besides my bed, an opened book in her lap but I couldn't tell if she was reading it or just staring blankly at the page. I made a sound and she looked up, startled for a split second. "Hey, Eda. You're awake."

"Luz-" I breathed out. "Luz..."

"She's fine," Lilith sighed. I let out a sigh of relief. "Raine got her breathing after we knocked you out, a lot easier to concerntract without your pained screaming. She's been off and on sleeping for the past day, King and Raine are watching her."

"Past day?"

"Yeah, you've been sleeping for nearly an entire day. I cam over last night for dinner, had to let myself in... came to find Luz practically dead and you screaming some horrible scream. I gave you something to knock you out and we moved you here and... well, at least you're okay now. I spent the night, Raine and King had their hands full with Luz. We needed to have someone watch you just in case."

"But Luz is fine," I sighed. Lilith nodded. I started to get up but Lilith shook her head. "I need to see Luz!"

"And you will, just, here," Lilith handed me a small vial of something. "Take that, it should help."

"For?"

"The grief." When I looked at her in berwieldment, she laughed. "I don't mean that grief. You had... a nevorus break down when you thought Luz died. The potion should help calm you down."

"Okay..." I whispered and then sighed, taking the potion and getting up. I tossed the potion back at Lilith and took off to Luz's room.

"Luz!" I cried, flinging opened the door. Raine and King were asleep. Raine was slumped in the chair, their head lolling to one side. King was curled into a ball, sleeping on their lap. I gave a weak smile, then turned my graze over to Luz, who was drawing in her notebook. "Luz!"

She looked up and I ran across the room to her. "I thought I lost you!" I sobbed. "Don't ever ever ever scare me like that again!" I held her close.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Raine told me you... you had a mental breakdown."

I sighed, nodding, "Yep. I just... snapped. It was just... I thought I lost you and that scared me so much. Plus... I blamed myself."

"You blamed yourself? Why?"

"Because... I left you. I was watching you then I left you to had fun and you nearly died. So... I'm sorry," I sighed.

"Don't blame yourself, Eda," Luz whispered. "But I'm okay, see?" I forced myself to nod. "What about you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "I'm fine. Better than fine, actually."

"Mmm, yes," Luz smirked. "When I nearly died, you were baking cookies with Raine."

I gave a small laugh and she kept smiling.

"Tell. Me. Everything!"

And so I did.